Run
by JessBubble
Summary: Lieutenant Tegan James is running from an old enemy who wants her dead out of paranoia. She's a British marine with a lot of influence, and after pulling a few strings she's managed to wind up in the Pegasus galaxy as the new girl on Lieutenant Colonel Sheppard's team. He finds her intriguing, too intriguing and is soon sucked into her problems, everyone else left but will he stay?
1. Prologue

"Lieutenant James, I'm afraid we've received disturbing news. You need to leave, now. We're sending you to America where the government took great interest in your...profile, shall we call it. You're going to be placed under their care, you'll be flying under the radar for a while so you won't be able to work. I was told by an extremely snotty government official that you'd understand this, he's back, and apparently he's coming for you."  
"Thank you sir. I understand perfectly. I'm sorry this is such short notice."  
"Whatever you've got yourself into, it's clearly big, be careful out there James."  
"Yes sir, thank you sir."

-

-

_"LieutenantTegan James? Daughter of George and Eliza James?"  
"Yes sir."  
"Good, punctual. Come with me."  
"Who are you?"  
"Oh yeah, right, General Jack O'Neill. What? Not what you expected?"  
"Not exactly sir."  
"Relax with the sir crap already, you're not even American military, I've got no jurisdiction over you. Go on, get in. We won't kidnap you, I promise."  
"Great...forgive me if it's rude to ask but why are you picking me up at an airport in a goverment car? I thought this was supposed to be discreet."  
"Hey, being a Genereal needs to come with some perks right? Like cake, the White House does great cake. Can you sign these please?"  
"Non-disclosure agreements? What are these for?"  
"Well I can't tell you unless you sign it, sheesh you Brits."  
"Well how can I sign it if I don't know what I'm agreeing to? You can never be too careful."  
"Yeah yeah just sign the damn thing. What have you got to lose?"  
"Nothing I suppose, since you put it so nicely."  
"Excellent, huh, neat signature...anyway, how mad are you on sci-fi?"  
"Sci-fi? I'm not a hardcore fan, but I suppose star trek isn't too bad."  
"Yeah well beaming works the same way in real life."  
"General?"  
"A good few years back, we dug up an artifact in Egypt, it's called a stargate..."_

_-_

_-  
"All set to leave?"  
"Yes thank you general Landry, they weren't joking when they said travel light..."  
"Indeed. Mr Woolsey is waiting on the other side to meet you."  
"Great..."  
"Getting cold feet?"  
"No, just...a migraine, this is a lot to take in."  
"Too damn right, try running the whole affair, now get going...Woolsey's not a man to keep waiting."  
"Yes sir, thank you, if you could pass that on to General O'Neill..."  
"Duly noted."_

_-_

_-  
"Ah Lieutenant James, you're a few minutes late."  
"My apologies sir, I was finishing a conversation with General Landry."  
"Of course, welcome to Atlantis, it's a city of many wonders as I'm sure you'll see. You'll have time to see it all during your stay here, life's never boring I can tell you, this is the control room, down there's the gate, good morning Chuck! Here we are, my office, I believe introductions are in order. This is Lieutenant Colonel Sheppard, he's the commanding military officer here and you'll report to him."  
"Afternoon Lieutenant."  
"Is that what it is? I forgot my watch, damn I'm gonna pay for that."  
"Don't panic, we've got a store cupboard full of them."  
"Yes...this is the rest of his team, Ronon and Teyla and...where's-"  
"I'm here I'm here, where is...Tegan!"  
"Oh my god Rodney!"  
"You...you're not...You're not eighteen anymore."  
"No...neither are you, it's called growing up, I had no idea you were here!"  
"Yeah and I had no clue you were coming! My god there's a lot to catch up on."  
"We did say she was coming, Doctor Mckay."  
"Yes well, I was busy doing important things...like always."  
"You mean writing squiggly letters on a board?"  
"Something like that, only much much cooler."  
"You know Doctor Mckay Lieutenant?"  
"Yes, we're old friends, we go...a long, long way back."  
"Wait, you and Rodney...friends...no offense I don't see it."  
"Now Colonel Sheppard let's not judge, Lieutenant I presume you are aware that you will have a thorough medical examination, conducted by our CMO Doctor Keller. Doctor Mckay, I take it you can show her to the infirmary? Good good, then perhaps to her quaters after, oh and I believe Ronon has offered to spar with you for evaluation."  
"Really, oh that's going to be fun."  
"Don't be so excited, many of his opponents end up needing stitches."  
"Oh man you sound awesome."  
"Ah so you're still an adrenaline junkie."  
"Rodney I was not an adrenaline junkie, I just didn't like being picked on."  
"Yeah right. Okay okay, come on, this way to the infirmary."  
"If you need anything else just call Lieutenant."  
"Thanks Mr Woolsey. Hey, Rodney slow down would you, you're not carrying the bags!"_

_-_

_-  
"Okay so everything checks out, you're healthy as a horse and then some. Welcome to Atlantis."  
"Thank you Doctor Keller."  
"Not a problem, please call me Jennifer, if you need anything at all just call."  
"I will. So Rodney where to next."  
"Well, seeing as you were so keen to spar with Ronon-"  
"Rodney are you trying to get her killed? Compared to him she's tiny, no offence."  
"None taken."  
"Jennifer you have not seen her fight. Hey Ronon, Sheppard, yeah it's me, I was wondering if we could move that sparring match up to now. Yeah she's been cleared. Trust me. Sure thing. Come on, they said they'd be waiting for us."  
"Bye Jennifer, thank you again, Rodney...does this Ronon have a weakness?"  
"Nope, the guys practically a machine."  
"Nothing I could exploit?"  
"Zilch."  
"What about sensitive areas? Pressure points?"  
"The guy was operated on when he was wide awake and didn't even flinch."  
"Okay so...stamina?"  
"Better than that of a marathon runner, he'll be a real challenge."  
"Jesus christ, okay so he's burly, good level of fitness, no weaknesses..."  
"Are you profiling him?"  
"Yes, in order to fight you need to know your opponent Rodney. Seems very focused, watches everything, I bet he's profiling me to."  
"Oh I'm sure."  
"No really, he must have at least a foot on me height wise...clearly a lot heavier too, hmmm, I'm gonna have to be fast, defensive, unpredictable. You're right this is a challenge."  
"I know and no offense, but getting the crap kicked out of you is my punishment for not writing to me."  
"I'm sorry, I had no clue where to send the letters, besides I was on tour for quite a while, I didn't really have time. It may not be all action but there was still a hell of a lot to keep me busy."  
"Sure, either way, write next time."  
"Yes mother."  
"There you guys are, about time, you sure you want to do this James?"  
"Quite sure Colonel Sheppard."  
"She's been profiling him."  
"Huh, smart. What? You have to know your opponent, even a little bit helps if you're gonna go out fighting."  
"That's what she said."  
"Can we do this or what?"  
"Easy chewie, no beating each other to bad, we don't want any medical emergencies, no underhanded tactics. That includes biting and scratching, and for you chewie...no hair pulling."  
"Yeah yeah Sheppard, come on already."  
"Great, good luck with your initiation into Atlantis personnel, they've all been beaten to a pulp god knows how many-"  
"Mckay! Give the girl a little confidence, I thought you were supposed to be an old friend?"  
"I'm used to it Colonel, believe me as a teenager, he was worse. His hormones were terrible, especially on his man period."  
"Hey!"  
"You ready tiny?"  
"I'm actually five foot five worth of thunder."  
"Whatever tiny, are you ready?"  
"Yeah, I'm ready." _


	2. Chapter 1: Settling In

Tegan's Point Of View:  
Atlantis was a beautiful place with a copper coloured theme for most of its walls and terracota coloured floors, silver-blue parts of the wall jutted out with engravings that were lit up with white light. The inside had been decorated with potted plants dotted around in places and they'd turned on water features in a few corridors to give it a more homely and welcoming feel. The sparring room (as Rodney had called it) was an odd shaped room, with a large window on the right hand side that had a window seat you could sit on. The small panels around the window glowed orange and gold as the sunlight streamed in and hit them, also adding shadows to the wall features that were sticking out of the wall. There weren't any mats on the floor and juding by Ronon's size, it was really going to hurt if I hit the floor after one of his punches.

Admittedly I was still more than a little shocked at seeing Rodney here, and it was certainly an advantage for Ronon because I found myself shooting glances his way to double check if I had really seen him. He'd changed a lot. He was a little rounder around the middle than I remembered, as a teenager he'd been a scrawny little twig like boy with a head full of floppy brown hair and braces. Now however, his hair was left in a short cut but still floppy state, a lighter shade of brown though and he was taller than I remembered. His cheeks had a light rosy colour to them but he was still kind of pale. His eyes had stayed the same, still that pale shade of blue that almost looked grey. He had settled into the window seat talking quietly to Colonel Sheppard. I'd only known him for just about three hours now but he had made an impression on me for sure, he seemed more relaxed than most of my former CO's, more willing to lay off the heavy stuff and try to keep things light hearted, but to be where he was and to have the respect he commanded from a guy as big and wild looking as Ronon meant he had to be one hell of a leader.

Not to mention he was pretty damn good looking, with his well built, muscular frame and light tan complexion he was every inch the man that came to mind when you thought of a typical American. He was tall, with touseled black hair ontop of his head hanging over his forehead, where dark brows perched above stunning hazel eyes. Both were paying only half of their attention to the conversation, waiting for me and Ronon to get on with it it appeared. Ronon however, was huge. I was right when I said he was at least a foot taller than me, he was really muscular to (superseding every male officer I'd seen so far on Atlantis) with long dark brown dreadlocks he'd tied behind him. He was an almost half cast colour to me with dark brown eyes that scrutinised everything...in excruciating detail too I imagined. He appeared to be waiting for me and raised an eyebrow,  
"You sure about this tiny? You can back out now if you want." he offered, his voice deep and gruff. I frowned. He barely knew me yet I already had a nickname that made me sound, well, weak. What was up with that?

Lifting my fists to my chest I stood with my legs hip width apart, ready for an attack.  
"I told you, I'm not tiny, I'm five foot five's worth of thunder." I shot back with as menacing a glare as I could muster. He smirked a little before coming in hard and suprisingly fast for such a bulky man. Stepping quickly to the left I focused on blocking his attacks. Deflecting his powerful left hook and ducking to avoid his right jab, before spinning underneath his arm and bringing my leg up to kick him in the back. My arms felt a little stiff, so I chucked my leather jacket off to the left. I hadn't got a uniform yet so I'd come in my civillian clothing, a brown leather bomber jacket over the top of my black tanktop and dark skinny jeans, calf length leather boots on to add extra oomph when I went in for a kick. Ronon barely even stumbled, turning quickly and launching another assault on me, combining powerful jabs with heavy yet graceful kicks. Gritting my teeth as his fist ploughed into my ribs I doubled over, quickly realising I needed to be quicker. Ronon was fast, strong, unpredicatable.

But he was big, which meant although he was suprisingly quick to turn, he was a little slower than I was, being small and more petite had its perks. So I had to run rings around him, and I did. Leading him in a circle I danced around him, taking steps closer and then stepping back again, blocking his hits when he attacked and when I saw the opportunity I delivered blows of my own. They hardly had any effect on him though which left me with a dilema, if I wanted to last long enough to win I needed stamina, and my stamina would be quickly depleted if I kept up my fast defensive routine and combined it with the powerful attacks I would need to at least make him stumble. I couldn't hear Colonel Sheppard and Rodney talking anymore, I'd drowned everything out including the warmth of the sun on my back that was beginning to break out little beads of sweat all over my body. Ronon dropped suddenly and I jumped back to avoid his legs, using the time it took him to stand up to send my fist sailing into his jaw. Blood dribbled from the corner of his mouth and an almost feral look entered his eyes as he lunged forward.

Diving to the left I rolled back to my feet, quickly grabbing the foot he sent coming my way and pushing it so he stumbled, before lunging forward and pushing my hand into his solar plexus, staggering backwards he took deep breaths to regain control of his breathing while I advanced on him. Knowing he was winded he kept retreating. This time, I had him on the defensive and he knew it. The smirk on his face though told me he was enjoying this. My heart was beating furiously in my chest, my breathing ragged and sweat dripped down my face and soaked my shirt, making my clothes stick to me. Stray hair was plastered to my face and I was sure I looked a mess. As he recovered I sent a quick flurry of attacks his way, my fist aiming for his jaw. He blocked it. A split second later my leg had come up against his ribs (even doubled over he was only maybe a head shorter than me I guessed) but he blocked that to. Frustrated now and with adrenaline surging through me at an alarming speed, I faked a right hook and instead threw all my weight behind a left jab.

Finally a hit!

I thought as he fell back on his ass. His lip was split and bleeding, even his nose was bleeding a little and I felt kind of bad, I mean beating the crap out of my CO's team mate was hardly a way to get myself into his good graces was it? Taking a few steps back I relaxed my stance, hearing a low whistle behind me. However Ronon apparently wasn't done, and as my adrenaline faded he leapt up and tackled me to the floor. Managing to jostle him enough to slip free I rolled back into a crouch all set to spring to my feet when his fist made contact with my jaw, the metallic taste of blood filling my mouth as I fell sideways, smashing my elbow off the floor and gritting my teeth against the ache that was sent through my arm due to the impact. Perhaps I should of stayed down, but I didn't feel like giving up and pushed myself to my feet, only just deflecting his foot and recieving another hard hit to the temple that sent me back to the floor and caused me to see stars. I could feel blood dribbling down the side of my head and heard Sheppard's voice telling Ronon to stop. The big man looked down at me with a smirk and held out a hand, breatheless I refused to take it and instead forced myself to my feet under my own steam. Props to me, I thought for standing on my own even if I was a little shaky.

I barely had the breath left to talk but somehow, I found the energy to nod at him,  
"You're good." I panted. He cocked his head a little,  
"Practice. Not to bad yourself." he grunted, breathing a little hard but not as breatheless as I was. "Need to work on taking down your opponent though, never give up until their unconcious, don't trust them not to attack while your backs turned." he added with a slight huff before turning away. My hand had whipped out and smacked the back of his head before I thought it through and when he whipped around I smirked back,  
"Don't trust me not to attack while your backs turned." I repeated childishly. He smirked back a little and shook his head,  
"Where'd you find her Rodney?" Sheppard asked sounding half amazed. Rodney chuckled a little and I was reminded vaugley of a time when we were both younger, and he had chuckled that same smug little chuckle when he had found he had once again got the highest test results in the class.

Turning I saw the woman from Woolsey's office had joined us at somepoint. Her brown hair was down, a tan leather trench coat on that made her tan skin seem even darker. She looked dressed to impress really. Her brown eyes evaluated me for a moment and she smiled softly,  
"You are very good. Not many have ever put Ronon on the floor that way." she commented, her tone was soothing, calm, very authoritive I thought. I tested out my own bloody smile, literally. I still had blood in my mouth that I wiped on my hand,  
"Thank you, Teyla isn't it?" I asked for confirmation, she nodded and sent me another gracious smile. Sheppard walked forward then pointing at my head,  
"That's going to need stitches." His face was impassive, almost impossible to read though I could see the surprise in his eyes. I'd still had my ass kicked though, so I was unsure of why even Rodney looked so amazed.  
"Hmm, I'm hungry, I'll see you in the mess hall." Rodney said quickly and backed from the room,  
"Ronon and I must get to New Athos, we were due to leave fifteen minutes ago." Teyla said with a tone that suggested she was scolding the boys, Ronon huffed a little but nodded turning he gave Sheppard a slight wave and nodded my way,  
"See you later Sheppard, Tiny." I sighed as he left. _What a nickname_, I thought.

Right now, I was still tasting blood and was in desperate need of some mouthwash, heck I could even smell that coppery smell you get with blood and I was sure I looked a mess. It was trickling in sluggish drops down the side of my head and dribbling from my lip. Sheppard turned and motioned me to follow him out of the room, I recognised some of the corridors and realised we were trooping back to the infirmary.  
"Not many people last that long against Ronon." he said casually as the awkward silence grew between us, it was clear he didn't know what to say and neither did I, we barely knew each others names so what were we supposed to say? Looking up at him for a moment I frowned, before wincing and straightening out my brows when it hurt like hell.  
"It wasn't that long Colonel Sheppard." My tone was modest, perhaps a little quiet. He looked at me from the corner of his eye and shrugged.  
"Half an hour is a new record either way, you okay? No offense but I can't tell what part of your face is bleeding and which part of it isn't." I laughed a little easing some of the awkwardness there before the silence could consume us again.

"I'm fine thank you, believe me if your face was like this, you'd know where you were bleeding." I said while rolling my eyes a little. He nodded slightly, looking a little more relaxed as he watched the infirmary come into view. "What a way to start." I muttered shaking my head, only intending for myself to hear it, but Sheppard did and looked at me questioningly. "Just thinking out loud." I said quickly, looking away as he lead me inside and called for Doctor Keller. She came out, took one look at me and glared at the Colonel. The glare could only be described as deadly, and Sheppard seemed to shrink back almost. She gave off an irritated vibe and stalked over to her cupboard, pulling on a pair of rubber gloves with a snap and grabbing a sewing kit. Grimacing I tried not to flinch as she motioned for me to come forward and I sat on the bed, Sheppard's eyes flickered to the door and I could almost see his eagerness to leave, I was hardly surprised when you could practically see the steam pouring from the Doctor's ears.

"What did I say? I told him, I told him to wait a while and now look, your first day on base and I'm stitching you up! I swear to god if you can't keep Ronon-" I honestly felt bad for Sheppard as she ranted at him while stitching me, okay part of me was afraid that she'd slip and stab my eye because she was so distracted but for now instead I took in a breath and cleared my throat a little.  
"Er Colonel Sheppard, sir...I know it's rude to ask but I think I left my jacket back in that room, could you get it for me please?" I asked. He went from looking like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar to looking so relieved he actually cracked a smile and nodded, hurrying out eagerly. Doctor Keller looked at me sternly as she began to stich my cut up, after cleaning the blood off of my face of course.  
"He needed a good chewing out, him and Ronon never learn that I'm sick of stitching up his human punch bags. You shouldn't of given him the excuse to leave." her tone was so firm I had to lower my gaze in shame, she seemed so serious and I didn't want to get the tail end of her rage.

The whole infirmary smelled of antiseptic and it was beginning to burn my nose a little, they must have recently cleaned it because it wasn't this bad when I was in here earlier. Finally, five minutes later and she was done. We'd been stuck in a tense silence, the irritation had not stopped rippling from her when Sheppard walked in just a mere second later, my leather jacket in his hand. His smile however dropped when he saw Keller's 'I'm mad as hell and you know it' face. "She's good to go, no more sparring or training or whatever you want to call it for a few days, that goes for anyone because if I have to stitch one more marine or scientist that you let Ronon go at... I will kill you. I have the medicines to make it look like an accident too, do you understand me?" she asked demandingly. Swallowing a little he nodded and looked at me,  
"Come on, I can show you to your quaters. Your stuff is already there and they dropped off your uniform for you too." he said as I stood and made my way over to him,taking my jacket as he handed it to me before following him out of the infirmary. The silence was just as awkward as before and this time neither of us spoke. I took a mental image of the corridors and twists and turns it took us to get there before finally, he slid his hand over the crystals on the wall and I watched in pure fascination as the copper coloured doors slid open to reveal a bland but nice looking room.

It was a decent size, not overly large but spacious enough, with a single bed that had the sheets and duvet folded ontop waiting for me to put them on. Even though it was a single bed it would probably fit another person in, even if it was a tight squeeze. There were semi circle lights sticking from the walls and a window that was maybe two persons wide stretching from floor to ceiling in the middle of the wall, with a long dark blue curtain dangling infront of it. It let in a large amount of natural light to illuminate the desk I had on the left hand side of the room, where a silver laptop was already sitting with what looked like handwritten instructions beside it to get me started. My duffel bags were on my bed to and there was a red rug stretched out in the middle of the room to give it a more homely feel. Smiling to myself as we stepped inside I looked to see the curved wall sticking out on the left, another control crystal panel on the wall beside it that Sheppard used to open the doors and reveal an ensuite bathroom, complete with toilet shower and sink of course.

Sheppard rubbed his hand across the back of his neck.  
"If you prefer a bath you could swap I guess." he said, looking at me like he wanted to get out of here, like he didn't think it was acceptable to be standing in my room when he barely knew me. Mentally, I smiled. That was kinda cute. But outside I kept up my professional appearance and shook my head,  
"No, a shower is fine thank you, I'm honestly not that picky." I assured him. Compared to his smooth American accent my British one sounded very prim and proper, but they mixed together nicely to create a melodic sound. Sheppard gestured to the uniform on the bed where I could also see a watch sitting there. That made a ghost of a smile cross my face, "Thank you for remembering the watch." I nodded at the item and he smiled a little,  
"No problem, if you want to change then there's your uniform...that's your radio, just hook it over your ear and press it when you want to talk to someone. I'll er...leave you to straighten your room out...I think Rodney might want to see you later though, he'll either be in his lab or the mess hall." he informed me before leaving me alone in my new room.

Moving slowly, I pulled my new uniform through into the bathroom where I then spent a few minutes brushing my teeth to rid my mouth of the taste of blood. Before I grabbed my hairbrush from one of my bags and pulled my hair into a simple fishtail braid that went down my right shoulder. My uniform had a selection, so I could co-ordinate my uniforms according to colour and have a fresh one waiting for me after the week was out or if my clothes were dirty. I had two sets of fitted navy blue cargo pants, jackets with black patches on the shoulder and black t-shirts, or I could go down the black route like Sheppard had and wear either of my pair of black cargo pants and baggy jackets. I had two sets of leather boots to work with too and I pulled on one of my navy blue sets of uniform on, checking it out in the small bathroom mirror to double check it fitted well enough. Walking out and hooking my radio over my ear like Sheppard had said to I turned to my duffel bags, going through a slow and methodical process of putting away my belongings in the dresser I hadn't noticed before that sat back aginst the right hand side wall. It took me two hours or so, by which time it was almost time for dinner and my stomach was growling at me to go eat, but I had done it, my bags were stuffed under my bed, now empty apart from a few personal items I didn't want on display in my room.

The few photo's I had were mostly of me and old friends while we'd been on tour in Afghanistan, but I did have one of my home back in England. We had been (and I still technically was) a well off family and lived in a big fancy manor house with maids and stuff, the photo had me and my mom, standing outside the front of our home with the dog that had died when I was nine, called K-9 funnily enough. Dad had taken the picture I remembered but I had long ago abandoned that house, instead giving it to the maids that had worked there where they now lived together as the best of friends with their families the last I heard, although they had told me that there would always be a bed ready if I needed to come home. Shifting my weight to my right hip I gazed out of the window, wandering how different my life might have been if I hadn't come to Atlantis, would I be dead by now? Most certainly I was sure that I'd be severely injured.

So lost in my daydream was I that I jumped when my radio went off in my ear, that was going to take some getting used to I realised. Pressing my finger against the small button as Sheppard had told me to I hesitated at first before I said,  
"Yes?"  
"James, how quick can you get your ass back to Woolsey's office?" Sheppard asked, his voice filtering through the earpiece as I mulled it over. My gut told me I could find my way there again and as I so often did, I went with my instincts.  
"Erm...maybe five minutes?" I guessed roughly, I heard Sheppard huff a little,  
"Try and make it quicker. We'll be waiting." he said before ending the conversation and leaving me alone in silence. I frowned slightly, why would they want me there so soon? I'd only been here a day and I was already being called to Woolsey's office? Shaking my head I left, deciding it'd be best to get whatever this was over with and walking through the maze of corridors until I found a transporter and stepped in, pressing the button near the middle of the screen which I knew would be the control tower considering it was a birds eye view of a city schematic. Stepping out again I followed my gut once more until I stepped out into the gateroom, allowing myself a brief smile of triumph before turning to walk up the steps. If anything I knew I had good sense of direction and could track things pretty well thanks to my military training, and my gut instinct was hardly ever wrong. However right then, I prayed it was, because my gut was telling me that something was wrong and I was about to be dragged into it.


	3. Chapter 2: What Do You Mean Kidnapped?

"I disagree! It would take too long to debrief her...besides she hasn't even been cleared for off-world duty yet."  
"All the more reason to take her, trust me Woolsey she's good at this sort of stuff. She held her own longer than anyone else against Ronon, they seemed to have hit it off even, she won't be a liability and what better way to evaluate her is there than take her with us on this one."  
"Colonel I understand where you're coming from, I really do, however we need to act now and debriefing would just take too long. I'm sure I don't need to remind you that the longer this takes the worse off Ronon may be."  
"Mr Woolsey, I agree with colonel Sheppard, I believe this would be a good experience for Lieutenant James as well as a good opportunity for Colonel Sheppard to evaluate her. I am sure Ronon would agree to if he were here." After having enough of being spoken about, I cleared my throat a little and stuffed my hands into my pockets, watching each of them for a moment before letting my eyes rest on Colonel Sheppard. He looked a little bashful,  
"You wanted to see me?" I asked, only letting a little of my annoyance show in my tone of voice. I didn't like anyone discussing me like I wasn't in the room, my back isn't a voicemail and if they couldn't say it to my face they should keep their mouths closed.

Sheppard nodded as Woolsey sighed and left, pushing me a little furthur into the room as he did so. Teyla smiled graciously, though there was a hint of concern in her eyes. Rodney gave me a smile to but even he looked stressed, and Sheppard just looked down right annoyed.  
"Yes I did, Ronon's been kidnapped." he said, watching how I reacted to the statement. I kept my face calm and nodded once, my anger dissapated and instead I found a small knot of concern in my stomach for the man I didn't really know but had found friendly enough earlier.  
"How can I help?" I asked while keeping my eyes focused on his face. It was times like this I remembered that I was right to make that vow to myself so many years ago, never let anyone close, they can be torn away to easily. Having friends was different to letting people in. Infact if my old friends had been asked twenty question about me, they'd of realised that they never really knew me at all. The only one I had ever let in, was Rodney Mckay, and he was standing infront of me in a dangerous place, which made me begin to doubt how wise of me that was.

Sheppard looked at me and glanced over my shoulder before locking those piercing hazel eyes on mine.  
"I was hoping you'd say that. I'm going to go through this fast, but I'm only going to do it once, okay? Ronon's from a planet called Sateda, it was destroyed by the wraith a long time ago and he's touchy about the subject so I suggest straying from it if you ever have a sit down conversation with him. Anyway, there were a few people who survived the attack and when we met up with him, he was runner. A runner is someone who runs from planet to planet from the wraith, who follow them because they implanted trackers into the runners, it's a sick form of entertainment to them apparently. But last year we were investigating a rumour about a group going around and taking out a hell of a lot of wraith, who turned out to be old friends of Ronon's. Unknown at the time though they were wraith worshippers, people who serve the wraith and all that jazz, but that all turned to hell when we were out on a mission. They tricked us and we got in trouble. Ronon fought them and now two of them are dead, however one called Tyre still roams free and according to Teyla he was waiting for them on New Athos, proceeded to stun Ronon and then stunned her. Now, we need to find Ronon." He concluded as my head spun ever so slightly. "Got it?" he asked uncertainly. Frowning slightly I used my hands to make a sort of timeline,  
"Er...Ronon's an alien who had his homeworld destroyed, he met old friends last year, two of them died in a mission gone wrong because they were lieing about their allegiances, ones still alive and stunned Teyla and Ronon before he kidnapped Ronon?" I asked hesitantly, Sheppard nodded and behind me I felt Woolsey walk into the room and looked around slowly,  
"The Daedalus says they can't pick up any signal from Ronon's subcutaeneous locator beacon on New Athos." he informed them. Sheppard frowned and I winced a little, my hand moving to my upper arm on the left where they'd dug into my skin and placed my own locator beacon in.

The Daedalus was a space ship that had been built on Earth and travelled between the Pegasus galaxy (where Atlantis was situated) and the Milky way galaxy (where Earth was), it's commander (Colonel Steven Caldwell) was highly decorated at the SGC. Sheppard nodded,  
"Well then what can we do now?" Rodney asked. Teyla frowned thoughtfully as I stood back and watched the whole thing unfold, it wasn't my place to say something yet.  
"Tyre must have moved him from the planet, but something stopped him killing Teyla...he could have done it easily but instead he left her there." Sheppard said thoughtfully. Teyla nodded with a pensive expression on her face.  
"Perhaps he still has some of his Satedan honour? Perhaps we could find another Satedan?" she suggested. After seeing everyones confused looks she continued, "A Satedan named Solen Sincha could be found on a planet called Belkan last I heard. Perhaps he could help." she explained while looking expectantly around the room. Sheppard nodded his head eagerly, and Woolsey thought for a moment before slowly nodding himself.  
"Alright, go ahead." he said. Sheppard tilted his head,  
"I'd like permission to take Lieutenant James with us." he said, not suprising anyone given the previous conversation I had walked in on.

My eyebrows rose expectantly and Woolsey sighed, looking wearily at him,  
"Granted, however she is your responsibility If something goes wrong this is on you Colonel." he said firmly. Sheppard grimaced but nodded, motioning me to follow them out of the room with Rodney hot on my heels, "Alright lieutenant, gear up in the armoury. I don't expect to have to give you a lesson on how to put on tac vests and holsters, all the stuff you need is in the vest pockets already but you need to add a leg holster for your glock and attach a P-90 to yourself. You have five minutes." he ordered as he lead me inside the armoury. I was done faster than he expected, liking the familiar weight of a side arm strapped to my leg perhaps a little to much. I felt more like...me. Rodney gave me a smile as I walked over to where Sheppard was just clipping his P-90 to his vest.  
"Hey, first time off-world, excited?" he asked with a smile. I raised an eyebrow slightly,  
"A little I guess...I just kind of wish that it was under different circumstances." I replied cautiously, Rodney rolled his eyes,  
"You know, you don't have to be so stoic and all. Sheppard's not going to kill you if you relax a little and try...I don't know, being friendly." he said pointedly, pinning me with a look that clearly said we need to talk.

I shot him a glare back but thankfully Sheppard ignored us, instead focusing on Teyla who was gearing up across the way from us before she walked over. "Great, ready to go." Rodney said enthusiastically. Sheppard shot him a sideways glance while I stood beside Teyla, who stepped beside me gracefully and looked at the gate (that had already been dialled) before us. It was a shimmering pool of blue that made the floor glisten. A sparkling puddle of water that Sheppard lead us through with such ease I knew they'd done this a thousand times before, so I had nothing to worry about. My foot fell onto hard packed dirt on the other side. I blinked slightly as the daylight hit my eyes. We were on the edge of a village that seemed almost medieval; according to the reports I'd read most villages in Pegasus looked this way. We didn't stop to look around though. Teyla and Sheppard lead the way into an old tavern, where Teyla stopped to look around for a moment before continuing to walk until we were infront of a drunk looking man. His hair was thinning and his face was pale and creased with age...not to mention he smelled strongly of alcohol.  
"Solen Sincha?" Sheppard asked, his face a mask of calm as he pulled on the tough guy act. The drunkard looked up and surveyed us for a moment before lowering his gaze again and taking another long drink from his tankard.

The tavern was warm, uncomfortably so with poor lighting and a low buzz of chatter in the background.  
"I recognise those uniforms from the stories I've heard, so tell me, what would people from the great city of the ancients want with me?" Answering a question with one of his own only made me dislike him more, he was being cocky and not very helpful considering the predicament Ronon was in. I was getting more than a little impatient with the whole thing if I was completely honest.  
"You're a Satedan right? Then you know Ronon. Well he's...in trouble." Sheppard said, carefully choosing his words. Sincha raised an eyebrow and snorted taking another drink,  
"He's always in trouble." he pointed out, making me frown. So he was just going to judge him? He wasn't going to help one of his own? I shared an annoyed glance with Sheppard and my eyes flickered to the tankard he was still drinking from. I made a small motion with my hand and he gave me nod of approval. My hand whipped out and smacked the tankard across the table, making Rodney jump as Sheppard leaned closer to Sincha's face. _I really can't stand drunks_ I thought, keeping my eyes locked on the back of Sincha's head.

"Yeah but this time he's in trouble with Tyre, he kidnapped him. Does the name mean anything to you?" Sheppard asked, his patience wearing thin as Sincha raised a brow, leaning back in his chair right into the barrel of my P-90. Glancing over his shoulder at me I raised an eyebrow and let my gun drop, looking as innocent as I could manage until he focused his gaze back on Sheppard.  
"Tyre you say? He's not Satedan. Got no honour, former wraith worshipper last I heard." he grunted, holding his hand in the air for another drink.  
"Former?" I asked, unable to stop myself. Sincha nodded looking at me curiously.  
"Yeah, former, as in Tyre dissappointed the wraith and they let him go." he said wryly. I frowned. I'd never seen a wraith but from what I'd read in mission reports and the profile Landry had given me, they wouldn't just let somebody go. From what I'd read wraith were merciless and cruel, cold and calculating.  
"Why would the wraith just let him go, why not kill him?" Sheppard asked, narrowing his eyes at Sincha as he shrugged,  
"It wasn't a kindness. He's an example now to all the fellow human beings the wraith like to torture. There won't be a planet safe enough for him. If it's that important to you, I'll keep my ear to the ground and if I get a lead, I'll let you know." he said, grabbing the full tankard from the busty waitress that came over to hand it to him and taking another long swig. He'd almost downed it in one as I shot him a digusted look and wrinkled my nose. Sheppard told him how he could contact us and motioned for us to leave.

As we walked through the village he turned to me with a smirk,  
"Take it you don't like alcohol?" he asked almost teasingly. I shook my head,  
"I don't mind alcohol, I just don't like affiliating myself with someone so wasted." I replied frowning slightly. Sheppard nodded once in understanding but his smirk grew just that little bit bigger.  
"Clearly, nice move with the tankard by the way, it certainly got his attention." he said. focusing his eyes back on the road ahead as a small smile graced my face. A feeling of pride swelled in my stomach, I liked the feeling of knowing I had my CO's approval, because my former CO had practicly hated me. I was on about Colonel Harrison who hated my guts with everything he had in him, of course. Back on Atlantis, Sheppard had invited me to join him and Rodney in the mess hall. Teyla was talking to Woolsey and as I walked in I found it was only Sheppard that was there. Having nothing to eat since breakfast had made me hungry, so I grabbed what little food I felt I could eat and piled it on my plate before walking over.

Sheppard kicked the chair out for me and I smiled,  
"Done like a true gentleman." I quipped as I sat down. Sheppard raised an eyebrow,  
"What can I say? Rodney should be here soon, I think he's in the bath." he replied with a shrug and I shook my head a little taking a bite of my sandwhich. Sheppard, I noticed, wasn't eating anything, and the awkward silence grew between us as he stared out of the window. "So..." he trailed off awkwardly as I swallowed down the half of my sandwhich I'd been eating.  
"So..." I repeated hoping it would egg him on to say something. The silence between us was too loud in contrast to the buzzing noise of chatter that surrounded us. He looked at me like he wanted me to finish that sentence so I thought about it and said the first thing that popped into my head, "Thanks for asking Woolsey to let me come with you earlier, it was sort of enjoyable under the circumstances." oh good god how could I say something so tactless? His teammate had been kidnapped and I was treating the mission like it was a holiday outing! Stupid, stupid, stupid Tegan! He shook his head leaning back in his chair as I hurriedly finished the second half of my sandwhich,  
"Don't worry about it, I want you with us when we get a lead too, I think Ronon might actually be happy to see you." he said with a small but sexy smirk on his face.

Damn, I hadn't noticed that before. I blinked a little,  
"Are you sure?" I asked. He nodded raising an eyebrow,  
"Are you doubting yourself lieutenant?" he asked, keeping his face carefully blank. Then it hit me, this was a test. They'd been talking about evaluation, this was apart of it. I shook my head,  
"Not at all. This just seems a little personal to your team, you've only known me a day." I pointed out. He shrugged as Rodney sat beside me with a huge tray of food. Rolling my eyes I opened up my jelly pot and began to eat.  
"I've tried everything, even the Archimedes apporach." he huffed shovelling the mountain of food into his mouth with his fork. It cut short our conversation at least as both me and Sheppard frowned at him, he sighed, "You know, bathing? Archimedes had a eureka moment when he was in the bath. So I tried bathing but other than gaining a nice strawberry scent, I got nothing." his voice slowed down a little towards the end and he frowned before shaking his head and turning back to his food.  
"Wait, Rodney? You had a bath?" I asked, a fake look of shock on my face that made Sheppard chuckle, Rodney scowled at me,  
"Yes I had a bath, what's so surprising?" he asked waspishly.

I grinned a little and put a hand on his shoulder,  
"Your ego fit in there with you." I said matter of factly. Sheppard laughed louder at that as I leaned back in my chair, taking a sip from my water bottle and giggling at the look of dissapproval Rodney had on his face. A man I didn't recognise stood behind us, his navy blue uniform had the black patches so he was definietly military, and he was about the same height as Rodney with quiffy brown hair and blue eyes. He was okay looking really, but to me, he didn't have a patch on Sheppard.  
"Sir, looks like Solen came through, he has a lead for us. He gave us the address to a planet called Sarif Sur." the man informed us while casting a curious look at me, Sheppard nodded,  
"Lorne get your team together, James, Rodney, let's get this cleared with Woolsey and move." he ordered. Sheppard directed me and Rodney to the armoury where I was gearing up again just three hours after I'd taken it all off. The man Sheppard had called Lorne lead us to the gateroom as Sheppard hurried past us into the armoury with Teyla on his heels. Lorne turned to face me,  
"Hi, Major Evan Lorne, I don't think we've met." he said extending a hand, I shook it firmly and he seemed surprised by my grip.

I nodded once,  
"Yes, I'm new, I've only been here just under twenty four hours. Lieutenant Tegan James." my response was slightly cordial but Lorne didn't seem to mind, he nodded once with a curious glance Rodney's way who merely shrugged at him, the men behind him cleared their throats and he rolled his eyes,  
"Lieutenants Coughlin and Reed,they make up the rest of my team. Guys, Lieutenant James." he made the introductions as we shook hands and Coughlin gave me a cocky smirk,  
"So we got a Brit on board the military train huh?" he asked. Lorne gave him a warning but I raised my eyebrow, here we go...  
"Problem?" I asked. He grinned,  
"Not at all, just speculating. I mean, aren't Brits supposed to be too sophisticated for war?" he asked. Suddenly he looked quite sheepish as I grit my teeth and glared up at him,  
"No we're not, infact this Brit wouldn't be apposed to shoving her fist down your throat just to see if it comes out the other end. We don't all drink tea, have bad teeth and meet the queen you know Coughlin, but if you really want to stereotype me go ahead. However, I promise you if you do I'll make sure you can't move anything below the waist and you'll never walk again is that clear?" I demanded, feeling my blood boil with I hated people like that.

Coughlin took a step back as Lorne shot him a look that said you so deserved that, even his friend was snickering behind him as Rodney struggled to hide his smirk.  
"Coughlin, you really need to learn to keep your mouth shut, apologise." Lorne said with a nudge. Coughlin mumbled a sorry and I huffed in reply, looking away as Sheppard joined us. No doubt sensing the tension between us he moved me to stand beside Teyla as we moved out through the now dialed gate. This time, we stepped out into a forest. There was moss on practically everything as we spread out to look around. Thankfully Lorne took his team the opposite way. I kept quiet, scanning the surrounding area and keeping my P-90 aimed up, ready to fire at a moments notice. My body was coiled so tight, like a tense spring that was ready to burst at any moment, the tension making my muscles rigid. The forest wasn't too densely packed, but their were parts where the bushes clumped together with low hanging tree branches making it look thicker than it really was, and I noticed one such area had been trampled, like a body had been through there. Pointing it out to Sheppard, I followed with his team to take a look but all we found was a clearing, the area was deserted and we had nothing.  
"You think Solen lead us on a wild goose chase?" Rodney asked. Teyla frowned and shook her head,  
"No, he still believes in Satedan honour, he would not mislead us." she replied confidently and I smiled. I was really starting to like her.

We had turned back to walk back the way we came when Lorne contacted Sheppard.  
"**_Sir we found something about three clicks north of your position._**" Confirming it Sheppard started jogging and me and Teyla frowned, leaving Rodney to groan and jog after us. After a few minutes we reached a small, rundown, wooden house. It was rotting and dillapidated but Lorne motioned us inside and we followed without question. There was a little bit of blood on the floor, a chair with rope surrounding it, and a body on the floor by the wall where it appeared to have landed after being thrown. Lorne knelt beside him to feel for a pulse. "It's weak, if we want anything from him we need to get him back to Atlantis now sir." he informed us. I took a mental image of the place and looked at Sheppard, who was apparently preoccupied with sorting out who was going to carry the body. Teyla looked at me,  
"The body is definitely Tyre." she said. I frowned,  
"Which means Ronon was definitely here...he must have contacted the wraith to come and get him, trying to get back into their good books and then the wraith went back on their word and left him here half dead." I deduced. Teyla frowned back at me,  
"Where is the evidence to support that theory?" she asked, her expression and tone calm as we walked out together,  
"The rope on the floor around the chair, why would he tie himself up? No, he used that to keep Ronon subdued. And the wraith let Tyre go to make an example of him to other humans right? So they wouldn't just tie up Tyre and leave him somewhere so remote no one would see him. Ronon however isn't here and would have surely headed to the gate if he had got free, so it makes sense that the wraith were here, took Ronon and beat him Tyre right?" I asked connecting all the dots for her so she could see what I saw. A gracious smile lit up her face and she bowed her head respectfully.

"You are very observant." she complimented, and I smiled back thankfully as we stepped through the gate together. Doctor Keller was there and already taking Tyre down to the infirmary (or wherever it was he was going) while we went to the armoury to put our gear away. Sheppard and Teyla were talking in the corner when Rodney walked over to me,  
"So you like Teyla?" he asked. I sighed slightly,  
"Not now Rodney."  
"Then when Tegan, I though you said you were going to try and make friends." he pointed out. Looking up at him, the guy who had practicaly been my brother for three years, I frowned,  
"I did but...I've only just met them Rodders, and besides you know that I hold even my friends at arms length." I replied running a hand through my hair. He frowned back at me and shook his head,  
"You'll need them out here Tegan, besides I think Sheppard and Teyla like you." he pressed as I put my vest back on the peg and crossed my arms defiantly over my chest,  
"They seem perfectly nice Rodney but I'm not rushing this." I said firmly, and he nodded in defeat as we joined Sheppard and Teyla by the door. They lead us down to the isolation room, and I took mental pictures of the maze of corridors in an effort not to get lost in the future.

When we reached the observation window, Tyre was screaming silently down below. He was bucking and writhing on the bed he was strapped to and I wrinkled my nose in distaste at the image.  
"What's going on doc?" Sheppard asked, looking at Tyre worriedly. Doctor Keller frowned as she watched him, twisting and crying out in agony. Clearly she was finding it hard to accept she couldn't do anything for him.  
"He's going through withdrawal." she answered quitely as I frowned. Was he on drugs?  
"Withdrawal?" I asked, my curiousity getting the better of me. She nodded,  
"When the wraith feed, they release an enzyme into their victims to make them stronger. Therefore their food tastes better and lasts longer. Obviously Tyre became dependent on the enzyme and now there isn't enough going around his body...he's going through withdrawal." she explained. I nodded once to show my understanding, unable to do anything but kept watching as Tyre writhed with horrid fasincation.  
"How long is this going to take?" Sheppard asked. I knew why he looked so irritated; the longer this took the longer Ronon was gone. Right now, only Tyre really knew what had happened to him, and we needed that information as soon as possible to try and limit the damage to Ronon. Doctor Keller shook her head,  
"I have no idea, it could take weeks or it could take days. It all depends on how quick the enzyme leaves his body, but my guess for the shortest time span would be at least three days if we don't give him sedative, which would be unethical can I add." she replied, not looking to happy with the idea.  
"Don't give him any, we need that information as fast as possible." Sheppard said looking grim and reluctant, he was making the hard call and clearly didn't like it. Well, I didn't know for sure but judging by how much pain Tyre was in, this was going to be a long three days.


	4. Chapter 3: Rescue Mission

John's Point Of View:  
Seven days on and Tyre was still coming down from his enzyme high. Everything around him and on him was drenched in sweat; he couldn't stop shaking but at least he didn't thrash about like he had previously. Keller said he was almost in the clear though and the enzyme was dissapating faster than she thought it would. However, Ronon was still missing, and with no more leads to follow we had to spend time twiddling our thumbs and that was making me crabby. Not only did I have all this on my mind but I also had to go about my usual duties as a commanding officer, like paperwork and staff problems that needed sorting, such as Teyla being unsure whether or not she wanted to come back to the team now she had Torren, and this new girl that still had to be placed somewhere. What had Rodney called her again? Tegan? Strange name, not very common but suited her at least. Currently I was walking to the mess hall, looking out through the windows at the sparkling blue waves was a good way to clear my head and I normally did it with Ronon when things got tense, but this time he wasn't here. However, when I got to the mess hall I found that it was pretty quiet. Just a few scientists grabbing a late lunch and...wait, was that Teyla? Yeah, Teyla, Kanaan and Torren were sitting at a four seater table tucked into the corner.

Kanaan was doing some hand clapping game thing with Torren (who was sat on his lap), before he kissed his forehead and handed him to Teyla and left, giving me a friendly nod along the way. My head still a jumble of thoughts, I turned to the buffet table and grabbed some lunch. When I turned around, I noticed that there was another person sitting with them. She was holding Torren awkwardly in her arms as Teyla nodded encouragingly. Noticing me, she waved me over and I relaxed slightly as I sat back in the chair to take a bite of my sandwhich, no one said anything to me until I had finished my sandwhich (five minutes worth of slow chewing later) which left me to observe the whole thing quietly. Tegan didn't seem to be experienced with children, her arms seemed stiff as she cradled him in them and she was constantly looking at Teyla to make sure she still had his mothers approval. I forgot that Tegan hadn't met Torren until today, but there was a wonder in her eyes that was really quite amusing to watch. Her eyes were a unqiue grey colour that I'd never seen on anyone before, blue grey sure but not pure grey like hers were. She had an oval face where all her features were perfectly proportioned. Her hair was a dark brown colour and she had a tan complexion; full pale pink lips too that I had yet to see stretch into a smile. She was slender but well built, like Teyla really now I had chance to think about it.

Torren started crying and Tegan bit her bottom lip gently, looking at him worriedly,  
"Oh god what did I do?" she asked quickly, looking at Teyla who smiled a little,  
"Bounce him." she suggested. Tegan looked way out of her comfort zone but tried it anyway, awkwardly bouncing him on her lap. I was by no means a child expert, heck I couldn't even stop my own marriage from falling apart before we got to the kids point, but I loved Torren. He was a funny little character for one so young, besides, Teyla had deemed me, Ronon and Rodney his uncles (sort of), and we all had spent a fair amount of time with him, I'd actually done some babysitting once but we'd kept that one quiet. Without thinking I said,  
"Stand up, its easier that way." she looked at me for a minute before acting on the suggestion and rising gracefully from the chair. Shaking my head a little at the awkward position she had Torren in, I stood up and carefully rearranged her arms so Torren was comfortably resting on her hip as she rocked and bounced him until he quietened down. Moving her hand a little higher up his back I looked down at her. Being at least a head and a half taller than her gave me a height advantage here, even if she could beat my ass in a fight. She looked up at me with a happy smile on her face,maybe a hint of pride in her eyes.  
"Thanks." she said, keeping her gaze locked with mine. For a moment, I felt like I sort of knew what it was like to have a family.

Shaking the thought from my head I sat back down to see Tegan smiling happily at Torren, "Hey there little guy, you like bouncing huh? Energetic kid. You're cute, I'll give you that." she said to him as Torren gurgled back at her. "How's Tyre? Is he in any condition to talk yet?" she asked looking back at me. She'd only known Ronon for a day yet there was genuine compassion in her eyes when she spoke about him. I ran a hand through my hair,  
"Not really, Keller reckons it'll be a couple more hours, if not another day." I replied, unscrewing the cap on my waterbottle and taking a sip. I hadn't had as much time to talk to Tegan as I would have liked over the past week but her and Teyla seemed to have become good friends, and her and Rodney...well I'd caught them on the south-east pier with his arm around her shoulder and her head resting on his shoulder. I suppose now was a good time to have that conversation with her that everybody else seemed to have had the pleasure of having. Heck, even Lorne knew her better than I did and they'd only spoken once or twice. As far as I was aware though, Rodney was the only one who knew anything personal about her, she didn't give away any personal information. "So...I saw you and Rodney yesterday. South-east pier, you guys got it together?" I asked casually, trying to strike up a form of conversation, Teyla raised an eyebrow at that and Tegan looked at me with a blank face,  
"No we haven't. Me and Rodney...it's not like that." she said, shaking her head as Torren started making little whines and reaching for Teyla.

Tegan suddenly seemed reluctant to hand him back, but did so reluctantly. Teyla stood up,  
"Excuse me while I go and feed Torren." she made her way from the room, leaving me and Tegan alone. She looked at the table and the awkward silence grew between us, this time however, I was determined not to let it grow anymore. Tegan intrigued me, she was an observant, inquisitive, well trained soldier but what else could we expect from military personnel? My intrigue however, was fuelled by the need to know more about who she was outside of the military exterior.  
"If it's not like that then...what is it like?" I asked curiously, narrowing my gaze as she shifted awkwadly in the chair,  
"He...er... he's more like a brother to me than what you were suggesting. He was er...his family was really good to me when I lost my family." she said quietly. I frowned a little, suddenly feeling bad for prying so much.  
"Sorry." I mumbled. She shook her head,  
"Don't, I've heard that word enough over the years and it gets really old very fast." she said with a small smile. I nodded once when my radio suddenly went off.  
"Colonel Sheppard? Tyre's coherent and he's asking for you." Keller informed me. I tapped my earpiece once,  
"Okay, we're on our way. Come on lieutenant, Tyre's awake, we might finally get to launch this rescue mission." her eyes betrayed the relief she felt for having to cut short that conversation as we stood and walked in silence to the isolation room.

I had only been made more curious, how had she lost her family? How had she met Rodney? So many unanswered questions remained but I knew I couldn't press the subject, besides, I'd yet to finish evaluating her and we were still in a rather formal stage where she was more of an acquaintance than a friend. When I walked in, Tyre lifted his head and towards me and nodded slightly.  
"Colonel Sheppard. Thank you for seeing me. I'm sorry for everything that's happening, for Ronon." he said. I felt more than a little irritated with him. Sure he was high on enzyme but Ronon was a good friend of mine, and it was Tyre's fault he was in this mess and not safe back here, at home, with us. But the better man in me won out and eventually I replied,  
"Don't, you were high on enzyme anyway. But your going to help us now, do you know where they took Ronon?" Tyre nodded his head slightly and his gaze flickered between me, Tegan, Rodney and Teyla, both of whom had entered the room after me and Tegan had. Keller stood across the room, on hand incase he needed sedating. Tyre looked back at me, brown eyes meeting my hazel ones to express his sincerity.  
"Yes I do, but I will only tell you if you let me come with you. I can lead you straight there and you can keep your guns on me at all times." he offered.  
"Fat chance, don't you think you've-" Rodney began, but Tegan elbowed him in the ribs, "Ow, hey what was-" rolling her eyes she clamped her hand over his mouth and glared him into silence, which was the most amusing part of my morning.  
"We'll consider it." I said, before turning and leaving the room and tapping my earpiece to contact Woolsey.

After explaining Tyre's proposal, I could tell Woolsey still seemed hesitant. "Sir he could really help us out here." I tried, getting frustrated. Every minute he didn't agree was a minute of Ronon's time wasted. It felt like every breathe I took was counting down to his eventual demise, or something deep like that. Tegan poked her head around the door and raised an eyebrow, 'Woolsey won't agree, any ideas?' I mouthed. She frowned a little and I could almost see the gears of her mind working, she was a smart girl and this was just another chance to prove herself, I think she'd clocked on to the fact we were testing her and was genuinely trying her best.  
"Can he hear me or..." she trailed of gesturing to her earpiece, I pointed at mine in reply and she carried on talking, understanding my gesture. "Mr Woolsey? I think it'd be beneficial to Colonel Sheppard's mission if he took Tyre with him. From what he's told us he knows the layout of the facility very well, and from the way he spoke to us I don't think he's lieing. He genuinely wants to help and it would save a lot of time, the sooner we find Ronon the better and Tyre would be out-gunned, however quick he is if he puts a foot wrong he won't be able to out run three simultaneous bursts of P-90 fire." she said. The idea was clear and precise, with a backup plan if things went wrong, it'd be hard for Woolsey to protest against that. I was slightly miffed that I hadn't thought of it really. Woolsey was quite for a few minutes before finally he spoke,  
"Very well, you have a go, however tell the Lieutenant that if Tyre hurts a hair on anyones head, it's on her." with that he signed off.

I turned to tell her but she looked up with a grimace,  
"I heard." walking back in I nodded at the guys then to Tyre's straps as I tapped my earpiece again,  
"Lorne, how soon can you and your team get geared up and meet us in the gateroom?" I asked.  
"We can leave now and be there in five sir." he replied confidently. I smiled a little, Lorne was one of those people who was confident in everything he did but quietly so. He was a good guy with a willing ear when you needed it; he'd helped me make many a good decision and I was grateful he was my second in command.  
"Good. Do it. James, you're coming too. Tyre, get changed, and Teyla? You can bring him down when he's done." I ordered as we left Tyre to change back into his own clothes. Rodney and Tegan were talking quietly behind me and I caught snippets of their conversation, not wanting to pry I tried not to listen but it was kind of hard.  
"I don't understand, you're friends with Teyla right?"  
"Friends is a strong word Rodney, I've only just met her. You're being pushy, just give me time."  
"How much?"  
"Rodney!"  
"I'm serious."  
"Rodders you've been so pushy since I got here, yes maybe I am back at square one but at least I'm building it up quicker than before. Now would you just drop it already." her voice was a little annoyed at the end as I entered the armoury and geared up, I watched in amusement as Coughlin all but shrank back from Tegan.

Her hearing must of been expert because Coughlin muttered something about crumpets and she clearly heard it from the other side of the room, whirling around and fixing him with a glare. "Let me make one thing quite clear, just because I'm British does not mean I like crumpets. I prefer coffee over tea, I haven't met the queen and for the love of bloody god we don't all have bad teeth! Infact, mine were straightened with braces and I think they're kind of pretty! One more word about my nationality and you'll be dead Coughlin, and I promise it'll be friendly fire." she said fiercely. Lorne let out a laugh as I snickered. Tyre walked in, and I handed him his sword. It was a sort of curved blade with a serated edge. Holstering it, he nodded at me in thanks and followed us out to the gate, where he told Chuck the address that needed to be dialled.  
"Okay guys, we go in, we get Ronon and we get out clean. You know the rest." I muttered, loading my P-90 and aiming for the gate as I strode through with a purpose. We all tensed a little, preparing for the worst like we always did. However, Tegan took it to all new levels for me. I really was going to have to teach that girl to relax, I realised. She had straightened her back, kept scanning her surroundings and kept her weapon aimed high, her finger poised above the trigger, ready to fire at a moments notice. Her grey eyes scrutinised everything, observing it all, and I had no doubt that if we got lost she'd be able to get us back.

So far, she was passing all my tests and had easily fell into the formation we used without anyone having to tell her to. Tyre lead us through the forest and it took ten minutes for me to hear the scrunch of a wrapper that told me Rodney had eaten his power bar. Rolling my eyes a little I began counting, and found it took only five minutes after that for Rodney to start complaining he was hungry again.  
"Here, have mine then." Tegan said exasperatedly, and I heard the thud of the power bar hitting his chest,  
"Ooo yeah thanks it's...chocolate and orange." he said. sounding so enthusiastic then trailing of flatly. I smirked a little, having no doubt that Tegan probably knew about his supposedly mortal allergy to citrus fruits.  
"Hey, I was going for shutting you up, not making your gut happy." she replied dryly. Finally, we got to the facility. It was an off white colour with moss and grass and trees growing all over it so it was camoflauged by the surrounding nature. Using some quick hand signals, I had us falling into in a line. My team were at the front, Lorne's behind us, and we all knew what to do when we got inside. We were ready to go and knew how to spread out, well Rodney didn't but Tegan quickly whispered it to him and smacked him upside the head in the process. Tyre opened the door and we burst around the corner, our gunfire echoing through the halls as we took down several wraith guards, with Tyre stabbing and chopping at them until they fell. Tegan was the last one to fire, with a crafty shot in the back of ones head before he could round the corner. Her face was impassive, it was as if she'd almost buried her emotion and blocked out the world. It was really badass but at the same time a little concerning.

With Tyre leading us through the corridors we went deeper and deeper into the facility, the purple organic walls creeping me out just a little as the tension in the air grew. Where the heck was Ronon? Surely he should be around here somewhere? After searching a few more labs we came to an intersection, with Ronon standing in the middle of it. Relief flooded through my body but I knew something was wrong, he had a creepy smile on his face and seemed way to relaxed considering he was standing in the middle of a wraith facility.  
"Ronon." my voice held a hint of surprise as I stopped Rodney from venturing to close.  
"Sheppard, good to see you." he said calmly. I pursed my lips thinking hard. Was it possible that we were actually too late to save Ronon?  
"You too, ready to come home?" I asked suspiciously, eyeing him up and down. His eyebrows rose high on his head and a smirk twisted his lips, this one was cruel though, sadistic almost. He didn't say anything, just watched as a group of wraith warriors surrounded us in their rotten acorn masks with their long white hair. There was a collective huff of air as we aimed our P-90's around, forming our own circle with Lorne's team as my heart sped up. I had to get my people out now or we were in serious trouble. A wraith commander with the long black leather coat and tattooed face stepped around the corner, he smiled creepily at Ronon,  
"You've done well. Tyre, what an unpleasant surprise. I left you for dead." he commented in that weird hissy voice they use.

Tyre shifted uncomfortably before grabbing Teyla and holding a knife to her throat, my stomach lurched and we aimed half our weapons at Tyre now.  
"I brought them here, doesn't that deserve some kind of reward?" he asked, pressing the knife a little closer.  
"Put down your weapons." The waith commander hissed. I hesitated at first and nobody moved, waiting for my signal. I needed to do what was right by all of them. We were outnumbered and there was definietely going to be at least one fatality if we didn't comply. So, ever so slowly, I grit my teeth feeling irriated beyond belief, and lowered my weapon to the floor. It was all so smooth and practised as they took all of our weapons (including our side arms) and dragged us into cells. Lorne's team was dragged elsewhere and mentally I cursed the seperation.  
"Great how are we going to get out of this?" Rodney groaned. "Of all the people to work for the wraith I never thought they'd break Conan the barbarian, and Tyre double crossing us? What the heck's up with that?" he rambled, panic mode engaged now. Tegan sighed,  
"Yeah, Woolsey's gonna have my head for that." she grumbled, running a hand through her ponytail that she'd recently re-done to catch stray hair, even though wisps still hung about her face. Her grey eyes had darkened with the negativity of her mood as she looked at the floor. It was true though, Woolsey had said if Tyre hurt anyone it was on her, which I thought was a lot of pressure for a young Lieutenant.

"He said if Tyre hurt anyone, he hasn't hurt us yet." I pointed out. She looked up at me with a greatful smile,  
"Thanks...but somehow I don't think Woolsey will see it that way." she replied. Teyla patted her knee before standing to look out into the corridor through the sticky black web-like door. Rodney looked at her,  
"What? So it's your fault we dragged him along? Great, I'm blaming you." he said, eyes wide and pacing the room. Tegan rolled her eyes,  
"Doesn't everybody." she muttered darkly. For a while, we sat in silence, letting Rodney ramble until Tegan got up and slapped him hard enough to turn his cheek red within seconds and threaten that if he didn't shut up she'd knock him out cold. He hadn't spoke a word since and she had sat beside him with her back against the wall. She was inbetween me and Rodney, Teyla sitting across from us when I felt something land softly on my shoulder with a thump. Turning my head and trying not to jump I saw it was Tegan's head, she was blinking owlishly at the wall and staring at nothing, completely out of it. I watched her eyes flutter closed and she curled a little closer into my side, shivering as though she were cold. Rodney smirked a little.  
"Enjoying yourself there captain Kirk?" he asked teasingly, I rolled my eyes,  
"Bit of an inappropriate time to sleep don't you think?" I asked skeptically.

"She didn't sleep last night." Rodney replied simply before freezing slightly. I raised an eyebrow at him,  
"Why do I get the feeling there's more you're not telling us?" I asked, seeing Teyla nod in agreement. Rodney shot Tegan a glance and pulled her into his side instead so her head was resting on his chest, where she quickly snuggled down a little more until she was comfy and was soon snoring lightly again.  
"I'm not supposed to tell you, but she's got insomnia and she didn't sleep last night. You didn't find out from me though." He said quickly. We nodded quickly as I thought through this new information. She couldn't go on a team then surely? We couldn't have her just collapsing at random intervals, unless she didn't do that. Once again I found myself needing to know more about her.  
"Does she just fall asleep when she fancies it? Because we can't have her collapsing all over Atlantis." I pointed out. He shook his head,  
"No she doesn't. We've been here for hours bored as hell with nothing to do but sit and talk, so she's took the oppurtunity to get her energy back, she could wake up any second now and have the energy to single handedly get us all out of here. It 's weird but she knows her limits, if she needs time off she'll ask for it." he explained with a small shrug. It made no sense to me but what I basically got from that was that she wouldn't be a liabilty off-world at least.

Tyre came around the corner just then and opened the cell door,  
"The commander wants to see you, Sheppard." he said. His voice was monotone, giving nothing away. Traitorus asshole, I thought, as I stood up and followed him after deciding it'd be best not to argue with him. Not when he had his sword on him anyway, though I wasn't to confident that I'd win in a fist fight either. However, when we had rounded the next corner, Tyre instead released my arm and looked at me, "Do not worry Colonel Sheppard, here, take these." he handed me two glocks and I raised an eyebrow at him, "I never intended to betray you Sheppard. Hurry, we can still get Ronon and your teams out of here." he said, turning and grabbing my arm again after I'd stowed my weapons away in my waistband and dragging me through the corridors until I was kneeling infront of the wraith commander, Ronon stood and watched impassively.  
"Colonel Sheppard." the commander hissed. I turned to Ronon,  
"Ronon buddy, remember we're you're friends, we came to recuse you. Come on, give a man a hand?" I tried, unsure of what Tyre's plan was. The commander laughed viciously.

"I have cracked him, he is broken Colonel Sheppard, he worships me now! You have heart, you are a strong leader, you would be an asset, join me." he hissed, making his voice softer now, which I knew meant he was getting a hell of a lot more dangerous. Frowning, I looked up at him and licked my lips a little before saying,  
"I think I'll pass on that one thanks." The commander didn't seem to like my answer though and lifted his hand, preparing to strike.  
"Then we can do this the hard way." he snarled, his hand coming forward fast to strike my chest and begin feeding. I tried not to flinch as Tyre whipped his sword out and cut his hand off. He fell back screeching in pain. Bringing myself up off of my knees into a crouch, I brought out my glocks and twisted my arms, firing them both in opposite directions so the commander was down on his back and the wraith trying to get into the room were falling too. It seemed to take forever, hearing the clash of swords behind me (letting me know Tyre and Ronon had engaged in a sword fight) as I reloaded and fired in rapid succession. I could hear Ronon grunting behind me and Tyre's sharp intake of breathe, and as I turned around I watched Ronon (who had straddled Tyre) beat the crap out of him. I was about to tackle him or something to help Tyre when the rest of my team came around the corner, Lorne's team following closely as Teyla fired the wraith stunner three times at him until he fell off of Tyre, who quickly pushed him off as the smell of coppery blood began filling the air.

I could see why, Tyre had a gash on his stomach from where Ronon's sword had hit him, his face was more blood than skin but he still pushed himself to his feet as Lorne and Rodney pulled Ronon to his feet to drag him through the corridors. Teyla handed me a P-90, having already reloaded everything so I had full ammo before I motioned for Tyre to lead the way,  
"Come on, lets get out of here." I said firmly, watching as Tyre lead us down the corridor, there were more wraith there and Tegan had shot them both down before any of us could react, until once again we found ourselves surrounded. Tyre had dragged the commander along with us and stole the detonator...wait, stole the detonator?! Great! So he'd placed charges and stole my detonator, I really needed to start paying closer attention to what was going on around me. We stopped, hunched down in the corridor and Tyre looked at the commander,  
"Tell them to back off or I blow this place sky high. Do it." he demanded, his voice low and harsh. The commander was gasping for air as he slowly he bled to death,  
"What's to stop you...doing that...anyway?" he rasped, Tyre rolled his eyes,  
"One last bargain, if you let the Lanteans leave, I give you the detonator." he said. I looked at him,unsure of what to say. That wasn't going to help in the long run but in the time it took me to mentally debate the problem the commander had already agreed and ordered the wraith to stand by.

"Move, now, go!" I ordered, letting the others go before me as they edged their way down the corridor. I turned to Tyre, "Come on, I'm not leaving you behind." my tone was firm as I could make it but Tyre just smiled and handed me his sword,  
"I'll be right behind you." His actions made it clear he wasn't going to be. Tyre was sacrificing himself to save us, that was one debt we'd never be able to repay. I nodded slightly, knowing I wasn't going to sway him.  
"Thank you." I said sincerely, I had never meant it more in my life than I did right then. This was going to play on my mind later, I realised as I hurried away through the halls before stepping into the blinding sunlight and blinking once or twice to gather my bearings. My team and Lorne's were waiting for me, and we quickly made our way back through the forest, moving fast before finally reaching the gate, but every step felt like it was weighing me down. Tyre should have been with us right now but he wasn't, and that was bugging me more than I could say. Tapping my earpiece I motioned for someone to dial the gate, Teyla did and as I spoke, they filed through the wormhole. "We're clear, it's been a pleasure Tyre, thank you." my voice was quiet, considerate. Tyre replied with one word, 'likewise', before I stepped through the gate and told Chuck to shut it down. I didn't want to hear the explosion or watch the event horizon ripple anymore than normal. Keller had already retrieved Ronon and taken him away, the rest of us headed to the armoury with the promise of debriefing Woolsey on events in an hour.

Rodney had already departed to the mess hall; Teyla leaving soon after to see Torren and Kanaan. Lorne's team had left to and the only people left were me and Tegan. She looked up at me and smiled briefly. Was that a look of sympathy on her face? I was hoping not, I didn't do well with sympathy, heck I didn't do well with discussing emotion full stop.  
"You did the right thing you know." her voice was quiet but it rang in the air, and I looked up at her as I put away my weapons.  
"Sure." my voice clearly told her this conversation was over but she apparently didn't understand.  
"Then why do you have such a guilty look on your face?" she pressed on, unaware of the irritaion this was causing me. I didn't answer, hoping she'd get the message. I knew she was trying to help but I really didn't need it right now. Not knowing that I needed to see my friend anyway, so I left without another word, tapping my earpiece along the way to find out where Ronon was.  
"Colonel Sheppard, he's in the infirmary, he's going through withdrawal too." Keller said quietly in reply. Frowning, I walked to the infirmary but I couldn't stay there long, none of us could while he screamed and begged us to kill him. Several days later, when I finally returned to the infirmary, no words between us were needed. Instead of saying anything I just placed Tyre's sword in his hand,clapped his shoulder and left again, heading for the pier or the balcony so I could do some serious thinking.


	5. Chapter 4: Really One Of The Team

Tegan's Point Of View:  
It had been another week after we'd arrived back on Atlantis for Ronon to go through withdrawal, and another two or three days after that until he was allowed out of the infirmary. I'd gone to visit him once but mostly we'd just sat in silence. I hadn't heard anything about where I was placed or what my job was, so it had been a fairly boring week of showers, eating, sleeping and gym. I'd sparred with Teyla and she was teaching me how to fight with Bantos sticks. I'd seen colonel Sheppard occasionally and had dinner with him and his team quite a lot, we were all pretty friendly with each other except there was always an awkward atmosphere between me and Sheppard when we were alone. I'd also made friends with Torren, Teyla's son. The little guy was adorable and as uncomfortable as I was with kids I couldn't help but think I was getting better, but I still needed a lot of guidance from Teyla, who appeared to be a natural mom and very good at her job at the same time. Currently, I was walking to Woolsey's office. He had summoned me there a few minutes ago and considering I pretty much knew my way around Atlantis now it didn't take me long to get there. Suprisingly, when I got there I saw Sheppard sitting in one of the comfy looking grey chairs, he gave me a nod and a quick smile, motioning to the seat beside him.

Sitting carefully I looked at Woolsey with an expectant face. He looked up from his paperwork and smiled,  
"Do you know what this is Lieutenant?" he asked me with a sparkle in his brown eyes. Woosley was a balding man with a ring of dark hair around his head, and a face that seemed to be permanently grimacing (although he had this polite smile he used a lot that only made his face crease a little more each time he did it). I drew my brows together in a frown before slowly shaking my head and looking between him and Sheppard, who looked thoroughly unamused by it all and rolled his gorgeous hazel eyes,  
"Can you just tell her already?" he groaned. Woolsey rolled his eyes towards the heavens and frowned slightly,  
"I was building up the suspense." he said in an effort to defend himself, but Sheppard just shot him a look that clearly said he didn't care. I didn't either, the anticipation was niggling at me and making me feel just a little giddy if I was honest. "Well, Lieutenant, this is colonel Sheppards report on the mission to rescue Ronon." he said, watching my reaction. I grimaced a little, so I was still going to get into trouble for trusting Tyre? This was some twisted punishment hearing?  
"In my defence, Tyre did come back and get us out of the cell. He never intended to double cross us with the wraith." I said while crossing my arms over my chest. Woolsey frowned,  
"What?" he asked, clearly baffled. Sheppard however chuckled,  
"You're not in trouble James, it's good news." he assured me, a mischievious sparkle in his hazel eyes.

His whole demeanour was screaming I know something you don't know and his boyish grin made me struggle to contain my own smile, that and the way the light was shining off of his touseled hair (that looked so damn soft that I found myself wanting to run my hands through it like some sort of crazed fangirl) was making him look hotter than usual. "Put her out of her misery sir will you?" Sheppard asked teasingly. At least he liked me, damn former CO's. Woolsey sighed,  
"Alright, alright. After evaluating your performance on this mission, Colonel Sheppard has requested you be put on an off-world team." My eyebrows tried to escape into my hairline as my mouth dropped into a small O shape. Sheppard cleared his throat,  
"Not just any team either, I want you on mine." he added, making my jaw drop just that little bit furthur. Composing myself, I swallowed and blinked a little,  
"That's...that's...I mean...oh wow..." I stammered. I was more than happy with the idea, more than willing to do it, but eventually I was going to have to leave wasn't I? As soon as the problems back home were sorted I'd have to go. I'd only been here for two weeks but already I felt at home here, I felt like this was somewhere I belonged. I knew Atlantis was only a short term solution, that I didn't have a proper contract to stay here but I didn't want to leave this behind, I knew that already.

Woolsey must of known, surely? As if he knew what I was thinking, he smiled and held up a whole stack of papers.  
"This is a year long contract, if you wish to join the team and stay then you're required to sign it. What do you say lieutenant?" he asked. I smiled broadly and nodded,  
"Where's the pen?" I replied, and Woolsey produced it from his pocket with a flourish. Standing I took it and without hesitation signed the contract with my curvy signature, officialy making myself part of the team. Outside, we could hear Rodney kicking up a storm about something on one of the laptops, and after filing the paperwork away Woolsey dismissed us so we could check it out. Sheppard walked with me and looked at me with a small smile,  
"Welcome to the team Lieutenant. Can I ask why you're only just signing the contract now though?Were you not expecting to stay in Atlantis?" he asked. I froze a little, biting my lip. I didn't want him to be dragged into the crazy mess known as my life, but maybe he really needed to know? Could I tell him? I'd only known him two weeks, could I really let him in so easily, so soon? Taking a breathe, I found I couldn't meet his eyes as I replied,  
"I got into trouble back home that required major relocation, I don't really like talking about it." my voice was quiet and to my dismay, there was a hint of hurt in there too. Sheppard raised a dark brow at me and seemed to grimace,  
"For my own sanity please tell me you didn't murder someone." he said sounding curious, too curious.

Sighing I shook my head,  
"If you really must know, someone was going to try and murder me." I said quickly, before walking over to Rodney before he could say another word. Me and Rodney had spent some time catching up over the past two weeks, he knew everything that was going on and was pushing me to trust people here. We'd had a quiet dinner once to talk things through and the gossip mill on Atlantis was rumouring that we were dating, but neither of us cared since his team and I knew the truth. We weren't and would never consider dating one another because we had been family. Quite literally, Rodney's parents had looked after me for the best part of three years. When I arrived, he took one look at my face and saw something that clearly made him curious.  
"What?" he asked me. I smiled wearily,  
"Nothing much." I replied, but he gave me that look that said we were talking later. Chuck (one of the technicians) flagged down Colonel Sheppard, who quickly called over Rodney, who of course dragged me with him.  
"Doctor Mckay, a spaceship just appeared out of nowhere above M35-177, no hyperspace window or anything, it just...appeared." Chuck informed us.

Raising an eyebrow at Rodney, we watched him push his way past Chuck to type on his laptop, a thoughtful frown on his face as I cast a sideways look at Sheppard who shrugged. Perhaps spaceships popping up out of nowhere was a normal occurence here? I suppose around here it was.  
"Okay so...wait, the IFF signal is that of the Daedalus but they just completed a return journey to Earth." Rodney said looking up at us,  
"But I thought that those journey's took three weeks?" Sheppard asked. Rodney nodded and opened his mouth to say something but Sheppard cut him off. "Open a channel." he ordered, stern leader face back on again. Woolsey had joined us by this time but I could hardly contain my giggles. Rodney looked so annoyed at being cut off, his face was literally scrunched up as he glared at Sheppard, "Daedalus this is Atlantis, please come in." there was a pause before Sheppard repeated the sentence, more forcefully this time. Finally, after the fifth try, he got bored. Rodney was busy typing again at the computer and I leaned my arms over the ridge at the top of the lit up console as I waited to see what was what. "I propose we take a jumper up there." Sheppard said finally. Woolsey gave him one curt nod before Sheppard tapped his earpiece, "Teyla, Ronon, we're heading out, gear up." he ordered, before looking at me and Rodney with a grin, "Come on team." his voice was chipper and it made me laugh. He bounced off with such enthusiasm, so childishly. Rodney frowned a little as we walked after him,  
"Wait, are you saying Tegan's part of the team?" he called after Sheppard, who was furthur down the corridor than us. Sheppard nodded with another boysih grin as he walked backwards into the armoury,  
"That's exactly what I'm saying." he replied, turning around to gear up. Teyla and Ronon entered the room and not seconds later Rodney shared the good news with them proudly.

I blushed a little. He had such pride in his voice when he said it you'd have thought he was my dad or something. Ronon turned to me and smirked, ruffling my hair a little as Teyla said her congratulations with that gracious smile she seemed so good at.  
"Congrats Tiny, new you'd be good round here." he said gruffly. I rolled my eyes as I blew my hair out of my face, before groaning and retieing it in a ponytail.  
"I've told you already, five foot five is not tiny!" I exclaimed indignantly. Sheppard rolled his eyes and lead us to a place I hadn't been before called the Jumper bay. Grinning like a kid, I bounced inside after them. I'd read about Puddle Jumpers in reports but had never been for a flight in one. Apparently they could go rather fast, were agile, had awesome drone weapons and could go into space! Way cool! I sat there with a grin on my face, Ronon standing behind my chair with his hands on the top as the machinery lit up for Sheppard when he sat down, his hands on the controls. I watched the front screen as the sunlight poured in, and the vast cloudless blue sky opened up infront of us, the ocean below us shimmering as Sheppard took us higher and higher,  
"How d'you like our version of flying Tea?" Rodney asked with a smirk, seeing my kid at christmas face. I nodded eagerly as the atmosphere created a cloudy hazy layer above us,  
"It's amazing!" I breathed, wonder in my voice as Sheppard shot us into space. He was probably going faster than he should have been because the stars were streaking past us and looking a little blurry.

My grin only widened as Sheppard smirked at me, god that smirk was so sexy. "Okay now this...this should be done more often." I said happily, leaning back in the chair as the rest of the team laughed at me. My team, I was part of it now. I had a team. The thought alone made my smile wider. I stared out the window in awe at the big black blanket speckled with silver.  
"We do it every once in a while. Wait until you see a spaceship up close." Rodney said with a grin before turning back to the screen and frowning. "Wait...oh this is not good...I'm not picking up any life signs aboard the ship." he said, looking at Sheppard. My smile faded as Sheppard took us in slower to look at the underbelly of the Daedalus. The ship was huge and grey, but there were...black stains, on the hull. My brows drew into a frown as I narrowed my eyes,  
"Are those scorch marks?" I asked. Sheppard frowned a little,  
"I believe so, perhaps from weapons fire." Teyla suggested as we studied the ship closely. Rodney let out another quiet gasp of shock and we all turned to look at him, frowns plastered on our faces. He really had a dramatic way of presenting things didn't he?  
"Hardly any of the systems are working, the ships practicaly dead in the water." he muttered thoughtfully, staring at the screen as the radio sprung to life,  
"Puddle Jumper 1 this is Atlantis, we just received a communiqué from Stargate Command, the Daedalus is still two days out from Earth, that's not the Daedalus." it was Chuck and this new news only disturbed me a little more.

An uneasy feeling settled in my stomach as Sheppard and Mckay discussed the possibilities before finally saying,  
"Atlantis this is Puddle Jumper 1, we're going to go in for a closer look." Sheppard steered the Puddle Jumper to a sort of hangar as Atlantis replied,  
"Okay, be careful Puddle Jumper 1." then it went quiet. My stomach knotted slightly, I had a bad feeling about this and I decided to voice it.  
"I don't think this is a good idea." I murmered. Ronon grunted,  
"Where's your sense of adventure Tiny?" he asked in his usual gruff voice. Christ, why did he have to call me Tiny! I shook my head,  
"It's nothing to do with my sense of adventure Ronon...I just have a bad gut feeling and my guts never far wrong." I insisted. Sheppard frowned,  
"We'll only stay for a few minutes, check out the bridge and see what we find there. Then we'll head to engineering, see what information we can extract and we'll leave again, okay?" he asked. Everyone looked at him for a minute like he'd grown a second head, but I just nodded slightly and kept my gaze on the darkness we were soon engulfed in as we flew into the bay. The team rose from their places simultaneously before walking to the back of the Jumper. For the most part I stayed relaxed, no life signs meant no aliens on board and nothing to attack us, however that didn't mean I didn't keep my finger poised above the trigger. I frowned ever so slightly as the back door of the Jumper lowered and let in a gust of cold air that sent a shiver down my spine.

I felt sorry for Sheppard, at least the rest of us had a jacket of sorts on, he only had his baggy black cargo pants and a black button up shirt with the badges on. But with nothing underneath and the sleeves rolled up to his elbows he'd be cold soon enough. The cold air surrounded us and wrapped us in its icy embrace, making goosebumps rise on my skin as I tried not to shiver,  
"Do you want to take it in turns with my jacket?" I asked him. Sheppard's eyebrows rose at the offer and he shook his head,  
"Nah, it's not that cold, I'll be fine." he said with a reassuring smile. I nodded but made a mental note to ask him about it later incase that statement changed. Walking out into the grey corridors, we saw they were empty and just as cold as the Jumper bay. "Rodney, you and Ronon go down to engineering and see what's up with the power. Me, Teyla and Tegan will head to the bridge." he said. I don't know why, but the way he said my name sent a shockwave through me and I wanted to hear him say it again. Shaking myself out of whatever daze I was in, I pushed the thoughts from my head, knowing it was stupid and ridiculous and instead followed him down the corridors with Teyla at my side. We kept our wits about us, checking out everything around us. There were no bodies at all. The ship was eerily silent and the only sounds we could hear were our even breaths and our footsteps echoing through halls...so I jumped when Sheppard's earpiece went off and Rodney began reporting everything.

"Most of the vital systems are barely online including weapons, shields, not to mention hyperdrive and subspace communications are beyond repair. Explains why it's so cold huh?" Sheppard rolled his eyes,  
"Yeah Mckay, just a little. Can you get anything not too badly damaged online?" Sheppard asked him, Rodney said he'd work on it before signing off as I shivered again, "You gonna be okay? Jumper has thermal blankets if you wanna head back that way." he offered. I shook my head,  
"What and miss this? No way." I said with a smile, he nodded and we stepped onto what I presumed was the bridge. It had a command chair with two consoles either side of it and a large area behind it with screens and consoles, not to mention the really cool viewing window to the right when you walked in. I looked around in awe, searching for anything out of the ordinary with Sheppard and Teyla, it occured to me then that he knew my first name, but I didn't know his. I wondered what it was briefly. Maybe his name was Peter? It suited him and he looked like a Peter I suppose, but it could of been a whole range of other things.  
"It is definitely the Daedalus, should I try and find the last ships log?" Teyla asked. Sheppard blinked, looking surprised as Teyla stood by the keyboard under the tiny monitor to the left. I walked over to join them as he said,  
"You can do that?" she nodded in reply and tilted her head to the left, brows raised in innocent curiosity,  
"Yes, Major Marks taught me how the last time I was here, why?" she asked. Sheppard shook his head,  
"No reason just...so how about that entry log?" he asked awkwardly, averting his gaze as she typed on the keys. There was a small smirk on her face and I tried not to laugh. This team was different to the squad I had worked with in Afghanistan, they were more relaxed and not so uptight, and the CO wasn't dominating, he was open to suggestion and liked to join in the banter.

Finally, Teyla pulled up a recording. I didn't recognise the woman on the screen but behind her sparks were flying and people were scurrying around. Frowning, I watched the chaos on screen as the woman pleaded for anyone to help them if this video was found, and it was abruptly brought to a halt by static. I swallowed,  
"Those poor people." I muttered. Sheppard and Teyla looked at one another before turning to me,  
"She's not the commander of the Daedalus, this isn't our Daedalus at all." Sheppard said, frowning. There was a crackle, and then the radio sprung to life.  
"Daedalus this is Atlantis, please respond." I recognised Lorne's voice as Sheppard sat in the command chair and looked ove the buttons for a minute before pressing one,  
"This is Daedalus, go ahead?" he replied, as a minor tremor shook the ship.  
"Sir we're reading an energy spike on the ship." Lorne informed him before another more powerful shake occured, making me and Teyla clutch the console to remain standing. Sheppard tapped his earpiece and stood up quickly,  
"Rodney, Ronon, fall back to the Jumper, were getting out of here." he ordered as we hurried to follow him out of the room. But no sooner did we get out into the corridor we were stopped by a bright white light. I couldn't see a thing and threw my arm as extra protection for my eyes after I screwed them closed. Bracing my remaining hand against the wall I tried to move my body with the jerky movements of the ship in an effort to remain balanced. My stomach was fluttering with butterflies, worry making my stomach knot tightly as I waited for the ship to stop shaking.

When it finally did slow enough for me to stand up straight, I withdrew my arm and blinked open my eyes to look around. The lights were now running at full power as opposed to minimum. Shaking the disorientated feeling from my head I looked around to see Teyla and Sheppard were doing okay. Walking back onto the bridge, Teyla tapped a few consoles as me and Sheppard followed, "Is the ship okay?" he asked worriedly. Teyla slowly nodded,  
"Yes, but...John, Atlantis is gone...it's dissappeared." she said. I frowned,  
"John?" I asked before I could stop myself. Sheppard looked at me,  
"My name." he answered vaugley. I nodded once to say I understood and thought it over. John Sheppard. It was a nice name, it suited him and his touseled hair and hazel eyes. Dammit! He was too noticeable, that was his problem, or rather...my problem was I kept noticing him. I wasn't too sure which way around that was.  
"Hey guys, look I need you to go somewhere for me." Rodney said over the radio before giving us a bunch of directions that I didn't understand. So I had to follow Sheppard and Teyla again, realising there was a hell of a lot of following going on today. The ship was still freezing and my hands were numb by this time, I was having a harder time repressing the shivers but I still just about managed.

Sheppard opened the door just as Ronon and Rodney came around the corner. Rodney was talking at a super fast pace using his hands to explain things.  
"The energy signatures practically the same as the one we saw when alternate me came for a visit, and so therefore I'm thinking...an...alternate...Daedalus." his speech slowed and quietened as he looked in the room. Turning my attention there I gasped a little, my hand flying to my mouth,  
"Oh my god. That's not good." I mumbled. Sheppard nodded slowly,  
"Next time you say you have a bad gut feeling, I'm trusting your instincts and turning us round." he muttered. Both of us shared a long glance before we turned our attention to the inside of the room again. I felt my own face go pale at the sight of the rest of my team, the team that were standing around me at that moment, staring at their dopplegangers as they lay on the floor. They were very pale and their eyes were closed, and they were very very dead.


	6. Chapter 5: Close Encounters

It had been half an hour since we'd found those bodies. Sheppard and Ronon had quickly put them somewhere none of us were going to go (the brig), after Sheppard said they could have been dead for months and the coldness of the ship had just preserved the bodies to really freak us all out. Then Rodney had made the plucked the tablet from his dead alternate counter part and started using it, which I thought was super gross but didn't say anything because he said we'd hit the jackpot. According to him, the alternate team Sheppard had come to investigate the suddenly materialising Daedalus but the ship had jumped to another reality before they could leave like we had, they'd tried to find a way out too apparently but clearly they'd failed and eventually ran out of supplies. Rodney had made the one statement that had actually scared me more than anything. _If an alternate version of me couldn't figure this out then how can I in this reality?! _Honestly, that had scared me. How could Rodney go from being so cocky and egotistical to suddenly having no confidence in his abilities? What the actual hell! The only one who seemed to notice I was frightened though, because I hid it pretty damn well, was Ronon. He kept shooting me glances every so often as Sheppard tried to calm everyone down,  
"Okay, Rodney...look take a look around, you have some research to get you started and if you keep working on it you'll pull one of those miracles you're so good at out of the bag. Teyla, Ronon you pair go out, look for any supplies you can find. We can make do with as little as you can get so don't panic if you don't find much. Tegan, you're with me and we'll go looking to." he said, dishing out things to keep us all occupied so we wouldn't focus on the grim reality of death knocking on our door. Ronon nudged me on the way out with his arm, a comforting gesture that I appreciated and replied to with a small smile.

Sheppard turned to look at me,  
"We should go back up to the bridge, see if we can find Atlantis and contact them." he said, studying my face for a second as I nodded. Walking silently for a moment, that awkward tense silence was back and I could feel his eyes on me every now and again but I kept my gaze on the corridor ahead as we stepped back out onto the bridge and Sheppard used the chair to try and communicate with Atlantis. Upon getting no response I drew in a shaky breathe, shivering again. "You look pale." Sheppard commented.  
"I'm cold." I admitted. He raised an eyebrow and nodded a little,  
"Yeah...if I'm honest, me to." he replied walking toward me, "Your lips are going blue too." he added with a frown. I blushed a little, feeling the warmth of it sting my cheeks,  
"I handle the cold just fine mentally, physically not so much." I mumbled embarrassedly. He looked amused by that as he took my hands and tried to warm them for me with his breathe and some friction,  
"Your hands are like blocks of ice. Come on, back to the jumper to see what other layers we can find for you, you're not catching hypothermia if I can help it." he said while starting to drag me out of the room, before dropping my hand and leading me back through the corridors and leaving my hand cold and empty. It took us a total of five minutes to reach the jumper and the silence between us had grown as we rummaged around for anything to keep in some extra heat. Sheppard pulled out a couple of blankets before finding a spare jacket.

I frowned a little as he held it out,  
"Are you sure you don't need it?" I asked, pointedly looking at his bare arms. He nodded and without waiting for any other cue, I quickly took off the tac vest and slid on the other jacket underneath, before gearing back up and leaving the jumper. After, of course, I'd mumbled a quick thank you. We were walking back to the main part of the ship when Rodney contacted him,  
"Sheppard, I found out what's making us jump to different realities, it's an alternate reality drive. The math of it is really complicated so I'll save you the details but either way, it charges after each jump then the discharge is what makes us jump to the other realities. It's rechargeable, that means we can't stop it, we're just gonna keep jumping and jumping, it's almost recharged now." he replied. Sheppard frowned,  
"Don't you have anyway of controlling where it jumps to?" he asked. I heard Rodney sigh,  
"No, it's still in the experiemntal stage basically. It works but needs fine tuning. Brace yourselves for another jump, we're at 98% power." he warned us. Me and Sheppard look at one another and began sprinting for the bridge quickly. When we got there we found it empty, no Ronon or Teyla but we at least had access to what the ships weapons if we jumped into the middle of a battle. We looked around as if we expected to find something in the room before the familiar shaking started up again, we were encased in that blinding white light again and I clutched the console desperately in an effort to balance myself, and buried my head in my arms to shield my eyes. By the time the shaking stopped and I looked up, Sheppard was looking a little worried. The intense look on his face getting worse as we just stared at one in another in tense silence for at least five minutes, both of us frozen and unable to move.

Finally I managed to say,  
"Are you okay?" though my voice sounded strained and tense. Slowly, he nodded and straightened out,  
"Yeah...you?" I nodded my head in reply as Teyla's extremely anxious voice came over the radio,  
"Colonel, the ships sensors have deteceted an unidentified alien ship and Atlantis, they're engaged in a battle and the alien ship appears to be winning." she said sounding shocked. Sheppard and me raced into action as he pointed me to the console.  
"Okay, use that to aim and that to fire, take out as many as you can." he ordered pointing at the buttons I needed. Swallowing I got myself familiar with the controls but it wasn't too long before Sheppard said, "We got fighters come on James!" Praying I had pressed the right buttons I fired. Much to my surprise, it was kind of like playing that old videogame, space invaders, you know with the little boxy aliens that come down in rows and you have to shoot them? However the targeting system was a little more complex than that, but I got in a few good hits. Sparks were flying, the ship was rocking in a sickening motion and my heart had accelerated in my chest. My stomach was in knots as adrenaline raced round my body. More and more of those fighters kept coming and no matter how hard I tried I knew I wasn't going to get them all, not with my aim, not under this pressure. There was another huge jolt and Sheppard yelled a curse word that shocked me a little, "That ship just crashed into the hull!Mckay I need options!" his voice was demanding and authoritive, something I'd never really heard from him before now. A violent jolt threw me to the floor from my chair, where I quickly pushed myself up and clung to the console. "Now Rodney!" Sheppard yelled, reaching his hand out towards me. I took it and he pulled me into him quickly, safely tucking my body between him and the console as the ship rocked again.

I didn't hear what Rodney said, I just saw Teyla and Ronon run in on wobbly feet as I curled as close as I could to Sheppard's body and screwed my eyes up so I didn't have to see anything. The ships rocking got worse and I could hear nothing but the pounding of fighters firing on the ship and Sheppard's fast heartbeat in my ear. His arm had closed around my waist, holding me to him protectively and inspite of all the chaos, I felt safe, warm. Finally, the ship stopped rocking. Slowly lifting my head, I looked around before looking at Sheppard's gaze. His eyes dropped down before flitting back up to my face and I realised I'd clutched the fabric of his shirt in my fists and was holding him very very tightly. Trying to calm my breathing I forced my numb fingers to let go, mumbled what I hoped sounded like an apology, and got off of him. Both of us looked awkwardly around the room, anything except look at each other as I ran a hand through my hair. I took a deep breath, trying to stop my ragged breathing but it was seemingly impossible next to the frantic thudding of my heart against my ribs.  
"You guys are going to give me a bloody complex!" I breathed. Ronon just smirked,  
"Suck it up Tiny, you'll be as insane as us in no time." he promised, his voice holding such conviction I believed him. Teyla was tapping on keys as I felt the air getting hotter...and hotter, and hotter and hotter and hotter.

Finally I stripped off both jackets,  
"Is it just me or is it getting hotter in here?" Sheppard asked at the same time I did. Teyla nodded,  
"No, the temperature of the ships hull is increasing. Very very quickly." she informed us, a frown pulling her brows together. I swallowed,  
"Oh today just isn't your day is it?" I asked while shooting a look at Sheppard. He rolled his hazel eyes but a small smile played on his lips,  
"You hear that Rodney, any ideas?" he asked. There was silence for a minute and Sheppard quickly called Rodney's name to check he was alright,  
"I'm fine! I'm just thinking, give me a minute!" Rodney snapped back. A few more minutes of tense silence followed and I felt beads of sweat beginning to break out all over my body, I had to start fanning myself with my hand,  
"Come on Rodders, think faster." I muttered, rolling my eyes to the ceiling and blowing out a breathe. Rodney let out a breathe too and I could hear him typing furiously over the radio,  
"Okay, we're orbiting a red giant with hardly any shields...I'm throwing everything we've got into powering the jump generator again Ronon, Sheppard, I need you to get down to engineering and help me transfer the power now!" he said, sounding stressed out. Sheppard motioned for Teyla and me to follow and we all practically ran down the corridors to reach Rodney. By now my hair had been plastered to my face with sweat because it was so hot, and I was beginning to feel nauseous as my stomach twisted again in that horrible knot feeling. Teyla sat at the console, with Sheppard not far behind her as I stood facing them,  
"What should I do Rodney?" Teyla asked, frowning at the controls as she blew a stray strand of hair from her face.

My ears picked up on a small bang back out in the corridor. I was all set to pass it off as a hallucination before I saw Ronon leaving the room to check it out. Deciding Teyla and Sheppard were more than capable of looking after the ship for now, I followed Ronon outside, feeling that same feeling of unease sweeping over me again as I joined him in the corridor. He looked surpsied to see me,  
"You heard it to?" he asked while pulling out his gun. It was different to any I'd ever seen. Nodding slightly, I stepped up beside him and we fell into a comfortable silence, the pair of us looking around the corridor with rigid postures. Our fingers were poised on the triggers of our guns and we were ready to take down anything that came at us. I waited patiently in the intersection and it wasn't too long before we heard it again. Ronon raised an eyebrow slightly before carefully opening the nearest door. There stood an alien, about the same height as Ronon if not a bit taller, looking like a borg from Star Trek or something. He had grey skin and was covered in chunky metal armour. Raising my P-90 I watched as my friend and our enemy clashed together, the alien easily overpowering Ronon, who was struggling to get his arm free when the alien landed ontop of him and went about trying to kill him. My heart leapt up into my throat and I aimed very very carefully, holding my breathe as I fired and wasted a whole magazine on the damn thing. Sucking in a deep breathe I bellowed at the top of my lungs,  
"Sheppard we've got hostiles on board!" The alien was weak enough (while I was reloading at rapid pace) for Ronon to wiggle his arm free. Three blasts of red light from Ronon's gun and it finally went down for the count. I was still standing ready when Sheppard skidded round the corner. Ronon stood and brushed himself off, nodding in appreciation at me as he massaged his throat.  
"What the hell?" Sheppard asked, lifting his own P-90 in anticipation.  
"The fighter that crashed into the hull must have deposited the borg collective on board." I suggested sarcastically.

Sheppard raised an eyebrow,  
"You're a Star Trek fan?" he asked, looking me up and down like _I _was the alien. I raised my eyebrow back at him,  
"Does it matter right now?" I replied, looking him and up and down too to try and make my point but really, it just meant that I got to drag my eyes over his body and wonder what muscle his baggy clothes were hiding. Snapping my eyes up to his gaze I saw that sexy smirk on his face again, and forced those ideas out of my head.  
"Just tryna be friendly." he shot back. I rolled my eyes slightly,  
"How about we kill the rest of the bad guys first, then we can play twenty questions later?" I asked while loading a fresh magazine into my P-90 and turning to the open door. Sheppard, who looked confused, asked,  
"The rest of the bad guys?" As if on cue and just as I suspected, two more alien bad guys walked through the door and started shooting at us. I had already emptied my magazine into one and Ronon's added shots finished him off, then there was a blinding white light as the ship shook. We were jumping again and it momentaily distracted the remaining hostile alien. Sheppard and I took aim and sent a barrage of bullets towards him until he dropped. I suddenly became very very aware of him, there was a heatwave full of static electricity rolling off of him and I couldn't resist flicking my eyes up to his face, from the way he was looking at me I could tell he felt it to. "Those bad guys?" he asked, sounding a little breathless. Now it was my turn to smirk,  
"Those would be the ones Colonel yes." my reply was probably a little sarcastic and snarky but he didn't seem to mind.

Finally, the ship was quiet. Turning on my heel I quickly left and walked back to Teyla.  
"Is everything okay?" she asked, standing and reaching for her gun. I nodded with a small smile on my face,  
"It's okay, we got them." I promised and watched her visibly relax. We stood in companiable silence as slowly, the heat began to fade and I was left feeling cold again. Frowning slightly I said, "I'm going to go back up to the bridge and get my jacket, it's getting chilly again." Teyla nodded and as I left I passed Sheppard and Ronon, but it wasn't long before I heard footsteps coming after me. Turning my head and glancing over my shoulder I saw Ronon and Sheppard catching up to me. We walked in companiable silence until we got to the bridge. I was busy pulling back on my jacket and tieing the other around my waist when I heard Sheppard clear his throat sligtly, looking at me with a disapproving expression,  
"And I thought you were observant. Did you miss something?" he asked, gesturing to the window. Frowning I turned to take a look and my eyes widened, outside was an asteroid field. Taking a few steps towards the window, I placed my fingertips on the cool glass and looked out in awe. It was strangley beautiful, to see them peacefully floating past us, not a care in the world. "Hey Rodney, any idea where we are?" Sheppard asked over the radio. I didn't listen to what Rodney said in reply, just stared out of the window and watched the asteroids pass by. I was so absorbed by the sight, I didn't hear Sheppard calling my name until Ronon clapped my shoulder, "You in there James?" Sheppard asked. I nodded, a small smile playing on my lips,  
"Yes, sorry. I've never seen an asteroid so close up." I said, blushing slightly.

Sheppard nodded,  
"We'll go sightseeing later, Rodney's had an idea. He said he's gonna put the drive in reverse and we're going to jump back through the realities in reverse order. We've got manueveing thrusters so he said he's going to use them so we establish a stable orbit above that red giant and don't cook to death, then I want you back on the railguns again when we get to that reality with the fighters incase he can't get sublight working in time to outrun them." he said. I nodded once, sitting back in the chair I'd sat in before and spinning left and right to pass the time.  
"Did he say how long it would take?" I asked curiously. Sheppard smiled a little but shook his head,  
"No, but he said the jumps will happen quicker now that he boosted the energy." he replied. Nodding slightly I allowed the silence to wash over me and thought about the irony of it all, I'd escaped to another galaxy to boost my chances of survival yet I could be murdered by aliens any time now. Shaking the thoughts from my head I felt the ship shake slightly, maybe ten minutes or so after reaching the bridge, and I threw my arms up to protect my eyes as the blinding white light engulfed us once more. I waited for the shaking to shop and took a deep breath. "Good job none of us get travel sick." Sheppard said, attempting to lighten the mood as I let my arm drop and squinted against the red light we were being bathed in thanks to the red giant.  
"We are in a stable orbit and the hull temperature is only increasing slightly, we will be okay, good work Rodney." Teyla said over the radio. She sounded so relieved and it suddenly occured to me that she was worried more so than anyone about not returning back to Atlantis. She had Torren to look after and being full time on the lead team meant she was in a whole lot of danger often.

The thought made me frown, Torren was a good baby, a sweet and cuddly little thing, but he needed to grow up with his mom around. I on the other hand, had nothing to return to. I had no family left that I knew of and after just upping and leaving without being able to tell them where I had to go and why I doubted severely that the people I'd once called friend would want me back. Well, that was depressing. Ten minutes had passed with only a slight temperature increase, which suited me just fine. Ronon and Sheppard had been talking while I zoned out, however my stomach growled, breaking the silence that had settled peacefully around us. Sheppard and Ronon looked at me and smirked,  
"Hungry Lieutenant?" he asked, his tone mocking. The blood rushed to my cheeks and I swallowed a little before letting out a nervous laugh, rubbing my hand over the back of my neck, god how embarrassing! Did it have to be that loud?  
"Maybe a little." I said with a forced smile. Ronon rolled his eyes,  
"We got another Rodney." he grunted, making me narrow my eyes,  
"Hey, I can go without food for up to three and a half days if needs must, thank you very much." I said getting defensive. I crossed my arms over my chest, defiantly staring into his brown eyes. He blinked back, staring back at me and seeing straight through me it seemed.  
"Talking form experience?" Sheppard asked curiously. I deliberated it for a moment and then nodded, it was just so easy to open up to him!  
"Yes, on tour in Afghanistan. Our team was ambushed and the truck blew up...we were trapped in a firefight with the enemy and our radios had been fried. It took us three days to get to the nearest settlement and radio for help." I said, my voice getting a little quieter towards the end.

Sheppard nodded sympathetically but Ronon remained stoic, clearly not big on the whole emotions things. I'd never told anybody but Rodney that, it was a part of me I didn't often share with anyone yet here I was, telling someone I'd barely known for two weeks. The problem was, I just found it so easy to open up to Sheppard. He was easy to trust, with his light hearted manner...but it was beginning to make me uncomfortable. It was too much to soon for me. I prefered to keep my secrets to myself and didn't let anyone close enough to be in such a position of trust, to be in a position where they could hurt me. Only Rodney was the one that I trusted implicitly. Speaking of Rodney, the ship shook again and I found the blinding white light kicked in as the drive started up. When the shaking stopped again, I looked out the window. The red giant was gone. Instead there was only the inky black expanse of space. Stars speckled the open sky but no asteroids or fighter ships were in sight...there was just nothing. With a frown I looked at Sheppard, "I did count them right didn't I? Shouldn't that alien ship be here?" I asked suspiciously. Sheppard nodded and tapped his earpiece,  
"Teyla, Rodney? What's up with that ship? Has it left?" he asked. Rodney passed the question to Teyla and informed us he had sublight back online, and when Teyla answered, her voice was urgent,  
"They are behind us!" Sheppard quickly returned to the controls and I watched as the stars blurred together He was flying the Daedalus smoothly along as though she were a ship on the ocean. When I checked my console, I saw I was beginning to get targets on my screen. "They've launched more fighters." Teyla confirmed. Sheppard opened his mouth but I didn't give him time to say anything, aiming quickly and firing until one went down. I was a terible shot with the railguns but I took a few down, not however before they hit our engines and we stopped dead in our tracks.

My heart accelerated in my chest as the ship rocked dangerously, but I kept firing until my hand cramped up. I had to stop and massage my hand back into action for a few minutes, all the while the ship was rocking and a few sparks flew behind us as a console blew,  
"James!" Sheppard yelled. I returned to firing the railguns, ignoring the pull in my hand as together, me and Sheppard held off the fighters. Ronon was watching us in anticipation, until I got even more targets on my screen, "Whoa wait, don't shoot the new targets, they're ours, there 302's!" he exclaimed, as I went back to firing on the red targets on my screen. It was a tense five minutes that had my stomach in knots until finally, the fighters were all destroyed. Breathing a sigh of relief I leaned back in the chair,  
"If there's ever a space invaders tournament on Atlantis, I want you on my team." I joked, smiling wearily at Sheppard who grinned back,  
"Nice shooting sister." he teased, layering the American accent on thick. I raised an eyebrow,  
"We don't even look a like." I pointed out. He rolled his eyes a little and opened his mouth to no doubt come back at me with some smart ass retort when a voice came over the radio, it was a voice we all recognised, one that made Sheppard's eyes widen slightly as he stared in shock at the console.  
"Daedalus this is Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard, everything okay there?" I blinked a little,  
"When did you get a doppleganger?" I asked,  
"Tegan?" the alternate Sheppard asked over the radio, sounding thoroughly shocked and perhaps a little hurt, as though my name had somehow caused him pain. The Sheppard from our reality motioned for me to quiet down and cleared his throat a little,  
"This is Daedalus, er, thanks for that Colonel Sheppard." he said, looking uncomfortable as he spoke to himself.

"Who is this?" alternate Sheppard replied. Our Sheppard shifted uncomfortably in the chair and rubbed his hand over the back of his neck, "It doesn't matter. Look we've er..got to go...thanks for the help though. You're a good flyer and an excellent shot...and I'm sure a great leader too...and probably very handsome." he replied impishly as I snorted,  
"And you say Rodney has a big ego?" I whispered with a smirk. Sheppard scowled at me but seemed delighted when alternate him replied with,  
"Well thanks... you too." the ship started shaking again and checking my watch I saw it had been fifteen minutes since our last jump, it was time. Scrunching up my eyes as the blinding light rippled through the ship, I braced my hands against the console. "Okay folks, fall back to the jumper now so when we get to the right reality we can go straight home. I think we've worried them enough don't you?" Sheppard mused, standing up as Ronon started for the door. I fell into step beside them and we walked down the corridors until we met up with Teyla and Rodney, the light banter continued and we were finally safe. Sounds like the ending of a fiarytale huh? Wrong, we were not safe, so not safe. Rodney opened the door to the hanger bay, and a green phaser like shot hit him right in the shoulder. He just about kept his balance as Teyla shoved him out of the way. Adrenaline shot through me and my reaction was as quick as Ronon's, Sheppard was a split second behind me as we opened fire and rained hell on the alien fighter. _Thank god there was only one_ I thought, as I emptied a magazine on him. He was down when I finished reloading, but there was something on his chest as he fell back, lighting up in segments, going around in a circle. My heart was beating ten to the dozen as I connected the dots.

"Fall back! Fall back!" Sheppard yelled as I helped Teyla pull Rodney to his feet and through the door. Sheppard slammed his hand down on the button and the door slid closed. A loud explosion still reached my ears and Sheppard looked around to check all of us out before his eyes landed on Rodney. "You're going to be fine buddy, just hang on, one more jump right?" he tried to cheer him up but Rodney, clutching his arm and breathing hard through his teeth looked up, red in the face and jaw clenched tight,  
"We just lost the jumper!" he ground out looking away as he swore loudly. Walking over to him I patted his uninjuried shoulder and looked up at Sheppard, knowing he was right. There was no way off of this ship when we did jump back to our own reality. We had three minutes to think a solution. Chewing my lip I thought hard before I came up with something, looking at each of them in turn.  
"Once we're back in the right reality then won't Atlantis register the signal on their sensors? We can send a message and they can send another jumper right?" I asked hopefully. Sheppard's eyes brightened and he nodded eagerly,  
"Yeah, yeah! There you go see we're not gonna die!" he said cheerfully. Rodney shook his head and groaned,  
"No, the jumper wouldn't get here in time. Using sublight to outrun those fighters means we're going to reappear furthur away from Atlantis." Feeling disheartened I pursed my lips as I tried to think of something, anything that might help us.  
"I say we blow the thing up when we get there, that way the drives bust and we can't jump anymore, gives the rescue jumper enough time to get here right?" Ronon huffed, Rodney shook his head,  
"NO! If you use c4 on that drive there's a damn good chance you'll rip a hole in the fabric of space-time and possibly destroy a solar system, our solar system, and that is not a good thing!" he argued.

I groaned,  
"Great! You're full of good news aren't you." I grumbled. Sheppard shot me an exasperated look before his expression mellowed back out into that thoughtful frown I'd seen far too much of today, I noticed how the concentration made his hazel eyes duller than usual, however they got this glint in them when he had an idea, and I watched them light up right then.  
"I got an idea, anyone claustrophobic?" he asked while looking around the group with a triumphant smile. Rodney nodded,  
"Not overly so but after a few minutes it gets too much." he said shaking his head. I raised an eyebrow,  
"I locked you in a closet for an hour when we were sixteen and you were fine." I retorted. He rolled his eyes,  
"Yeah because you kept talking to me." he said it like it was obvious and I tried not to feel insulted. Sheppard pinched the bridge of his nose before looking at us again,  
"Great, we'll keep talking to you then, follow me." he said with a quick hand gesutre, and we followed without protest as he lead us to some sort of storage cupboard. Inside this cupboard there were very bulky looking space suits. Rodney groaned but got the drift as Ronon helped him into one, Sheppard suited himself up as Teyla helped me and I helped her until we were both dressed in the suits. It was quite closed in, the helmet was stuffy and hard to breathe in until Teyla activated my oxygen supply and I did hers. It was fresher air though it still felt stuffy to me, but I had to get on with it if I wanted to live. Sheppard lead us back to the hanger bay and opened the door. I expected the temperature to drop as we were sucked out into space, but it didn't, I guessed that the suit locked the heat in. We floated weightlessly for a few minutes in silence, as I took in our surroundings. I was encased in darkness but the stars were speckles of bright silver around me and it was just so beautiful.

I gasped a little and Sheppard chuckled down my ear,  
"Told you we'd go sightseeing later." he teased. I smiled,  
"Definitely worth all the trouble Colonel. Thanks." I replied sincerely, my voice a little wistful. Sheppard's voice sounded confused,  
"For what?" he asked.  
"I've never of seen the stars up close." my reply was simple and short but it made Rodney groan,  
"Would you two stop flirting for gods sake." I gasped a little, feeling my cheeks heating up,  
"We are not flirting!" me and Sheppard snapped defensively in unison. After that we fell silent for a good five minutes, though it felt like hours, until finally we saw a jumper coming into sight. Our radio's crackled and Lorne's voice came over the radio,  
"Colonel Sheppard sir, I hope that's you and your team out there in those suits." Sheppard sighed in relief,  
"Yeah Lorne it's us, don't suppose we could hitch a ride home could we?" he asked. Lorne replied with laughter and manuvered the jumper so he could open the hatch and scoop us up inside, after the door shut and it was safe, we took the suits off again and for a moment, I caught Sheppard's eyes. He smiled and gave me a nod of approval, his way of telling me I'd done good today, and a soft smile graced my own face in return. Rodney walked past and groaned as he collapsed into the chair,  
"So flirting." he grumbled as I rolled my eyes and sat next to him,  
"Let's take a look at that shoulder you, and I suggest you stay quiet because this could be more painful than necessary if you open your mouth again." I threatened.


	7. Chapter 6: Replicators Are Deadly

"Lieutenant James, get your ass down to the armoury now." Sheppards voice was curt and woke me from my sleep with a jolt. Looking through bleary eyes around the room I sat up, propping myself up on my elbow to find that when I moved my hand over the light switch, nothing came on. A black out? _That's unusual, something's not right _I thought. Reaching for my earpiece I hooked it over my ear and tapped it once,  
"Was go-on?" I asked, slurring my words a little as I yawned,  
"Just get to the armoury, I'll explain when you get here." he said curtly, signing off before I could ask anything else. It had been a quiet week, but I'd been plauged with sleepless nights. So consequently I had skipped out on the simple reconissance mission to look for a suitable alpha site today and caught up on some much needed sleep, checking my watch I was thankful it had a glow in the dark face. It was only four o'clock, surely that meant that the lights should be on? Standing up quickly, I shoved my feet into my boots and laced them up, redoing my hair so it was in a ponytail I walked to the door and waved my hand over the panel, my door however didn't budge. Frowning at it I tried again before I tapped my earpiece,  
"Colonel Sheppard, I'm not going anyway sir, the door won't open, I'm stuck in my room." I said, trying not to let him hear the panic I was feeling. I was trapped in my own room, I mean, what the heck was that all about?! I heard Sheppard huff,  
"We'll swing by and pick you up then, hang tight and be ready to leave." he ordered. Sighing, I heard him sign off again and resorted to pacing my room.

It took them fifteen minutes before finally the doors slid open, revealing Sheppard and a few marines I didn't recognise while he thanked Rodney over the radio. Sheppard tossed me a vest that I slipped on and quickly clipped it up, catching the P-90 he tossed my way. I always kept my sidearm on me like most of the military officers did so that was not a problem. "Okay so we have a replicator running round base, have you read anything about them?" he asked. I frowned a little,  
"Erm...sort of robotic lifeforms with the appearance of human bodys, unable to feel emotion and made of nanites right?" I asked. Sheppard nodded once as we walked,  
"Exactly, a group got trapped in subspace or something like that and invaded our computers, almost blew the circuits so Woolsey said they could make bodies for themself so they could ascend...it's really complicated. Either way, one of them is supposedly Doctor Weir and frankly I believe her, but one called Koracen is off and running about. Our job, track him down and kill him, and believe me when I say that they take a hell of a lot of bullets." he said wryly. He looked severely bothered by all of this, his hazel eyes looked troubled and his whole demanour was unusually tense. Doctor Weir had been a former commander of the Atlantis expedition, a thumping good one to from what I'd read since being here. Clearly seeing her again was hurting him. Well it was bound to considering they had mourned her death and it was on a mission he was commanding that she died, and now suddenly here she was again.

I nodded once,  
"Okay, so...why are we in the dark?" I asked. He rolled his eyes at me,  
"Koracen cut the power." he replied simply. I nodded once and Sheppard hesitated ever so slightly before looking at me and flicking his glance to two marines behind me, "Take Brady and Larson to make a trio. You're in charge of that search team." he said. I blinked a little, shock running through me, he wanted me to lead them? "I know you can do this Lieutenant, don't let me down." he said turning and walking away before calling over his shoulder that we were to search the western corridors. Turning I looked at Brady and Larson, who stared back at me stoically,  
"Er...ma'am?" one said awkwardly. I raised an eyebrow,  
"I'm not that old, who's who?" I asked. The big black marine with burly forearms and sparkling brown eyes pointed at himself,  
"I'm Brady, that's Larson." he said, pointing at the smaller and younger white marine beside him with the sea green eyes and a shocking head of curly blonde hair. Guess someone never caught wind of the cropped short military hairstyle. I nodded my head once,  
"Nice to meet you, I'm James. Come on then let's get searching, you know the drill I presume, keep your eyes peeled and keep checking you perimetre, I want nothing sneaking up on us. Oh and stay close to one another." I ordered before we moved down towards the corridors. It was kind of fun really, like an egg hunt only a hell of a lot more dangerous. The dark had never bothered me, the dark mixed with thunderstorms was scary as hell yes but not the dark on it's own.

With our flashlights held infront of us we swept our surroundings thoroughly, there was only one more corridor to check as we walked down it cautiously. Sheppard radioed me for the scheduled check in.  
"How is everything your end Lieutenant?" he asked, voice crisp and tense. I sighed a little,  
"Nothing sir, anyone else seen hyde or hair of him?" I asked. I didn't hear Sheppard's reply, because something ran out infront of our flashlights and made us all stop quickly. "Shh for a second." I said quickly. When I listened I could hear footsteps, and using a few quick hand signals I coordinated us to take off in a formation. I quickly left Larson and Brady behind, slightly infront of my time, "Koracen!" I called out. Rounding the corner I saw the man there. He was dressed in clothing unlike anything I'd ever seen, his movements were slow and calculating, "Sheppard we found him." I said, raising my gun and taking aim, waiting for the order. There was a pause over the radio before Sheppard asked,  
"Where are you?" Larson gave him an exact position as we stood in a line. Koracen just looked at us through emotionless blue eyes that only seemed more glittery thanks to the light of the flashlights. "Okay, we're on our way. If you get the shot take it Lieutenant." Sheppard ordered grimly. I didn't answer, just signed off. Koracen must have heard the order, because he turned on his heel and fled. My reaction was quicker than he anticipated though and I was already firing as I gave the order to take the shot. Our gunfire echoed through the hall but I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach, Sheppard was right when he said they took a lot of bullets to take down. I was reloading when Brady called it,  
"He's on the move!"  
"Follow, we aren't losing him now!" I ordered. I knew what this was, I had slipped into the other me.

This was the hardcore military office that didn't stop, even if she had a bullet in her leg three broken ribs blood pouring form practically every pore in her body and two of her teammates, people under her command at the time lay dead on the floor either side of her. Pushing myself to go faster I lifted my gun and fired as I ran, Brady and Larson copied my movement, flanking me until Koracen knew we had him cornered and turned. We stopped abruptly so as not to run into him and fired once more, every bullet we had. "Aim for the head!" I yelled mercilessly, glaring at Koracen now. I took the time to reload when I heard Brady's yell,  
"Oh shit he's doubling back, he's doubling back!" Lifting my head I quickly finished reloading and fired again,  
"Fall back, back down the corridor go go go!" I made sure they were clear as I half jogged backwards to make sure they were covered. When I heard their cover fire, I turned and sprinted for the cover of the corner wall with my heart racing and adrenaline pumping. I wasn't fast enough though, and a startled cry escaped my lips as a hard body smacked into mine and tackled me to the floor. Rolling quickly to the left I tried to lift my gun but I couldn't do it in time. Koracen knocked the gun from my hand and it went flying from my hand, while his fist came flying at my face. He was faster and stronger and wasn't going to tire anytime soon,so I needed to get up off of the floor. Swinging my legs around I swept his from under him and jackknifed to my feet, Brady and Larson weren't daring to fire anymore incase they hit me but I could see they looked pale, they didn't expect me to live through this. I felt a foot hit my back hard, knocking the wind out of me and knocking me to the floor. I went down hard, gasping for air as my heart leapt into my throat.

This could be it for me, I realised, but I'd be damned if I went down without a fight. Gritting my teeth I tried to push myself up, but Koracen's fist struck my head hard and sent me toppling back down to the floor, where my head smacked off of...whatever the floor was made of. I was seeing stars by this point, blood dripping from my nose as my body was rolled roughly by a boot. Koracen lifted me up by the collar of my shirt and looked at me with cold eyes,  
"You would kill me without hesitation, without regret." he said it callously, as if I was the monster. Breathing hard I glared defiantly up at him,  
"Actually, yes I would." I gasped when his fist came down hard on my head, once, twice. _God he's crushing my skull_ I thought as black spots swarmed the edges of my vision. But I wasn't going down yet, my body was ready to give up but Koracen was heading for Brady and Larson next, and I couldn't have that. Rolling onto my front I crawled slowly across the floor, praying I'd make it in time. My fingers closed around the cold metal handle of the gun and I dragged myself to my knees, using the wall to steady myself as a severe dizzy spell struck, I focused my aim on the back of his head, my finger poised over the trigger as Sheppard and his team rounded the corner, "Hey arsehole." I called, hating how shaky my voice sounded. Koracen turned and looked at me with a stoic expression. "I told you I would." I said. Gritting my teeth I pulled the trigger, and sent a bullet right through his nanite head. Silver nanites sprayed the floor behind him and he crumpled to the floor, not destroyed but severely disabled at least. I could barely see straight as Sheppard, Brady and Larson ran forward. But it was too late for me and the dizziness was overwhelming. My face and hair wet with blood I pitched forward and landed in blisfully painless darkness.

John's Point Of View:

She collapsed to the floor right infront of us after putting a bullet through the back of Koracen's head. I was one of the first at her side, if you didn't count Brady and Larson who were watching her worriedly. Her face was bloody thanks to the oozing cut in her hairline and above her eyebrow, and her cheek already swelling. She was going to have one hell of a black eye after this was over and she wasn't concious anymore. Larson had already dropped to his knees and was feeling for a pulse as me and Brady knelt beside him,behind me I could hear Teyla giving orders and people shifting Koracen out of the corridor with some of the nanites that had blown from his skull.  
"It's a weak pulse sir she needs the infirmary now." Larson said, his brow creasing gently. I nodded once and pushed my arms under her legs and back, pulling her up to my chest I left Larson and Brady to clean up the rest as I walked swiftly back down the corridor. Lorne's team were just retreating but I quickly over took them and carried on to the infirmary, Tegan was completely limp in my arms with her right arm hanging in mid-air as I carried her. Her head was lolling on my shoulder and some blood was beginning to seep through onto my vest. A knot of worry was forming in my stomach, twisting and tightening with every step as her face paled. She wasn't too warm either and I was worried we were losing her, it wouldn't be the first case I'd heard of where someone had been beaten to death, it was remarkable she had managed to hold on long enough in order to shoot Koracen.

Walking in to the infirmary I called for Keller,  
"Doc! Doc I need your help here! It's James, she had the crap beat out of her by that replicator, her pulse is pretty weak." I said quickly. Keller's eyes widened upon seeing the state she was in before directing me to a bed and calling for one of the nurses to help her, before she started rushing around and snapping rubber gloves on as she called out orders. It was all the usual things like set up a drip, fifty miligrams of so and so, prepare for a blood transfusion...hang on a blood transfusion? Deciding to wait until after she'd saved the young Lieutenant's life to question that I stood in the background, waiting impatiently and trying not get in the way. What was so intriguing about this woman? Why did I feel like I needed to know her, everything about her and the secrests she was hiding? She said that she was hiding in Pegasus essentially, she hadn't planned on staying at first, she said someone was going to try and murder her. Who? Why? Could we help? Fifteen minutes passed and I shifted my weight so it was more comfortable for me to stand. Tegan was now hooked up to an IV drip, a blood transfusion was busy piping the red liquid through a tube into her right arm and her face and neck had been cleaned of blood. Her usual tan complexion was ashen and pale though, making her dark brows stand out on her face. Keller came over to stand by me and gestured to the bedside,  
"She won't break if you move closer you know." she sounded slightly amused and I cleared my throat, awkwardly. Feeling a little stupid I did step closer, frowning down at the pale woman infront of me that had captured my attention. Whether that was a good or bad thing I didn't really know, however I felt as if a part of me was drawn to her, needed to know her and be around her. She was closed off and didn't like revealing herself to the world, but I wanted to be the one who could open her up, to be the one that she could trust with all her secrets until my insatiable thirst for knowledge was quenched.

God I sounded pathetic didn't I? "Well I patched her up as best I could but that was one hell of a beating she took. She's going to have a black eye, that's for sure, and her cheek bones fractured. Quote frankly she's lucky her nose isn't broken but she lost a lot of blood from various cuts on her head, hence the transfusion. Head wounds always bleed pretty badly though, so it seemed a little worse than it was. She'll be back on duty in maybe three or four days but until then she's going to need a lot of rest." Keller said, shaking her head slightly. The lights came on then and a team of nurses began moving around the torches that had been lighting the place up. My earpiece crackled and Teyla's voice came through.  
"Colonel Sheppard, Elizabeth has disabled Koracen for us. We are meeting in Mr Woolsey's office now to discuss how to proceed, can you join us?" Can, she asked. Can you join us rather than we'll be waiting for you to join us. She knew I was in the infirmary with Tegan and she knew I wouldn't leave until I knew she was going to make a full recovery, Tegan was part of our team now and it was just one of the things I did to try and look after them. Tapping my earpiece I replied,  
"Okay I'm on my way now."  
"Will Tegan be okay?" Teyla replied immediately, and stupidly I nodded before realising she couldn't see me.  
"Yeah, the Doc says she'll make a full recovery." I assured her. Teyla said something that sounded like good and signed off as I took one last look at Tegan and left, promising myself I'd stay away from a woman who made me far to curious for my own good. Somehow, I really thought that was a pie crust promise.

Tegan's Point of View:  
The blackness was comforting, like I was enevloped in a giant cushion pressing in on me from all sides. Above me was the surface, but I was trapped in a cushion of darkness and it wouldn't let me pull my way to the top. _Maybe it would be better _I thought, _Maybe it would be better to just give up_. To just stay in this comfotable blackness forever, no health problems or sleepless nights, no voices telling me what to do or that I was yet again in danger, no one to distract me or taunt me or try to make me open up to them...it sounded blissful. I would have to worry about no one but me and I would never have to wake up again. But Rodney...My heart twisted painfully, I couldn't leave Rodney behind. He knew everything about my past, from the murder to the life threatening circumtances right now. Murdale wouldn't Have come back for me if I was dead though...Teyla's face flashed through my mind next. We'd been getting closer, sparring sometimes together and I was beginning to trust her, her and Sheppard too. John Sheppard, with his touseled hair and all seeing hazel eyes. How could I leave him behind? I had trusted him with things only Rodney knew, he made it so easy to open up to him and yet I barely knew him. It was disturbing how I could trust a stranger so easily, yet something about him drew me to him. Maybe it was the quick wit he possessed or the way that he promised confidentiality if you needed to confide in him. He was a man with secrets himself, that was clear. He wasn't open about his personal life and hated talking about emotions, the one thing we had in common. How could I leave behind the people I was beginning to call friend? The only real friends I'd ever really had if I was being brutally honest. The blackness seemed to loosen around me, allowing me to float a little higher toward the surface. I was so close, almost back in the land of the living, back to my painfully annoying existence, though it was admittedly becoming more bearable with my new friends about.

I made the decision right then, I was going to let them in. I was going to trust Teyla, Ronon and Sheppard, I was going to make friends, proper friends that is and live a more open life. Emotions were still an icky subject but I was going to try and make proper friends that I could trust and confide in. The blackness just completely let me go then, letting me rise to the surface until I regained my senses. My nose was burned by the smell of antiseptic and latex, I could taste it on my tounge and it was bitter in my dry mouth as I tried to swallow. A gentle finger pried back my eyelid and a blinding light entered my iris. I flinched, twisting my head to get away from it and groaning, blinking to get the little spots out of my left eye.  
"Ah, there she is, welcome back Lieutenant. How are you feeling?" asked a familiar, kind, feminine voice. Blinking a little I looked up to see Doctor Keller smiling down at me, as she checked me over I opened my mouth to say something but my voice came out scratchy and croaky.  
"A..chey...ugh." Keller smiled a little, helping me sit up and passing me an open bottle of water. My hand was shaky but I took it and gulped the cool liquid down. God my face hurt, it felt swollen to. Actually my right eye was swollen so I was squinting through it, and god my cheek was throbbing. "God I feel...terrible." I whispered, shielding my eyes from the light. Keller laughed a little,  
"You took the beating from hell, you're going to feel terrible for a while." she replied while smiling slightly. That was when I noticed that Rodney, Ronon, Sheppard and Teyla were all in the room watching me. Rodney looked relieved I'd woken up, as did Sheppard. Teyla and Ronon were talking quietly to one another in the corner, but when she saw me she smiled graciously and they stepped over. My whole team was soon crowding around the bed.

"Well, as far as I can see you're fine for now. We'll keep you overnight just so you rest up and release you tomorrow. I'll leave you to it and order some lunch, sound good?" she asked. I nodded a little,  
"Thank you Doctor Keller...er..." she raised an eyebrow at my pause and I blushed a little. "Can I have the strawberry jelly please?" I asked sheepishly. She snorted but nodded,  
"Alright, strawberry jello coming up." she promised. When I turned around Sheppard and Rodney were smirking. Ronon and Teyla looked a little confused and I guessed this was their source of amusement,  
"What is the difference between the jello in the mess hall and this jelly you want?" Teyla asked curiously, Sheppard chuckled,  
"Just the way the British say it Teyla. The majority of us here are American so we call it jello, however if your British you call it jelly." he said, gesturing to me on the word British. I rolled my eyes a little,  
"Yes yes lets all mock my nationality, hillarious." I grumbled. Sheppard smirked at me in reply and shrugged innocently,  
"Well I'm sure we can get Keller to find you a crumpet if you're that proud." he teased.

With a huff that made my cheek ache I crossed my arms over my chest,  
"Says the man who probably wanted to move to Los Angeles and become a famous actor when he was twelve." I replied with a smile, grinning caused too much pain. Sheppard opened his mouth to say something but shook his head,  
"You win I can't think of anymore." he muttered, crossing his arms over his chest and looking dissappointed, scuffing his boot off the floor like a child. A small laugh escaped my lips, I had enjoyed the friendly banter. That's when a sudden thought struck me,  
"What happened to Koracen?" I asked. Rodney cleared his throat,  
"Elizabeth made a plan with us, we sent them through a space gate and froze them somewhere remote enough that they'll never be reactivated again. All of them are gone." he said, watching as Keller bought my lunch over and put it on my lap. I quickly thanked her and watched as she gave Rodney a pot of blue jelly (hey my roots will always be British what can I say), with a shared glance and smile that meant only one thing. "Oh yeah and Elizabeth got him back for you, she deactivated his nanites." he added, shovelling the jelly into his mouth. I nodded a little, a thoughtful frown on my face.  
"Good to see your okay Tiny, I gotta go meet some marines for sparring lessons." Ronon grunted, lifting his hand in a wave and leaving.  
"Try not to break too many, Keller won't thank you!" Sheppard called after him as Teyla bowed her head,  
"And I must see to Torren, my free hour is almost up." she said. I nodded sadly,  
"Okay, thank you for coming." I said with a smile as she turned and left, leaving me with Sheppard and Rodney.  
"You pair are so flirting." Rodney snorted, swallowing more jello down.

The statement made me choke on my sandwhich and, eyes watering, I had to swallow a lot of water down and have Sheppard hit my back hard.  
"We are not!" me and Sheppard protested in unison. Even if I had to choke the words out. Giving him a nod of appreciation, me and Sheppard glared defiantly at the scentist who smirked,  
"Look at you both, you could be twins." he teased,  
"Rodney." Sheppard growled.  
"How about you and Keller?" I shot back. Rodney's smile faltered and he swallowed, not meeting my eyes as he replied,  
"Nothing there, we're just friends." Sheppard smirked a little as I giggled,  
"Oh yes so spontaneously getting you your favourite colour jelly and that smile when she gave it to you was nothing. Not to mention the glance you shared and the oh so romantic touch of her hand on yours as she pulled away. Right, nothing." Sheppard chuckled,  
"You are cruel." he said looking at me with a grin. I smiled and shrugged a shoulder self depreciatingly,  
"I prefer the term observant." I replied modestly. As I took another bite of my sandwhich, Rodney scowled at me,  
"Oh yeah? Well the glances you two keep sneaking at each other, how'd you explain that?" he came back smugly with a triumphant grin. I blinked at him unable to come up with anything, but thankfully Sheppard stepped in,  
"She just had the crap beat out of her by a replicator, I keep looking at her to make sure she doesn't start deteriorating." he replied cooly. Rodney raised a brow, triumphant smirk growing bigger.

"Jennifer said she's going to be fine." he countered. Sheppard shrugged,  
"She's a member of my team, I look out for my team. And you just called the Doc Jennifer." he pointed out.  
"It's her name." Rodney shot back,  
"But we all use Doc or Keller, you're on first name basis." Sheppard retaliated with a gleam in his eye that was almost daring Rodney to challenge him. Rodney scowled at the ground,  
"Yeah well, Captain Kirk always falls for the beautiful women." he muttered under his breathe. I smiled a little,  
"Oh Rodney, that's true friendship right there, I look like shit and you're telling me I'm beautiful." I said teasingly. he smirked,  
"I was talking about Jennifer." he replied tauntingly. Sheppard rolled his eyes,  
"So you admit you think the Doc's beautiful? Thought so, and no offense but James here isn't really my type." he replied casually. Ouch, okay I had to admit that stung a little. I had no clue why because I knew there was no way in hell he'd ever be interested in me. Unless I wanted him to be interested in me? Was that the case?

I didn't know but I swallowed the unexpected hurt that run through me and didn't let it show on my face. Rodney huffed and left with a quick 'I'll check on you later', which left me alone with Sheppard, who looked at me and nodded a little, "Good to see you're going to be okay Tegan, I have to go do some paperwork so I'll see you later." he said, lifting a hand in farewell and walking to the door with that authoritive stride only he could manage. He paused at the door, his hand on the frame, and looked back over his shoulder with a frown. "He's right you know, you don't look that bad all things considered..." he trailed off before dissappearing from sight. Didn't look that bad? Was that a compliment? Settling back into my pillows I finished my lunch with a small smile on my face. If I didn't look that bad by Sheppard's standards after I'd been severely beaten, then I must have been doing something right with myself over the years. _Huh, compliments from Sheppard, I could get used to that_ I thought.I could really get used to that.


	8. Chapter 7: Water Water Everywhere

John's Point Of View:

Keller had released Tegan just three days after Koracen had put her in the infirmary. I'd asked Woolsey to put the team on light duty for a week after to give her some time to get back on her feet, but she was suprisingly quick to bounce back after the beating from hell. By the end of the week she was training hard again and back in shape like nothing had ever happened, so Woolsey quickly put us back to normal duty once more. It was now a full two weeks since anything bad had happened on Atlantis (which had to be a record) and I was in the mess hall grabbing lunch with Ronon. The mess hall seemed to be a favourite meeting place for our team, when there was nowhere to go, we went here. Teyla and Kanaan often sat with us with little Torren, man that little guy was cute and he was best friends with Tegan. She'd grown more comfortable around him and now they were thick as thieves, which means that not only had she taught him how to irritate me but she laughed and didn't bother to stop him when he did. Though how she knew that having a little finger poking my cheek repeatedly would irritate me was beyond me...sense the sarcasm.

Ronon was just fnished scarfing down his sandwhich when the city wide speakers sprung to life,  
"Would Colonel Sheppard and his team please report to the armoury." Ah, good old Chuck, you could always count on him to keep you updated. Ronon huffed, looking at his uneaten jello with such irritation in his eyes it made me chuckle,  
"Easy Chewie, you can bring it with you." I promised him as I stood up. My chair made that horrible metallic screech as it scraped back across the floor, and I involuntarily cringed. When we got to the armoury we found Teyla and Tegan were already there, speaking quietly to one another with Tegan making hand gestures as they laughed. Rodney stood off to the side, looking miffed, and I assumed the conversation was about him. Woolsey walked in a few seconds after me and Ronon had and looked at each of us in turn.  
"Thank you all for coming. Doctor Nichols and his team were exploring M44-5YN, and they're now an hour and fifteen minutes late and aren't responding to radio calls. I'd like you to go and see what's wrong and bring our people home." Woolsey ordered with his face set in it's usual permenant grimace. Within minutes we had geared up and stepped through the gate. I had to admit the landscape we were met with was a little depressing.

The land was barren, nothing more than a dusty desert stretching almost as far as the eye could see. The gate itself was in a bowl, with mountains surrounding us on every side. By now the sky was dark, and I realised that here it was night time and the sky was speckled with bright stars. Frowning slightly, I watched as something kicked up the dust on the horizon.  
"I thought there was a village here?" Rodney asked, sounding suprised. Squinting my eyes I tried to make out what that thing was, watching it rolling towards us. Rodney was rambling again and I shushed him quickly, kneeling down and pressing a palm to the floor where I could feel vibrations coming from the ground. My frown deepened. Was this an earthquake? Straightening up I frowned, whatever that thing was on the horizon was coming faster now. I could hear a faint rumbling approaching with it and an uneasy feeling settled in the pit of my stomach.  
"Sheppard that's water!" Tegan sounded anxious as I stared wide eyed at the moving thing. The vibrations under my feet were getting stronger, the rumbling sound was growing louder and turning into more of a crashing noise, the whole bowl of barren land we were standing in was filling up with whatever it was and I watched as the thing tossed and turned, it was then that I noticed the spray kicking up from it and realised that Tegan was right.  
"Stay close to the gate, I'm dialling home." I ordered, running to the DHD as my heart began to pick up it's pace.

The huge body of water was closing in on us fast and before I could reach the DHD it had knocked me to the floor, sweeping my legs from under me and soaking me from head to toe as I toppled forward. Gripping the DHD tightly I punched in our address as quick as my hands would let me, but the force of the water against my legs was making it hard to stand. There was a loud yell as my team cried out and I saw them desperately clinging to the edge of the gate and holding onto each other. The wormhole spat out and then settled into the familiar puddle, "Don't send the IDC!" I hollered while spluttering and spitting out water, it was salty. This was sea water. The water was rising fast, it had flooded in and obscured the floor from view and was up to my waist now. The DHD was slick and wet and I was struggling to hold on, the current was moving to fast! My hair was dripping, my clothes were sticking to me and my boots were heavy and completely full of the salty sea water. My heart was racing in my chest, the adrenaline surging around my body as I jolted to the left when the water hit me again. The waves crashed over me and sucked me under, my feet had long since left the floor and I couldn't hold onto the DHD any longer. I was flung sideways and pulled under, managing to inhale raggedly just before I ducked under the surface. The current was strong and flipped me head over heels, smacking me into something hard so my air left me in a rush of bubbles. My eyes stung as they shot open and the salty water invaded them, the throb in my back was killing me and with the water pressing against my body and chest my energy was fading fast, but I had to get to the surface, I had to make sure my team got out of here.

My hands hit the solid thing behind me and I realised it was the gate, and looking up I could see the surface shimmering above me. I pushed myself up, using the gate to climb up higher and high, but now my lungs were burning with the need for oxygen as I inched my way up to the surface and I began to panic I wouldn't have the energy left to make it. Were my team okay? The thought that they weren't, that they might not have made it cut through me like a knife, and I threw myself heartily into my task. I was so close to the top, so so close but I wasn't sure how much longer I could carry on. Black dots were beginning to cloud my vision and I was starting to sink again, I couldn't keep myself up and I realised this was it. I was going to die. I was going to die and my team...I couldn't bring myself to think about that. Then suddenly I was rising again, my body felt weightless, like air was lifting my limbs as I floated to the surface. No, no I wasn't floating, I was moving to fast for that. I broke the surface and took in a desperate gasp for air. My lungs were on fire and each breathe was agonising, like swallowing thorns, but I forced myelf to drag air into my lungs, coughing and spluttering as I did so. My ears were ringing as my vision slowly cleared,  
"Sheppard! Sheppard! John! Can you hear me! John!" someone was desperately calling my name. God my eyes were stinging. My body was so tired and I could feel it being dragged roughly up the gate. Then it was resting against something soft and wet and I zoned in and out of it for a while, knowing I wasn't in danger of drowning again anytime soon. Trying to steady my breathing made me cough, and I leaned heavily to the side while my stomach churned, knowing this wouldn't end well. Somebody held me tightly so I didn't fall as I heaved up my lunch, the acid burning my throat but getting of the salt water in my stomach at least.

"Easy Sheppard, easy I got you." Groaning, I lifted my head to see Tegan looking over me, her eyes were soft, concerned. She was the one holding me up. Her hair was plastered to her face and her lips were blue, I could feel her shivering a little, "Rodney, tell them we need a medical team when we get back." she said without moving her eyes from me. Her teeth were chattering but she still managed to smile slightly as she pushed some of my own sodden hair from my head, "Loving the wet look." she quipped and gently pushed me into a sitting position. Rolling my eyes slightly I murmered a quick thank you and straddled the top of the gate. There was water all around us, it had filled the bowl up now. The sky was dark above us and the gate was completely covered by water, except for the top which was where we were sitting and thankfully didn't seem to be in danger of going under anytime soon . We were all okay it appeared, even if we were all shivering and Rodney was clasping his hands and blowing on them in an attempt to warm up, but he did tend to over dramatise things. Teyla and Ronon were watching me worriedly, waiting to see what I would do next. Touching my hand to my earpiece I swallowed, god the acid in my throat still tasted horrible.  
"Atlantis this is Colonel Sheppard. Do not take down the shield, repeat do not take down the shield. There's water flooding the gate right up to the top, if you drop that shield you'll flood Atlantis."my voice was raspy but they understood at least.

Woolsey sighed slightly but replied within seconds,  
"We'll wait the thirty eight minutes for the gate to shut down and then I'll send a jumper to pick you up." Nodding slightly I cut my ear piece off and heard Rodney groan. With a sigh I realised we were in for his usual we're all going to die rant.  
"I bet Doctor Nichols's teams dead. This planet, it's suffering from the effects of global warming, all the low lying lands flooded." he informed us, shivering violently. We were all going to get hypothermia at this rate, that much was certain. Speaking of shivering, Tegan almost fell off of the gate she shivered so hard. Wrapping my arm securely around her shoulders I pulled her close, feeling a jolt of electricity run through my side.  
"Lovely Rodney now everyone huddle up, this is going to get cold. Tegan get infront of me." I ordered. Ronon and Teyla moved to do as I said and slowly Tegan did to, looking back at me curiously. Trying my best to remain nochalant I pulled her back between my legs so she was against my chest.  
"I really don't think that-" she started, but I cut her off.  
"No, we both need the body warmth, now's not the time to be modest Lieutenant." Honestly, I'd been hoping calling her Lieutenant instead of just Tegan would make it less awkward. It really didn't.

It kept us warm at least, as we sat for thirty-eight minutes in the freezing cold ontop of the gate. The water had receeded slightly but not by much. When the jumper finally came through, Keller was waiting in the back with the rest of Lorne's team with thermal blankets. Rodney practically collapsed into his and Tegan rolled her eyes,  
"R-Rodney y-y-your and i-idiot." she stammered out, shaking her head and drawing her own blanket closer around her. Rodney rolled his eyes slightly and Tegan dropped her head onto his shoulder, looking exhausted as I settled down across from them to watch Coughlin pull up Teyla, who was wrapped in a cocoon of thermal blanket by Keller the minute she was on board. Tegan let out a gasp and I looked back at her immediately, worried something had gone wrong. "Rodney y-your burning u-up!" she exclaimed, her teeth still chattering and breaking up the words. Keller's head whipped around and she was quickly checking him over as they hauled Ronon in too. Closing up the back of the jumper Lorne took us higher, beginning to fly in a wide arc to double back to the gate and take us home. Keller looked utterly shocked as she looked up and called to Lorne,  
"Get us back as soon as you can, he needs the infirmary stat." Tegan was looking utterly drained. Sniffing slightly, she wiped a droplet of water from her nose that had dropped from her hair.


	9. Chapter 8: Do You Remember

Tegan's Point Of View:

Breathing was difficult, especially when your chest was constricted, your heart being squeezed like it's in a vice because of the pain you feel. Now I'm not one to cry, I pride myself on staying strong and the fact I haven't cried since I was fourteen made me oddly proud. Not since their death. A hiccup caught in my throat, the tears were hot behind my eyes but I refused to let them spill, I would not cry. Rodney, my Rodney, was leaving me. As stupid as it sounds, I felt like he'd failed me. He'd broken a promise. It wasn't his fault though, and that made the guilt churn in my stomach like a snake writhing in battery acid. After seeing Jeannie, or as I called her Jean, go in to see Rodney I had had to leave, because the weight of grief on my chest was threatening to crush me and I didn't want anyone to see as I fell apart. I was too stubbornly proud for that, which is why I was currently hurrying through the corridors and ignoring the strange looks I was getting as I barrelled through the crowds to get to my room, where I locked my door and threw myself face down on my bed. Then, I let go of the tight hold I had on my emotions, and like a complete baby I burst into tears. Loud sobs broke free from my throat, sounding strangled and foreign to my ears. My body shook uncontrollably and my eyes were pouring out a bucket load of tears, but still the pain I felt wouldn't go away. It felt like it was taunting me, the more I cried the more it hurt. The more it hurt, the more it sunk in that I really was loosing Rodney.

I was sixteen and sitting on a park bench somewhere in Canada. My eyes were sore but I couldn't stop crying, my heart hurt too bad and I felt myself slipping back into an old shell that I had thought I had long since abandoned. It was cold today, and the thin black cardigan I wore over my black dress did little to keep me warm. The goosebumps had risen on my arms, so high that they looked like mountains to me. Autumn had come, the leaves had been turned stunning shades of orange, brown and yellow. Some had fallen off of the trees in the park and onto the grass to make a carpet of rotting foliage but some still clung to the trees. Sobbing quietly into my shaking hands I heard the crunching of leaves, and the bench creaked as someone sat beside me. Looking up, I saw a gangly boy with a mop of brown hair on his head and braces on his teeth that were almost ready to come off. His blue eyes were full of sorrow and sympathy, he had been at the funeral too, standing beside me in his black suit and tie. Seventeen year old Rodney Mckay shrugged out of his suit jacket and placed it around my shoulders, before pulling me into his side where he promptly wrapped an arm around my shoulders. My head dropped onto his shoulder and I cried in the one place I felt safe now, the one place I had left in a huge, lonely world.  
"It's okay Tea...It's okay." he whispered. Shaking my head I cried,  
"It's not! It's not! T-they want to p-put me in a f-foster home Rodney!"  
"No they're not, my mom won't let them... I won't leave you Tegan, I'm going to be by your side, I promise. I swear to you Tegan, I'll always be here if you need me." he vowed quietly. Looking up at him I saw the intense sincerity in his eyes. This was the boy that had befriended me when nobody else had wanted to, my first friend after moving to Canada. This was the boy who had tutored me through my exams, and the only friend I had that had come with me today, to my grandmother's funeral. Rodney was the boy who was promising never to leave, Rodney was the one person I trusted with my life.

"Tegan." Whipping my head around I wiped furiously at my eyes, not looking at whoever was in my room.  
"Don't you ever knock!" I yelled angrily, well, I tried too at least. My voice came out shaky and weak, barely more than a whisper. My bed sank as someone sat beside me and I buried my head in my arms to try and avoid whoever it was.  
"I did, you just didn't answer and I could hear your crying so don't pretend your not. I used my emergency override to let myself in." the voice was calm and I knew exactly who it was thanks to the intoxicating, tangy scent of their aftershave, that and they naturally smelled like apples as always.  
"Go away Sheppard." my voice was muffled by the pillow but I was sure he had heard it. I was also sure he'd shook his head defiantly because he hadn't moved from beside my bed.  
"Not until you let me in. You need to talk to someone Tegan, your killing yourself here." he said softly. He was right, I knew he was right, but I was too stubborn to agree and give in. Pushing myself up into a sitting position I curled my knees up to my chest and looked at a fixed point in the wall across the room from him. His touseled black hair was shimmering in the light, his face was a little paler than usual and I knew that the whole of the team was being affected by this and not just me. God, I should be helping them! Yet here I am, selfishly sitting here like a wimp and crying over something I can't change. That snake of guilt writhed again in my gut.

We sat in silence for a while before Sheppard finally lost his cool. Standing suddenly, he started to pace infront of me, running a hand through his hair and making it stick up in all directions, his eyes were frustrated. Turning on his heel he looked at me accusingly, arms crossed over his chest as I rose to my feet and stubbornly stood infornt of him, wiping my eyes furiously to try and stem my tears."Tegan you need to talk to me, I can't help if I don't know." his voice was soft, soft but demanding. But he was demanding something I didn't want to give him, it was too personal. Biting my lip I looked away, turning my body half away from him so he couldn't see the way my hands were trembling.  
"I can't tell you." I whispered.  
"Why?" he shot back. _Good question Sheppard_ I thought sarcastically. The other part of my brain was scolding me though, he was trying to help, John Sheppard was trying to be a caring friend. **_You promised him _**a sneering little voice in the back of my head said, **_You promised Rodney you'd try and make friends, you promised yourself you would too, starting with John and his team. Not living up to that promise very well are you? _**God I really was a failure wasn't I? So selfish... "Why Tegan?" John demanded again but his voice was still soft, not pushing me too far.  
"Because it's..it's too...it's not me..." my voice was shaky, my stubborn resolve wavering, he was breaking through my walls and I'd only known him what? A month, two months? Swallowing hard I tried to block off my emotions, stop myself crying so I could face the problems lieing infront of me. But it didn't work, they just kept coming and Sheppard's hand gripping my arm lightly and spinning me to face him didn't help, neither did his soft hazel eyes that looked oh so concerned.

Dammit! Why did he have to look so damn attractive!  
"You're trying to stay strong for everyone else but you're forgetting that you need a moment of weakness too. You can't be strong all of the time. Especially not at a time like this with the problems we're facing, but you need to remember that we're a team Tegan...you, me, Teyla, Ronon and Rodney, you're not going through this alone. We look after each other, please let me look after you. Tell me how to help." he coaxed gently. Pain flared in my chest and I shook my head viciously, yanking my arm away and glaring up at him through watery eyes. Why did my heart have to hurt so bad? I was acting like an emotional teenager for crying out loud!  
"You can't help! No one can help because they can't come back! They're dead okay! They're dead and not here when I need them and I should be dead too!" I was almost screaming at him but his expression never wavered. His face remained calm, his eyes still concerned and as I dropped to the floor, unable to stand any longer, he dropped with me. Collapsing sideways into more hysterical sobs I felt my head hit his chest. Sheppard stiffened, but slowly wrapped an arm around my shoulders and held me to him.  
"Who's dead? I'm here Tegan, talk to me." he muttered. Sniffling slightly I took a few deep calming breathes, not looking up at him I just let myself lean against him. I felt utterly exhausted while I recounted everything that had happened that night in vivid detail.

"Would you stop fussing Tegan, you look beautiful baby girl." my mom kissed my temple and put her hands on my shoulders, squeezing gently. I sighed and looked at the reflection of a girl that really wasn't me. The dark blue dress hugged her figure yet flowed out from her hips, the silky material reflecting the light and glittering when I moved. My face was done in a light coat of make up, making my grey eyes pop out and my lips shimmer light pink. My hair was twisted into an elegant bun at the back of my head. My mom looked pretty similar, only her dress was a floor length, curve hugging black one. Her light brown hair was pinned up on her head in a half bun half ponytail style. Her face was made up too and she looked a lot more elegant than me. Pulling something out of the drawer, she pulled it around my neck, a gold chain with a white gold pendant. It must have cost a lot because on the back there was an engraving, **All our love always.** "Come on Tea, I know you're not one for fancy charity gala's and balls but it has to be done. Tomorrow morning we're heading back to England. When you get older, you'll realise that your farther needed all of these parties to be a better buisness man, and sometimes...buisness has to come first." she said firmly, but her tone was still gentle and begging me to understand as she walked to the door of the fancy five star hotel room. "I expect to see you down there in five minutes...at least put the blue ones on so they match your dress." she said with a smile and I laughed lightly. She knew exactly what I was going to do. By the time I stepped out, the make up was off of my face, my hair was in it's usual sleek ponytail and the silver heels I'd been wearing were lieing in the corner after being replaced by my converse.

Walking down the stairs, I entered the ballroom that had been booked out for this event. My dad was...a rather important man. He was the ambassador for England, I didn't know what he was ambassador for because it was highly classified (

I later found out it was the stargate programme), _but that meant he had to come to these stupid politician parties. He'd missed my birthday last month because of it. The ball room was huge. A chandelier hung from the ceiling, a small violin group were playing quietly in the corner, to the left of the big mahogony doors. The room had tables down the left and right sides holding a buffet with every kind of food imaginable, and the floor was a pristine red carpet that looked as though it had been thoroughly washed before it had been laid down. Men were dressed in suits, women were clad in expensive dresses and looked at me with disgust as I passed, but I ignored there looks. Security was posted all over the place but one guard in particular, one who went with me and my mom pratically everywhere that I called Unlcle Barry, caught my eye. I watched my mom turn and spot me, giving me a small motion with her hand which meant mingle and I sighed. The room was uncomfortably warm and I could remember the distinct smell of sweat coming from the many different bodies in the room, mixing with the fancy perfumes and aftershaves that people had tried to cover it up with to create a pretty lethal scent. Elbowing my way through the crowd, I made my way to the edge of the room and stood anti-socially in the corner for a while. Uncle Barry stood beside me, twice my size and twice as burly. We had a good laugh really, playing rock paper scissors and telling a few bad jokes. He wasn't a guard but a friend. Being shipped around the world so my dad could make good press as a family man got pretty boring, but Uncle Barry came with me and made it all bearable with funny faces behind boring people's backs and rude finger gestures to people who offended me. Suddenly, a gun shot shattered the peaceful atmosphere and everyone dropped to the floor. _

My back was against the wall and although I was crouching I could see the body on the floor from here. In a black tuxedo and red bow tie the crumpled figure already had a pool of bright red blood staining the carpet around him. He was unceremoniously splayed like a rag doll, arms and legs twisted at strange angles from the fall to the ground. Half of his face had been blown off by the shot, and blood covered most of his neck and chest, but his hair had been brown and in a neat combover before. The only side of his face still in tact (the right side) was mangled in a sort of permenant grimace, and his blue eyes stared out glassily, almost directly at me. The scream ripped from my throat and I shot to my feet, Barry mimicking the movement and holding me back as I struggled to reach my farthers body. My mother heard my scream and ran in from the balcony, calling my name frantically. The gun man popped up suddenly, aiming a 9mm glock at her and firing once. The crimson red blood dribbled down between her eyes, blossoming on her forehead like a flower as she sunk to the ground gracefully, because my mother was all about heirs and graces. No pain had ever come quite as close to the pain ripping through my chest as the gunman dropped his glock on the floor and looked me dead in the eye. He hadn't got on a mask, but he wore contacts that turned his eyes a chilling, bright, bloody red colour. His hair was platinum blonde and tied back in a ponytail. He was so pale he looked like a vampire to me.  
"Remember little girl, daddy brought this on himself." he said, before bolting for the balcony and dissappearing from my life for a good few years. Just like that, Tegan James the ambassador's little girl became Tegan James, the ambassadors little orphan.

The tears wouldn't come anymore, I'd told this story too many times to cry over it. Instead, my heart froze over, and upon looking Sheppard dead in the eye I could see the shock he was trying to conceal as I pulled away from him. I curled my knees up to my chest, leaning my back against my bed.  
"How old were you?" he asked gently.  
"14." my reply was blunt, emotionless. "That unfortunate incident...that was how I met Rodney actually. With no other next of kin in England they sent me to Canada to live with my grandmother." another shudder passed through me and Sheppard frowned,  
"This doesn't have a happy ending does it?" he asked almost gravely. Laughing bitterly I shook my head,  
"Still working on that one." I admitted sarcastically.  
"So how did you have the misfortune to meet Rodney?" he asked curiously. Smiling slightly I recalled the events leading up to that moment fondly,  
"He was being beat up behind the school cafeteria...I was kind of the wild child by then. My parents death had sent me a little...haywire. My grades dropped drastically and I became violent, impulsive...my grandmother didn't know what to do with me. I hate bullies, always have and always will. So when I saw them beating him up like that...I lost it and beat the crap out of them, would have been expelled if Rodney hadn't defended me. I tried to push him away like I do with everyone, but he was stubborn, very determined. He tutored me for our exams, helped me pass them with adequate grades at least, but we were already best friends by the time that came around." I explained. Hesitating, I inhaled his apple scent deeply, finding comfort in the smell. _Should I tell him_ I wondered. Looking into his eyes I saw they offered me confidentiality, he wasn't going to tell anyone, and I trusted him not to. Taking a deep breathe I continued quickly before I could bottle it, "I was in Canada for a year and I was sixteen when my grandmother died suddenly, a heartattack in the night. My grandpa had died when I was six so there was no other family for me to go too. Rodney...when I said he was like my brother he literally is Sheppard, well was, anyway. His family adopted me when they threatened to put me in foster care and I became Tegan Mckay legally for three years, before I left and went back to my real home in England. Then I joined the military ended up here." Flinching slightly, I hoped he didn't pick up on the obvious lie in that. That wasn't all of the story but he'd had enough from me for one day.

Sheppard looked stunned into silence. But understanding flickered in his eyes. He understood. He understood why I was so attached to Rodney, why I couldn't let him leave me now. Sheppard's hand came up and patted my shoulder slightly awkwardly, clearly he wasn't used to being in such a deep conversation with a woman and had no clue how to support one. Realising my face was tight with tears I tried to massaged my cheeks back into moving properly.  
"Damn that's...that's horrible...I'm sorry you had to go through that." he offered. His eyes looked worried that he hadn't said the right thing and I gave him a weak smile. The pressure on my chest wasn't as bad anymore, it was more bearable. Having him here had helped, he had been right, talking about it made it feel less of a burden. "We all miss him you know." Sheppard said quietly. Sighing I shook my head,  
"Without trying to offend anybody...not as much as me and Jeannie do. Everything's changed so fast, he changed so fast. I...he promised he'd never leave and I know it sounds stupid but I'm just so...I'm just so mad that he'd break that promise. I know it's not his fault, he can't help it and that's what makes me feel so guilty and I hate myself for it, he's the one in trouble not me. I'm just being so selfish about this but I don't know what to do, how am I supposed to be there for a person that doesn't even remember me?" I asked, tears brimming in my eyes again and my voice weaker than a whisper. Sheppard sighed and shook his head,  
"Honestly? I don't know. But we'll work something out, we always do. It's going to turn out okay in the end. We're the miracle workers of the Pegasus galaxy, we can save everyone else so we can save Rodney."

He sounded so sure of himself, so confident in us that he almost had me believing him. Chewing my lower lip I nodded tentatively, no need to tell him I didn't believe that. Just like there was no need to tell him the real reason I had been moved to the Pegasus galaxy. Standing up I walked towards the mirror and caught sight of my reflection, I looked a mess. My eyes were red from all the crying and there were black bags under them, evidence that yet again I hadn't been sleeping. My usually tan skin was pale and even my expression looked worn out and sullen. Turning away from my reflection I paced back and forth between my bed and the wall. The only sound for a while was the squeak of my boots as I turned but Sheppard's eyes followed me back and forth, I could still see him trying to comprehend everything I'd told him.  
"I feel so selfish." I admitted. Sheppard frowned a little and stood up, walking towards me,  
"Why?" what was with all the questions? Did he have to care so much? Why did he have to make it so easy to talk to him dammit! I didn't want to reveal any more of myself to him today, he'd already seen more than I was comfortable with.  
"I'm the one sitting here crying and being pathetic when it's Rodney that's in trouble. He needs my support right now but I can't get within ten feet of him, what kind of friend does that?" there was disgust in my voice as I turned around and smacked straight into his chest.

He was a sturdy man, I'd give him that. I felt his muscles tense as he caught me when I almost fell back. Stumbling slightly he took a step forward, his legs either side of mine and his hands supporting my back. Blinking in suprise I met his eyes, they were roaming my face as slowly while he pulled me back up, my hands on his upper arms as we stood and watched each other, stuck in a trance like state that we couldn't seem to break. He was so close, literally, we were stood maybe an inch away from each other. My senses were overloaded with John Sheppard, his scent, the sturdy feeling of his toned body under my hands. His brown eyes held mine in a captivating way that I couldn't look away from, even if I wanted too. His warmth was radiating from his hands into my body and made my heart speed up in my chest.  
"You're a better friend than you think." he murmered, his warm breath hitting my lips and making me shiver. It felt like I was melting, melting like soft runny honey into his arms. This attractive man infront of me was incredible I realised, and it made me nervous to realise that about him. He wasn't just a pretty face, he was really quite sweet and kept a close eye on all of his team because they were his priority. He was selfless, he was kind, he was brave. "You should get some sleep, you're not sleeping again are you?" he asked, his voice barely more audiable than a breathe of air. Shaking my head slightly I tried to get my breath to come out of my throat. "Then take the rest of the day, I'll clear it with Woolsey, sleep." he insisted lightly.

"Bu-but I..." I trailed off unable to get my words out of my throat as my heart hammered painfully against my ribs. His brown eyes flickered down to my lips and my hands tightened on his arms, unfortunately for me, that seemed to shake him awake. It was like reality suddenly crashed down on both of us to shatter that peaceful atmosphere that had descended over the room, that it was just so incredibly wrong. He was a Lieutenant Colonel, I was just about a Lieutenant and there were strict fraternization rules in the military that prohibited relationships. Relationships? God I needed to slow down. So what if I met an attractive guy that was just as attractive on the inside as he was outside? That didn't mean I had to fall head over heels for him. We both pulled away at the same time and cleared our throats awkwardly. My eyes flickered away, finding my boots had become the most interesting thing in the room to stare at. "I erm...thank you for er...for listening to me and er...yeah I'm going to...going to go to sleep now." I said impassively, with a little nod at the end.  
"Oh yeah yeah right, go for it, I'll er, I'll er...see you later." with that, he swiftly left the room and didn't look back. Swallowing slightly I waited until the doors closed before I flopped down on my bed with an over dramatic sigh and buried my face in the pillow, where I proceeded to yell in frustration until my throat was raw. Why the hell had I let him leave?


	10. Chapter 9: Goodbye Is The Hardest Word

John's Point Of View:

"John! John! Open up! John!" Shooting up in bed I sprinted to the door and opened it, sleep still blurring my eyes as my body tried to catch up with everything that was occuring. A grey shirt whizzed past me and slowly I spun around to face the new comer. I stared groggily at a pacing Rodney before my training kicked in and I became alert. Frowning slightly I put a hand on his shoulder to try and stop him. "J-John! John! She said it's going to happen faster now! I don't want to lose myself John!" he was panicked, crying his every word at me and making me just as jumpy as he was. My frown deepened, this was my fault, I had done this too him. If I hadn't have said yes that day then my team would never have gone on that rescue mission, and he would have been okay.  
"Hey Rodney, look it's going to be alright, it's okay." I tried to soothe him, but I wasn't overly sure it had worked. Grabbing my red plaid shirt, I tossed Rodney one of my hoodies and pulled a six pack out of my mini-fridge.  
"What are you doing?" Rodney asked, sounding bewildered.  
"Put that on and follow me." I instructed as we walked together to my favourite pier. Sitting together, our legs swinging over the edge, we drank in silence mostly.

Looking out at the moonlight shining on the waves, I felt a sense of peace, which was something I didn't feel often anymore with the stressful job of keeping my team together as we watched Rodney fall apart. Something flew past me then, it was a chunk of...was that flesh? Turning to ask Rodney if he'd seen it, I watched in horror as he began to flake apart, large chunks of his flesh coming free and beginning to drift out to sea. His eyes widened and he turned to me, his jaw dropping as he cried my name in a panic. His jaw broke away and suddenly, Rodney was gone. He had literally drifted away from me. My heart was hammering in my chest, panic surging through my veins as I called out his name, almost as if that could magically bring him back.  
"It's okay John." a gentle hand on my arm pulled me around and into a tight hug. This person was warm, and she smelt comfortingly of orange blossoms and was perhaps half a head shorter than me, but whoever she was I felt entirely comfortable with her because I was bawling like a baby as she shushed me and gently rubbed my back. "It's okay John. Rodney would be happy that it was you with him." I pulled away from the woman to look down at her, but kept my arms locked around her waist and her body as close as possible for the comfort her warmth provided.

When I looked down I was met with beautiful grey eyes, dark brown hair, and a tan complexion. I realised (with some shock) that it was Tegan. I felt like a spectator as I watched us interact. She kept her hands on my arms and my arms stayed around her waist, refusing to let go for anything as we comforted each other. It was like I was a second body, watching myself from far away with no control over what my body was doing. The thing that shocked me most, that sent a zap through my entire body, was watching me carefully press my lips against hers. They were plump and warm and I could feel how soft they were on mine.

Jolting upright in bed I swallowed. I was sweating, shaking slightly too and there was an uncomfortable feeling in my gut. What the hell had that been about? Why the hell was I kissing Tegan in my dreams? Shaking my head I tried to push the dream away and checked my alarm clock. Five twenty three in the morning. Running a hand through my hair, I pushed myself up on my elbows and swung my feet out so they hit the floor. Heaving a sigh I pushed to my feet and padded towards the bathroom, finishing my buisness and flattening my hair out as best as I could, before slipping on my workout clothes. More black sweats and a grey t-shirt with a hoodie over the top basically. Dragging my old worn sneakers onto my feet and grabbing my IPod as I went by, I started out on my morning jog to think over everything that had occured these past two weeks. Atlantis was quiet at this time, as usual. There wasn't anybody in the corridors apart from a few other people that liked to jog early in the morning like me, Lorne for example gave me a nod as he jogged back the other way. There was only a skeleton crew in the control room at this early hour. When the sun was rising and making the copper colour on the walls and floor glitter like the ocean we floated on, I was reminded how lucky I was to be here.

Stopping on the catwalk I leaned against the railing, breathing a little hard as I watched the scenery change with the sun, which rose higher in the sky to turn it a bright light blue instead of the dusty light pink of early dawn. The last two weeks had been tough. Jeannie had been called over because Rodney had deteriorated. He could barely talk now, his words were slurred and baby like and he only just about remembered who we were. It was hard to watch. Keller couldn't do anything and it was killing her as much as it was killing us. Ronon didn't show it of course, but Teyla had become quieter, preferring to spend more time with kanaan and Torren. I couldn't remember the last time I'd trained with the Bantos sticks with her. The hardest thing of all though, was watching Tegan sit beside Rodney and tell him about anything and everything that had happened in her day, and watching her leave the room with tears in her eyes when he had a moment and had to ask who she was. Tegan and I had spent most of the two weeks together. Since all of this began and Rodney started to forget she realised she wasn't going to get through this on her own. After our little conversation she seemed to be most comfortable with me, so a lot of the time we could be found sparring in the training room. Although admittedly I'd never been better at sparring, it showed me just how much anger she was really harbouring. Ronon had told us about a place he and Teyla knew of called The Shrine. His grandfarther had been through this too and after visitng that place, he'd had one more day as himself again before he died the day after. None of us were particularly keen on the idea but we had no choice in the matter because Jeannie had decided to go. It felt like we'd set Rodney a death date and despite the guilt we felt because of it, he had done so much for us that we were obligated to go there, even though I really didn't want to.

The sun had fully risen now as I jogged back to my room and showered. Then I changed into my uniform and tackled my hair so it wasn't as messy. I walked through the eerily quite hallways...it was almost as if the city itself was mourning for Rodney. I stopped in the armoury. The rest of the team were already there, geared up and ready to go. The room was deathly quiet while I pulled on my tac vest and clipped on a p-90. Ronon was holding the picnic hamper as we walked together to the jumper bay. Tegan was completely stoic, her grey eyes stormy and darker than usual. Her plump lips were pinched into a grim line, her hair pulled back in a neat ponytail. Everything about her today seemed so...angular, so prsitine, as if she'd been awake for hours and had too much time to perfect her look. She walked the slowest, as if she could delay this event but it was inevitable by now. There was no other way around it and the thought settled a heavy weight on my chest, making it damn near hard to breathe. Making a split second decision, I pressed my hand to the small of her back in what I hoped was a comforting gesture. She removed my hand quickly making me think I'd done something wrong, but before she let it go she held it and squeezed gently. I saw her jaw tremble slightly and realised she was struggling to keep her emotions at bay. Stepping into the back of a jumper we saw Keller, Rodney and Jeannie, dressed up in black like we were with their tac vests on. Only they didn't have guns, Keller had medical equipment but that was all, today was not a day for guns but they were a necessary part of our equipment.

Nobody spoke, except Rodney that is who was babbling in the back as he tried to make sense of what was going on. Tegan sat behind Teyla, who was in the passenger seat of the jumper, as I lowered us into the gate room. Her knuckles were white because of how tightly she'd clenched her fists, and it was killing me that I could do nothing about it.  
"Colonel Sheppard you're clear to go, tell Doctor Mckay...tell him it's been a pleasure." Woolsey said over the radio. I didn't respond, instead I just launched us through the gate and cloaked the jumper the minute we came out on the other side. The wraith outpost there was covered in smoke that our boys had sent through and they were firing blindly, but I manuevered us so we were well out of the way before landing in a clearing not too far from the waterfall. It was slow going, we tried to make casual conversation but Rodney's childlike whining and moaning was mostly the only sound we heard, and made the whole journey seem twice as long. The birds sang of course, the insects native to the planet buzzed and the crash of the waterfall was always there but I barely heard it. Instead, I focused on making my way around fallen logs and tree roots. Rodney's steps were slow, he stumbled a lot and it slowed us down but for once none of us cared, we just wanted to get Rodney there and tell him how we really felt before he had to go.

"I w-w-want to s-st-stop." Rodney slurred and stammered. Teyla held him up onto the next rock. The waterfall was crashing infront of us and I barely even noticed, even when the spray hit my face to help cool me down. The boulders were covered in moss and lead up to a well hidden cave in the rockface behind the waterfall. Heaving ourselves up another boulder ledge, we took a breathe before we actually went into the cave. The minute we crossed the threshold, Rodney doubled over and clutched his head, screaming in pain. My eyes widened and my hands fluttered uselessly as Jeannie and Keller helped him furthur into the cave. It was a gut instinct, an impulsive reaction to hearing Rodney's cry when my arm reached out, wrapping around Tegan's shoulders and pulling her towards me. She turned and buried her face in my chest as I patted her shoulder gently. Ronon raised an eyebrow at me and I looked away, I didn't quite know what to say. I'd gone from being the tough, flagship team leader to...actually, I honestly didn't know. Recently I'd been more in tune with Tegan and her emotions than I'd care to admit. I didn't like emotions as they made me uncomfortable and I found them irritating, but it was so easy to understand her on a level that I'd never really understood anyone else. Military personnel were supposed to be able to put emotions to one side, and I knew this had to stop now but had no clue how to just break off whatever relationship we were currently in. Wait, no, that sounded weird. Rodney looked up from the floor, blinking like he was trying to focus after waking up from a deep sleep as he looked around. The shrine was a bit of a dingy place, nothing more than a circle cut out of the rock that had the waterfall crashing just outside. It was a nice enough place for a picnic though I guess.

Rodney frowned a little and slowly pushed himself to his feet as we all waited and watched with baited breathe.  
"What happened?" he asked, sounding completely coherent. Looking around his frown deepened, "Jeannie? What are you doing here?" he wasn't looking too impressed as Keller and Jeannie explained the situation. "What, so you basically jsut brought me here to die!? Oh hell no! There's got to be something! Give me the data, I want to see this myself." he demanded as Keller sighed and handed him a scanner and a data pad. Tegan was talking quietly with Teyla as they unpacked the food behind us, no matter what happened I wasn't leaving this planet without being fed. Crossing my arms over my chest I tried to coax him into sitting down.  
"Rodney, come on, come sit down and have a sandwhich or something, keep your strength up." the smell of damp moss reached my nose and I wrinkled it slightly. It was cool in here, kind of dark too but the natural light kept it from being pitch black at least. Instead, he just kept muttering about radiation of some sort and scanning the collumn of rock in the middle of the room. Keller was trying to talk some sense into him it seemed before finally Tegan walked over. She looked awkward, standing beside him and not knowing what to say, his face softened a bit though and he drew her into a hug.  
"Hang on, I want to try something." Keller said suddenly, marching Rodney back out towards the opening. The minute he set foot outside the small cave of the shrine, he screamed in pain again, clutching his head. Jeannie quickly pulled Rodney back inside as Tegan scowled at Keller,  
"What the hell's all that about?" she demanded. We all stood in a loose group as Keller explained her theory and Rodney nursed his head.

Keller stood before us, arms crossed and looking defiant and stubborn.  
"This radiation the shrine's emitting. it causes the parasite to shrink. It's small enough for me to operate on Rodney without causing him any harm. We need to radio for the right medical equipment, I can save him!" Everyone's eyes lit up, including mine. The more I thought about it however, the more I realised it was impossible. There was a wraith outpost out there and the smoke through the gate trick was probably only going to work once. Guilt twinged in my stomach, because I knew that I was effectively killing Rodney before the sentence even came out of my mouth.  
"We can't do that. The wraith fell for our smoke screen once but they won't again." Keller and Jeannie both dropped their jaws in shock. Teyla and Ronon quietly agreed with me I could see, but Tegan looked like she was having an internal battle between what she felt and what she knew was right, and could barely look me in the eye. Keller protested immediately.  
"I can save him! He's your friend Colonel! Think about this!"  
"That's my brother, we have to do something while we have the opportunity." Jeannie said fiercely. Rodney sighed a little,  
"He's right." All eyes turned to him as he backed me up, and I felt my heart ache. The man was agreeing with me as I condemned him! Dammit! Why couldn't he just be mad at me? That would make it easier. "The wraith won't be fooled again, sending a second jumpers too risky. Look I...I just want to get this day over with, spend it with you guys. You don't have to save me." Rodney said quietly. Tegan shook her head viciously, looking like she was trying to clear her head.

A frown marred my face as I tried to comprehend it all. She'd need something to clean the wound with and we had a first aid kit for that, but a way to actually get into his head...she had a scalpel in her medical bag right? An idea sprang to mind and I grabbed Keller's arm, rushing us outside where I quickly lead her back to the jumper in a brisk jog and began hastily pulling things from the shelf. A power drill, some flood lights, thermal blankets...it was like a very strange DIY show.  
"What if we use these? Can you operate with these?" she looked at me like I was a mad man and I waited impatiently on her answer, "Doc it's the best I can do but I am not sending for a second jumper, the risk is too great." I said firmly. Keller grimaced but nodded.  
"Yeah, yeah I...it's primitive but I think I can...god there's so many things that could go wrong though!" She groaned. Picking up the stuff we lugged it back up to the shrine, and in twenty minutes we had a make shift operating theatre set up. With the flood lights shining down on a spot in the corner with the blankets on the floor, we watched Rodney lie still and Keller's open up her medical kit. She sterilised the drill bit and her other equipment while I explained the idea to Rodney, he looked reluctant but agreed. Jeannie protested immediately and he dragged both her and Tegan into the corner, speaking quietly. Jeannie was clearly trying to persuade him not to do it but Rodney was having none of it,  
"Look, I'll be dead by the end of the day anyway and I'd rather have one last chance at surviving than not at all." Rodney exclaimed before the conversation grew quiet. Teyla was slowly eating her way through a sandwhich, deep in thought by the look of it.

"You and Tegan are getting close." Ronon commented, his voice gruff and quiet. Shrugging, I didn't reply. Sure she was attractive, even now my eyes were dragging themselves up and down her body...long legs, lean figure, curvy in all the right places. It wasn't just that, she was mysterious and she made me curious, she was a whole other person underneath her hard exterior that had suffered and was broken, a person that needed fixing. Something in my gut drew me to her, as if I was the one destined to fix this broken woman. So that was the answer I settled on,  
"She's alright I guess, she just makes me curious." Ronon smirked and shook his head, dreadlocks swinging with each shake.  
"It's more than that and you know it. She's hot, you always go for the hot ones." he replied. Rolling my eyes I opened my mouth to retort when Keller called me over. She handed me a pair of blue rubber gloves when I got there and I raised an eyebrow, my stomach suddenly going queasy.  
"I need you to put these on...when I'm drilling you have to hold his head completely still, it can't move, you understand me?" she asked. Poor Keller look frazzeled and I realised that this was a lot of pressure to put on her, it was unfair of me to do it and she'd recieve a glowing report from me when this went down okay. I had faith in her abilities. I felt guilty that it was me making her do this though. I'd done so much wrong since my first day on Atlantis. I'd disobeyed orders, I'd angered those in charge, I'd make split second decisions that hadn been reckless and hadn't always worked out and now I was piling the pressure on my work colleauges. I was a terrible leader.

Tegan had drew Rodney into a tight hug before he lay down on the blankets for Keller, she'd covered his body up to the neck with another sheet too like she was tucking him into bed. Keller took a deep breath to steady her nerves and drew the markings on his head where she'd need to cut into his skull before readying a shot of sedative. Rodney's eyes met mine,  
"Thanks." he said quietly, and that was all he needed to say because I knew Rodney well enough to know he was thanking me for all the times I'd saved him, for picking him for my team, for all the arguments I'd started and for all the times I'd been there and told him crappy jokes or just let him rant. Nodding once I tried to think of something to say, but the sentimental words got stuck in my throat. My team were my friends, my family, they meant a lot to me, but I'd never be able to put it into words just how much they meant. It just wasn't me.  
"See you when you wake up." was what I settled on. Tegan stood across from us, arms folded across her chest as she observed the whole thing through narrowed eyes. Jeannie was pacing behind us with Teyla trying to clam her down and Ronon was stood by Tegan watching just as intently as she was, it was hard to tell if the two of them were even breathing still since they both looked so...statue like. Keller gave him the shot and his eyes fluttered close. My hands gripped his head in a gentle but firm grip, keeping it as still as I could. Picking up the drill, Keller looked me dead in the eye,  
"Don't let his head move, not even an inch." she insisted. Nodding once I tried not to wince as she pushed the drill into his skull with a sickening sound of crunching bone.

The atmosphere was tense, all my muscles had tightened and the air was thick enough to cut with a knife. Nobody dared breathe as Keller cut a square flap into Rodney's skin, grabbed it with her tweezers and then handed them to me so I could keep the flap of skin out of the way. My breathe was caught in my throat behind the mask on my face when scanner Keller was using to keep an eye on Rodney's vitals beeped sudenly and my panic bubbled. Keller frowned, picking it up and looking over the readings, "The parasite, it's...moving." she informed us in a murmur. The only sound was a few panicked breathes from Jeannie and Teyla's soothing comment of 'Doctor Keller knows what she's doing'. That and the frantic beating of our hearts, of course. Rodney was blissfully unaware of it all of course, lucky bastard. "It's moving towards the hole, I..I think it's trying to get out." she said uncertainly. My mind was made up in an instant.  
"Ronon, the minute that things clear of us shoot it dead."I ordered, my voice ringing with authority. Tegan had already got her glock out, and Ronon switched it for his stunner with a smirk. She rolled her eyes a little as he set it to kill.  
"There you go." his voice almost teasing and she huffed,  
"Yeah yeah, like you wouldn't want to kill it the minute it gets out of him if Sheppard was in Rodney's place." she muttered. Ronon just ruffled her hair in response and she scowled even more. There was a sound that was almost like the squelching noise you get when your foot sinks in the muddy puddles that are still half water, then something black began to ooze from the wound. More and more of it emerged until there was a sort of mini starfish made of a black, jelly like substance on his forehead. Grabbing it with the tweezers I quickly threw it across the room, away from any of the people I cared about and I heard Ronon's gun go off once, then again and again until the starfish parasite was nothing but a pile of ash. Tegan looked oddly satisfied in a way.

After cleaning his forehead and stitching the skin there Keller let Rodney wake up. Ten minutes after that and we were all sitting together, laughing, joking, just enjoying our picnic as if nothing had ever happened. Tegan was laughing hard with Jeannie, the loudest most genuine laugh I'd ever heard from her. Rodney look furiously embarrassed and I found myself letting loose and laughing with them, at his expense of course. We got to take Rodney home with us today, he wasn't going to die. The relief was short lived because I knew there was soon going to be another life or death situation facing us, it was just the way life in the Pegasus galaxy was, but at least we could face it together, as a team, like we always did and would continue to do so for a while. Nothing like this would ever happen to my any of my team again. That was a silent promise.


	11. Chapter 10: Terrifying Missions

Tegan's Point Of View:

"Rodders I'm fine, I promise. See, look, all ten fingers, ten toes and my heads still on the right way." I sighed exasperatedly, looking up to see him frowning at me,  
"I still think you should talk to the-"  
"Rodney, I am not talking with someone about my mental capabilities. Besides you know I hate counsellors, I am fine for gods sake." I grumbled. John raised an eyebrow, as if to say he didn't believe me either and I shot him a glare so deadly a cobra would have quivered. Teyla cleared her throat to stop us from bickering as Rodney smirked,  
"Yes well, I heard you were a wreck without me." he gloated. Snorting into my soup, I had to cough as I choked on the warm liquid I'd somehow managed to inhale. After a few gulps of water I managed to calm down and grinned back at him,  
"Of course I was Rodney, who would fix my laptop if you weren't around?" I asked, making Ronon chuckle under his breath and Teyla smile. Since Rodney's operation, things had gone more or less back to normal. We hadn't been off-world in two weeks though after Woolsey insisted we take the time off to recover and get back to normal. Personally, killing a few wraith would have had me sorted out within the 24 hour mark but orders were orders.

John stood suddenly after being called via the radio and gave us a nod of farewell before leaving the room. Rodney stood too, looking awkward,  
"I should...probably go and talk to Carson, he's leaving today." he said with a frown. Oh yes, Carson Beckett had been the doctor here before Keller had arrived. He'd died before the infamous Elizabeth Weir had but the hybrid wraith Michael had made a clone of him that we'd found last year, apparently he'd been frozen until they could find a cure for his celluar degeneration and now that we'd found it (and he'd spent some time working here to battle the effects of the Hoffan drug that Michael had forced him to create) he realised he wanted to go home instead. He left soon after John had and Teyla finished her lunch soon after, leaving me and Ronon alone to finish ours. Chewing thoughtfully on my bread after mopping up my last bit of tomato soup, I was startled into reality when Ronon's gruff voice asked me,  
"You sure you're okay? You were worse off when he was...out of it." Looking up I sighed and nodded,  
"I know none of you believe me but really, I am okay. I just...I've lost so many people in my life Ronon that I...I don't even want to contemplate losing Rodney, losing any of you." he shrugged a little,  
"We've got nine lives, least I think that's what Sheppard said." I laughed a little and nodded, gulping down the rest of my water and wandering when John had taught Ronon the whole nine lives of a cat thing, and just what else he had taught him with it.

My radio crackled to life in my ear and I tapped it, answering with the formal,  
"Lieutenant James, go ahead."  
"James, hey, do me a favour and come down to the armoury will you? You me and Beckett are going somewhere." John said mysteriously. Frowning a little I agreed and stood up,closing the channel and shrugging at Ronon,  
"Going on a mystery adventure with Sheppard apparently, see you later Ronon." Waving at him, I turned on my heel and left for the armoury as asked, sighing to myself along the way. There had been something off between me and John recently. I still called him Sheppard around the team like he still called me James but whenever we were alone it was first name basis. But for the past week he'd been distant with me, almost as if he was pushing me away, or maybe I was doing it to him because I'd done it plenty of times before and it was probably a subconcious survival instinct of mine. We used to train together almost everyday but not this week, this week I'd been on my own and we didn't seem to speak as often as we used to either, at least not since I'd been that crying mess that I had never wanted him to see. He had been the one person though that hadn't ran away, other than Rodney. He'd stayed, he'd comforted me, he'd talked through it with me and he hadn't pitied me like everyone else had. But now it seemed like he realised what a mess I actually was and didn't want to come near me, the thought broke me more than the events of my past had.

The armoury was full of chatter between Beckett and John when I got there, John giving me an awkward nod before letting me gear up in peace. Whenever I met his eyes now, there was conflict within them, as if he was constantly debating something in his head when I was around. Clipping my P-90 to my tac vest, I walked out with them and stood before the gate, "So where are we headed?" I asked, trying to create conversation.  
"Major Teldy's team seem to think they've stumbled upon one of Michael's many labs, we're headed out to take a look." John said without looking at me. A twinge of pain ran through my chest and I frowned. Instead of replying, I turned my attention to Beckett, perhaps John was just having a bad day. Or a bad week.  
"I don't think we've met yet, Lieutenant Tegan James, it's a pleasure. I've heard a lot about you from Rodney Doctor Beckett." my voice was polite, a smile on my face as I extended a hand and heard the gate dial up infront of us. Beckett shook my hand with a nod and a smile,  
"Pleasure's all mine lass, Rodney talks very highly of you too." he replied. Looking up at the shimmering blue wormhole I smiled, it was good to be going off world again, even if not all of my team where here with me. My foot fell through the puddle and onto solid ground. All around me were trees, moss, hard packed dirt floors, fallen twigs and leaves, so it was safe to say we were in a forest.

The forest was dry and the day was overcast but the light still filtered through the leaves. The planet had quite a mild temeperature but I knew if I kept moving I wouldn't get chilly. We hiked for a while, over large tree roots and up mounds of dirt, keeping in touch with Teldy's team via John's radio. We spoke about this and that, Beckett asked me a few questions about Scotland and what it was like when I left England and I told him as much as I could remember. After two hours of trekking from the gate, we finally met up with Teldy's team. The boys looked completely preplexed but I just smirked, knowing I'd definitely get along with these girls just fine. Teldy's team was entirely composed of women, and the thought seemed to baffle John and Beckett.  
"Colonel Sheppard sir." Teldy greeted him with a respectful salute and a nod my way. I returned her salute, after all she was my superior. "This is my team, Doctor Porter, Captain Vega, and Sergeant Mehra. The lab is this way." she said, very buisness like and formal. John and Beckett were just starring at the woman, I cleared my throat,  
"What's the matter Sheppard? Never heard of girl power?" I said with a smirk, Vega was smirking with me as John snapped his gaze to me, the look clearly said shut up.  
"Lead the way." he invited and stepped up beside Teldy as they turned and walked away.

Me and Vega were bringing up the rear, everyone else ahead of us. We were getting along just fine, and I knew this was a woman I could easily become friends with if I tried.  
"So, seems like there's a bit of bad blood between you and Sheppard, if you don't mind me saying." that's what I liked about Vega, she was sharp, like a knife, always cutting straight to the point, she didn't sugar coat things. Brutal honesty was something I liked. Shrugging slightly I made up the same excuse that had been in my head for the past week,  
"He's just having a bad day. Where's Michael's lab on the creepy factor?" I asked curiously. She grimaced at me,  
"Honestly? About a seven." she admitted. We walked in companionable silence for a while until we finally got to the lab. It was in an underground cave network, dark and poorly lit looking a bit like a nightmare tunnel, you know the ones you get chased down by monsters in the dark but never seem to end. There were machines and computer terminals dotted around and stasis chambers in the wall; it fit the creepy lab description to at T. The place was lit in an eerie green colour and the terminals were covered in the usual things from wraith hive ships, like the gooey light pink webbing and black, hard, shell like construction material.

Beckett was straight at a terminal while every instinct in my body screamed _wrong!_ Every one of my cells was screaming at me to turn around and walk away from here, this place was bad, bad things had happened here and bad things were still to come. An uneasy weight settled in the pit of my stomach and a frown marred my face.  
"Sheppard?" I called his name and watched him turn around and walk over. The conflict was still in his eyes, like he was debating whether or not to actually talk to me. Keeping his face stoic he asked me what was wrong, so I explained, under the impression that he'd listen. "I really don't think this is a good idea, we shouldn't be here, it's giving me a bad vibe. Do we know what went on here?" Sheppard just sighed,  
"Stop being paranoid. You can't tell me you've got bad vibes whenever we enter a creepy looking place." he replied. My eyebrows rose,  
"Do you remember the last bad vibe I got?" I quizzed him, watching him with disbelief colouring my voice. He smelled like apples, as always, and it was a god send when you compared it to the stench of rotting flesh and damp that this cave seemed to reek of.  
"That was just a coincidence. Get over it, we need to check this out so pair up with Vega or something and get moving."he said firmly. Narrowing my eyes slightly I watched him put his threatening leader face on. "That's an order Lieutenant." his voice was no nonsense and I had no choice but to obey. Nodding, I walked away and turned on the torch attached to my p-90. It didn't make sense, bad week or not John was always fair, he listened if anyone was concerned, especially when that person was a teammate.

My muscles tightened and my senses went on high alert as I carefully stepped into the long tunnel of stasis pods. Vega and Mehra were a little furthur down, looking inside one of the pods. Shuffling closer I peered inside one myself. It was foggy, but I could make out a silhouette inside. It looked human, but I didn't want to risk opening it up and finding out. Stepping back from the pod I let out a breath of air and wrinkled my nose, this place really needed an air freshner. Vega gave me a grim 'I told you so' look that I replied too with a nod.  
"Sir, there was a village a few miles out, do you think it's worth checking out?" Vega asked. John looked thoughtful for a second before he nodded,  
"Could be, come on, you me and Teldy will go. Mehra, James, stay here with Beckett and Porter." he ordered. Forcing the suprise off of my face I nodded and turned away. Normally he always kept his team close, if Ronon wasn't around, me and Teyla were his choice for accompaniment and he would never make us stay if we weren't comfortable and had the option to leave. Shaking it off, I leaned against the wall and settled in for a long wait. I wasn't a child, I wasn't going to get pissy over being left behind.

Irritation was seeping through me, irritation and boredom which was not a good combination because my boredom made me feel even more irritated. That irritation soon boiled over into frustration. As nice as Beckett was, he was driving me mad. The flirting between him and Doctor Porter was sickening. I was never one for caution. If I liked someone, I told them, I didn't do the whole flirting thing in the hopes they'd notice because I was too afraid to come out and say yeah I like you! Rolling my eyes slightly, I watched as Beckett radioed John.  
"Colonel Sheppard, there's a lot more information for us to go through, we should stay the night, has the village got enough room for the rest of us?" he asked, his scottish accent comforting me with it's gentility. My ears perked up at that, hiking meant a distraction and I was so hoping he said yes. Beckett nodded a little and began to pack up stuff, I raised an eyebrow.  
"We headed to the village doc?" I asked. He nodded,  
"Aye, we're staying for the night so we can come back tomorrow." he informed me. Mehra and I waited by the door and we watched the doctors pack up the equipment before they joined us. The sun was just beginning to set, burning the sky a bright orange as we hiked towards the village with Mehra leading the way. The doctors were just ahead of us.

We were deathly silent, neither of us saying a word. The only sound was the twigs snapping beneath our feet and the air was awkwardly tense without conversation to lighten the mood. The sky became a deep, burnt orange colour and it was almost dark by the time we went into the village. It looked deserted, but it would have been colourful once I presumed, perhaps with a little market and children running about too. But now there was no one. Everything was grey, gloomy and depressing. That uneasy weight in my stomach was getting heavier the furthur in we went. Vega was waving us towards a house and we started towards her, hurrying into the house that was just as gloomy on the inside as it was on the outside. The deserted run down houses and the old abandoned well made a shiver run down my spine, it was like something from a horror movie. The thing about wells, was that they really creeped me out for no reason what so ever.  
"We should head to the next village, get some supplies. Teldy, Vega, you're with me." John ordered, brushing past me as he walked out. Mehra, myself, Beckett and Porter were left alone again with a last apologetic look from Vega.

The house was clearly abandoned, the wood was rotting but still structurally sound at least. The cupboards and shelves were empty and there was just enough room for all of us if we squished up together. For a while, there was nothing but the annoying sound of flirting from Porter and Beckett. I was stood leaning against the doorframe, looking at the outside world and trying to imagine it as a village that was bustling, teeming with happy human life. But there was nothing but the inky black sky above me, speckled with stars that shone down and shimmered over the grey shadowy buildings. I was too tense to sleep. Footsteps alerted me to someone apporaching me from behind and I turned to see Mehra. She compeltely ignored me but stood beside me. I decided to change our cold relationship if I could.  
"You finally got bored of their flirting too huh?" I asked, my voice too light to be serious. But Mehra just shot me a distasteful look that had my eyebrows raising on my head and didn't say a word in reply. In the distance, there were gunshots that echoed through the empty silence, shattering it. The noise hung in the air for a minute, my breath catching in my throat and my heart stuttering before speeding up in my chest. Raising my P-90 I looked out and scanned the horizon, watching some sort of fog spilling over the side of the well, fog that was impossible to see through. It was spilling over the floor like water and creeping out in every direction, filling the square.

"Colonel Sheppard, can you hear me?" Beckett asked, sounding worried. I listened attentively, straining my ears to hear any kind of noise. "Colonel Sheppard?" he tried again. My stomach lurched, was John okay? He better be, the image of John shot into swiss cheese flashed through my mind and I gagged a little on the bile rising in the back of my throat. "Nothing but static." he reported. Mehra set her face in a determined frown and began moving towards the open door.  
"Where are you going?" I asked, forcing myself to stay focused and shake off the dreadful image. She looked back at me and carried on towards the door,  
"I'm going to look for our people." she shot back. My eyebrows rose, I was her superior here, which meant that with no way of contacting the others I was in charge now. Shaking my head I put my arm across the doorway to stop her.  
"No, we stay here. The fog out there is too thick to see through, we wait here and we'll look when the fog clears." I said firmly. She scoffed and pushed past me, the fog wasn't as dense on the step, but it soon swallowed her up,  
"I don't have to take orders from you." she called over her shoulder haughtily. Narrowing my eyes I stepped out onto the porch but I was unable to go any furthur,  
"I rank above you, that makes me your superior, you follow my orders! Mehra get back here! Come back now, that's an order!" I yelled into the fog, but Mehra didn't reply.

Slamming my palm against the door frame I turned to look at the doctors, they both looked visibly shocked and anxious. Inhaling deeply, I sighed, "You two stay here, I need to find Mehra, keep trying to contact the others. Take this, anyone that isn't me, Vega, Teldy, Mehra or Sheppard, shoot." I said, handing Beckett my side arm. He took it with a nod, his eyes soft,  
"Be careful out there lass." he muttered. Nodding once I headed to the door and grimaced at the dense fog.  
"Shut the door, keep it locked...don't open it for anyone unless you know for certain it's one of us." I instructed. He nodded and did as I asked, the door clicking shut as he locked it behind me. Turning, I took a deep breath and raised my P-90. Shock horror, my torch flickered but didn't turn on, of course it was dead. Swallowing back my fear I let a shaky breath escape my lips. Scanning my surroundings, I kept my footfalls silent as possible. Everything around me was white fog, thick white fog that swirled creepily and had the fear sending butterflies through my stomach. "Mehra! Mehra where are you!" I called out, my voice echoing through the empty night. There was no way she was getting lost on my watch. There was no reply. My heart was hammering in my chest and pounding painfully against my ribs; it took all my willpower to stop my hands from trembling. "Mehra!" I called out again, this time louder as I continued to walk blindly through the fog.

Something moved, a shadow of sorts that slid through the fog like a snake. My heart hammering, I cautiously walked forward and saw it wasn't Mehra at all. It wasn't anyone from my crew. The shadow wasn't big, but it was slightly hunched over, twisting it's head in an almost snake like manner to look around, it was half crouched like it was ready to attack. Even from here I could see it had long claws, at least three inches long and on each finger. Stepping away carefully I tried not to make any sound, but my foot snapped a twig, and the shadows head snapped my way. Turning on my heel I ran and pressed my back against the side of a building, sinking to the floor where I tried to stay silent as my heart jumped into my throat. Somewhere, there was a ticking noise. It was coming closer and closer, like a clock that had grown legs and was stalking me through the fog. Slowly, I turned my head to look around and saw it, crawling down the wall like Spiderman towards me. It was a monster. There was no other word to describe it. It looked like the skin from it's forehead had been sewn over it's eyes, making it blind. The skin was pale, almost grey in colour with dark veins sticking out, it's teeth were more like fangs and looked deadly. A small squeak of terror escaped me, my eyes were wide with panic as it looked directly at me. My breathe was shaky and I watched the fog spill from...were they gills? Yeah, gills, the fog was coming from gills on each side of it's neck. It slowly began to crawl back the other way and without thinking, I let out a sigh of relief. Suddenly, the creature turned back around and started coming towards me, faster than anything with two legs I'd ever seen had ever moved. I didn't have enough time to raise my P-90, so instead I screamed and threw my arms up over my head in a vain attempt to protect myself.

Gunfire. It echoed through my skull and made my heart pound even faster in terror as the creature fell to the floor infront of me. Shooting to my feet I saw Mehra standing there, looking at me with narrowed eyes,  
"What are you doing out here, why didn't you stay with the doctors?"she asked. Narrowing my gaze, I grabbed her arm and frog marched her back to the porch.  
"Because there was no way in hell I was letting you go out there alone with practically zero visibility and no working communications or lights!" I countered folding my arms over my chest, she frowned at me,  
"Thank you." that brought me up short. I wasn't expecting her to thank me. Nodding slightly, I cleared my throat and knocked on the door,  
"Beckett it's me, open up. No problem Mehra just...don't wander off on your own again." I said running a hand through my hair. She nodded a little as Beckett opened up the door. He looked worried, and a little groggy.  
"I was jus' taking a nap, when I woke up she was gone, Alison's gone, she's not here!"he informed me. Groaning, I looked at Mehra but I sensed somebody was behind me. Whirling aorund with my P-90 raised, I saw John and Teldy emerge from the fog.

Relief coursed through my body as my eyes swept over him, showing me he was unscathed. With a sigh, I slowly lowered my p-90 and ushered everybody inside. Shutting the door I pressed my back against it, that's when I realised there was no Vega.  
"Where's Vega?" I asked with Mehra. Teldy and John shared a look and slowly shook their heads. My head fell back against the wood and my eyes closed. I took a few deep breaths before opening my eyes again. Shock had numbed me, Vega was dead. It could have been me. Was it quick? Did she feel any pain? I realised I couldn't afford to think like that as John reported what they'd found, a native to the planet they'd met earlier called Mirellus had opened the stasis pods, the thing that had tried to kill me was an experiment Michael had created and now they were all running around on the loose. I didn't blame Mirellus, he had thought he could save his wife, however Vega was dead, Porter was missing and I had nearly died too because of his actions, so unfortunately I wasn't too happy with him being in the same house as us right now. Teldy and Mehra looked girm. "I think I know something about the creatures that could help." I offered finally.

John and Teldy looked at us,  
"You went outside when we told you to stay here?" he asked. Mehra cleared her throat,  
"I went outside first and disobeyed her orders. She told me to stay and I didn't, she was nice enough to come and look for me and not leave me alone out there. I take full responsibility sir." Mehra said, her voice steady and quiet. John looked suprised but nodded,  
"Thank you for your honesty Sergeant, what do you have James?" all eyes turned to me and I shifted uncomfortably, my eyes roaming from one person to another. Beckett shot me a comforting look and I tried to keep the tremble from my voice as I spoke. There was no point in letting them no I was scared, I was military, I wasn't supposed to show fear.  
"Er well...they're eyes, it...it looked like they'd been sewn shut, they're blind and they use sound to track they're prey. That fog...it...it comes from gills in their necks. I think they use it to obscure the environment so their prey can't see them...I think we've already found out but, we're there prey. They have wicked claws too, at least three inches long..." I tapered off, shuddering slightly at the memory of the claws coming to rip at my flesh.

John stood thoughtfully for a moment, debating what to do in his head.  
"We'll go out and search for Porter. We're not going to make any sound. Mirellus, stay here with Beckett and stay silent, for gods sake I mean it this time when I say don't go outside. We'll use these glow sticks to communicate, wave them at each other through the fog. Mehra, Teldy, James, we'll search the village, be careful, stay quiet." he ordered as he opened the door. He wanted me to go back out there! Inside I was honestly freaking out. I didn't want to meet one of these things again, but nobody spared me a glance, not even John Sheppard who I thought had cared about me to some degree. So I shook it off, straightened up and snapped my glow stick (causing it to emit a blue glow) and raised my P-90. A hand came down on my shoulder and I turned to see Beckett. Clearly he had caught the distress on my face.  
"Be careful out there lass, I believe in you." he murmered, giving my shoulder a squeeze before he went back to his tablet at the table.

Walking outside I kept my head held high and crept into the fog, I couldn't see a single glowstick. Securing mine to my tac vest I kept my guard up, not wanting anyone to sneak up on me. A shiver ran through my spine, I didn't want to be out here alone, I wanted to be by John where I knew it was safe. He was warm, this fog was cold. John was comforting, he could calm me down, soothe my nerves, he could make me feel safe even if I was an inch from death, but he had left me here on my own. Swallowing hard, I looked around, my hands trembling and my heart racing. Still no sign of Porter and I dared not call out her name. I'd moved quite far from the house, but even from here I could still hear the crash and the shout of panic from behind me. Resisiting the urge to call out I felt my heart accelerate again, so much for trying to steady my heart beat. My breath came in ragged, shaky gasps as I span around, a small groan escaping my lips. I'd never been so scared in my entire life. More than anything I wished I was back on Atlantis, safe at the mess hall table talking with the team again, joking, bickering with Rodney and laughing with them all. Then there was gunfire. My panic peaked and I stumbled backwards, turning around and sprinting flat out through the fog as fast as my feet could carry me.

There were still no glow sticks in sight. The blood was roaring in my ears and I was gasping for air as I ran a maze of footprints around the place. Until I found it, right there infront of me, a glowstick. It seemed rather low down and I felt my panic and fear bubble like acid, making me feel sick to the stomach as I took my glow stick and waved it. The glow stick didn't wave back. My feet carried me forward and I bent down to pick up the glowstick, there was nobody in sight and my head smacked off of something hard. It was brick. My hands felt up the rough stonework as I rose unsteadily to my feet and gasped, feeling the hole at the top. I was at the well. Staggering backwards, a ragged breath escaped my lips and my back hit something hard. A scream escaped my lips as I whirled around, tripping over my own feet and falling onto my back. Whatever I'd hit fell with me, kneeling beside me on the floor and clamping it's hand over my mouth. Thrasing on the floor I heard a familiar voice hiss my name.  
"James! James! Tegan open your eyes! It's just me! Stop!" Cracking my eyes open, I saw a figure dressed in black leaning over me. His hand was warm, and he slowly moved it from my mouth and grasped my shoulder to pull me up into a sitting position. "You okay?" the voice asked, concerned.

"J-John?" I stammered. The figure in black nodded.  
"Yeah, yeah it's me Tegan. Don't think I've ever seen you so scared." he was whispering but clearly trying to lighten the solemn mood. Standing, I brushed myself off and grabbed my P-90, shaking my head,  
"Oh so now you care?" I muttered, thinking back to the last week where he'd done nothing but ignore me. John's head jerked back in suprise,  
"Excuse me?" he asked sounding shocked. I shook my head,  
"Don't think I haven't noticed it John, you've been dodging me and pushing me away, where have you been the past week? You barely speak to me anymore so why do you care now?" wow, I sounded like a really dramatic teenager. Nice one Tegan. Turning to walk away I felt John grab my arm,  
"You really want to do this now?" he demanded, gesturing to the fog and the current predicament we were in.  
"No, I don't. Honestly, I just thought you were a better friend than that John. I didn't realise you were just going to push me away whenever you felt like I was too much of a mess for you to deal with." God why was I acting like this? This was so stupid!

John huffed,  
"That is not what this is about." he argued quietly. Rolling my eyes I tried to walk away again but he just wouldn't let me. His grip on my arm was tight, it hurt almost as much as my chest hurt. Everything hurt actually. It hurt that he didn't notice me anymore,it hurt that he wasn't there, it hurt that he was so determined to keep me away. I wanted him to be there, every day. I wanted him near me and I didn't want him to keep pushing me away when all I wanted to do was to get as close as possible to this...this amazing man. This brave, kind, very good looking man. I wanted John Sheppard to notice me. Oh crap. I wanted John Sheppard full stop. I wanted him to want to keep me close. But he was right, I didn't want to do this now, I didn't want to do this full stop because this kind of feeling was something I never wanted to have to deal with. I didn't want to do this now because if he was distracted, even for a moment, it could mean he died. A world without John in was a world I didn't want to think about, I didn't want him gone. Suddenly, I was worried for him. I didn't want to let him out of my sight, I mean, what if he got hurt and no one was there to help him? God I couldn't handle this! Hormones and crazy monsters were not a good mix!  
"I'm sorry. John, please let me go...you're hurting me." I whispered. His hand dropped from my arm immediately.

Walking into the house I was met with Mehra, Teldy, Porter...but no Beckett. Running a hand through my hair frustratedly, I felt the frazzeled feeling of panic rush through me again. Nobody understood how much I wanted to go home. But some of the old John seemed to creep back again and he stood close to me, almost touching my arm with his.  
"Where's Beckett and Mirellus?" he asked suspiciously. Mehra and Teldy shook their heads.  
"No idea, they were gone when we got here, but look, we think the creatures must have took them...there's signs of a struggle." Teldy reported solemnly. Glaring half heartedly at the floor I leaned back against the table and ran my left hand over the grainy wood. A sudden thought struck me,  
"How many stasis pods were there?" I asked, making Teldy frown. John looked thoughtfull,  
"About twelve." he replied.  
"And we killed three already right?" Mehra said, cottoning on. I nodded,  
"There's at least nine of these creatures still out there then." I concluded, fake joy in my voice. John sighed a little and crossed his arms over his chest, not looking happy at all. Part of me wanted to reach out and squeeze his arm, reassure him we'd be okay, like Ronon had said earlier, we had nine lives right? But I wasn't so sure, this was the scariest mission yet. This was the scariest mission of my life, period.

John paced the small abandoned house, before sucking in a deep breath and turning to us,  
"We need to come up with a plan, we need to do something...otherwise I don't think we're going to make it through the night." he said eventually. Mehra had a thoughtful frown on her face and slowly picked up the tablet.  
"Colonel Sheppard sir? I think I have an idea." she said, looking up at us with a determined frown. So that is how I ended up in the window to the left of Mehra, my P-90 raised and aiming down at the well as I watched John's figure slowly approach the well through the fog. Doctor Alison Porter had set the tablet to emit a low frequency sound when Sheppard lowered it down the well, so the fog couldn't scramble the electronics. Me, Teldy, Mehra and Porter were in various buildings around the square, and we'd shoot to kill anything that came into the square. Beckett was still missing however, so our first priority after this was to go and look for him. Taking a few deep breaths, I kept my eyes riveted on John as he crept to the well, the squeak of the chain as he turned the handle was deafening to me and my heart beat painfully against my ribs in my chest.  
"Come on John come on." I whispered. Mehra watched me, suprise on her face but she gave me a confident nod and a small smile. We weren't exactly the best of friends but we were getting somewhere at least, slowly. Biting my lip, I listened to the ear ringing sound of the chain squeaking as John slowly lowered the tablet down.

My eyes were glued to him, watching everything around him and waiting for danger. I swore to myself I'd kill anything that tried to hurt him, and considering that I had a P-90 in my hands that would be all to easy. John must have been gaining confidence, he turned the handle faster and the chain squeaked louder but he didn't stop, his hands fumbling in the fog and I assumed he was arming the C4. Out of nowhere, a creature flew out of the fog and John's shadowy form was tackled to the ground. Lifting my P-90 I prepared myself to fire, but Mehra grabbed my arm and shook her head, putting a finger to her lips. I bit my lip. I wanted to help John but firing would give away our position and the plan had to proceed if we were going to save everyone. Swallowing back my fear I allowed the adrenaline to kick in, and it began to race around my body. My blood was roaring in my ears, that rotting flesh smell was filling my nose again and I realised with a jolt of horror that that smell was the creatures. Another figure flew out of the fog and tackled the creature off of John, who immediately began to scramble around for the C4,  
"It's Beckett!" he called, his way of telling us not to fire. The creature remained unmoving on the ground and I let out a sigh of relief. They could have died! John and Beckett's shadows met up infront of the well as that horrible ticking sound invaded my ears again. The creatures were coming. Sucking in a breath I pushed down my fears, and instead narrowed my gaze determinedly on the well as the creatures began to emerge from the fog. John and Beckett had dissappeared while I wasn't looking and now I couldn't tell if any of those shadows were them or the creatures.

I began to panic, what if I accientaly shot one of them? It was a risk I had to take because we needed to get out of here. But John...I'd look for him after, and no one would stop me until I found him. Determination welled up inside me as the C4 exploded, there was a call from Teldy to open fire and I did. I rained hell on those evil little shits down there. Watching them fall one by one brought me an odd sense of satisfaction and I briefly wondered if it was a little twisted to think that way. The gunfire was echoing as it richocheted off of the walls of the abnadoned buildings; terrible screeching noises came from the creatures as they fell. The fog began to clear as we took more of them down until nothing but a fine mist hung in the air. Finally, I could see again. The floor was littered with the creatures bodies, it was a carpet of corpses that turned my stomach slightly. Myself and Mehra looked up to see Teldy and Porter give us a nod. They were okay and we were to regroup with them in the middle of the square by the well. On our way there, we counted up the bodies,  
"I've got five bodies." I reported.  
"We have four." Porter replied.  
"So that's nine here in total, plus the three we already killed." Mehra said, counting on her fingers.  
"We've got all twelve of them." Teldy said, her voice saturated with relief. But there was a frown on my face, I had to find John now. I wasn't leaving this planet without him.  
"Sheppard! Beckett!" I called, my voice echoing through the empty village.

Teldy and the others caught on and began to call them too. We split up and began to search the area, with me staying close to the square where I'd last seen them, my anxiety beginning to make me feel nauseous. Bile rose in the back of my throat but I swallowed it back. "Sheppard! Beckett! Where are you!"  
"Here! James, down here!" John called back, his voice was distant and faint. Frowning, I moved closer to the well and peered over the edge. I shone the now working torch on my P-90 down through the gloom. "James! Get that light out my eyes!" John yelled. Sighing with relief I laughed weakly, bracing my hands on the egde of the well I felt the weight in my stomach lift. We were okay, we were all going to be fine. The main thing I focused on was that John was okay. Bouncing slightly on the balls of my feet I called out to the others,  
"I found them! I found them they're okay! They're okay!" even I could hear the joy in my voice but I was feeling to happy to care about whether or not it sounded pathetic. Teldy, Mehra and Porter ran over, and Teldy glanced down to see John squinting up at her, his hand shielding his eyes from the bright torch light.  
"Hold on colonel, we'll get you out of there!" Teldy called down.  
"No! Can you get down here?" John replied immediately. Teldy frowned slightly but I looked through Porters back pack and nodded. There was climbing gear in here.  
"Yeah we can." I responded.  
"Good, then get down here. We'll use the tunnels to get back to Michael's lab, Beckett has some information he wants to download before we go home." John said in his no nonesense leader voice again.

Between us, me and Teldy worked together to secure the hooks and rope, slowly lowering down Porter and Mehra.  
"Go on, I can lower you down." I offered. Teldy nodded and muttered a quick 'thanks' as I braced my feet to keep my balance and lowered her down until she tugged the rope once to let me know she'd hit the bottom. God I hated wells. I'd been putting it off but now I had no choice but to go down there. Attaching myself to the rope I slowly climbed into the well, placing my feet firmly against the wall I let out a slow breath and absailed to the bottom through the darkness, not daring to open my eyes until I reached the bottom. My feet hit the floor and I quickly detached myself and switched on my torch light. John shot me a small smile before he turned around and lead the way through the tunnels. The walk was silent, but definitely shorter compared to trekking through the forest. That uneasy weight settled in my stomach again though the closer we got to Michael's lab, but I dismissed it as stupid since we'd killed all of the creatures. Mehra and Porter were waiting outside and I was tempted to join them, but knowing John's track record of keeping safe, I decided to go in with them. Beckett headed straight to the computer terminal, and I stayed behind him as John and Teldy went to explore some more. "Good to see you again Beckett, how are you?" I asked, keeping my voice quiet so he could concentrate on his work. Beckett nodded with a small smile,  
"Aye lass, I'm fine, better now we're all going home. How about you?" he returned the question with a scrutinising look that I knew would see straight through me if I lied.

So instead I just shrugged and played it down.  
"I'm okay. Just really want to go home, have a relaxing shower I guess. This whole day's been pretty stressful." Beckett chuckled under his breathe and hummed in agreement as a chill swept over my body. Looking around, I saw fog beginning to creep out of the open doorway that John and Teldy had ambled through not minutes ago. Groaning quietly I felt fear seep into my bones, icy terror sluggishly dripping through my veins as I stumbled towards the door, imaging a whole number of scenarios with gruesome finds. Gunfire errupted just as I entered and I could see John and Teldy slowly backing up the corridor, an army of those creatures were heading towards us and I quickly stepped forward as John was reloading, Teldy was almost out too. I on the other hand had a full magazine and was ready to use it. "Laying down cover fire, get your arse's back!" I shouted, my voice echoing through the halls. John and Teldy ducked, not second guessing me and sprinted towards me as I fired non-stop down the hallway, taking a few of the creatures down with a hail of bullets. John and Teldy stood by me near the door and began to fire as I reloaded. Just as suddenly as it had begun, it ended. No more fog, no more creatures, no more bullets. Breathing hard thanks to the adrenaline pulsing through me I slowly lowered my weapon and looked at John, Teldy went to check on the others as our eyes locked.

Those brown eyes were searching mine, raking up and down my body before settling back on my face. The only sound we made was coming from our heavy breathing and my heart was beating loudly in my ears as I took in all of John. His muscles were slowly relaxing from the tense posture they had been in and he looked unharmed. Not caring who was watching, I pulled him into a tight hug. His body was warm against mine, his hot breath heating my hair as his strong arms wrapped back around me and squeezed me tightly. There was that apple scent again, bombarding my sense of smell and comforting me greatly. John's chest pushed against mine as he breathed and I sighed, content for now. John was alive, he was okay.  
"You alright?" he asked, his voice barely more audiable than a breath of air. Looking up at him I nodded,  
"Yes...I'm okay. You and your bloody missions. You have no idea how to stay out of trouble do you?" I demanded, frustration in my voice. He smirked,  
"Maybe I just enjoy having you save me." he suggested, before sauntering out of the tunnel as if he was god's gift to the earth. A small smile graced my lips, too me, he was certainly a gift. Wait what? My eyes widened slightly. No no no, I promised myself this would never happen, I swore I'd never go down that road, I'd never get hurt that way again. I couldn't be in love with John Sheppard. I just couldn't be.

But I was.


	12. Chapter 11: Todd The Wraith

Thwack! Thud! Thud, Thud! Whoosh! Thump!

Groaning, I dragged myself off of the floor. Teyla raised an eyebrow at me as she helped me up, before getting back to her ready position with her bantos sticks held steady infront of her. Narrowing my eyes slightly, I focused as much of my concentration on the fight as I could and swung my bantos stick up, preparing myself to attack her. We'd been training together like this since we first met, but ten minutes into todays session and I was losing all focus and getting my ass kicked, which was something that never happened. Not this badly at least. Stepping into it, I swung my stick around and it clanked against Teyla's hard. She pushed it back and brought hers up to strike my side but I blocked it easily. I swung my other free arm up and aimed for her shoulder for her shoulder, but she caught it and twisted it back to the floor. I remembered that John had used that move on me once when we'd been- **_Thud!_**** Thump!** A throbbing pain shot through my knee as I collapsed to the floor with a groan. Teyla sighed slightly and offered a hand to help me up. Furrowing my eyebrows in frustration, I tried to push any and all thoughts of John out of my head, he was the one thing distracting me from this today and I needed to stay focused. Rubbing my knee for a minute I shook the thoughts from my head before I finally took her hand.

Teyla observed me closely as she pulled me to my feet,  
"You seem out of sorts today Tegan." she commented finally. Shrugging slightly I didn't bother to reply, not about to tell her I had a school girl crush on our CO, besides, I was never really one for the girly pillow talk. "Is it because of what is occuring between you and the Colonel?" she asked calmly. My eyes widened slightly before I schooled my face back into a blank mask. Twirling my bantos sticks in my hands I shook my head,  
"There's nothing going on between us Teyla." I denied it casually and got back into my ready position. She raised her eyebrows in an almost amused manner and smiled slightly,  
"If you say so." she dismissed the subject to easily and I was overly suspicious of her as she launched her next attack. It was a quick succession of hits coming from left and right, aiming at any body part she could find and blocking them was the only thing I could focus on, getting hit by one of those sticks hurt! "But..you and the Colonel seem to be...sharing looks...and you have an understanding...that none of us have with each other...recently." She panted out between hits. For a moment, my shock had stunned me, allowing her to bring her stick down sharply behind my left knee. She hit me again with a crushing force on the right side of my rib cage and I knew I had had enough punishment. Coughing and groaning I shook my head, collapsing onto all fours,  
"Okay okay, I...I concede." I wheezed feeling wind. Taking deep steady breathes, I watched her pack away the sticks before coming and sitting beside me to meditate, something we often did after training.

Crossing my legs underneath me I sighed a little, "Teyla, there's nothing going on between us okay? I swear." I said, shaking my head slightly. That didn't mean I didn't want there to be though. We had a problem however, if other people were seeing it too, I didn't want to be removed from the team but I hadn't realised anybody else noticed the way we acted around each other, I didn't realise we were acting any different. Or maybe it was just Teyla and Ronon, they were both very observant people.  
"But you want there to be?" Teyla pressed for the information which would confirm or deny her suspicions and, taking a deep breathe, I decided to give it to her. Rodney had been on at me to start trusting people right? Well, Teyla was one of those people that deserved my trust more than anyone.  
"Maybe." I confided. Her eyebrows lifted in a way that told me she was about to admonish me or advise me against it in a motherly way that she'd already nailed for Torren's benefit. "Not anything serious though Teyla I mean...I know as well as anyone that it would practically be impossible unless one of us quit our jobs and clearly neither of us will, but I just...I can't help wanting more than just a friendship sometimes, you know? But I don't want to risk my career and I certainly wouldn't risk his. I just...you know what I mean?" I explained with a frown. Teyla merely nodded her head,  
"I do know. But from what I see, Colonel Sheppard feels the same way. He shows you more of him than he has ever shown to anyone, and apparently he craves your good opinion." she replied with a small smile.

Laughing I shook my head,  
"My opinion doesn't mean much, I'm only a Lieutenant." I pointed out, thinking she meant he craved a good opinion of his leadership. She shook her head,  
"Not on a professional level, a more personal one." she amended, closing her eyes and taking in a deep breath through her nose. Deciding to stay silent, I pulled my shoulders back and tried to relax my tense muscles. The comm system sprung to life in the room, John's voice echoing through and causing Teyla to give me a smug glance that made me roll my eyes,  
"Teyla and Tegan to the armoury, we've got a mission."  
"I regret telling you that now." I grumbled as we stood up and stretched our limbs, my knee was aching and so were my ribs but I wouldn't let it get in my way. "Think we have time for a shower?" I asked as Teyla quickly changed into her uniform. Smiling she shook her head,  
"I do not think so." she replied. We walked out the room, dropping off her gear back at her quarters and saying a quick goodbye to Torren before entering the armoury.

Gearing up by Rodney, I found I was unable to avert my eyes as John checked over his P-90 and clipped it to his vest. He looked like one of those hot bad boys you get in the movies. Shaking my head I walked out with Rodney towards the Jumper Bay, a huge grin coming onto my face. I loved flying in the jumpers, I felt weightless, everything was easy in space where there was nothing but stars and planets of all sizes and colours. Entering through the back I sat behind Rodney, since Ronon had so nicely given up his seat and instead favoured standing between me and Teyla since I had arrived. Teyla took her usually seat behind John.  
"Anyone would think you were happy to be here Tegan." the man himself mocked. Rolling my eyes I shot him a cheeky grin,  
"Just push the pedal down flyboy." I teased. Teyla smiled at me knowingly and I discreetly stuck my tounge out at her, leaning back in my chair as John took us up into the air. The expanse of blue sky was mesmerizing and soon gave way to the inky black night sky speckled with silver stars. Even from here I could smell him, that addictive, fresh, apple scent that screamed John Sheppard. I could see his lips turn up in a slight, secret smile he thought no one could see. He really did love flying.  
"So when do we get there?" Jumping in my seat with a yelp I was on my feet in seconds, aiming my P-90 at the new voice. My heart was thundering in my chest as Ronon pushed my gun down with a chuckle. John gave me an amused look that I pointedly ignored. Doctor Keller looked white as a sheet. My eyes widened,  
"Jesus christ! Sorry Keller, you scared the crap out of me, when did you get here?" I asked, bewildered. I slowly sat back down and felt my heart rate come down a bit.

She gave me a hesitant smile.  
"Been here all along Lieutenant." she assured me, though she was currently watching me like a hawk. Focusing my gaze back on the front screen, I tried to ignore the apple scent assaulting my nose and the touseled black hair across from me as we approached a spacegate. Rodney punched in the adress,  
"What is the nature of our mission?" Teyla asked curiously. John glanced back at her over his shoulder while the gate dialled up, the familiar blue dots chasing each other around and around before opening up the shimmering puddle of a wormhole infront of us.  
"We have a proposal for Todd. You remember the Hoffan drug problem they've been having? Keller thinks she's found a solution, so we're meeting up to...negotiate, so to speak." John explained, but his tone implied that this was a take it or else situation. Exiting the space gate we came upon a huge hive ship and my eyes widened slightly, awe had dropped my jaw and I stood up a bit to get a better view through the windscreen, holding the back of Rodney's chair in a grip so tight that my knuckles were white.  
"Holy shi-"  
"Language!" Rodney chided like we were sixteen again. Rolling my eyes at him I continued to gaze up at it in awe.  
"Well Tegan, your first hive ship. You like it?" John asked. He was right, of course. I'd been in a wraith facility before and had fought the wraith face to face, but never had I seen a hive ship, not even a picture. Well it's not like you could use google images is it? Smiling faintly I replied,  
"The décor of the exterior leaves something to be desired."

John chuckled at my response and Rodney scoffed a bit under his breath,  
"Wait until you see inside. I hope you like haunted houses because these things are close on the creep factor." Rodney grumbled. There was a bleep from the console and we watched a set of information fly up on the screen.  
"Docking instructions, not even a simple hello." John said grimly. Rodney shot him a look as he flew us into the belly of the beast, and I found myself wanting to back out suddenly. The place gave off a cold, unwelcome vibe and I felt like a trespasser. Standing up, John looked at all of us, "Keep your weapons ready, remember that we may have an alliance but there still wraith." he reminded us. Nodding once, we checked everything over once more. I heard Ronon's gun power up as I cocked my P-90 and clicked off the safety so it was ready to fire. Walking to the rear hatch, John punched the button to open it. The door slowly descended to reveal several wraith guards aiming stunners at us. It was hard to tell who's gun came up first, mine or Ronon's. John was a clear third place winner, Teyla fourth and Rodney definitely last. My finger tensed on the trigger, waiting for John to give the order or for the waith to make a move that would justify me shooting them.  
"Stand down!" A raspy voice called out. The wraith guards lowered their weapons and slowly, we did the same. John glanced back at us for a moment before stepping out with me and Ronon flanking him. Then, the infamous Todd came into view. He looked much like any other wraith to me but I knew he was special, that him and John had an understanding. He had saved John's life and for that I was incredibly thankful.

Todd's hair was the same bleach-white, long, untameable mess as the other wraith I had seen. He had a long black trench coat too, and the same pale green, veiny skin. His claws were dirty, yellow, and at least two inches wrong. The thing that stood out though was that Todd had a long white beard, almost like Dumbledore in Harry Potter but not quite as long, and he hadn't tied it up either. With a creepy smile, he opened his arms in welcome,  
"Colonel Sheppard..." his voice was as hissy as the others and sent a shiver down my spine, "Welcome to my hive." he greeted us like he would a friend but I still couldn't relax. His eyes flickered over each of us in turn and when they rested upon me, he frowned slightly. John had followed his gaze and moved a little closer, almost imperceptable to the naked eye but I could feel it as he got closer. The air got hotter and a more tangeable electricity became noticeable.  
"Thanks. Todd, our new team member Lieutenant James. James, Todd the wraith." his voice was curt, cold, his eyes narrowed suspiciously and his body tensed, almost as if he was warning Todd to stay away from me with his body language. Todd nodded in understanding,  
"A pleasure. Colonel Sheppard, meet my second in command. He will be meeting with us." Todd introduced us to another leather clad wraith with long white hair, and we all glanced at him in acknowledgment. The air was tense, nobody particularly felt as if they wanted to be here but Todd seemed oblivious to it.

Motioning for us to follow him, he lead us in an uncomoftable silence down the gloomy corridors, it was all very haunted house like just as Rodney had said, with pulsing lights behind the dark walls. It was like being inside a giant body. Shivering at the thought I stuck close to John, who seemed to sense that I needed the comfort and allowed me to stick nearby. He brushed his hand ever so carefully across mine as we walked side by side, sending a jolt of electricity up my arm. Neither of us spoke or even looked at each other as we walked into a room behind the two wraith. There was a long table inside with three bowls piled high with colourful fruits. A few candles sending a burning smell into the air as the wax dribbled down and spilled onto the table. Time seemed to drag as we stood awkwardly in the doorway before Todd sat down and gestured for us to do the same. Slowly, we lowered ourselves into the wooden chairs and he smiled almost cheerily.  
"Please, eat, just a little something to make you feel more at home." he nodded at the fruit bowls and Rodney immediately reached forward and grabbed a banana. John gave him an incredulous look and he slowly put it on the table infront him and left it there. Todd chuckled, "It's not poisoned, it's safe to eat. May they be as delicious as the farmers who grew them." he said, putting Rodney right off of his banana. Swallowing I sat up straighter, my hand never leaving the trigger of my P-90 under the table. This was going to be a long meeting.


	13. Chapter 12: The Teyla Plan

John's Point of View:

The air was thick with tension, thick enough that you could cut it with a knife. It didn't help that Tegan was sat ramrod straight in her chair like Ronon, I only needed one of them so alert because the both of them were just making me nervous. Keller had proposed her new gene therapy; we were hoping to cure the wraith of their need to feed on humans. Michael had delivered the hoffan drug to so many humans it was making it damn near impossible for the wraith to feed, and although we hated to admit it we did kind of owed Todd a solution. Todd had originally laughed the idea off and we had all grew rather agitated, until Keller used some of her persuasive techniques to get him to think it over at least. Tegan was shifting uncomfortably now and had swallowed down only a few bites of fruit at Rodney's insistence. She looked tired again but otherwise kept her face blank. The room smelt of citrus and death, a strange combination that made me feel queasy. Tegan was rubbing her temples as Todd stood up,  
"We shall think of your proposal, feel free to enjoy more of the fruit." he said before leading his second out of the room. Frowning I looked at Tegan,  
"You okay?" I asked, letting my eyes trace every feature in her face as she looked at me.

Her unique grey eyes met my gaze and she gave me a tentative smile, plump pink lips tugging up at the corners. Damn, I wondered if they were as soft as they looked, as soft as they had felt in my dream. No, focus John keep your head in the game.  
"Yes, just a headache, I think it's this light." she said quietly. Rodney gave her shoulder a squeeze. That's when Ronon spoke up, just as Rodney reached for another banana,  
"This is a bad idea. We've been trying to get rid of the wraith for how long now? There's still huge numbers of them out there and this is our chance to really decimate their numbers." he insisted. Keller sighed, even Teyla looked unsure.  
"This isn't for them Ronon, it's for the humans in this galaxy. If the wraith accept this drug then it means they no longer have to live in fear." Tegan reminded him. Ronon grunted slightly and we remained silent for a while. Keller was nervously twisting her thumbs around as we waited, the only noise was the humming of the ship around us as the purple glow in the walls pulsed. Tegan groaned, "Jesus christ, they really ought to try bloody energy saving bulbs." she grumbled, shielding her eyes. Smirking slightly, me, Rodney and Keller struggled to hide our smiles. She raised an eyebrow at me, arching it gracefully. I shrugged trying to look innocent,  
"The way you say bloody..." I tapered off, she rolled her grey eyes and elbowed me in the ribs as the doors slid open to allow Todd and his second back in. She'd just sounded so British it was funny.

He surveyed us for a moment before sitting back down at the head of the long wooden table.  
"This gene therapy, I think it is a good idea. It is a solution with promising results and I would be willing to test it. I will send your proposal to the wraith alliance, however even if they agree only a small percentage of wratih are a part of the alliance. In order for any wraith to be given this drug, we must convince the main queen, our Primary, supreme queen...but she will only listen to another queen...my own hive lost our queen during battle three weeks ago, the Primary does not yet know this." Todd explained, his voice the usual hiss I was accustomed to sadly. Teyla frowned slightly, as did Keller. Ronon kept his face blank,  
"You better find a new queen then, fast." he said gruffly. Todd shook his head,  
"It's not that simple." Todd replied, his eyes drifted towards Teyla and I straightened in my seat, Tegan shook her head. The air was sucked out of my lungs, he wanted to use Teyla!? My team was my family, they meant everything to me, there was now way Teyla was going through with this, at least not while I was still breathing. "Teyla Emmagan's wraith DNA will allow her to pose as a queen without being detected. She could persuade the Primary-"  
"And I could shoot you right here right now." Ronon growled, standing up,  
"Ronon! Stand down!" I ordered. Ronon exchanged a look with me and I gave him a curt nod to tell him it was okay before he slowly lowered himself back down.  
"Look, as much as we would like to get this drug out I am not willing to risk one of my team in order to-"  
"I will do it." Teyla agreed, cutting me off in the process.

We all looked at her in shock, surely she knew this was ultimately my decision? As team leader I had to say yes or no to this, not her! Teyla looked at me and gave me a confident nod, she was sure of herself but I wasn't. Shaking my head I started to protest but Teyla didn't listen, she ended the meeting with Todd and began to walk back to the jumper. Ronon had practically leapt after her, Keller not too fair behind as I yelled for her to come back. Tegan put a hand on my arm but I shook my head, there was nothing she could say to make this better.  
"John! Look at me!" she cried, frustration lacing her voice. Turning I looked at her, my anger blazing in my eyes but she didn't flinch or back down as I roughly pulled my arm out of her girp. "Don't get angry at her. Getting angry at her won't solve anything, you need to listen to her John, not shout at her." she said calmly. Sighing exasperatedly I stalked away, still to angry to listen to her. Teyla was risking her life, my friend for the past four years, risking her life for the very thing we had been fighting. It made me feel sick to the stomach. Swallowing, I sat in the pilot seat of the jumper, vaugley aware of Tegan trying to be diplomatic and thanking Todd for his time before joining us in the jumper and standing between Ronon and Rodney behind me. The ride back to Atlantis was awkwardly silent, and the silence continued with Teyla ignoring all of us as we headed to the infirmary for post mission check ups. She was first in and first to head back to the armoury. She had done this on purpose and was probably planning on avoiding me for the rest of the day so I couldn't talk her out of this plan.

After I'd been cleared I hurried after her, dumping my gear in the armoury for some one else to sort out instead I quickly followed her down the corridor as she hurried away from me.  
"Teyla! Teyla wait up! I need to talk to you!" I called after her, jogging to catch up. Reluctantly, she stopped and turned to face me.  
"There is nothing to discuss John." she said with a sigh. I shook my head defiantly,  
"There's plenty to talk about Teyla. You agreed without consulting the rest of your team back there to a really bad mission. This is risky, really risky and I don't want to risk you, think of Torren." I tried. She shook her head,  
"I have thought it through John, and although I may not be able to rid the galaxy of all the wraith I can still help save many many people." she argued.  
"No no no no no Teyla, the wraith are still more technologically advanced than most! What if they just start a quest to dominate the galaxy like the Goa'uld did back in the Milky Way?" I countered. She shook her head,  
"And how many planets will continue to be culled during the wraith civil war? How many humans will have to die before it ends? I can help put an end to that John. I have to help if I can." she said softly. We remained silent for a moment, just letting people walk by us as we thought things through. Teyla was dead set in this, she wanted it and she was confident she could do it, so I needed to be confident in her. "But I cannot do this without the support of my team." she added, seeing my pensive look. Groaning slightly I ran a hand over my face, nodding shortly.  
"Then you have it. I'll give the idea to Woolsey and convince him to say yes. But Teyla...be careful." I warned before turning to do exactly as I had promised. I heard her say 'thank you' quietly as I walked away with a heavy heart, I still wasn't convinced this was a good idea but I had to support Teyla. She'd supported me through my really stupid ideas, it was time I returned the favour, especially when she was so confident about this. Sighing, I knocked on Woolsey's office door. He motioned for me to come in and I forced myself to perk up, and look a little more like my heart was in this mission.

Teyla was in surgery, she had been for the past four hours. I was pacing again, unable to stand still as we watched through the observation window. Ronon sat silently but he had a face like thunder and was tense, his glare showing he didn't approve of this either. Tegan was sleeping off her headache and Rodney was expecting her to wake up soon, he looked as white as a sheet as we watched the plastic surgery continue. Todd was in there too, advising Keller on how to make her look after having arrived an hour before surgery started to help. My stomach was in knots, if this went wrong... I didn't even want to think of that but this mission was just so dangerous. The positive was that me and the rest of the team were allowed to come in a jumper to oversee things, Teyla wouldn't be alone and if necessarry we could get her out of there. Tegan stumbled in, still looking sleepy as she rubbed her eyes with the heel of her hand.  
"Lorne said I'd find you here." she mumbled, seating herself between me and Rodney. I could feel the warmth radiating from her, it must have been damn cosy in that bed of hers. Not that I wanted to be in the same bed as her...maybe a little...oh this was ridiculous! Nothing like that could ever happen anyway!  
"How's your head?" I asked, wanting a distraction from what was going on below. She gave me a smile,  
"Better thank you." she replied, her grey eyes scrutinising my face. Her slender eyebrows rose slightly, as if she was questioning me. Her eyes flickered to Teyla and I could almost see the gears of her mind working as she connected the dots. Her hand reached out and squeezed mine, "Hey, she'll be okay. Teyla's strong and we'll be with her every step of the way." she said it reassuringly and it did help calm me down, which I thought was rather strange seeing as how if I became any more tense I was pretty sure someone would be able to snap me like a twig. Tegan had struggled at first to open up but you couldn't deny it, once she was open she was a damn good friend.

Nodding my head once in reply, we waited in a comfortable silence for another three hours, during which time I became aware that Tegan had a few habits. Though she kept her emotions off her face it was easy to tell she was nervous by the amount of times she shifted position in her chair, she also tended to chew her lip a lot as well and had taken to drumming her fingers against her thigh. Finally though, the drumming got to much for me, and without thinking I grabbed her hand and held it by my side to try and stop her. Her hand fit perfectly in mine, our fingers interlocking easily as if they were two halves of the same puzzel.  
"She's all done, just...resting." Keller said as she walked in. Her eyes flicking down towards our hands. We both quickly pulled away, me coughing awkwardly and rubbing the back of my neck as Tegan cleared her throat. Rodney just smirked as he walked past us and followed Keller out of the room. We followed them, me and Tegan staying at last six feet away from each other, what the hell was I thinking? Holding her hand like that was a stupid move! But I wasn't holding her hand, I was trying to stop her drumming her fingers! Oh hell! I stopped abruptly, brought up short by the new Teyla in the bed infront of us. Swallowing, I opened my mouth to say something but no sound would come out. Every instinct in my gut was screaming wraith at me and telling me to shoot, but the more rational side of my brain was reminding me this was Teyla, not just some other wraith.

Tegan thankfully saved the day by putting a hand on Teyla's shoulder with a grin,  
"Wow, you look good Teyla...you know, for a wraith. Right guys?" she prompted us all with a look that said play along. We nodded, forcing smiles onto our faces, but even I had to admit that it was a little creepy to see this. Teyla visibly relaxed though and smiled,  
"Thank you. I pass for a wraith queen?" she asked, her voice was the same hissy tone that all the wraith used and it made me jump slightly. I hadn't expected that. She was dressed in leather like most wraith were, and her hair was long and black instead of it's usual soft shade of brown. Her skin was a sickly pale green colour, with rotting sharp teeth and beady little eyes. It really was quiet a dramatic change. Tegan laughed,  
"Well you look better than Todd." she teased with a shrug as Todd frowned at her and bared his teeth a little. Todd turned to Teyla,  
"You do look the part, but you have a lot to learn about impersonating the wraith before we can meet the Primary. Come." he gestured to the door and we all took a deep breath, heading to the armoury I tapped my earpiece to let Wolsey know we were moving out.

After quickly gearing up we headed to a jumper and flew up to the hive ship together. It was quite boring really, not that I was complaining because it beat being shot at. We had nothing to do except watch as Todd taught Teyla the ways of being a wraith, or in leymans terms, to be ruthless and cruel. Teyla looked uncomfortable with the whole thing as Todd left three hours later to give his proposal to the Primary, with the promise that she would soon be contacting Todd's hive. We waited on the bridge of the hive, uncomfortably watching all the wraith on the console as they watched us. Tegan was getting antsy, though I knew she wouldn't admit it, instead she shifted from foot to foot and her hand kept clenching around the handle of her sidearm. Finally, whoever or whatever had been bugging her pushed her over the egde.  
"For gods sake! Stare at me again and I will put a bullet between your eyes so fast you won't be able to blink!" she threatened. All eyes shot towards us then and she seemed to realised what she'd done, swallowing and stepping back she mumbled a quick apology. The second in command hissed something inaudiable and they all snapped their eyes back to their consoles. When I moved a little closer to her I felt Tegan relax slightly, the air became less tense as Teyla sat up in the wraith queens throne thing. The consoles started to bleep and the second looked at Teyla,  
"Are you ready?" he asked her skeptically. She nodded her head once, her face blank of any emotion as the screen flickered to life infront of us.

There was some sort of greeting exchanged before the Primary chuckled,  
"I was beginning to think you did not exist." she hissed.  
"I assure you I'm quite real." Teyla replied, keeping her cool. The Primary had bright yellow eyes in her pale green skin, her face was almost heart shaped but it just made her look bony instead of pretty. Her hair was black like Teyla's and there was an amber pendant hanging around her neck.  
"Then let us meet in person. I will have my crew send the docking instructions. I expect to see you immediately." the Primary said in a harsh voice. Teyla didn't have time to reply before they cut the communication. Teyla looked at the second in command as Todd walked in and chuckled,  
"She likes you." he commented. Teyla just nodded her head, standing and walking over to us. I found myself itching to throw her over my shoulder and drag her back home, but I rememebed I had said I'd support her and forced myself to stay still,  
"Well the introductions went well...I must go now." she looked nervous and Tegan pulled her into a hug, something that shocked us all as it was out of character. Her cheeks flushed and she cleared her throat,  
"Be careful Teyla." she said, looking around nochalantly as Rodney smirked at her. His grin was so smug she slapped his arm with a glare.  
"Good luck." was all I could think to say. Teyla gave me a soft smile and nodded before turning to walk away. We watched her and Todd leave and an uneasy feeling settled in my stomach. Finally I looked at tegan, she had an uncanny abiity to have a spot on gut instinct and although it felt like I was jinxing the mission in some ways, I had to ask. "What's your feeling on this one?" She grimaced and that was all the answer I needed, but still she said it anyway,  
"That it could either go very well or very badly. I'm leaning towards the latter." she admitted.

I felt like groaning, but apparently there wasn't anything I could do about it anymore because the second in command informed us the scout ship had landed. We watched the hive ship dissappear into hyperspace and my stomach dropped. We'd just lost Teyla. It took me a moment to realise that Tegan and Ronon were already in a stand off with the wraith crew, weapons raised and glares being sent like daggers toward the wraith.  
"Hey you pair, stand down!" I barked, quickly stepping forward. They reluctantly lowered their weapons. "Did you know about this?" I demanded as the second stepped forward, glaring heatedly first at Ronon and then Tegan. I felt my blood boil, seeing him glare at her like that, I wasn't going to let him and I quickly stepped infront of her, feeling the need to protect her from him. The second slowly shook his head,  
"No! We were not informed of this, we did not know it would happen." he hissed. We had no evidence to contradict that but we had no evidence to prove it either. Swallowing harsly, I slowly relaxed my posture.  
"I guess for now we have to believe you, is there any way to track them?" I asked. The second walked over to a console, tapping a few buttons before shaking his head,  
"No. We cannot." he said finally. Running a hand through my hair I took a deep breath in.  
"Okay, we'll stay out of your hair and see if either of us can come up with a way to find them." I said finally, leading my team back to the room we had met Todd in in the first place.

Pacing back and forth we waited for a good hour for Rodney to figure something out, but even he was coming up short.  
"Rodney you're the smartest guy in two galaxies, figure it out already!" I groaned. The second in command came in...you know what he needs a name, because this is getting ridculous. Let's call him Kenny. "Kenny, you better have good news." I said, frustration in my voice. He stopped, momentarily confused by his new name but it got a snort of laughter from Ronon.  
"I have managed to locate them above a nebula, thanks to the subspace locator implanted in...Todd." he said the name carefully so we'd understand who we were talking about. Tegan nodded,  
"Well that's good then isn't it? We can go and fetch Teyla." she said, sounding confused. I was too, he looked hesitant to leave but the stench of death on this ship was starting to drive me insane, I had to get out of here soon if I could. These pulsing purple lights were making me feel like I was in a drug induced haze, my worry for Teyla was growing by the minute and I needed a helpful solution now because I was coming up with nothing and my head was starting to spin from thinking so hard.  
" If we arrive there, that hive will fire on us and destroy this ship." he hissed. Tegan furrowed her brows over her grey eyes, I noticed they had turned stormy. I stepped back and gave her a small gesture that told her she could take over from here, knowing she'd put him in his place.

Tegan took a few steps forward and Kenny looked her over like she was something below him. Tegan however didn't flinch, she didn't back down, and she instead found herself right infront of him.  
"Here's the thing. The wraith may not care enough for their own to find them in the middle of space, but we are not wraith. We don't leave people behind. Our teammate, no, our friend, she needs us right now and we are not going to stand around and do nothing while she may or may not be in danger. Now you can either give us the co-ordinates and we go their ourselves, leaving your friend to rot while we bust out ours, or you can come with us and we can save both of them, together, and save this alliance we have, because so far, you're making a mess of it." she said, her voice a shade darker than I thought it would be. She stood as tall as she could at five foot five and pulled back her shoulders, rippling authority. Kenny and her kept up their staring match and we awkwardly stood in the background before Kenny finally nodded,  
"We shall go to the nebula together." he said reluctantly, and Tegan, ever the diplomat but one of the first to draw her weapon if she thought her friends were in danger, smiled sweetly at him.  
"Thank you, see, we're all friends here." turning away from her, Kenny lead the way out and she turned to us with a wink, "What can I say, diplomacy is my strong suit...or is it threats? I can't quite decide." she shrugged innocently and I chuckled as I clapped her shoulder on the way out.  
"Well it might be threats, considering you just basically threatened to end our alliance with each other." I pointed out with a smirk. She rolled her eyes slightly as we walked side by side to the bridge. "But it worked so...nice job Lieutenant. Now let's go save Teyla."I kept my tone upbeat to keep my team confident as the ship jumped into hyperspace. I just prayed that as we travelled, Teyla wasn't getting in trouble.

When we dropped out of hyperspace, there was nothing but the nebula before us. I took a moment to admire it's beauty, finding a strange moment of peace even though I was getting agitated...my chest felt tight and my stomach was writhing. The swirling mass of yellow and other neutral colours was calming as I turned back to Kenny.  
"They have moved, they are now over a planet far away." Kenny informed us. Tegan frowned slightly,  
"Is there a stargate?" I asked, a plan forming in my mind. Rodney clicked a few things on his tablet as Kenny nodded,  
"On both planets, yes." he said.  
"We could take the jumper and get to Teyla's hive ship." Rodney realised. I nodded,  
"Bingo, think you can give us those address's?" I asked Kenny, who nodded once, even though he was as reluctant as ever to do us a favour. Rodney gave me a nod to tell me he had the adress and we said a quick goodbye before heading for the jumper. We moved like there was fire chasing us, we didn't know how long Teyla would be there for so we had to move fast. Tegan dialled the gate with a grin as we flew down to the planets gate. "Oh hey! First time you dialled a gate, congratulations!" I cheered teasingly. Tegan rolled her eyes at me but laughed none the less.  
"Thank you, thank you, I'd like to thank General O'Neill for this...this life changing opportunity. Oh, and for looking past the fact that I am a raging bitch and letting me come to the Pegasus galaxy." she spoke as if she were accepting an award and we all had to laugh at that. A moment of normalicy in our hectic mission to save Teyla.

Flying through the gate as fast as it was safe to go we headed back up into space. Once we had passed the atmosphere we saw there were two hives engaging in a battle  
"Holy crap, Rodney which ones Teyla on?" I asked, cloaking the ship and doing a few evasive manoeuveres to make sure neither hive ship could pinpoint us as we hid and watched the battle. The shockwaves registering against the ships shield didn't jolt us thankfully, but the explosions were bright and made us all squint. Bits and pieces of wraith hive ship were foating about in space.  
"One on the left." Rodney informed me after a tense moment of silence. So I flew up, dodging the wraith darts and the debris to fire a few drones at the main parts of the ship, disabling weapons and engines and such the like so that Teyla's ship could finish them off. Cloaking us again I flew out of the way, and we waited with baited breath as the enemy hive exploded. The shockwave was enough to jolt us this time, and Tegan fell straight into me. Swallowing, I tried to ignore the fact she currently had a hand on my thigh in order to balance herself and that when she she looked up and swallowed she was so close I could have kissed her. Her breath was warm and tickling my lips and her grey eyes looked up at me from under her lashes. Shaking my head out of the daze I seemed to be in, I cleared my throat and helped her up. Her cheeks had flushed bright red with embarrassment as she slowly sat back in her chair.  
"I hate being so small." she grumbled under her breath. It was true, the smaller you were the easier it was to get thrown about, especially with her willowy, thin frame.

"We can get in with those darts." I voiced my thoughts and got a few nods before flying the jumper into the belly of the hive with the darts. Setting it down after I was sure we wouldn't squash any wraith I looked at the others. "Okay, so we fight our way in if necessarry and we bust Teyla out. Try and keep a low profile though if we can." I told them. Tegan and Ronon shot each other a grin so similar it was almost scary, they were far to alike when it came to wanting the wraith dead, though I knew Tegan was only happy to kill these wraith like she was because they had taken Teyla. Opening the back of the jumper, I was shocked to see we were surrounded. "Open fire!" I ordered, crouching to get into a better position as I unloaded my P-90 on the hoardes of wraith infront of me. My heart was beating rapidly and my stomach twisted nauseatingly...I couldn't see a way out of this other than to fight but there was so many of them. I heard Tegan call Rodney's name and heard a thump, realising he'd been shot. I shuffled back to try and get him out of the way and found a sharp sting in my side. I went down, trying to fight the electricity running through my body as it slowly took me under. I could feel my body being dragged backwards but I didn't get to see by who because I blacked out, vaugley hearing Tegan's muffled shouting to Ronon.

Something warm was on my chest, I couldn't quite tell what but it was warm and...sort of soft but also kind of hard. Forcing my eyes to open, I squinted at the light that invaded my eyes, throwing my arm up to shield my eyes for a second. I groaned before letting my arm back down once my eyes had adjusted a bit. My side seemed extra lumpy and it was concerning me. Frowning, I felt up along my side, feeling tac vest and, was that an arm? Looking down, I saw it was Tegan. Still unconcious as she lay ontop of me. Her face looked peaceful, young, well she wasn't yet thirty, of course she was young. Ronon and Rodney were still unconcious too meaning I was the first one to wake up, so it fell to me to wake up everyone else. Unsure of where to put my hands I hesitantly put one on her waist, the other hand going on the arm she had draped across my chest. Swallowing slightly I shook her lightly. Tegan gave a slight moan and shifted, burying her face in my chest as I shook her again.  
"Tegan...come on Tegan, wakey wakey." I muttered. She moaned again,  
"Alex fuck off." she groaned. Raising my eyebrows I chuckled,  
"I'm not Alex Lieutenant, come on, get up." I said firmly. Her hand clutched my jacket as her grey eyes fluttered open. She blinked, looking around in a confused kind of daze,  
"What? Where's...oh...shit." she whispered, looking at me wide eyed as I gave her an amused smile. Placing a hand either side of my head she went to push herself up, and I gave her a small push to help her out and sat up myself, rubbing my head slightly. Damn those stunners had some pretty strange side effects.  
"Who's Alex?" I asked curiously.

Tegan looked at me with a frown,  
"How do you know Alex?" she asked. I raised an eyebrow as I went to shake Ronon awake.  
"You said his name as you woke up."I replied. She smiled slightly,  
"It's a her, Alexandra Withers. She was er...part of my old team, back on earth...She was my best friend really, a pilot. She died during an extraction from Afghanistan. They were loading on the injured and she was shot through the door. She managed to fly them back to base but the internal bleeding was too bad, by the time they got her ready to operate on she was dead." she said quietly. Frowning slightly, I murmered a quiet apology but she just shook her head, "It's okay. she died a hero. She'd have wanted it that way." looking out the door I left Tegan alone to her thoughts as I woke Rodney. Just as he was getting up, the door opened to reveal wraith Teyla. I frowned in confusion as she ordered the wraith guards to leave. I opened my mouth to ask a question but Teyla hushed me.  
"I do not have time to answer your questions. But you must know that I am the queen of this hive now. Todd set me up, now the wraith follow me. I cannot leave until I have solidified my position as queen." she explained quickly, glancing over her shoulder incase anyone should over hear her. Tegan frowned,  
"Are you okay?" she asked. Teyla nodded and gave her a small smile. I had feeling those two were good friends now.

"I can get Todd to try and get you out of here." she said, before turning and walking off again. Sighing, I sat back against the wall and looked at the others,  
"Get comfy, this could be a long wait." I informed them. Tegan raised and eyebrow,  
"Anybody up for thumb war?" she asked. Rodney shuffled closer with a nod and I spent at least half an hour seperating them as they bickered over who had actually won.  
"Okay I've had enough!" I cried finally. Tegan and Rodney fell silent. "Okay, okay...I spy with my little eye something beginning with c." I sighed, knowing I'd really regret that later,  
"Carbon dioxide!" Rodney guessed. Tegan raised her eyebrow incredulously at him.  
"You can't see that Rodney, it's a gas! It's invisble to the naked eye and it doesn't count." she informed him."Cells?" she guessed. Smirking a bit I nodded,  
"Yeah, how'd you guess?" I asked teasingly. She giggled, she actually giggled and I think even she was suprised that she had because her eyes widened and she looked at Rodney in disbelief. The giggle, however short it was, had been a melodic sound, one I was almost desperate to hear again. Tegan never giggled and her laugh was...saved for certain occasions.

"Wow Tegan, you haven't giggled like that since you were what? sixteen?" Rodney asked, looking impressed with me. Tegan frowned,  
"Christ." she muttered under her breath. I raised an eyebrow,  
"There's nothing wrong with letting loose a little." I pointed out. She shook her head and smiled, though it was a weary one,  
"I spy with my little eye something beginning with...uh...w." she said, clearly trying to divert attention away from her. That was when Todd entered the room,  
"Wraith?" Rodney guessed bitterly. Tegan smirked a little as we stood up to face him.  
"Come, you are being transported back to my ship." he said, unlocking the door to let us out. Nodding my head once, we walked in an awkward silence towards the ship. Teyla came with us in the jumper and Todd stayed behind. Teyla told us what had happened on the way back to the stargate, since we wanted to go straight home.  
"Todd and I came to an agreement. Now that they think I am their queen, Todd can stay behind and convince them to take the gene therapy drug. He is now the commander of the wraith alliance." Grimacing, I tried to debate in my head whether that was a good or bad thing. Seeing my troubled look, Tegan (who had been dialling the gate beside me) completed the address and waited until we were docked in the jumper bay before she placed her hand on my arm comfortingly and said,  
""Hey,whatever happens next, we'll figure it out together. Okay?" For a while I just stared into her eyes, she really did seem sure that whatever happened, we'd be okay. She knew she didn't have all the answers, but she was confident she could get some. Nodding my head I patted her arm,  
"Okay. We'll figure it out...together." I agreed.


	14. Chapter 13: I never Said Goodbye

Tegan's Point of View:

I never got to say goodbye...I already miss them all. I just up and left and now they'll think I didn't care but I do. Oh god, suck it up James! You're a soldier not a sap!

Shaking it off I focused on the screen infront of me and watched what was happening, General O'Neill stood beside me with a intense look of disgust on his face as the images played. No matter how hard I tried to focus though, I couldn't. My stomach was in knots and a weight had settled on my chest...that weight was guilt. It ate at me constantly and there was a longing feeling I couldn't shake plauging my every thought. But I needed to be here right now, not there. Still, I was allowed to miss them right? They were my friends. Teyla and Kanaan and Torren, I could still see all of them watching me as I ran past the messhall, not stopping to say goodbye. Ronon would have gladly put his tracking skills to good use for me right now but he wasn't here. Rodney wasn't here either. There was no John, no Major Lorne even though we only really spoke twice. Heck I was even missing Keller. Atlantis was so far away now and I'd never felt more isolated. Rodney wasn't around to comfort me this time and John...god I missed him more than I cared to admit. John and his warm presence, the relief it gave me just seeing him with his arms crossed and that smirk on his face would have alleviated some of the tension in my body.  
"Lieutenant are you even watching?" the General asked, nudging my arm. Blinking once I sighed and ran a hand through my hair,  
"No I'm not. I'm sorry, I've got a lot on my mind sir. You don't have to be here, I'm watching this time." I assured him and pressed rewind on the video. General O'Neill didn't look particularly happy, infact, he looked a little green almost. Pushing the thoughts of my friends away I tried to focus on the screen and watch what was going on. The whole reason I had left in the first place was on the screen infront of me.

Three Hours Earlier:

Tegan was walking towards the training room, she was going to meet up with John and Ronon for a sparring session but before she could get there her earpiece crackled.  
"Lieutenant James come to my office immediately, you have a visitor." Woolsey sounded moody. Frowning slightly, Tegan changed course, notifying John that Woolsey wanted her so she'd be late. The halls of Atlantis were quiet, the sea outside glittering in the sunlight. A tranquil feeling settled over Tegan when she looked at the picturesque scene. The one person she hadn't expected to see in Woolsey's office was General O'Neill, looking solemn and sat rigidly in the chair beside Woolsey's desk. Woolsey had a face like thunder, angrily staring at the General and standing when he saw the young Lieutenant walk in. Looking relcutant and bitter he walked out of his own office, shutting the door behind him. O'Neill raised his eyebrows,  
"Is he always so...pushy?" he asked, breaking the silence. Tegan frowned,  
"I haven't had much cause to speak to him sir." she replied, keeping her tone polite and respectful, but the confusion was plain on her face. Why was he here to see her? The General took in her appearance. Her tan had become darker since he'd dropped her off at Stargate Command all those months ago. Had it really been half a year already? Her expression was lighter too, less closed off and the tension she had once held in her shoulders was gone, Atlantis had done her good apparently. Guilt began to creep in that he had to give her such bad news.  
"At ease Lieutenant...this isn't professional, this is personal."

Immediately, Tegan felt her body tense up, every muscle coiled tight like a spring and she straightened like there was a pole up her back. Her arms dropped to her sides, her mouth going dry and her throat closing up. The air was getting difficult to breathe but she forced herself to remain standing, her full attention on the General who could have sworn he saw a flash of panic flit through her unique grey eyes.  
"He's found me hasn't he?" she asked, her voice sounding detatched and her expression letting the General know she wasn't currently in Atlantis but somewhere much furthur away. The General shook his head,  
"Not you, no...but he's surfaced. Lieutenant, the British authorities have been in touch, there was a fire at your home...three people are dead and it's been burned to the ground, nothing was left standing." the General informed her, a melancholy note in his voice. The words were swimming around Tegan's head, not really sinking in but forcing her to sit down. Swallowing hard, she tried not to think about it but she had to ask,  
"Were the bodies identified?" The General looked at her uncertainly, did she really want to know? Seeing her serious expression he realised she did, she must have known the people in that house.  
"They were thought to be squatters because they and there families appeared to be living there...There was Monica Loretz and a James Grundy...the last was a child, her family identified her as Lisa McCauley." he told her. Tegan looked down at the floor. He had taken away three more people she cared about, a child no less.  
"They weren't squatters. I gave them the rights to the house, it belongs to them and they live there together...all of them."she replied, staring blankly at the floor.

General O'Neill nodded in understanding, watching her stand up and begin to pace the room with a hard stare, chewing her lower lip.  
"He left a video message for you too, nobody's been allowed to see it but the President and your Prime Minister."  
O'Neill looked disgusted by the very thought but Tegan didn't seem fazed, as if she had expected it. In a way, he supposed she had. Tegan looked at him blankly,  
"I'm presuming there's an option for me to return home, otherwise you wouldn't be here." she spoke calmly but he could see it in her eyes that this had disturbed her. The shock had hit her like a brick wall and she was slightly frustrated at herself, that she had let herself become so naieve as to think she was safe now, that he'd given up maybe. O'Neill handed her over a folder,  
"I was ordered not to read them, but I've been told that those orders come from the highest clearance in both the British and American governments." O'Neill watched her eyes subtly widen and heard her sharp intake of breath. O'Neill hadn't been allowed the details of this mission, but he knew enough of the history between both Tegan and this man to connect the dots. Tegan was struggling to process the words printed on the page before her.

Three British civillians are dead. Lieutenant James, your mission is simple, put this man down and end his reign of terror. Keep it quiet, no one must ever know that we were involved, but the government will give you anything you need. You're the best of the best, the only one who can finish this job. Finish it quickly.

Shutting the folder she handed it back to the General and gave him a short nod,  
"I have my orders, I'll be returning to Earth with you." she informed him. He nodded and ordered her to pack her bags. Tegan raced through the halls and did exactly as ordered, packing everything haphazardly and in a rush before sprinting back to the gateroom. All the while her mind was on what awaited her back home. She knew that one day he would come for her, he had promised her he would, but this was too soon. She was about to kill a man, a man that had slaughtered her parents and just killed three more of her friends, a twisted and deranged man that had ruined her life. But she was just following orders. Did that make her a bad person? Did it make her a bad person that she wanted revenge almost as much as he clearly wanted her dead? Could she live with herself after this? Would any of her friends ever look at her the same? She didn't even want to think of what Rodney would say if he found out. The wormhole engaged and Tegan didn't look back as she stepped through, knowing if she did, she'd find too many reasons to stay.

John and Ronon never did see her for that sparring session.

"Tegan James, it's been far too long and I admit that's mostly my fault, though you did move around a lot didn't you? Canada, back to Britain again, deployed to Iraq, Afghanistan...you're quite the traveller. But I always find my prey. I'm coming sweetheart. Destroying your home means I am one step closer to destroying you and I won't stop until I have. I made a promise long ago to your farther that I wouldn't stop until every last James was wiped off of the face of the Earth, you're the last one Tegan. As Edgar Allan Poe once said, the boundaries which divide life and death are at best shadowy and vague, who shall say where the one ends and where the other begins? That person is me Tegan, I decided where it ends for you and I've been planning this your whole life from the moment I saw you in that ballroom. If you want to finish this, then you should start where it all began. If you don't come to me, I'll come to you."

The terrifying red eyes from my nightmares were before me once more, set into a pale and sunken face with a pointed chin and a long nose. His eyebrows were so light they were almost invisble, matching his still platinum blond hair. It wasn't in a ponytail anymore but had been cut short in a buzz cut, barely more than fuzz on his head. Thin lips pulled back in a devious smirk as he sat in plain white room, no clues to be found behind him to let me guess his location. He was in a black tank top, showing off some rather buff muscles and the black ink stretching up his inner arms. The only thing that seemed different about him from the last time I had seen him were the crinkles at the edges of his eyes, the only sign he had aged. General O'Neill turned the tape off and looked at me. We were in his office at the SGC and I was sat on the edge of his desk in my civillian clothing, seeing as this wasn't an SGC mission there was no need for uniform.  
"Who is that creep Lieutenant?" he asked, finally looking at the screen with a frown. My stomach was twisting nauesously but I pushed the feeling aside, keeping my voice and face blank of any emotion.  
"That creep is commonly known as The Ghost, his real name is Gary Murdale. He's originally from Scandinavia but had joined up with the rebel forces while America were in Iraq before we came to help. My dad wasn't a good man General but I loved him anyway, he dealt under the table. Weapons. He was dealing with Murdale but the deal turned sour. People were cottoning on to my dads activities and suspecting him, he was panicking and cut off the deal, handing over Murdale's name...Iraqi police got hold of the information from our government and tried to arrest him, when he put up a fight his family were killed in the crossfire on accident. He's blamed my family ever since and went rogue, splitting from the Iraq rebels and going off on his own, robbing banks to fund himself and plotting our murders one by one. My parents were his latest victims, and I complete the list. Once I'm dead his revenge is complete." I explained.

O'Neill looked almost incredulous but noticed my sincere expression and schooled his face into a blank mask.  
"What do you need?" he asked finally. Standing up I shrugged,  
"A flight to Paris." I replied walking to the door. O'Neill seemed to choke on the air, scoffing and shaking his head,  
"Reinforcements?" he said as if it was obvious. Placing a hand on the doorframe I shook my head,  
"No, he'll just kill them, this is personal. Besides, who'll back me up?" I asked rhetorically, almost flinching at the choice of words. Walking out of the room I fought every instinct in my body that told me to go back and get my team. But Atlantis needed my team more than me and I couldn't put them in this kind of danger. Pulling everything I needed out of my locker I headed for the surface, using my phone to book a rental car in Paris ahead of my arrival. O'Neill had had one of the young Sergeants drive me to the airport in his pick up truck and I sent back my thanks with the young Sergeant. Seating myself on the plane I stared out of the window, watching the people scurry about below with no idea I was on this plane planning a mans murder. Guilt began to eat at me, the blue skies in America weren't nearly as plesant as those on Atlantis. I already missed looking out over the water. Sighing to myself I settled back in the seat, knowing I should at least try to sleep before I started tracking down The Ghost.

As the plane soared into the sky I couldn't help but think, **_John, Rodney, if I die out here, I'm so sorry I never said goodby_**


	15. Chapter 14:It's Like Capture The Flag

Tegan's Point of View:

The plane had landed half an hour ago. General O'Neill had been in touch and told me he had had a few weapons beamed into the nearest hotel, the one I was booked into. It meant I had to drive quite a while to get to where I needed to go, two hours infact, but I was grateful for it because there was no way I could be spotted in the area and tracked back easily after I'd done the deed. The room was small, bare, I didn't need extravegence. The walls were a strange beige colour, and there was a window on the far right when you walked in, a plain wooden desk sat underneath the window that had black curtains over the top to block out the light. The bed was double sized, a bland wooden bedstead and plain white sheets. A strange green coloured carpet was on the floor and looked worn in places. Well, I said it was a simple place didn't I? Currently, I was sitting cross legged on my double bed. I was jet lagged after not having a proper sleep on the plane but I fought back the fatigue and continued to click the mouse to allign the two blueprints side by side. One was a floor plan of the hotel I needed to go to and how to get to the room I needed. The other, a detailed plan of all of the security details they had added in. Shivering slightly, I pulled my dressing gown tighter around me. It was the hotels own and considering they hadn't appeared to put the heating on yet here it was definitely needed. The thick, fluffy material shielded me mostly from the cold room, my pyjamas did little to keep heat in. My eyebrows furrowed slightly, if I was going to get into the ball room I would have to discreetly pass six security cameras and one motion senser. The motion senser was easy enough to pass, the cameras however would pose a problem.

Rubbing my forehead I sighed slighty, scrunching my nose up and shutting the lid of my laptop, putting it on the bedside locker. I let my mind wander, quickly shredding off my dressing gown in the process and curling up under the sheets in the process, my cheek pressed against my pillow and the covers pulled up to my chin. How was everybody? Surely by now they knew I was gone? Did they hate me? Why hadn't I just turned around and asked for my team to come with me? Teyla, Ronon, Rodney, John, they were all more than capable of fighting The Ghost with me...well maybe not Rodney but he'd be damn helpful on the computer. But this was personal, hell only Rodney and John actually knew the truth about what had happened to my parents, it'd be quiet awkward to explain. What were they doing right now? Was the sun setting on Atlantis? I could still remember the sky turning a burnt orange, rays spreading out like paint on a canvas and making the ocean below it glitter. The memory sent a pang of longing through me and I momentarily wished that I was back on Atlantis, where the people I loved and I myself was safe. But then I felt guilty, three of my friends had died, one of my friends children was being buried because of me. The guilt was overwhelming and I knew I had to be here. The dizzying thoughts had worked their magic and exhausted my already tired mind to the point where I just couldn't keep my eyes open anymore, and they slid closed, allowing a restless sleep to overtake me.

John's Point of View:

We had been sitting in the mess hall for fifteen minutes now and still there was no sign of Tegan. She wasn't answering her radio to any of us either and I was getting really worried now. We all were. Teyla picked at her salad, a small frown creasing her brow, Ronon was eating but still had a far off look in his eye, he didn't say much but I knew he held Tegan in high esteem. Rodney had joined us with a mountain of food and kept shovelling it in in silent thought. I'd had a sandwhich, a chocolate cake slice and some water, not in the mood to eat much. I'd picked at it until it was all gone before I tried Tegan once more on the radio. She hadn't replied and that was five minutes ago. By now I was feeling on edge, agitated and frustrated that she wouldn't reply. What was her problem? Was she ignoring us for some reason? But I didn't think we'd done anything. Frowning, I leaned back in my chair and crossed my arms over my chest.  
"Chuck, do me a sensor check to see if you can find Lieutenant James." I ordered, my irritation seeping through into my voice. Chuck sounded confused when he replied,  
"She left hours ago now sir, with General O'Neill. She didn't tell you sir?" My frown deepened and I pursed my lips.  
"No. No she didn't, none of us." I grumbled under my breath. Why wouldn't she tell us she was leaving? She'd only been here for half a year, she had another six months before her contract would run out so why leave now?  
"Oh...well she left sir, not even Woolsey knows why. I'm sorry." Chuck said sincerely.  
"No need, thanks. Sheppard out." I cut the line and looked up at my team.

They were all watching me with various degrees of anxiety and curiousity in their expressions. The problem was, I hated having to be the one to break the news to them. Especially to Rodney who had been so happy to have her here. "She left." I announced finally, "She left and no one knows why." Teyla and Ronon frowned, confusion and disappointment evident on their faces. Rodney however, look crushed. His face fell and he swallowed thickly, pushing his tray of food aside and standing up, mumbling an apology under his breath before hurrying out of the mess hall.  
"Why would she not tell us?" Teyla asked quietly, watching him go with a concerned motherly expression. Shaking my head I stood up to, not sure I wanted to be in the very public mess hall anymore.  
"I don't know, unless it was something that she didn't feel she could tell us...excuse me guys, I'll see you later or something." I mumbled before turning and striding from the room. It didn't make any sense and all of these crazy emotions swirling around inside me right now were putting me on edge. The bitter disappointment, the frustration, the sadness. It all blurred into one crazy time bomb that was just waiting to go off. She had told me...she had _confided_ in me with what had happened to her parents. She had told me things only Rodney knew and we had this strange connection that I didn't share with any of my other team members. She had told me these things, she had told Rodney these things so why didn't she feel she could tell me...

Unless it was the same thing she couldn't tell me a while ago. The thing she just wasn't ready to say that she now had to face alone. She could face twenty wraith with only a pistol without a single glimmer of fear passing over her face, but she couldn't pluck up the courage to tell me one thing...  
_"If you really must know someone was going to try and murder me." _My steps slowed slightly and I thought it through in my head. She left without telling anyone of us why, suddenly and without a goodbye, she left without warning...something big had happened. _She had been running from someone, and that someone might have just found her. _My stomach dropped, my head began to whirl and I turned on my heel, sprinting straight to the control room, then up the stairs before finally bursting into Woolsey's office like a hurricane was on my heels. Woolsey looked up with an irritated expression and raised his eyebrows at me while I slammed the door closed behind me. "Sir, did General O'Neill say anything about why he took Lieutenant James?" I asked, urgency dripping from my voice. Woolsey frowned slightly and stood up, walking around his desk to lean against it.  
"No, not really Colonel, and even if he did I wouldn't be at liberty to discuss it with you." he told me honestly. His eyes were burning holes in my face, curiousity in his gaze while I tried desperately to hold myself together. Woolsey saw my desperate, pleading look and folded his arms over his chest. "I did ask." he revealed, "But I was told nothing. However, from what I heard I believe her return to Earth was to do with the sudden passing of a friend. She looked very distressed, and fleetingly said something about a fire before running back to her quarters to pack." he informed me. Looking me up and down he didn't bother to hide his concern. "You look rather alarmed Colonel, are you alright?" he asked.

Swallowing I looked at the floor. Was I? My stomach was twisting itself into anxious knots, threatening to bring back all my lunch. My chest had tightened. A fire? Death? It had to be, she had to have been found by this mystery man.  
"No I'm not, I have reason to believe that maybe Lieutenant James is in trouble and I want permission to take my team to Earth to check on her." I said hurriedly. Woolsey raised an eyebrow,  
"I'm afraid I can't authorise that. Not without knowing exactly what you're on about and I don't think you're going to tell me." Woolsey said firmly, looking unhappy when I continued to inist that she may need back up. "Colonel Sheppard that is enough! I cannot send you back to Earth without a valid reason and you have failed to give me one! That is the end of this discussion!" Woolsey snapped. I felt like a child being scolded by my farther all over again. When he raised his voice, Woolsey was an intimidating man. But I was fuelled by a fire, a burning need to protect my teammate, my friend...the woman I cared about more than I cared to admit.  
"Dial up Earth and call General O'Neill." I blurted out. Woolsey looked absolutely livid now, eyes bulging behind his glasses, his lips pressed tighter together than usual and turning blue in the face. But I wasn't going to let him win.  
"Colonel Sheppard I'm about to-"  
"Let me talk to General O'Neill about this! Please sir!" I yelled over his shouting. Woolsey glared at me heatedly and stalked out,  
"Fine. But when General O'Neill declines your request I'm filing a report for insubordination, refusing to follow orders." he snapped at me and barked at Chuck to dial Earth. Chuck visibly jumped and hurried to do as he asked. Grimacing, I prayed General O'Neill would understand my side of the argument and would let me go.

Tegan's Point of View:

It'd been twenty four hours since the plane landed, and I was preparing myself to enter the hotel. I had my plan sorted in my head and it would be an easy operation, I hoped. Pulling the hair of the black wig into a braid, I stood from my chair and pulled on my two sizes too big boots. Nobody would be able to recognise me on camera once I'd ditched all of this stuff afterwards. Digging my knives into my boots I exited my room with a glock tucked into the waistband of my jeans. The walk to the hotel was short, my hands pushed deep into the pockets of my jeans. Each step was bringing me closer to the man I didn't want to be anywhere near, and I felt sick knowing I'd have to go back into the room my parents were murdered in. The hotel itself was just three blocks away, easy to get to and I had studied the plans enough yesterday that it would be easy to get into aswell. But as I stood infront of the impressive hotel, lights on in every window illuminating it like a twenty three story christmas tree, my mouth went dry. The trick was to walk in there like I belonged, so, holding my head high, I strode into the main entry. The reception was a long desk, made of dark polished wood with a chandelier hanging from the ceiling, the golden elevator doors I remembered were to the left. The security guards on the door barely gave me a second glance and I walked beside a woman in a business suit towards the elevators, going unnoticed by those on the main desk. The elevator doors man opened them up, and I tried to swallow past the dryness in my throat, keeping my face carefully blank. My stomach started to twist a little and nervous butterflies errupted in my stomach, not the good type either. The ride up in the elevator was silent. _Okay. Step one is complete. Step two, head to the janitors closet, third door on the right, and grab the gear. Then, head to the ballroom and use the janitor's disguise to gain entry. _I repeated step two over and over in my head like a mantra. My heart started beating harder in my chest.

The doors slid open with an annoying ding and I stepped out as casually as I could, walking at a steady pace towards the janitors closet and waiting until that business woman was out of site before I slipped inside, unseen. Switching on the light I found everything I needed, fresh overalls and a bucket, mop, cleaning fluids and brushes. Stripping out of my baggy clothes I shoved them into a black bag, hanging it on the side of a spare trolley and placing some bottles of bleach, disenfectant and air freshner onto the trolley. Filling up a bucket half full of water from the sink and placing a mop and a brush in my trolley, I used my fingers to pry open my one eye, placing my fingertip in and removing my green contact lense before repeating the process with my other eye and throwing them both away, washing them down the sink before I put in a fresh set of contact lenses. My eyes were blue when I walked out of the janitors closer, exhaling slowly. _Step two is complete. Step three, head back to the elevator and take it up to the twenty fourth floor, use the janitors disguise and get inside. Move fast, but move carefully. _My hands gripped the handle of the trolley far too tight and I tried to relax my grip, my heart was now hammering in my chest as the elevator soared upwards. Biting my lower lip, I took a deep breath and slowly blew it out again, my face remaining a mask of calm as I pulled on the janitors cap so it covered half of my face. Keeping my head down I shuffled along the corridor towards the big oak doors, the wood polished with shiny golden door handles. As expected, there were a few people wondering up and down the corridor. Holding my breath, I tried the door handle. it was locked. Feeling a little panicked I reached a hand into my pocket for the bunch of keys that janitors always had. Looking at the lock I quickly filtered through the bunch of twenty plus keys and narrowed it down through the shape of the lock and edge of the key. My heart was hammering, my palms started to sweat as I tried one key after another until finally the lock clicked. Glancing around I saw nobody was watcing me as the door swung open and I pushed the trolley through the gap. Shutting the door behind me I pulled the cap off of my head and looked around, the room was empty and I had paused the cameras earlier. There were the usual crystal chandeliers hanging from the ceiling, the wooden dance floor was a large square in the middle of the room, surrounded by a dark green carpet. Closing my eyes I fought back the torrent of emotion threatening to overpower me and counted to ten in my head.

1,2,3, you should start where it all ended, 4,5,6,7, the balcony doors in here were closed and it would be hard to hide anything on them, 8,9,10...my dad died on the dancefloor.

Opening my eyes I headed that way immediately, standing roughly where he stood when he had collapsed after a bullet blew through his skull. Looking around I frowned, there was nothing here. The woodwork had a pattern on it of course, the grains swirling and circling together but the blood stain was long since gone and there were no clues as to what I should do next. The boards were lieing side by side, the grooves between them evenly spaced and all equal sizes. Frowning slighly, I hesitantly tapped my foot on a few of the boards, the sound of something reinforcing it underneath making a dull thudding sound. Moving my foot around and checking a larger area around me my eyebrows rose when I heard an echoing thud, a sure sign that whatever was underneath was hollow. Looking around I inhaled sharply, I didn't have much time left and I needed to be out of here quickly. Dropping to my knees I pulled out the keys again, taking the longest one I could find and jamming it between two boards, wiggling it to pry up the wood that creaked in protest. The sound was to loud in the silence of the room and made me bite my lip, my heart rate accelerating horribly and my chest tightening. Swallowing, I moved my hand faster until finally, the wood gave out and came up slightly, allowing me to get my fingertips under it and yank it up. The ripping sound was far to loud. Looking inside the darkness of the hole I saw it, a small silver USB stick. Reaching inside, my fingers clasped around the cool metal and I stuffed it into my pocket, stamping the floorboard back into place and hurrying to my trolley. Opening the door I slipped out silently, locking up the door again and moving back towards the elevator. _Step three complete, package retrieved, now get back to the closet, change back and get back out onto the street_ I thought, my hands trembling. A light layer of sweat was covering my body now, my heart rabbiting in my chest. I was so so close, I couldn't get caught now. The elevator doors slid open and I moved back quickly to the closest. The overalls were hung back up, my baggy clothes back on, everything I had taken back in it's place. Pulling my hair in it's braid out of the cap I exhaled. _This was it. The crucial moment...I had to get out of here._ The door rattled and I felt my eyes widen. Turning off the light I made sure the USB stick was safely tucked away in my pocket and pressed my back flat against the wall. When the door opened, I had successfully hidden myself behind it and was waiting with baited breath for the whistling man to leave again. He stepped towards the sink and I realised he had headphones in. Careful to keep my face away from any cameras outside I slipped around the door and back towards the elevators, heart pounding wildly in my chest as I rode it down and walked out onto the street. The nearest alleyway was a block away and I jogged there.

Breathing heavily, I grabbed my back pack from the place I'd hidden it behind the dumpster and stripped out of my clothes, quickly changing into my own proper fitting ones and dumping all of the baggy stuff in the backpack, along with the wig and the contact lenses. With the USB stick safely clenched in my fist I dumped my backpack into the dumpster and slipped out of the alleyway into the crowd. My whole body was rigid with tension, but I walked as though I had just returned from a leisurely stroll through the town. The cheap hotel I was staying in looked even worse when I compared it to the hotel I had come from. Sighing, I shook my head and started up the stairs. Each step took me closer to a safe place, a place I wouldn't come to any harm. That's what I belived anyway in order to keep my cool. My steps felt heavy, and although I had achieved something today I didn't feel like it was enough. I should have been going off world with John and the team, not skulking around a hotel for a clue to lead me towards some screwed up killer. Shaking my head I tried to push the thoughts away, they weren't here, my team weren't with me this time and I'd never felt more alone. Opening up my hotel room I looked up and dropped my key card in shock. Staring back at me were four familiar faces, and a pair of brown eyes I adored.  
"John." I whispered. Shock had frozen me in place and knocked the air out of my lungs. My team looked back at me, glancing between one another before John spoke up,  
"Tegan. I believe you have some explaining to do." he said, crossing his arms over his chest with a look that said he wasn't happy with me at all. Pursing my lips I shook my head,  
"What the hell are you all doing here?"


	16. Chapter 15: Back Up

It didn't take a genius to see that Rodney and John were pissed at me. Rodney was pracitcally steaming at the ears but John's anger was far more scary. He was the quiet kind of angry, the menacing look in his brown eyes telling me to talk or he'd snap at any moment. Teyla at least looked concerned. Ronon's chesire cat grin told me all I needed to know as he threw himself backwards onto my cheap bed and folded his hands behind his head. Damn I was in trouble.  
"Lieutenant." John greeted me curtly and I quickly composed myself, a tiny amount of hurt pricking my heart. I hadn't quite expected him to be this mad over it.  
"Colonel." I kept my voice cool, "What are you all doing here?" I asked, discreetly slipping my USB stick of information into my pocket and folding my arms over my chest. Keeping my face blank felt like a mammoth task suddenly to me, I had been lieing to everyone for years but I didn't want to lie to these people anymore. But I didn't want them dead either. John mimicked my stance and I felt those stupid butterflies fluttering in my stomach again. His eyebrow rose,  
"You ran away without a goodbye, we thought you might be in trouble. The General didn't disclose details but agreed you could use back up. We're your team." I heard more than was being said and it made the guilt consume me once more, gnaw at my insides mercilessly. He wasn't just saying they were my team, _We're your friends Tegan. We're trustworthy. We won't let you do this alone, _that's what he was saying really. Swallowing thickly I shook my head, stubbornly refusing to open the floodgate.  
"I don't need you here, it's a menial task, you should go back home." I tried to say it dismissively but even to my ears it sounded weak.

John's expression turned dark, brown eyes hardening and glaring at me with such intensity I flinched back, realising the worst part was yet to come.  
"Goddamit Tegan! We're not just your team, we're your friends, your family! Rodney's practically your goddamn brother! You're secretive, you don't trust easily, we get that and we put up with it. But you opened up to me, you trusted me enough to tell me about your parents and I know that was hard for you. I appreciate it Tegan but you can't do this alone and we won't let you!We're staying, and we're helping, because I will be converted to a wratih worshipper before I let you get yourself killed!" he was practically barking at me and every word he spoke made me step back until my back was pressed against the wall and I was cringing into it. Seeing my pale face and slightly shocked expression his own face softened some. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair before turning to the others, "Give us a minute." his order was abrupt and he was regarded suspiciously by the others for a moment before they silently filed out of the room, Rodney glaring at me all the way. The door clicked shut and a tense silence filled the air. It dragged to, for five long minutes we did nothing but look at each other. "I'm sorry." he said finally. The frustration in his voice was still clear, "Tegan I...you have to trust us with this. It's him isn't it? The man that was trying to murder you before?" he looked agitated and was pacing the room already,my eyes widened,  
"How d-do you know about that?" I managed to choke out. My breath caught in my throat, my heart begining to hammer in my chest. John stopped for a moment,  
"You told me once when we were having a conversation." he reminded me. My lower lip quivered, my eyes stung and I bit down on the inside of the cheek. I would not cry infront of John Sheppard, I would not cry full stop.  
"That was so long ago." my voice was thick with unshed emotion and I knew John heard the double meaning behind my words. He shrugged, stopping infront of me suddenly making me blink owlishly at him.  
"I remember every conversation we've had." his voice was soft, and I could hear the hurt he wouldn't show.

This close, I could smell his apple scent again, and it was making me dizzy. I could remember the last time we were this close, the first time he'd comforted me. Every instinct in my body was screaming at me to not tell him anything but he wouldn't let me, his eyes wouldn't let me lie.  
"John you could get hurt...I can't let that happen." my voice cracked and I saw his eyes soften furthur, they looked like pools of chocolate and I was drowning in them. My legs felt weak but John didn't let me fall. He held me close, lending me his strength and I tensed for a minute, both of us feeling awkward at the physcial contact. Under his shirt I could feel the muscles in his torso. Biting my lip I swallowed thickly,  
"How many missions could you have said the same thing for?" he asked. Shaking my head I pulled back to look at him, studying his face. The determination I saw on his face made me want to cry. Why couldn't he see how dangerous this was?  
"He's smarter than the wraith John! He's so much more dangerous. He's pyschotic! He wants to kill me and nobody will stand inbetween him and me in the end, I won't let you put yourself in that kind of danger for me!" I insisted. John shook his head and opened his mouth to protest but I cut him off, "He'll kill every single one of you and won't bat an eye lid. I won't lose anyone else I care about to him, everybody associated with me ends up dead. I won't cry over anymore bodies John, I can't, I don't have it in me!" I cried. John placed his hand on my arm and squeezed tightly,  
"You won't. We're careful, we're smart, we're quick. You won't lose us. Please, Tegan, let us in, we don't want to be crying over you either you know." he watched me carefully and I looked away, unable to meet his gaze. Knowing they would do this for me was bad enough but the fact I was considering it made me feel sick to the stomach.

But maybe he was right, I knew there was a slim chance I'd come out of this alive if I did this on my own. The door burst open and suddenly, in burst a red faced Rodney,  
"Somebody's trying to kill you!" he exploded. Rolling my eyes I pushed him backwards out of habit.  
"Don't get in my face Rodney." I warned him. He glared heatedly at me,  
"Why didn't you tell me someones trying to kill you?" he snapped, completely ignoring my warning.  
"Because I didn't quite know how to put it into a conversation Rodney. Oh by the way, the nutjob that murdered my parents is coming after me next, fancy heading to the mess hall I hear they're doing your favourite jello." I replied, sarcasm dripping from every word.  
"It doesn't matter." John cut in firmly, "What matters is how we're going to help her get him first." he gave me a look that told me there was no arguing and I sighed, already feeling defeat creep up on me. "You take the lead then Lieutenant." he invited, sitting on the bed and making it clear he wasn't moving until I started to talk through the plan. The others followed his lead and I groaned before moving to place my USB in my laptop and loading it up.  
"I don't have a plan yet." I admitted. Rodney scoffed.  
"Wonderful." he quipped mockingly. Glaring him into silence I clicked on the only video on the stick.  
"Because I have no information to go on. He left this, whatever this gives me I follow. I follow the trail he leaves until I reach the end...and then he's mine." my tone was cold and heartless but I didn't care. I wanted him gone, I wanted him out of my life. Teyla frowned,  
"Who is that man?" she asked, looking uncomfortable and shifting slightly when his the piercing red eyes staring back at her. Sighing slightly, I quickly explained who Gary Murdale (A.K.A The Ghost) was and saw their expressions take a disgusted twist. My stomach knotted as I clicked play, my mind reeling before I calmed it enough to listen to his next clue.

"Congratulations, I'm glad you were able to find this clue, it makes the game much more fun doesn't it? But alas your sad story isn't over yet is it? No, to find me you're going to have to delve deeper into your own tragic past. How about a riddle for your next clue? Rock-a-bye pilot, up in the sky, should the plane crash that pilot will die, when missles fire the plane will fall, and down comes the pilot, cargo and all. See you there Tegan."

His voice was the same spine chillingly cold tone. His sickening smirk made me feel queasy. Shuddering I thought back to the only plane crash I had ever been affected by. My chest tightened and I struggled to breath for a moment, shakily lowering myself onto the desk by my laptop and carefully closing the lid.  
"Rodney, open the window." I whispered. He moved to do as I asked and I took in deep lungfuls of the fresh air, in through my nose, slowly exhaling through my mouth, until I felt calm enough to open my eyes and look at the concerned and penetrating glances of my team. I was leading them to their deaths. Shaking the thought from my head I stood back up on shaky legs.  
"Your friend Alex?" John guessed with a frown. Looking at him in suprise I nodded once, trying to ignore the hollow feeling I felt creeping into my heart.  
"You really listened huh?" I mumbled, running my hand over my face.  
"Why would he want you to go back there?" Rodney asked, looking confused.  
"Because this is what he does. He learns your worst fears, memorises the things that cause you the most pain and orchestrates them. It's his own method of torture. I don't reccomend unpacking your bags. If you want to help me, we're leaving on the earliest flight tomorrow for Afghanistan. We're heading to my old military camp. They packed up and left a year after Alex died so the place should be abandoned." I informed them.

The other three quickly departed with a reassurance that I'd see them tomorrow. John was the only one that stayed for a moment.  
"I thought you said she managed to fly them back to base." he said eventually. Nodding at him I sighed and lay backwards on my bed,  
"She did, but the landing was...rough. The nose of the plane was buried and left a crater the size of a stargate. She was in bad shape." I revealed quietly. There was a pregnant pause for a moment.  
"You're not going to be okay reliving all these memories, are you?" he asked quietly. Hesitating for a minute to think about it I shrugged,  
"Who the hell knows anymore? I bury things John, it's what I do." It wasn't a total lie. I did bury things, but it didn't always work. Judging on the stare I was recieving he knew it too.  
"Buried things have a habit of resurfacing." his wise words made me heave another tired sigh and I shook my head.  
"Look, I'm mentally exhausted, today's been long just...if you really are so stubborn that you'll come with me can you book the flight for tomorrow please?" I watched him nod and bit my lip as he walked towards the door, I had blurted his name before I could stop myself. Feeling vulnerable as I sat up and grabbed my pyjamas, "I...would you...I mean it's stupid but..."  
"Spit it out Lieutenant." he smiled slightly and I cleared my thoart cheeks flushing bright red.  
"I er...I'm scared to face Rodney, just...could you tell him please that I'm sorry?" I mumbled. Chuckling, John nodded and said another goodnight before leaving. Even though it was four in the afternoon. However, I didn't particularly want jet lag. Changing into my pyjamas I lay in bed for a long time but struggled to really find enough peace in my mind to sleep. My friends were in danger now, because of me. I didn't like it one bit but it seemed pointless arguing, wherever I went they would follow. It was flattering, that they had such a strong sense of loyalty to me they would be willing to do this. I just prayed it wouldn't kill us all.


	17. Chapter 16: The Day The Plane Crashed

Nobody had dared say a word when we woke the next morning. It had been deadly silent in the taxi between me and Rodney, who was still holding a grudge against me for not telling him about my possible murder, even though John had tried to get us to say communicate. If Rodney was going to be childish however, I wasn't going to waste my time on him. I had bigger fish to fry. The flight was even more tense since two of my team had never been on a plane before. Ronon was already rigid with tension, his senses on high alert. Planes weren't like jumpers and he and Teyla were both clearly very uncomfortable. Staring out the window I tried to mentally prepare myself for what I was about to walk into. The clouds rolled past us lazily in tufts of white, the occasional bird flying below us would be scared off by the roar of the engines. The constant hum of machinery in my ears served as a good distraction from, well everything really, but still I couldn't shake the images from my mind, I was stuck reliving the memory over and over again. Alex had deserved so much better than she got, she was a hero. I should know, I was on the plane that day.

Another crow of delight escaped her lips, that had stretched into a wicked grin. Coupled with her smug expression, the grin managed to anger Ryder and Holt enough to get them to walk away from the poker table, pfft, men. Smirking at her, I held my hand in the air and she high fived me with pinpoint accuracy and a slap that was loud enough to be a sonic boom. But that was just Alex, she liked playing rough.  
"Another round?" she asked with a tilt of her head, dirty blonde hair falling in it's ponytail to the side.  
"How about no? You think I'm a fool? You've already took this months wages off of me!" I laughed. She grinned and shot me a wink. In all my time here I had never seen Alex frown, not once. That was probably why her call sign was smiler. She leaned forward, elbows resting on her knees and shook her head at me, chewing the minty gum in her mouth while we basked in the sweltering heat.  
"Life's good huh? Money in my pocket, fresh fruit and veg supply in the mess, heck we might even see some combat." she shook her head a little and I nodded in agreement. Things had been quiet the last few days, boringly so.  
"You can kiss my arse." I told her ruefully. "Further away those terrorists stay the better, I don't wanna tangle with them unless I have to, too damn hot to be fighting out here." I added. She snorted, wiping beads of sweat from her brow with the sleeve of her khaki coloured uniform.  
"You can say that again." she agreed, her thick country accent coming through. Fanning ourselves with the poker cards we sat in comfortable silence for a while before the radio crackled to life,  
"James, Withers, get up in the air. We have a ground team in need of evac with valuable cargo, they seem to have acquired a WMD." Our eyes widened slightly,  
"Sir are you serious?" Alex asked, disbelief clouding her voice,  
"Does it sound like I am joking? Get your asses in the sky and get our boys home." snapped General Stone.

That was when we got the call. Turns out it wasn't a WMD at all, it was just a fake look alike, the real one was still out there somewhere at the time, god knows where and it's never been detonated since so we presume it's merely in storage somewhere, waiting to be used. Shaking my head clear of the thoughts I took a long sip from my water bottle, trying to ignore the ache that was beginning in my chest. The familiar ache of grief. Leaning my head back against the headrest I was unable to push away the rest of the memory like I had so badly wanted too.

Tac vest on, AK47 clipped to me and a glock in my thigh holster later and I was sitting in the back with a team of five. Leading us today would be Colonel H Foster. Alex was upfront with co-pilot Ashley Suede, he was a good guy really, a trained field medic to. My leg was bouncing up and down with nerves, adrenaline was already beginning to seep through my body and I clutched my gun a little tighter. I didn't know any of the people around me that well, I only knew four of their names but that didn't mean I wanted to see any of them dead. We were all dressed the same, khaki coloured camouflage uniform and heavy duty armour on. We were heading into a war zone. The ground team had supposedly found a WMD in some abandoned warehouse on the outskirts of a small town called, Khewa. It was a rural place with little in the way of farmland there to grow crops. Just sand and sun and little concrete huts mostly. That's if they were lucky. We'd recently helped them build the concrete huts up instead of the mud ones they used to have as some sort of agreement of friendship between us and the citizens. The thrum of the blades above us was loud, roaring in my ears and thudding like a bass line while we waited. My sunglasses were on and the room looked dark as a hole from hell but I didn't mind. We felt the small bump that told us we had landed, and the ping of bullets ricocheting off of metal let us know our arrival hadn't gone unspotted. The back door lowered and my heart began to pound as we stood ready. Alex had put us down near a crumbling brick wall that had probably once cordoned off the warehouse and we ran for cover behind it. One man, Miller, dropped into the sand before he could make it and the unnamed guy had to drag him back into the back of the Chinook chopper. The bullets were pinging and smashing into the brickwork, the chopper, everywhere but my body thankfully. Grabbing my mirror I held it in the air, using the reflection to spot the enemy and our ground team.  
"Sir! Ground team is to the right hand side by the old security box!" I called out over the gunfire. The Colonel nodded at me.  
"Ground team this is evac squad one do you copy?" he shouted into the radio. We popped our heads up and fired off a round. "What kind of situation are you in?" he shouted. The reply was full of static and a breathless voice replied with the dreaded word, wounded. The Colonel looked at us, "On my command we lay down coverfire and give the ground team time to reach us, then we pick a person and escort them to the chopper, clear?" we nodded obediently, "Now! Laying down cover fire, ground team move your ass!" he barked.

The firefight was one of the worst of my life. The bullets were so close I could feel them whipping above my head and hear the whistle as they passed above us and around us. The heat haze was making the enemy look like they were shifting and we only managed to take two out of nine down. The ground team took at least ten minutes to make it over, carrying their two wounded men. Things just went from bad to worse once they did finally reach us. There was the usual deafening roar of gunfire,nI'd learned to block that one out, however explosions were another thing entirely.

There was a shimmer, like light reflecting on metal. Narrowing my eyes I pulled out my binoculars, aiming them at at the shimmer I could see through the heat haze. My eyes widened and panic flooded my system,  
"Holy shit they've got a bazooka! We've gotta move!" I hollered at the top of my lungs. My scream had pulled us all into action. Two of the younger captains had popped up to lay down cover fire, the rest of us were holding up the two wounded men and were about to spring towards the heliopter when we heard it. That goddamn whoosh of air that sent a shiver down my spine. It was a free for all after that, every man and woman for themselves. The bazooka had hit close to us. The heat rolled from the explosion, boiling my blood and bringing out sweat on my skin. The blastwave knocked us all off of our feet, buried us in rubble, underground pipes that had once carried water and sewage burst up above ground, the shards of rusted metal impaling three people in lethal places.  
"Tegan! Tegan you have to move!" my ears were muffled from the explosion, I could barely hear a thing but I was aware of the sharp feminine voice, cutting through the fog in my brain. A sharp pain was splicing through my ribs and something warm was spilling down my leg. "Tegan! Move! Now!" suddenly, Colonel Foster was above me, gripping my shoulder tightly and hauling me to my feet, the pain in my ribs grew worse and I cried out before I could bite my tongue. "Move soldier!" he barked, shoving me towards the helicopter.

Everything after that is a little blurred, somehow I managed to get myself into a seat. Out of the five of us that had gone to pick up the four man team needing evac only three of us were currently alive. The young private across from us looked shell shocked, I'll never forget his face. Ashen, pale and shaking like a leaf he just kept muttering under his breath, three names, the names of the friends he had lost. We ourselves had lost three of the evac team. But I wasn't doing so good myself. Vaguley I remember the co-pilot coming back to check on us, he had to lie me down, use some of the metal boards from the floor to splint my side. Three of my ribs were broken and he estimated at least another two were cracked. I'd really done a number on myself. As if that wasn't bad enough he then had to shred his jacket (and my trouser leg) to pull out what shrapnel he could from my leg and dump a bunch of iodine on it to clean off some of the brick dust. I was loosing blood fast and he had tied a strip of cloth just below my knee to act as a tourniquet. Absent mindedly, I reached down and ran my fingers over the fabric of my jeans, the scars burned slightly. The flight was shaky, shakier than normal and it ended with a crash.

The turbulence was getting worse. Foster had gone up front to see what was going on, leaving me with the young private who was still muttering under his breath. Waves of agony were consistently rolling over me and I whimpered pathetically. Every breath sent a sharp stabbing pain through my ribs and my leg was starting to go numb. At least it was relief from the torturous feeling of my blood seeping from my body. The turbulence just kept growing worse and suddenly there was shouting from the cockpit. The young private jumped violently and he began to rock back and forth, the poor kid had really been messed up by the whole day. Well, it had been one fuck up after another. The shouting was growing louder,  
"You cannot land this helicopter!"  
"It's my job! Let me do it!"  
"You'll kill us all!"  
"Let go of the-"  
"We're losing altitude!" the cry of panic had come from the co-pilot who poked his head around the door and looked at me with a troubled frown, "Help me strap her in." he demanded, gripping me under the arms and heaving. The young private wasn't in any condition to do so. It was up to me to push myself up with one leg, gritting my teeth I tried to push back the tears that were burning in my eyes. The co-pilot strapped me in tightly, muttering apologies for every wince I made. He hurried back to the cockpit and Foster was forcefully shoved out. He strapped himself in and grumbled about getting us all killed.  
"S-Sir? What's going on?" I asked breathlessly, black spots were beginning to cloud my vision. Foster gave me a glance, the most genuinely sympathetic glance he had ever given me.  
"The less you know the better." he'd replied.

The impact had been bad. It vibrated through our bones, made my insides shake and my teeth chatter. My screams had mingled with the young private's and I had no idea who was louder. Foster had suddenly stopped screaming and the only sound we could hear was the groan of metal, boots hurrying on hard packed dirt outside and shouting voices that were fading in and out of my muffled hearing. Before I blacked out I could remember the last conversation I'd had with her, the young private screaming in the background.

Alex came out of the cockpit, coughing on the dust that had sprung up all around. She limped forward, her hand crimson red and slippery as she collapsed to her knees infront of me, gripping my hand tightly. A weak smile crossed her lips,  
"Wow ,we really messed th-this one up huh?" she laughed once. My bleary eyes tracked her hand back and I saw it, the huge ass piece of glass (no doubt shattered from the windscreen during the bazooka explosion) was lodged between her ribs. Her raspy breathing was a tell tale sign of her injury.  
"N-no, Al-"  
"It's okay Tea." she cut me off with a weak chuckle, slumping forward a little, "Ju-just hold my h-hand." she struggled to speak around her ragged breaths and tears stung my eyes. There were sparks from the back of the chopper where the doors were. They were using a a blowtorch to get in to us but I knew they wouldn't make it in time. Swallowing thickly, I winced when my ribs ached.  
"No it's n-not, stay with me Alex, s-stay with me." I whispered pleadingly. She let her head rest against my thigh,  
"Okay j-just, just a c-couple of minut-tes." she breathed, eyes fluttering. My hand gripped hers harder.  
"No!" my voice cut through the dust clogged air like a knife, and my screaming was the only thing filling the silence, even the young private had stopped by now.

They'd finally broken through the door five minutes later, unstrapped me from my chair. I'd slumped to the floor before any could catch me, crying out in agony and screaming as I drowned in grief. Foster had a pretty bad head injury that had knocked him out cold and the young private had been escorted by medical staff out of the helicopter. They were trying to pry my fingers from Alex's hand I remembered, but I didn't want to let her go, they'd had to sedate me in the end. Inhaling sharply when the sun broke through the cold and burned my eyes I shot to my feet. My team looked at me, John's gaze lingering the longest. I realised it was because I was hyperventilating and there were tears tracking down my cheeks.  
"I'll be right back." I muttered, furiously swiping at my eyes and stalking down the isle to the bathroom. I locked myself in, pressed my back against the door and slid to the floor. Body trembling, I clawed my way to the sink, struggling to breathe. It felt like something was constricting my chest. There was a soft knock on the door as I splashed some water on my face. Gripping the edges of the sink tightly I struggled to find my voice to say something, anything.  
"Tegan, let me in." I recognised the voice. Deep and soothing I let it wash over me and ease some of the tightness in my chest. My fingers shakily fumbled with the lock and slowly I managed to slide it backwards, letting John slip in and swiftly lock the door behind him. It was cramped in the small bathroom and it suddenly grew very warm. John sighed, leaning back against the door as he watched me calm my breathing. His brown eyes absorbed everything and he seemed to weigh each word carefully before he spoke. "You know...you don't have to go through this. Let the SGC handle it." he suggested. He flinched back from my fiery gaze, seeing the anger blazing in my eyes he knew he'd said the wrong thing.  
"And what? Let him continue to destroy other peoples lives? Watch as he tears apart everything I worked so hard to rebuild! I can't let this go John he ruined everything for me!" I snapped. John held his hands up placatingly.  
"I know, I know." he answered, a frown marring his features. His touseled black hair grew even messier when he ran a hand through it. "But...sometimes revenge doesn't always give us the results we want." his voice was soft and I felt more wetness trickle down my cheeks. Why was I crying so much today?!

Inhaling deeply, I caught John's natural apple scent and it made me even more confused. What was happening between us really? The stupid butterflies, the casual glances I kept seeing him sneak at me, the comforting effect his presence alone had on me. Was I reading into this too much? I had no clue anymore, I didn't understand half of it. All I knew was that his presence was soothing, comforting, and I felt vulnerable. We both froze when I launched myself at him, my arms wrapping tightly around his waist and I buried my face in his chest so I wouldn't have to see his digusted expression. Perhaps I expected him to shove me off, push me away and yell at me, but he didn't. Instead he pulled me closer, and his strong arms securely held me against him. Shoulders shaking, I realised I was doing something I hadn't done for years. I was having a breakdown, a full on emotional kind of breakdown with tears and sobbing, the works. John's shirt was soaked with my tears but he didn't let me go, instead he just squeezed me tighter. "Tegan this won't be easy. When the times comes, can you really pull that trigger?" he whispered into my hair. He pushed me back, just enough so he could grip my chin and tilt my face towards him. My eyes met his, his strong jaw had clenched slightly and there was conflict in his eyes. He didn't seem to know what to say to me anymore, but the concern was clear.  
"I don't know John." I confessed shakily. His brown eyes studied me, and I was once again drowning in those chocolate orbs. "If...if I can't...will-will you..." I trailed off and he nodded.  
"I'll do it." he promised me. Releasing a sigh of relief, I felt my fingers loosen their grip on his shirt. His hand slipped across my cheek and cupped it gently, a determined frown settling on his features.

John's head dipped towards mine and before I could jerk away he had pressed his lips to mine in a swift but sweet kiss. We both pulled back pretty fast but neither of us let each other go. John was studying my reaction, waiting to see my response and so far it was just wide eyes and a very blank mind. He'd erased every thought that had been running through my head, every wall I had placed between us and every barrricade I'd put up dissolved, and I let my fingers curl tighter into his shirt again, pulling him closer to kiss him once more. John was quick to relax into it, the tension leaving his muscles and his hand skating up my back in a way that made me shiver to tangle in my hair. His lips moulded to mine perfectly, moving across them in an expert way, as though we had done this dance a thousand times before. He didn't stop this time either. There was no work, no rankings, no restrictions. My back hit something hard and I realised it was the door. His body was flush against mine and I could feel the contours of all his muscles beneath his shirt. Sighing slightly, I sank furthur into his arms, there was a pleasant numbness overwhelming my brain and all I could focus on was John's lips, soft and warm and moving along my jaw hungrily. A short gasp left me, my hands sliding up his shoulders and into his hair. It was passionate, it was hot, it was...in an airplane bathroom but I didn't care. John had got to the crook of my neck before he came back up to my lips, and for a minute or so we just traded slow, soft kisses. His forehead was pressed against mine, hands very expertly roaming my waist and easing away all the tension from my body. Blinking up at him I saw him smirking slightly,  
"Would you look at that, I've rendered your speechless." he stated smugly. He sounded proud of himself too the arrogant bastard. Huffing slightly I suprised him with another quick peck on the lips.  
"Shut up Sheppard." I scolded. He grinned,  
"I think we're definitely on first name basis now." he quipped. My eyes rolled and a small smile tugged on my lips,  
"You think?"


	18. Chapter 17: That Girl

Unknown Point of View:

The group was small but still larger than expected, there was about five of them all together. The third man looked out of place, a large muscular body in loose fitting shorts and shirts that he tugged at uncomfortably every once in a while, his dreadlocks tied in a ponytail at the back of his head. He'd almost caught me twice but I hadn't give him the satisfaction; I was too good to make such rookie mistakes. Fools. They had no idea what was coming to them did they? Waiting patiently, I rolled down the window of my jeep-it was stiflingly hot here today, as per usual. Khewa was a small town, rural, not much going on here and outside visitors were uncommon in the area. Three of them were left in the jeep, the out of place man, the pale fidgety one and the other woman, she was a beauty but not my main focus. Mine was inside the small mud hut with the other man, who had stayed quite close to her and when he thought nobody was looking had grabbed her hand. I'd followed them all the way from the small, rundown airport with the worn and dangerous looking landing strip, staying far enough behind that I wouldn't arouse suspicion but close enough that I could tail the dust trail their own SUV left behind. Holding my binoculars to my face I looked carefully through them, scanning everything that moved on the horizon. The two men in the car appeared to be arguing and the woman was attempting to calm them. My couple were coming out of the mudhut, it was clear they were a couple however hard they tried to hide it. They could stand miles apart but the way he looked at her made it all to obvious. My lips curled into a vicious smile. The unexpected visitors were mine to do whatever I wished with, he'd said so himself, out of fairness to my prey I thought I'd soften the blow, I'd kill her lover quickly and her friends too...though her female friend might fetch me a decent price in the slave circles, she was pretty enough. How could I think this way you ask? Simply put I'm sadistic, or at least that's what everybody I've ever met has said, that's why he hired me. A chuckle escaped my throat as I watched the couple approach the car, that longing look was in the mans eyes again, he hovered close to her and she sent him a small reassuring smile that spoke a thousand words and got him to back off whenever she thought he was getting to close.

The SUV infront of me came to life, I knew for a fact it was military grade and so had planned ahead and brought the big guns, they didn't stand a chance. Not that they'd be able to fight back, it'd be like shooting fish in a barrell. They had begun to drive off, tyres leaving behind a trail of dust for me to follow. My jeep rumbled and roared beneath me like a powerful big cat, a jaguar perhaps...it was black like a jaguars fur, it could make sense. Well it did in my head, but we've already established my head isn't the most sane of places, and I am talking to myself, isn't that the first sign of madness? Can we move on now? Good. I tailed them for another two miles, the base she would be visiting was perhaps five miles from the outskirts of the city so now was my window of oppurtunity. They wouldn't get help out for over six hours, the small town of Khewa simply didn't have the resources, but by then the desert like sun would reflect off of some cleverly placed mirrors of mine and the bodies would be up in flames, destroying any evidence that might compromise me. I was too smart for this. Whistling cheerfully to myself I pulled out the RPG from the backseat of my jeep and rolled my window down fully, pulling up the bandana around my neck to shield my mouth from the dust, my goggles would protect my eyes. Aiming it out of the jeep window I waited for the bleep (my employer had long ago mastered military grade guidance systems and had fitted all of my equipment with his latest enhancements, only the best for her he had said) before I pulled the trigger. Continuing to whistle to myself I watched as the SUV infront of me flipped forward, then tilted and began to roll on it's side. A smile stretched across my lips,  
"We could of had it all, rolling in the deep." I sang with a laugh. My mind worked in strange ways. Pulling up beside the now burning hunk of metal I took off my goggles and grabbed a 9mm from the driver side door, some plastic cord ties and a rag soaked in chloroform from my glove compartment, and headed out into the heat.

Inside the car I could hear a choked voice calling for a sound off and chuckled, how typically military. There was banging, the noise coming to me over the crackling of the flames. It wouldn't be long until the whole SUV blew. Pouting, I thought to myself, _well now I won't get to exact all those delicious, murderous fantasies of mine. _Sighing dramatically I knelt beside the driver side door, the target was barely concious and I rolled my eyes, I had expected better, he'd told me this would be a challenge but it was all to easy to kick in the window and unhook her seatbelt. She fell into a heap onto the roof (the car had landed on it's roof see), crying out when her leg landed in fire. Again, my eyes rolled skyward and I gripped her arm tightly, hauling her out and unceremoniously dumping her on the floor. "You know I expected better, I was told you were a fiesty one." I glanced at her as I tied her ankles together with the plastic cords and then her wrists. She wriggled weakly, coughing from the thick black smoke surrounding us.  
"Who are you?" her voice was hoarse, thick. My eyebrows rose.  
"That's not important." I dismissed her question like I was swatting a fly from the air, "No more talking." I added with a playfully stern look.  
"Whatever he's paying you, I'll pay double if you let me go." she croaked, catching on quickly. Snorting I shook my head,  
"I thought that military types were supposed to be good at following orders?" I retorted, delivering a sharp blow to her temple with the butt of my 9mm. She collapsed in an unconcious heap and I tucked my gun into the waistband of my jeans, scooping her up bridal style and beginning to walk away. However, she was still trying to stir herself, her head twisting to try and wake up in a last pathetic attempt to check if her friends were alright. Dropping her to the floor, I made sure she could see what was happening as I dropped to one knee and added on the scope I needed to make this shot. "Your compassion will be the death of you." I mused. "Why do you care so much?" I questioned, genuinely curious. "I'm perfectly happy as just me myself and I personally. Why would I want to care about anyone else? I get to keep all the money, there's no arguments when you try to order pizza toppings, I can walk around in my own apartment in my underwear and nobody tells me it's gross. Seriously, life on your own is fun." I laughed. "Let me get you started by getting rid of these for you." I suggested with a wicked grin.

Her struggle suddenly increased but she was too weak, too knocked down to stop me as I looked through the scope and fired straight at the petrol cap, once it was bust open and leaking I just had to shoot the puddle of petrol that was leaking out. The explosions shockwave rolled her over, sent me flying back two feet and made the ground vibrate beneath me. Squinting, I shielded my eyes from the brightness that burned them when the flames shot twenty feet into the air before they settled, the black smoke was thick and beginning to choke us as I fanned it away from my face with a cough and a laugh, "Your friends make a good catalyst." I remarked. Her glare was venomous but exhausted, the traumatising events adding up until she couldn't fight me when I stuffed her into the back of my jeep, making sure all of the weapons were out of reach and there were none on her. Turning the jeep around I headed back towards the town, leaving the burning bodies behind me for nature to dispose of. She was silent, unconcious for the entire two hour journey back to town. Once I was in the town centre I waited outside the run down market stall, people were selling all sorts of animals, fabrics, crops. However, I didn't let the market distract me as I waited for my contact, I took my time to study the woman before me. Her hair was a dark brown, caked in dust now from the time she'd spent on the floor with stray strands plastered to her face with blood. The blood was congealing around her left eye where it had run down from the gash in her hairline, I imagined she wouldn't be able to open that. Her leg was clearly burnt, the skin already blistered-her full pink lips were now a blood red, the lower one split open and clearly needing stitches, I tutted, she was bleeding all over the seat of my car! Her elbow was twisted in an awkward position too, dislocated I guessed. Bruises were forming on her collar bone where the seat belt had restrained her, small cuts ran up and down her arns and legs from the shards of glass she'd landed in. Shrugging to myself I sat back in my chair and continued to patiently wait, he'd never said anything about wanting her in perfect condition.

It took another two hours, humming to myself, grabbing a bite to eat at the market and sipping on my water, playing a game of angry birds on my phone and then threatening to shoot the kid who peeked in through my window and tried to swipe it, before finally he arrived. The man coming towards me was in a white suit, a white shirt underneath with the top three buttons open, shades covered his eyes and his blonde hair was pulled up in a quiff. He stopped at my window, knocking twice in rapid succesion, once more, then another two rapid knocks sounded, it was the exact pattern I'd requested. Opening the door I stepped out to greet him.  
"The target?" he questioned.  
"Sleeping soundly." I replied. "My money?" I enquired. He held out the briefcase to me and I put it ontop of the hood, opening up the latches and counting it out pile by pile. Fifty thousand dollars sure looked good. "Thank you. She's all yours." I stated, walking towards the car he'd come from as he got into mine, turning and driving away. Putting my briefcase in the back I sighed, a shadow had been cast over me and the car, another jeep only this one was much more modern, and white to reflect the heat. "Scram." I turned with a threatening glare, expecting to find another kid turned pick pocket, instead I was met with a pair of furious hazel eyes and a fist to the face. A hard fist to the face. Before I could scramble back to my feet he'd grabbed my arm,  
"Daedalus beam us up." he barked the order, pure venom in his tone. Suddenly, I was surrounded by bright white lights and I was blinded, the tight grip on my arm never left and my legs turned to jelly, nausea sweeping over me as the lights began to disappear. Blinking rapidly, I tried to find out where I was as I fell to my knees, there was a high pitched, electronic noise and a jolt of pain ran through my body. The electricity passing through me made me jerk and cry out, my voice strangled before the darkness crept into the edges of my vision and took me under it's wing. All I could think was _oh shit, I've been caught. _


	19. Chapter 18: The Nightmare Begins

A/N: This bit does contain a bit of torture. Just a warning for you there.

Tegan's Point of View:

My head felt heavy, and there was a pounding feeling in my temple that made me groan slightly. My entire body ached and the metallic taste of blood was stubbornly stuck in my mouth, which felt tight where blood had crusted to my lower lip and had congealed so much around my left eye it was completely shut and I was unable to open it. There was a fiery throb in my elbow and my leg was searingly hot, so much so that my ankle felt like it was drenched in sweat but it had swollen so badly it was painfully pressing agsint my boot The skin of my arms was stinging and my lower lip was swollen and throbbing, in short, everything hurt. Badly. Prying my eyelids open I blinked owlishly, the room was dark, I mean pitch black kind of dark and smelt horribly of sweat and blood. Beneath me I could feel the hard and stiff wood of a chair, the cold metal of a table pressing ontop of my knees, so they'd sat me in a chair at least, good to know he had manners still. Twisting my head, I winced when my collarbone ached, it must have been bruised, my head felt so heavy and I struggled to keep it up right. There was a raw sting in my throat whenever I tried to breathe and I guessed I hadn't had water for at least three hours, the fuzziness in my head made it hard to focus on any single thought and I found my mind drifting to my most recent memories. Atlantis; god that place was wonderful, it was safe, I should have stayed there...John and the others wouldn't have followed me if I'd have just stayed on Atlantis. But he would have just kept killing people until I came back, and I couldn't handle that kind of innocent blood on my hands. However, I had blood on my hands now, and it was worse than just innocent, random people, it was my friends blood. The memory flooded back to me, the heat of the blast, the shockwave rolling me back and the car being engulfed in flames..my friends had been in there. My friends were cooked like chickens in an oven and the only reason they were there was me, they'd come to Afghanistan for me. It was all my fault that they were dead.

A feeling I recognised all to well ballooned inside me and I fought back the grief that threatened to envelope me as best as I could. It was overwhelming, I hadn't felt as bad as this since the death of my parents. My eyes were stinging with the need to cry but I had no tears left, clearly I was dehyrdrated but that seemed like maybe one of my lesser problems right now, I had no idea how to deal with the feelings rising inside of me, the grief was tightening across my chest like a belt, making it impossible to breath and a dark cloud hung over my head, refusing to leave me alone. A nagging voice in the back of my mind was whispering to me, blaming me, and I knew it was right to. Gritting my teeth, I scrunched my eyes closed and banished the images from my mind, but it did nothing to subside the guilt that was eating me from the inside out, I couldn't shake the feeling from my mind and the fact I couldn't move was aggravating me furthur, I needed to be up and doing someting to distract myself from this, it was always what I had done to supress unwanted emotions and now I was being forced to deal with them and quite frankly, it terrified me. Suddenly, a light switched on. The bright white light filled the room and I squinted, blinking the black spots out of my eyes and trying to calm my breathing, the shock had startled me and my heart was beating ten to the dozen in my chest. When my vision cleared, I managed to take a good look around the room I was being held in. It was small, no bigger than the average prison cell only without the bars. The walls were all the same, whitewashed and overly bright when coupled with the fluroscent light above, it hummed and thunked occasionaly and my guess was the generator powering it was flunking out. The floor was concrete, bare, nothing was in this room with me besides the table and the chair I was sitting on. My hands were handcuffed behind me and the metal was biting into cuts on my wrists that the plastic ties I vaguley remembered had left behind. A large tinted window I suspected was perhaps one way was in my direct line of vision. The ceiling was low, with a criss cross metal grating covering a small hole, the only way out of here since there were no doors.

Another light came on, this time more slowly, it was behind the one way window and it turned the tinted brown colour a faded yellow instead. The man before me made me shudder. It was like my worst nightmares coming together to stand infront of me. A pair of alarmingly red eyes stared at me with a cold glint of satisfcation shining within them, his platinum blonde ponytail was present, as it always was, and it was glittering like snow under the light inside the tiny room. His pale face seemed paler than ever under the lights and I felt bile rise in the back of my throat. Terror gripped me in it's icy fingers and goosebumps crawled up and down my skin, my stomach twisted but I refused to look away from him, his presence was such that it commanded your attention and the way he moved was graceful, like a lioness stalking it's prey.  
"Tegan James...my my how you've grown." his voice was eerily calm, and a hint of amusement saturated his tone. I didn't give him the satisfaction of a reply, this was not how I had wanted to face him. "I must admit I was disappointed. Luring you out of hiding was too easy, and luring you out to Afghanistan? Well that was a doddle." he chuckled. Those blood red eyes peered curiously at me, "But where did you disappear to? I tracked you for years, but knew I could never get to you whilst you were with the army. I suppose that was your plan though, always working and never leaving the sight of your precious military. Then all of a sudden, bam! You're untraceable. Tell me Tegan, how did that happen?" though he sounded mildly curious his face couldn't have been more placid, it was hard to tell if Gary actually wanted to know or not.

Luckily for me, I'd been through all sorts of training to make sure I wouldn't break, he could torture me, mentally and physcially, but I would give him nothing. Nothing about the stargate programme, nothing about Atlantis. I owed it to John, to Ronon, Teyla...Rodney. A stab of pain spiked through my chest and I did my best to ignore it. Gary waited patiently, looking almost bored while he waited for me to reply but I didn't, my lips were sealed. I wasn't too sure that I was capable of speech right now anyway. Gary Murdale smiled, a sadistic looking grin that made me shiver. The spasaming movement sent waves of crippling pain over my body and I clenched my jaw to avoid vocalising my pain. "We aren't talking to one another then? A pity, I have a lot of questions I would have liked you to answer." tilting his head he grabbed a chair, swung it around so the seat was facing him, straddled it. Resting his chin on his hand like he hadn't a care in the world, he smirked. "Do you know why you're here Tegan?" Gary enquired. Swallowing thickly I grimaced, it felt like thorns in my throat but despite how rough I was feeling I couldn't resist the opporutunity to do John proud and retort with hefty sarcasm.  
"Because you're a sad little man who has an unhealthy obsession with me?" I quipped but my voice shocked me. It was hoarse, croaky, nothing at all like my usual voice and I hated how weak it made me sound. Gary just laughed, a sharp soprano sound that cut through my ears like a knife.  
"You possess your farthers wit." he remarked. "Perhaps my obssession is a little unhealthy, however your family have wronged me, and I will not rest until you all get what you deserve." his expression had turned sour, bitter with resentment and I almost flinched back.  
"I wasn't involved in any of that. I only found out the details after you blew my dads brain across the ballroom." Though I tried to make my voice sharp it was far too hoarse to convey the burning anger I felt. Gary eyed me before shaking his head,  
"No no no, you don't understand...I don't care. Your farther was a scumbag, a lieing asshole and what did he get? He got the gorgeous wife, the beautiful little girl and the respect of some of the highest authorities in world politics." Gary leaned forwards on his chair and a lazy grin stretched across his face, pulling back his thin lips to reveal the yellowing teeth behind them. "I had all of that, the wife, the two gorgeous little kids, the respect of an army. But who came out worse off, huh? Me! I did! My reputation was ruined when they found out I was using underhanded tactics to arm my rebel army! I was scrubbed from history and my family murdered! I bet they called it an accident didn't they? Oh they just died in the cross fire! No they didn't!" he was bellowing at me, looking livid and his fists shook as he clutched the chair tightly. "They lined up my family and excecuted them all infront of me! I lost everything!" suddenly, he threw the chair to the other side of his little room where it banged and clanged against something metal.

The speakers were crackling, his voice filtering through them in a not so good quality now he was shouting. A deafening silence fell over us and I bit my lip, wincing when I caught the gash and it began to bleed once more. The guilt I was already struggling with intensified, I hadn't known that.  
"I'm sorry." I croaked, "They never said..." I trailed off, unable to think of anything else to say. Not that it would matter of course, not that it would make him sympathetic even if I emotionally black mailed him, he was too far gone and too unstable for that. Gary shook his head, chuckling mirthlessly and scowling at me, pointing an accusatory finger in my direction.  
"No you're not. How can you be sorry for something you never knew about?"the question was rhetorical and I watched him with my one eye, panicking slightly. He was getting angry and lord only knew what he would do when he was angry, fear began to swell inside me. "Well, now I won't stop until you're all wiped from existence too, until you're family name becomes history and it loses everything too. But I'm going to enjoy it. I'm going to sit back and smile as you suffer just like your farther did to me." he promised. He stood up and leaned over something. A control panel perhaps because I could hear keys clicking in the background. Anticipation filled my body and a sense of dread loomed over me, fear replaced my grief and guilt. Suddenly, the grate above me was lifted off and a rope ladder was dropped in. A single man came down it. He was tall, his tanned skin and muscular frame reminded me of John and more pain lanced through me but as he walked towards me with a key and a backpack, I pushed my grief away and preapred to fight. Out of the backpack he pulled a strange sort of chamber contraption, on the back were two green gas canisters, the chamber itself was glass and there were two holes in the front with metal screws either side to tighten or loosen the metal cuffs. Swallowing thickly, I felt sweat break out on my body, as if it wasn't already hot enough in here. He placed the chamber on the table, then, the man moved behind me and I heard the click of the cuffs as they were unlocked. Gathering my strength, I prepared myself to throw the first punch and fight my way out of here but he squeezed my elbow, the injured one, and the pain that exploded in my arm was so crippling the fight drained out of me in one long, agonized scream. The man was smart, he kept his tight grip on my elbow as he cuffed one hand into the chamber on the table infront of me, and by the time he released it I was in too much pain to fight back when he strapped the other hand in. In my delerium of pain I didn't notice him leave, but I was keenly aware of Gary laughing at me through the speaker.

Looking up I glared venomously at the man behind the screen, tugging my good arm to see if I could get it out to no avail, the metal cuffs were cold and tight on my wrists. "Disappointing Tegan." he tutted playfully. "I presume you want to know what's in the canisters?" he questioned. When he got no reply he tapped a button, and there was a hissing sound like air escaping from tyres. Searing pain burned through my skin, penetrating the layers of flesh and making a deep ache, like a rusty knife was constantly sawing cuts in the same place. My eyes widened and I grit my teeth but the effort of doing so turned my face all red and I suffered a hot flush that sent a wave of nausea through me. The pain remained, but the hissing sound stopped. Gary smiled at me innocently as I tried the same breathing technique that pregnant women used when in labour, it helped a little but really I was hoping that so many short breaths would let me pass out due to a lack of oxygen. "Do you know what that is Tegan?" Gary asked, sounding awed by himself. "It's a little bit of gas, my own invention. It burns, however if inhaled...well it can be lethal." my eyes widened slightly and he chuckled at my reaction, "Don't worry, it's an air tight chamber." he assured me. Looking down, I realised that the skin on my hands was already beginning to blister. He grinned, "Let's have some fun shall we?" he asked, and the hissing began again. Shamelessly, I screamed like a banshee. It was an endless cycle of pain, the gas burnt through my skin and the more I writhed, the more my elbow ached. Mercifully, I passed out by the time the third dosage came about, the blisters on my hands already peeling as new blisters formed underneath.

John's Point of View:

We were on the Daedalus that had stayed in orbit to get us anything we needed, the man we had caught was thrown in the brig, and we had just been cleared from the infirmary with minor cuts and bruises thankfully. Tegan was still out there and her locator was no longer working, we thought it was due to the shockwave of the blast. Pure panic had filled me the instant she was dragged out of the car but we were all in too much shock to help her, too much pain. If I hadn't have called the Daedalus to beam us up we'd have been toast. Now, we were standing in the hallway in silence. Rodney looked ashen, cradling his sprained wrist and we were all staring rather solomonly at the floor, unable to look at each other. Tegan was missing, a part of us was ripped out, we weren't whole anymore, she was part of our team, she was more than a friend. In my mind all I could see was her face, slightly flushed, lips parted, her back pressed against the airplane door. I had to find her, I hadn't had anyone to open up to like that since Nancy, but now she was here and the one time I'd allowed myself to give in, she'd been taken away from me, I refused to let it happen. Glancing at Ronon I nodded, our silent conversation conveying everything we didn't say. Rodney and Teyla (who was looking after him) followed behind us as we marched towards the brig. Caldwell wasn't keen on me interrogating our friend but right now, I was ready to use any means necessary to find Tegan and bring her safely back home. There was a small observation monitor that Teyla and Rodney were going to watch. Ronon stalked in first, leaning against the wall with his usual threatening demeanour. Shutting the door tightly behind us I faced the man head on, a killer glare on my face.  
"You and me are going to have a little chat." I informed him.


	20. Chapter 19: Rules Suck

The man wasn't all that intimidating if I was honest, or maybe that was because I felt fearless at that moment, like nothing could stop me. Ronon stood to the side of the door, leaning back against the wall with his arms and legs crossed, his eyes staring intently straight through the guy infront of us. I was sitting in the chair across from him, ignoring how cold the brig was and the goosebumps it brought out on my arms. The man before me was as tall as Ronon, built like a boxer but so ashen and pale from being stunned he looked more like a melting snowman to me, sagging in his chair as he tried to lift his head. He wasn't dressed in anything out of the ordinairy, which is why I hadn't suspected him when I spotted him in the airport car park; looking back I realised that was one of the worst mistakes I'd made and it intensified the guilt niggling at me. White cargo shorts, timberland boots,white tanktop underneath his white button down - he was dressed perfectly for the heat we'd previously been in but in the cold brig on the Daedalus he was shivering. Or maybe it was just an after effect of the zat blaster. He had shaggy black hair, falling messily over his face since it had dropped out of the fluffy quiff he'd had it in, and his beady brown eyes were struggling to focus on me. When he finally spotted Ronon, he struggled to straighten out and collect himself.

Swinging my legs up onto the table I leaned back in my chair, trying to relax even though my muscles were as taught and as tense as a bowstring, and boy was I ready to snap at him. Glancing up at Ronon, I saw the unspoken promise in his eyes that he would do whatever it took to get answers, we all would, because none of us could bear to think of what was happening to Tegan right now.  
"I won't tell you anything." he promised darkly, and I was suprised to hear a very familiar accent. He sounded so much like Rodney, and it suddenly made sense that he'd been counting a brief case of Canadian dollars when we arrived, just a second too late to save our friend. Pushing away the dark thoughts I focused on the man infront of us.  
"That's nice." I deadpanned, "But just because you won't answer, doesn't mean I won't talk." he ducked his head a bit and chuckled lowly,  
"I'm bored of your voice already." he was going to make this hard, I could tell. Before I could even think of how to begin Caldwell opened the door, the cold look of anger on his face making me groan mentally. The man perked up a bit, looking interested, but Caldwell didn't give him the satisfaction,  
"Colonel, I'd like to speak to you privately for a moment." his tone was clipped, authority rippling from him in waves and reluctantly, I followed him out.

Teyla and Rodney were still outside, Ronon had remained inside and I was silently grateful. Ronon was an intimidating man, his physical form filled a lot of the room and the bits it didn't were filled with his silence, he was everywhere and nowhere at the same time and it was enough to creep even me out at times. "What do you think you're doing?" Caldwell demanded, crossing his arms over his chest and glaring at me.  
"I think I'm trying to find my missing teammate." I retorted stubbornly, unable to say her name.  
"I told you, Colonel, that somebody else would interegate him, you and your team are too personally involved in this case and what we need-"  
"Is answers!" Rodney exploded suddenly. We all jumped, not expecting it from him. Rodney was mostly placid, unless he was worked up about his own problems or his possible death, but never had he exploded like that at Caldwell, he was too intimidated by the man. Caldwell's grey brows rose, his whole expression suggesting he didn't like being cut off like that.  
"I wasn't talking to you, Doctor Mckay." he said coldly.

Rodney looked infuriated by that and I could understand why. This woman was his sister, his friend, she meant so much to all of us but to him she was something more. Who was I kidding? To _me _she was something more too. She was in my arms, I had her, I was holding onto her and when she needed me to hold tight, I had let her go. The guilt niggled at me again and I struggled to clamp down on it, the anxiety was starting to wear at me too and the long flight was catching up to me, but I forced the exhaustion away, I needed answers more than sleep because my imagination was running wild and I hated every second of what my mind was thinking up.  
"Well you are now." Mckay decided, shrugging off Teyla's restraining hand and ignoring my warning glance. "This is Tegan we're talking about! This is my sister! That-that-that bastard knows who took her and maybe where she is! We can't just stand by and-"  
"Mckay!" I barked. Rodney turned to glare at me ferociously but I glared back just as heatedly. Teyla's brow furrowed, her kind brown eyes looking between us concernedly. I'd never snapped at Rodney like that before but I didn't feel bad about it, he could screw up the whole thing now if I didn't stop him. Rodney's gaze locked on mine and a flicker of understanding flashed through his tired blue orbs. He understood then we were more than brothers in arms, we were two men looking for the woman we loved, granted in different ways but we loved her regardless.

Caldwell looked just as furious as Rodney had been, and I struggled to think of a way to calm him down...before an idea sprung to mind. It was perhaps a low blow, but I had to do something to keep him out of the way. Nobody on this ship knew what we were doing, why we were doing it, and it was going to stay that way because it wasn't our story to tell. But, that didn't mean we couldn't use other stories to get a little bit of leeway and leverage.  
"Sir...you know what it's like to find a teammate to late-" he visibly flinched, eyes turning cold and his face going red, "-this mission we're on...if we find...Tegan, too late...there won't be anything to find." I had to force her name past my lips, past the pain in my chest. "How is somebody who doesn't understand the situation going to interrogate this man? We know what's happening, what we need to ask, you just need to let us." I insisted.  
"Colonel you are way out of line!" Caldwell bellowed.  
"Then court-martial me later!" I yelled back, "Every second we waste arguing is one step furthur away from finding her! We need to use all the time we have left and regardless of whether you give your permission or not, we're finding out what he knows and we're doing it tonight." I said firmly, bored of playing the hierarchy game.

Caldwell scoffed as I turned on my heel and placed my hand on the doorhandle, grabbing my shoulder and turning me around to face him,  
"You know what the rules say _Colonel._" he spat. My eyebrows furrowed,  
"Yeah, sure." I answered lamely. Caldwell shook his head,  
"The frat rules." he amended, making me freeze. Closing off my expression I desperately tried to bury my feelings as far down and away from him as I could. Caldwell just huffed, frustration rippling from him in waves and a glimmer of triumph in his eyes, "I thought so." he shook his head, "Go ahead Sheppard, do what you need to do to find her. But remember that even when you do, you'll never truly get her back." turning his back on us, he strode back down the corridor and I faced Rodney's pale face next,  
"What did he mean by that?" he sounded like he didn't really want to know and I ran my hand through my hair. I knew exactly what he meant: you can find her, you can touch her, you can help her recover, but you can never have her. Fraternization rules prevented military personnel from being involved with each other, so even if I did find Tegan, there was no way that I could get the girl. But I wasn't quite ready to tell Rodney how I'd fallen head over heels for his adopted sister, so instead I replied,  
"No idea." and headed back into the interregation room.

Ronon gave me a look that spoke volumes and I ignored it pointedly, trying to ignore the smirk on the mans face too.  
"His names Pierce Mathers, from that place Mckay's from." Ronon grunted, still not taking his eyes from the man. A small smile tugged at my lips, I knew Ronon could do it. Rodney would most likely be finding a laptop to do some research on by now, our job was to get as much information to go on as we could. Pierce Mathers stared at me,  
"So you're willing to risk your career for her huh? You're whipped, man." he chuckled, shaking his head amusedly. Flopping down in the chair I narrowed my eyes at him,  
"I'll risk my _life_ for her." I corrected, "She's my friend, one of my team, we don't leave anyone behind." Ronon grunted in akcnowledgement and Pierce just scoffed,  
"You won't find her anyway, he's too smart for you, I'll tell you one thing, scariest guy I ever did work for." he had settled back in his chair, apparently the effects of the stunner had worn off. Gary Murdale sounded it too, but I didn't need him to tell me something I already knew, we'd already wasted six hours of her time. Inclining my head I motioned for him to say more, settling in for the long haul with a man who wanted to be here about as much as I did.

Tegan's Point of View:

Something wet was being poured on me, I could feel it. Struggling to lift my heavy head I blinked open my eyes, suprised when both actually open. I was met with pale skin and startling red eyes, causing me to flinch backward and moan softly when my elbow throbbed again.  
Shhh, sh sh sh sh, hush now Tegan." Gary cooed, stroking my wet hair gently and dipping a cloth into a bowl of red water. He scrubbed at my eye and I winced, struggling to hold still while my heart began to pound in fear. "I need you to have both eyes open Tegan, I need to be able to look you in both eyes, you understand?" he questioned, holding my chin gently in his hand. My whole body was throbbing, aching, hurting. I didn't have the strength to glare at him so I just watched him warily. All of the emotions I tried to hold back were crashing in on me again. Chest constricted with grief and fear, I struggled to take a shaky breath. Gary just chuckled at me, "You know I don't plan on killing you yet. I want to savour this moment." he sat on the table before me and I stared determinedly at the ground. How long had I been here now? Hours? Days? Where even was I? Was anybody looking for me? Had they recovered the bodies? Feeling deflated again I clenched the fist on my good hand to try and relieve some of the pain in my chest, then remembered that I didn't have a good hand anymore and clenched my jaw to keep from crying out.

Layers of my skin had peeled away and left my skin red raw; Keller would have had a hell of a job working on me. Something cold was wrapped around my ankle, soothing the burning I had felt there before and cooling me down a bit, but my elbow was still dislocated though, a major source of pain and discomfort that I knew Gary wouldn't fix for me, he was too cruel for that. "I heard that you had some friends with you on your way here." he said casually, trying to start conversation. The pain in my chest flared and I blinked back the tears threatening to form, "Infact, when you stopped off to ask for directions from that lovely older couple, you seemed quite close to one man in particular. Poor boy, it must be a struggle, loving you." he chuckled. Gary remained silent, humming thoughtfully when I refused to answer him. John. I missed him already, so so much, and the ache in my chest intensified when I thought of all I had lost. My parents, my grandmother, my friends, it was all too much. Gary sighed at me, clearly disappointed that I didn't want to talk. "Wait...are you, crying?" he asked, sounding amused. His booming laughter echoed throughout my tiny prison cell and made my head throb even worse than it had before. Jerking my chin up, Gary looked down at me through unforgiving red eyes and to my horror I couldn't stop the tears that flowed down my cheeks. I wanted to hit myself, I wanted to scream, I wanted to do something other than cry infront of my enemy.

Gary's crazy laughter carried on for what seemed like years, reboudning back to me off of the walls so I couldn't escape it. He was laughing, he had the audacity to laugh at me when he had taken away everything I loved? Anger began to boil up inside me and my tears turned to ugly cries of rage. I threw my head forward straight into his nose, still screaming like a banshee as I rattled about in my chair only to be stopped by the fiery throb in my elbow and the deep ache that run through my body; that eventually gave way to a strong wave of nausea I couldn't fight. I was so thirsty, my throat so scratchy and now I stank of vomit and my throat was burning from the acid that had ran up it. Great. My cries finally ebbed away and Gary was staring at me, pure fury in his eyes as the blood dripped from his wonky nose, I'd broken it and never had I felt somebody deserved it more than he did.  
"That wasn't nice Tegan."his voice was thick, but I could still make out his words at least. "Now I'm going to have to punish you." he cracked his knuckles menacingly, and I cried out when his fist connected with my jaw, my head whipping sideways. Blow after blow his fists ploughed into my body, and I felt the bone in my cheek crack, sending another wave of agony rippling through me. My scratchy throat screamed for all I was worth, begging for somebody to hear me, for somebody to relieve me of this pain I was in but I knew it was futile. "I was trying to be nice Tegan!" he spat, "I was caring for you, looking after you! But fine, if you want to suffer, I can make you suffer."

He delivered another blow to my possibly fractured cheek bone but by now I was drifting in and out of conciousness again. Gary tipped the bowl of water onto the floor, the shattering of the clay bowl seeming like a deafening canon in my prison. He disappeared through the hole in the ceiling and I was once more left alone, his last words echoing back to me, "Suffer on your own!". I wanted to break free and bust my way out of here more than anything, but my energy was being sapped slowly by this torture and I was still handcuffed to the chair. Swallowing thickly I let the tears come again, knowing I was alone. I cried bitterly for what felt like hours, I cried because I was in pain, I cried because I was grieving, I cried because I was afraid to die here on my own. I cried and cried until my tears ran dry and I was left feeling numb, but despite the numbness there was the tiniest flicker of hope that maybe, just maybe somebody would still find me. If General O'Neill hadn't heard from me, he'd send someone to investigate right? If he could find me, I'd be able to rest up and heal. Once I was healed, I could come back and finish what I started. Desperately, I clung to that flicker of hope for all I was worth, knowing that if the flame died then I would die with it.


	21. I'm Back!

Hello everyone!

Finally I am back and my exams are finished! I'm sorry it took a little longer than expected, unfortunately life got in the way there and it took longer than I thought it would to review my chapters, but I've done it and reposted them all for you now. I've changed any spelling mistakes and as much of the grammar errors as I could spot in the text and a few other things that were pointed out to me back in May/March. The plot itself is largely unchanged, with the start of the story following episodes from season 5 and the end following my own little plotline. Hopefully, the chapters are now as near to perfect as I can get them for you.  
Whilst I'm here I'd like to thank the people that inspired me to improve as best I could, the main two being **_Guest 64 _**and **_paulaballa85_**, who not only gave me the constructive criticism that was the kick in the pants I needed but showed so much support for this story in the reviews they shared. Thank you also to _**Lizverse**_, who pops up more than once in the reviews too with lots of positive feedback (even when I look back and think I don't deserve it). I have written other chapters, I just need to review those and correct anything I missed in them before I post them and move the story along.  
Finally, I'd like to mention that it's been suggested that I get a Beta Reader to help me out with my writing. I regret to inform you that although there are still a few chapters to go before this story comes to an end, it is quite close in my mind to being finished, and for now I'll hold off on the Beta Reader idea. However, this will not be the last story I post (I hope), since I have others in the wings for various other fandoms (including another Atlantis one for everyone's favourite Major Lorne) that I'm planning on sharing. Given how this one went I can't help but think that a Beta Reader would be a great idea for a fresh story, and if anyone could give me more information about how that would work and how I could go about finding one I would very much appreciate it.

Thank you again to everyone who hasn't lost patience with me and is still here, I'm so sorry about the long wait but I hope the quality has improved enough to make it worth the wait.  
Best wishes,  
JessBubble


	22. Chapter 20: The Chase Is On

John's Point of View:

Pierce was being less than co-operative. After spending the last day and a half with him all I'd managed to find out was that he was a sick, sadistic man who would do anything for the right price. His mind was all over the place, discussing the gruesome details of kills he'd made before kidnapping Tegan and then jumping to the great chicken dinner he'd cooked himself on the weekend. My frustration was beginning to mount and it was starting to show. Rodney looked like he had gotten about as much sleep as I had last night (which was maybe two hours at the most) but we didn't care if we were tired, we had a job to do. I was haunted by images of Tegan, broken, bloodied, bruised and battered, in a ditch somewhere with buzzards picking her clean. I didn't even know if there were buzzards in Afghanistan, and it was safe to assume that as smart as Murdale was he'd have left Afghanistan by now, but my imagination was a grizzly and unrelenting thing. When I was alone, I could swear I could hear her voice whispering to me. She never made any sense though, her words were always slurred and broken, like static, I couldn't make sense of them to figure out what she was saying and it tormented me. Combined with the images it was a bit too much, and I spent as much time as I could surrounded by people, doing something or listening to the noise to distract myself. Ronon stood as vigilant as ever beside the door, and Pierce Mathers sat infront of me once more, looking well fed, watered, everything Tegan probably wasn't. The thought made my blood boil.

Teyla had decided to leave Rodney to sleep and was writing down anything she heard outside, sitting against the wall underneath the monitor.  
"Did you sleep well Colonel?" he asked mockingly. Keeping my face blank I leaned back in my chair, feeling my fingers twitch as I fought the strong urge to punch him.  
"Peachy." I answered sarcastically. "But I'm bored of waiting, so you're going to talk about Gary Murdale today." Narrowing my eyes on him I watched the asshole grin at me,  
"Am I now?" he mused. Bringing my leg up under the table I lashed out, hearing the satisfying thud of my combat boot hitting his shin. He cried out, not expecting the blow, and for the first time I saw a fleeting look of terror in his eyes, he knew I wasn't playing anymore. "I didn't think you were allowed to resort to violence Colonel." he spat.  
"I'll resort to whatever I have to to get my friend back." I retorted sharply. Pierce just scoffed at me,  
"You still insist on calling her your friend! Why don't you call her by her name? Does it hurt too much to know you lost her? Too know that she was depending on you and you let her down? Or does it just frustrate you that you don't have anything to go to bed with anymore?" he asked with a grin.

Without thinking, I lunged at him in a haze of red, my fist ploughing into his jaw. Strong arms wrapped around my chest and dragged me backwards, unfazed by my scrabbling and sloppy clawing to try and get at Pierce, who was shell shocked by my actions if his slack jaw was anything to go by.  
"Sheppard!" Ronon barked down my ear, making me flinch slightly. He dragged me backwards out of the room and I was met with a concerned Teyla. He blocked the door, preventing me from going back in there and annihilating the bastard. Breathing hard I looked at the floor, feeling my blood boiling in my veins still. How dare he say that! He knew nothing about Tegan! He knew nothing about how we were! Hell we didn't even know what we were! "What the hell was that Sheppard?" Ronon asked, staring at me like I'd grown a second head. Teyla had her hand on my arm and I quickly shrugged it off, I didn't want her pity or her comfort, I wanted Tegan and I wanted her now.  
"Nothing." I muttered, trying to brush it off but Teyla was too wise for that to work.  
"John we are your friends, we will not judge you for your feelings." she spoke from the heart and I knew she was right, if I could trust anyone it was these guys but I hated discussing things like this, especially when there was nothing to discuss. Besides, what did Teyla know of my feelings or hers? Was it that obvious to everyone else? "John." Teyla pressed gently and feeling too tired to argue with her, I caved.

I told them about the kiss, I told them (in confused awkward and very disorganised words) how I felt and how tormented I currently was. Teyla's sympathetic expression was back and I did my best to ignore it, I didn't want sympathy, I wanted to know where she was because my gut feeling was telling me something bad was happening to her. Even Ronon looked troubled, brow furrowed and eyes narrowed on me in contemplation.  
"She kissed you back?" He asked. Feeling a little offended I crossed my arms over my chest and huffed,  
"Yes she kissed me back." I retorted defensively, making him smirk a bit. Teyla shot him a look before rubbing my arm in a motherly way,  
"John, we will find Tegan, but she needs you to remain calm. She needs you to talk to this man, not turn him against you and make him unwilling to help." she said sagely. Sighing, I pinched the bridge of my nose and took a few deep breaths to calm down. Pushing back any bad feelings I thought it over and came to a conclusion, Teyla was right, I had to talk to this man, and maybe I had to do it man to man. Nodding once, I head back towards the door, and Ronon stared me down with raised eyebrows,  
"I'm just going to talk to him chewie, man to man, like Teyla said." I insisted. Ronon looked dubious but stepped aside and let me past. He went to follow me in but it was my turn to block the door, "I need to do this alone." I said,  
"What, so you can beat the crap out of him?" Ronon shook his head disbelievingly but I refused to let him past.

We shared a long look, and I all but pleaded with my eyes until he relented and backed down. Shutting the door firmly behind me, I sat across from Pierce, who didn't bother acknowledging my existence.  
"Sorry." I said curtly, even though I didn't particularly want to apologise to him.  
"I'm not." his response was almost immediate and he gave me a bloody smile. I hated this kind of mushy talk but if it was what it took to get Tegan back, I was willing to try anything. Clenching my fist under the table I said the words I least wanted to say to him, hoping that I'd get through to him,  
"You were right. I...care about Tegan more than I should." I grimaced at how painful it was to say her name as more of those forbidden images flashed through my mind, "It hurts to know she's out there right now, alone. She needs us because this man, Gary Murdale...he's twisted Pierce. He's going to hurt her and he's going to hurt her really badly."  
"That's not my problem, I had to deliver her, that was all." he cut me off and I grit my teeth, pushing down my frustration to continue,  
"So you're okay with knowing that you've sent a young woman to her death? He's not going to be lenient with her Pierce, he's going to torture her. At least you've been fed, you get to sleep in a bed and you're warm, you're safe, wherever Tegan is she's not. Gary Murdale's pyscotic, there's no reason for him to want to hurt her like he is, it's all in his mind." verbalising my fears was making me anxious again and I did my best to hide it, but still I had to take a breath to calm myself down.

Pierce didn't look at all effected by my words, and that frustrated me even more. Climbing to my feet I leaned over the table, locking my gaze on his, "Don't you have anyone you love? Anyone you ever loved? You can't have been alone forever, now reverse-"  
"Don't start with that." he scoffed. "Don't start with the whole put yourself in their shoes thing, it won't work. I _like_ being alone, Colonel. I _like_ not having to worry about anyone other than me." he sneered,  
"But it was not always so." Teyla's calm voice interjected. She made us both jump, since neither of us had heard her come in. Teyla's brown eyes refused to leave Pierce's cold ones and I slowly backed up to give her some room. Maybe I'd riled him up enough for her to work her magic. Teyla sat in my chair, and I silently edged out of the room, leaning against the wall outside and exhaling heavily. It had taken a lot to admit all that and the sleepless night was taking it's toll on me. Ronon nudged my shoulder with his,  
"Get some sleep, we can handle this." he promised me.  
"No, I need to be here if he says anything." I refused.  
"We'll tell you the minute he talks, but you can't find her if you can't stay on your feet." he countered, giving me a little shove that almost knocked me off balance. With a reluctant sigh, I gave in and headed to the room I'd been given. Flopping down on my bed I sighed heavily, already struggling to banish the unwanted images of the woman I wanted to find more than anything.

SGASGASGASGAGSGASGASGASGASGASGASGASGASGASGASGASGASGA

"John! John! Open up John!" bolting upright I swivelled my head frantically in every direction to look for signs of danger before I realised someone was banging on my door. Opening it I saw Rodney, looking frantic but excited as he thrust his laptop at me. Blinking groggily I wiped some of the cold sweat from my forehead and scanned the screen, my tired mind still not making sense of the figures and words on the screen.  
"What is it Rodney?" I yawned, scratching my head and stretching my arms in an effort to wake up.  
"It could be a lead." he insisted, making me perk up. I could feel the hope beginning to balloon inside me and I nodded slightly, urging him to continue, "I thoroughly researched Pierce and suprisingly it's not his real name but there's a hotel reservation booked out for Pierce Mathers in Afghanistan. He was supposed to check out last night and he never did." he recited it from memory and a smile crept across my face. Clapping his shoulder I checked the address again and nodded my head,  
"Good, good this is good! We can root around through his stuff, see if he left anything useful behind to help us track Murdale." I thought aloud. Rodney nodded eagerly and I checked the time in the corner of the screen. Grimacing, I delivered the bad news, "But it's four o'clock in the morning and we need to rest up."

Rodney's face fell a bit and I felt the guilt swarm me once more. I wanted to find Tegan more than anything but if we were half dead when we found her we wouldn't be of much use. Swallowing thickly I gave him an apologetic look, "I'm sorry Rodney but I need to make sure we're at the top of our game if we're going to do this. We need to be firing on all cylinders, you know what I mean?" Rodney nodded,  
"I know I know, you're looking out for us." he mumbled, running a hand over his face. "John what if we find her and-"  
"Don't say it." I cut him off, feeling the bile rise in the back of my throat as those sickening images from my nightmares came flooding back in. "Don't think it either. We'll find her and she'll be okay." Rodney nodded again and I felt my stomach twist horribly. "Get some sleep,we'll meet up and take a trip out there tomorrow." I promised. He turned and walked away without a goodbye, his steps slow and heavy. This was killing Rodney more than any of us and I wished I knew how to help him. Shutting my door I flopped back on my bed in the darkness. Where the hell was she? How was she holding up? What if Rodney was right and Murdale had killed her? Flinching and banishing the thought away I rolled onto my side, swearing someone moved in the shadows. It was my imagination of course, because Tegan was everywhere I wanted her to be but nowehere I actually looked. "Hang in there Tegan. Hang in there until we find you." I murmered, trying to get a few more hours in before tomorrow's excursion.

Rodney woke me up again at 0800, already dressed and ready for action. Though I wished I could get some more sleep I knew I wouldn't and got dressed too, sharing a silent breakfast with him in the messhall of coffee and toast. Teyla and Ronon walked in fifteen minutes after we had, joining our solemn silence with varying expressions of concern and anxiety. Teyla cleared her throat,  
"I was able to extract some information from Pierce Mathers." she declared. Eyebrows raising, I motioned of her to spill it and took another sip of my coffee, letting it warm me up. "After a few gentle words of persuasion-" she exchanged a glance with a smirking Ronon and I found myself suprised that she'd go that far, then again she could be quite vicious if given the right motive. "-he revealed that he had contact with Murdale through e-mails, right up until the day he set out to capture Tegan." she revealed. Me and Rodney exchanged a look and I leaned back in my chair,  
"Right...Rodney found a hotel address we're going to look at, first and most important thing to look for is a laptop or a phone then. He say anything else?" I questioned. Ronon shook his head at me and I rolled my eyes slightly. "Of course he didn't." I muttered bitterly. Shaking off the frustration I pushed myself to my feet, "I'll go clear our daytrip with Caldwell." I announced, knowing it would be no easy task.

I was right about that at least. Caldwell wasn't at all pleased to see me after the last interaction we'd had with him and was less than pleased that he had to keep helping us out for reasons he wasn't allowed to know, by that I mean we called up General O'Neill and he ordered him to help us. Radioing my team to get dressed for the day I headed back to my room, throwing my glock into the waistband of my jeans with two spare magazines before I laced up my boots and headed out to meet them on the bridge. Ronon and Teyla looked pretty good in earth clothes if I was honest; Ronon had favoured jeans like I had and was getting on well with a button down white shirt he could roll up to his elbows and I felt a twinge of pride that maybe, just maybe I had been his fashion icon. Teyla was very keen on tanktops and shorts and more than one man had been on the receiving end of Ronon's glare for looking to long. Caldwell beamed us down right behind the hotel along with the briefcase of money we had requested and we headed around to the front, with limited knowledge of their language we struggled for five minutes to get someone who spoke about as much english as we did Pastho, one of two widely spoken languages here. It took me twenty frustrating minutes to get access to Pierce's room, and we not only had to pay his check out bill but also a bit extra, just as I had suspected. The young Afghan man that had lead us up to the room bowed his head a little out of respect before heading off again and leaving us alone. The room was pretty bare really, with barren plaster walls and shabby wooden furniture. The bed looked rickety and the red sheet covering it was thin and thread bare - he hadn't payed for comfort apparently.

We split up, taking a corner each of the tiny room and working our way methodically through the remaining things. The wardrobe was full of his clothes, the bedside locker holding nothing more than sleeping tablets and a 9mm. We thoroughly combed through the room, even stamping on floorboards to see if they were hollow but none of them were, there was nothing here that could be used to contact Murdale. No phone, no laptop, no sign of anything electrical at all. Frustation boiling over into anger, I slammed my palm into the wall.  
"Sheppard." Ronon huffed, clapping my shoulder to show his support. It didn't help,  
"There's nothing here! We're no closer to finding her than we were last night!" I snapped. Leaning against the wall I took a deep breath, feeling my stomach twisting nauseously and my chest constrict. Murdale was probably torturing her right now and we were still so far away from her. It made me sick. Who would want to hurt such a beautiful woman? I could almost imagine her stormy grey eyes, glaring up at me as she crossed her arms over her tiny body telling me to suck it up and get on with it, telling me stop moping and kick some ass.  
"We'll give you a few minutes." Teyla decided, leading a distraught looking Rodney from the room and tugging Ronon out behind her. Even my team were struggling to know how to deal with my mood swings. I didn't understand, Pierce had been contacting him somehow, something had to be here.

Starting from behind the bed I combed through the place once more, feeling my hope diminishing everytime I found an empty space or plain old floorboard. Poking my head into the wardrobe I sighed, hanging my head and banging it gently of of the back board. The thump echoed. Frowning slightly, I pulled my head up and looked at the faded wood before me, an idea springing to mind. Clenching up my fist I began to bang on the panels, moving across the back until the echo became a dull sound that didn't resonate half as much. Curiousity piquing and heart thumping, I looked around for something to break the panel off. Groaning slightly at the lack of useable equipment in the room I called in Ronon, who was by my side in an instant, "Have you got a knife on you?" I asked. Lifting an eyebrow he reached into his dreadlocks and handed me one. Mumbling my thanks I wedged it between the two panels and began to wiggle it, prying up the suspicious panel until it clattered to the floor. My heart skipped a beat and a renewed sense of hope made me break out in a grin. Reaching in I yanked the duct tape off of the wall and pulled out the sleek, silver laptop stuck to the wall.  
"Someone wanted to hide that well." Ronon remarked. Nodding my head I brushed off the laptop lid and opened it up, powering it up and waiting impatiently for the screen to flicker to life before it asked me for a password.  
"We'll need to get Mckay to hack into it back home." I realised, shutting it down again and stuffing it under my arm. Rodney looked up at me miserably and I waved the latop in his face triumphantly, grinning a bit from my brief victory as he eyed the laptop like it was a goldmine. I prayed it was.


	23. Chapter 21: Location Location Location

Tegan's Point of View:

How long had I been here? The seconds had dragged into minutes, the minutes into hours and the hours...had they become days yet? It was hard to keep any sense of time in this prison cell. There was no natural light, no fresh air, no way out. It was difficult to breathe in here with the stench of sweat and blood and the weight of stress and grief on my chest. It was freezing cold now and I was no longer grateful for the cool relief that my shorts and tanktop provided. I'd managed to sleep for a few hours, at least I thought I had, it was hard to tell since the bright fluroscent lighting was too bright to sleep for long and it was uncomfortable to sleep in a hard chair. It'd been hours since I had had any feeling in my hands and feet and I doubted the feeling in my arse would ever return, everything was numb but it did nothing to stop the ache drilling through my body. Gary hadn't bothered coming in again, but he had set up a brilliant new method of torture. Nobody was tending to me anymore at all and I was left to suffer alone, just like he wanted me too. My hoarse, dry throat was crying out for water, my stomach growling hungrily but I wouldn't be getting anything to eat or drink anytime soon.

Instead, Gary had been busy setting up his new theatre. The observation window and all the walls had been covered by screens, those pull down ones projectors usually shine on and a funny looking clunky projetor had been lowered down into the room with me. I didn't remember the room receiving a make over and guessed it had happened while I was in my half asleep state. My room had been turned dark and for the last hour I had been watching images, sometimes still sometimes moving, of my life, of Gary's life, of people I'd loved and lost. It was tormenting to say the least. I'd done rather well for the first few hours, blocking out the images of Gary's innocent little children playing in their home, blocking out the images the press had managed to take of me when I was still the ambassadors little girl, but I was tired and hungry, in pain, and it was getting harder and harder now to block them out. The videos were the worst, I could hear the laughter, hear the voices and see the people they belonged to. Some of them I knew, some I didn't, but the ones I did know stirred up memories I would rather keep away. But this was his game! This was what he wanted! He wanted me to torture myself, he wanted me to break, but I wouldn't give him the satisfaction. A gunshot echoed through the room and I closed my eyes, focusing on my breathing; my mother was screaming in my ears. Hands trembling, I desperately tried to force my mind to think of something else, but the lack of food and water had left my mind scattered.

There was a voice I recognised all to well then, one I loved to listen to and would follow anywhere without question.  
"They were my friends, I wasn't going to leave them to die." Sheppard spat angrily. My head turned slowly in all directions until I spotted him on the screen to the right. He was dressed in kahki, hands clasped on a table infront of him. It was some sort of interrogation with a General I didn't know.  
"You went on an unauthroised mission, you disobeyed a direct order!" the General retorted. Sheppard got to his feet, glaring down at the man I didn't know with furious hazel eyes,  
"Oops." he said simply, and with that John Sheppard walked out, not even bothering to hear his punishment. When had that happened? The image changed to John and me next, just outside the hut in Afghanistan before...before they had died. Swallowing thickly I found myself unable to look away from the image, his hand touching mine as he looked down at me, even from a distance we looked like a good couple...I couldn't deny that. Suddenly, there was a loud boom that made me flinch, and I watched the SUV go up in flames. Where had Gary got all this footage from? My friends were burning before me, trapped in that car while I uselessly sat back and did nothing. Tears pricked at my eyes again but I couldn't cry, I was too dehydrated. A raspy sob escaped my lips and I hung my head in shame, hearing the flames crackle and burn before they stopped completely and the gunfire started again. Closing my eyes, I struggled to clear my mind and rid myself of the horrid images creeping up on me, but I couldn't escape the sights and the sounds, I couldn't escape from The Ghost.

John's Point of View:

We were sat in the lab in our own little corner ignoring the other technicians and scientists working around us with the Asgard control crystals. It had been fifty three hours and counting since Murdale took her...and I still couldn't say her name. I'd barely eaten and barely slept, unable to do much of either until Teyla forced me to. My anxiety was eating at me and I was feeling nauseous and jumpy, though the nausea might be from the lack of food but I just couldn't eat, not while I still felt no closer to finding her than I did before. It had taken a day for Rodney to break through the heavy encryption on Pierce's laptop and hack in, a day that had had me on tenterhooks and had found me asking him every hour if he was in yet. Rodney looked just as worn down as me and he looked so pale; he barely touched his food either and that wasn't like him at all, not that I could talk. Speaking of food, Teyla bought two trays in piled high with enough food for all of us. Ronon grabbed a sandwhich and tucked in, glancing at me and pushing something towards me with his free hand. With a sigh, I grabbed the chicken-mayo sandwhich and unwrapped it, taking a bite. It was bland, flavourless and stodgy and it took a lot to swallow it, even with a sip of water. I tried to push the other half away but Ronon pushed it back - nobody said a word to each other. Forcing down the other half of my sandwhich, I rubbed my tired eyes with the heels of my hands.

Teyla gave me an approving smile and offered some of her fruit salad to me, she didn't let me decline either and I noticed she had Rodney absent mindedly picking at something to eat too; she was ever the mother hen of our team. Pierce had buried his emails under so much crap and data that it was taking time to retrieve it. Leaning back in my chair, I took a long drag on my water bottle, trying to rid myself of the foul taste in my mouth that hadn't left since the day we lost her. The only sounds to be heard was the hum of the ship and Rodney tapping on his laptop keys, but for once the silence wasn't bothering me, after all what could we say? Turning my head I looked out of the wide window, staring at the stars I'd stared at as a child. The silver speckles shone brightly and I wondered if she could see them too, wherever she was. I was reminded suddenly of the first time she'd seen the view from the Daedalus, the sheer wonder in her grey eyes had amused me. Rodney hummed thoughtfully before grinning triumphantly, drumming on the table as he sat back with a nod,  
"I've done it, I'm in." he declared. Sitting forward I felt my focus shift entirely back to him, my eyes not leaving the screen while I clapped his shoulder in a silent congratulations. "Alright, just seperate out the right emails..."he murmered, hunching back over the table and tapping away.

The tension increased ten fold, my muscles locking into place and refusing to move while my mouth went dry. There had to be something here, there had to be a clue leading us to her. My eyes flickered over the screen, seeing Murdale's name everywhere, Pierce was a dedicated email hoarder I'd give him that.  
"Nice job Rodney." I complimented him. Teyla and Ronon peered around the side and Rodney turned the laptop so they could see. Together, we skimmed the emails for any information we could find. The times and dates of when we were going to arrive in Khewa, a detailed description of Tegan and shorter ones of all of us, pictures, payment agreements; it was all evidence that Murdale had been watching this from the start. She had been right, he was very very clever and had been two steps ahead of us this whole time. The whole thing had been a well thought out plan and we'd played the parts he had wanted us to play. There was nothing useful to tell us where he was going next though; there was a description of the car he'd pick her up in but no number plates to trace. Sitting back I let out a heavy sigh, feeling deflated and disappointed. Rodney looked just as frustrated as he had every other day but I was past that by now, instead I just felt beaten down, weathered. Ronon's large hand clapped my shoulder and I shrugged it off, unable to take the pity anymore. "There's got to be something else you can try Rodney." I insisted, rubbing the back of my neck. Rodney scoffed,  
"Like what? Trace back the emails and IP addresses?" he questioned me like he was mocking a child and I narrowed my eyes at him irritatedly. "He's too smart to leave something as stupid as that for us to follow."

Ronon huffed slightly, crossing his arms over his chest behind me and saying what was possibly the first sensible thing I'd heard all day,  
"He thinks we're dead remember?" my heart skipped a beat and I nodded slowly, eyes tracking over the rest of my team. We were all dead to him, we were no longer in the equation.  
"That gives us the element of suprise." I realised. "He won't be expecting us to track him, we're loose ends he thinks he's tied up." Rodney frowned a bit and I made a split second decision that I hoped would work.  
"Do it, track those emails and addresses or whatever." I ordered. Rodney looked dubious but after giving him one of my authoritive looks he relented. Climbing to my feet I began to pace back and forth impatiently, running a hand through my hair as my stomach twisted and flipped. Rodney laughed incredulously ten minutes later,  
"I take it all back, he _is _that stupid." he remarked. Swooping down on him I stared at the laptop, seeing the location of Murdale's laptop glaring back at me. "It makes sense, he's originally from Scandinavia right?" Rodney pressed. Nodding my head I glanced at my teammates and then my watch,  
"Alright, how many hours ahead of my watch is Sweden?" I asked. Rodney tilted his head before answering,  
"What time zone are you running on?"

My eyebrows furrowed and I jerked my head back, confusion colouring my face,  
"What do you mean?" I wondered.  
"Well the USA has nine different time zones." Rodney said, defending himself with a stubborn glare.  
"I don't know! I got it from the SGC!" I retorted, throwing my hands up exaspertedly.  
"So it's running on Denver's timezone, okay so..."he started drawing figures in the air with his finger and I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose to fight off the headache I could feel coming. "Swedens eight hours ahead." he answered finally. Nodding once I looked down at my watch.  
"It's half three in the afternoon so that makes it half eleven over there...that gives us three hours to catch some sleep before we leave." I informed them. Seeing they're confused faces I quickly explained my plan, "If we leave in three hours then in Sweden it's half two in the morning. Nobody expects dead people to come knocking on there door at half two in the morning, so we bust into this address and take advantage of the late hour to strengthen our element of suprise." Ronon's eyes were gleaming with a murderous delight and I knew he was just as eager to get her back as we were - and was apparently as willing to hurt the bastard that took her. But that was my job, I'd promised to put a bullet in him and I would carry through that promise if it killed me. All I had to do is wait three more hours.


	24. Chapter 22: The Lakehouse

She couldn't take it anymore. The silence was deafening, the loneliness crushing and the hallucinations from lack of food and water were only getting worse. Gary watched, waited, wondered - she couldn't last much longer surely? He'd removed all stimuli from the room and left her stuck in that chair to wallow in her own self pity. Pity; like she of all people deserved it. Tegan had long since lost her voice, her throat was far too hoarse to speak and her brain was too scrambled to think of a coherent sentence. The hallucinations were the best and worst things that happened to her these days. They offered such bliss and comfort but when they disappeared they left behind such pain and anguish...it was crushing to awaken to the dreadful reality she was still stuck in. Her heavy eyes watched another one now, watched Rodney and John bicker over which was better; Superman or Batman? A delerious smile twitched at her lips but she didn't have the energy to really smile, she didn't have the energy to do anything really. Her body ached horribly and there was a dull pounding in her temples. Her numb limbs were tingling from the lack of blood flow to them. Gary watched from behind the oberservation window as she sat there, her head hung and her breathing shallow; no, no Tegan James didn't deserve to die like this. Gary sighed and climbed to his feet, walking out of the room to collect the one thing he would need to finally finish this. The glock that he hadn't touched in almost thirteen years came out of it's case, one last bullet still lieing in the barrel just waiting to be fired.

Tegan didn't notice him dragging her from the chair, only registering the pain that popped in her elbow and the deep rooted ache that intensified all over her body - she was lost in her own delerious fantasies. In her world, despite the pain she was in she was happy. John was with her here, and Rodney and Ronon and Teyla. Kanaan and Torren had joined them today on the beach and he was so happy, gurgling and laughing as he kicked the salty water. John was keeping her warm, holding her close and looking after her. She was safe here on this beach, with these people she was content and could live with the pain as long as they were around; Tegan was oblivious to anything other than her fantasy. Her mind had created a safe place, a happy place, a place where she could escape from her shattered body and be free. As Gary dragged her along, unaware of Tegan's complete ignorance to the situation she was in, she subconciously snuffed out that little flame of hope.

John's Point of View:

We were decked out in full combat gear: black cargo pants; black combat boots; black leather jacket; black t-shirts and a tac vest each. Ronon had of course opted for the no tac vest option and had just holstered his stun gun and a few knives on his person, but me and Teyla were dressed up at least. There were no badges on our arms this time because nothing we did tonight could lead back to the SGC. Nothing. Slipping a glock into my thigh holster I hooked up my P-90 and loaded a clip into it, slipping some extra ammunition in various pockets on my vest. Rodney watched us silently in the corner, looking frustrated that he couldn't come with us. Not with his sprained wrist anyway. Rodney hadn't been happy to hear that but had been convinced by Teyla to stay behind and monitor us from the Daedalus without hating me for the rest of my life. Nobody spoke because there was nothing to say, either we came home with her or we didn't; the thought that we wouldn't was sickening. The tension was tangeable and my whole body was rigid with it, the nervous flutters in my stomach making me feel nauseous as we headed towards the lab we'd been given for this evenings raid. Ronon had set his gun to the highest setting and I took comfort from the knowledge that Gary Murdale wouldn't live to hurt her again after tonight.

Rodney gave us a nod from the asgard console he was working at, letting us know that he was ready to beam us down. Clearing my throat, I turned to adress Teyla and Ronon,  
"Alright we know what we have to do. We storm the place from three different angles and do a quick search, shoot anyone who gets in our way...if we don't find anything the first time around we search more thoroughly for clues." I ordered. Teyla and Ronon both nodded at me,  
"We'll find her." he promised me. "I feel it." His confidence gave me some and I nodded back, inhaling deeply before raising my P-90 and looking at Rodney,  
"Beam us down." I instructed.  
"Good luck." he grumbled, moving the crystals around as the room disappeared in a swirl of white light. When my eyes refocused I was in Sweden. Darkness enveloped the landscape but I could still make out the house ahead of us - red wood with white trimmings around the edge that looked rickety and faded and small. It stood in a clearing surrounded by tall swaying grass and a ring of coniferous pine trees. Beyond the house were towering, snow capped mountains that enveloped a glistening black lake, the light of the full moon shimmering on the surface.

It all looked so calm, so peaceful. Not for much longer. Bringing my hand up to my ear I tapped my radio once,  
"Everybody in postion?" I asked quietly.  
"Yes John." Teyla replied, her calm voice helping me to relax and clear my mind.  
"Here Sheppard." Ronon grunted. Nodding once to myself I brought up the binoculars and looked at the house, clicking on the night vision and scouting out the area. There was nothing moving. No people about or animals, nothing.  
"Alright, move in." I ordered, running in a half crouch towards the house with my P-90 raised. Ronon had gone around the back and Teyla quickly joined me on the front porch. She stood beside the door as my heart began to race, the adrenaline surging through my veins as I aimed my P-90 at the door and gave her a nod. She swung it open and I burst in, sweeping the corners of the room with my flashlight beam and moving to the left. The house was small with only three ground floor rooms and two upstairs ones. There was no furniture, no lights...it didn't look as if anybody had been here in years. The rooms were dusty and bare, full of rotting wood and peeling paintwork. "This is impossible." I muttered under my breath. There was no way this was happening, not when we were so close! Teyla joined us in the largest of the three downstairs rooms. "There's nothing here." I said quietly.

My frustration began to boil over into rage and I lashed out at the fireplace, my foot cracking and splintering the wood. Where else was I supposed to look goddamit!  
"Let's look again." Teyla suggested, "It took us two attempts to find the laptop, remember?" her optimism was beginning to get tiring now and I was losing all hope. My stomach dropped and my heart twisted painfully in my chest. She had to be here, she had to be!  
"Sheppard!" Ronon called. I became aware that I was on my own suddenly and tried o shrug of the familiar weight of hopelessness. I was tire of false hope by now. Swallowing past the lump in my throat I walked towards the sound of his voice and found him by the stairs, tracing a flashlight beam over the woodwork to reveal faint cracks. "You thinking what I'm thinking?" he wondered.  
"No." I said tiredly. Truthfully I wasn't thinking at all. I was working on gut feeling and adrenaline alone. My palms were sweaty and my nerves already shot so I jumped when he kicked in the wood. He had kicked open a door under the stairs and revealed very modern looking concrete steps that lead down to what I assumed was a cellar of some sorts. Teyla came running in when she heard the noise and with a few quick hand signals I was leading them down the steps, feeling the temperature drop dramatically and making me shiver.

There was no dust about, suggesting it had seen activity recently. There was a switch on the side of the corridor and I flipped it, blinking and shielding my eyes from the bright fluroscent light that flickered on; in the background there was the groan of a generator working somewhere. Following the rumbling noise down the concrete tunnel we came to a metal door. Pressing my shoulder into the wall beside it I reached for the handle, watching the others take their positions before I threw open the door. Ronon grunted and lowered his gun, walking straight in and kicking something as he passed. We all crammed into a tiny room, seeing a small wooden chair and a desk pressed against the right wall below a darkened window. There was another room beyond the window though and as we flicked one of three switches on the desk a light flickered on inside. My stomach twisted horribly - this had been the place alright. The metal table and chair had been bolted to the floor and I guessed her feet had been shackled to the chair legs, most likely by those metal cuffs. Projector screens hung on the walls and I wondered what kind of pyschological torture she'd been forced to endure. Blood had dried on the floor in ugly rust coloured patches and something small and white sat in one of them...I assumed it was a tooth.

Trying to force back the bile rising in my throat I shared a look with Teyla and Ronon. Teyla's expression had hardened in an effort to hide her feelings but her brown eyes had steeled; she was angry and disgusted with what we were seeing. Ronon huffed slightly, picking up his gun again and storming out of the room. Slowly, we followed him. Tegan had been here, she'd been here and she'd slipped through my fingers again. My chest was aching, my heart twisting and stomach writhing. I wanted to throw up. I wanted to scream. I wanted to pace. I just needed to _do _something. Exiting the house I took in a deep breath, inhaling the crisp air and allowing it to clear my head a bit.  
"Sheppard?" Rodney's voice was in my ear calling my name urgently, and I rubbed my forehead tiredly as I answered him. "Sheppard there's two other life signs with you. They surfaced just a few minutes ago by the lake, something in that house was blocking your transmitter signals. and made it impossible for me to get ahold of you." he informed me. Nodding my head I thanked him and quickly relayed that information to the others, splitting us up and heading for the lake behind the house. It was still a fair distance away but if I squinted I could make out two figures in the darkness; one was standing but the other was on it's knees.

My heart skipped a beat, my breath hitching in my throat as I sped up, moving quietly across the landscape until I was flat on my stomach in the long grass - barely twelve meters from the scene. The moonlight gave everything a shimmering, dream like feel but it was definitely her. I didn't let my eyes linger on her because I knew if I did I wouldn't be able to focus long enough to take him down. Finally, I got my first glimpse of Gary Murdale. He was tall, possibly six foot four or so with platinum blonde hair pulled back into a messy looking ponytail - his skin was so pale it looked translucent in the moonlight. He was built like an ox, all buff muscles and black ink stretching up his arms in almost tribal like patterns. His voice was silky and persuasive and it made my blood boil as I signalled for my team to stay down,  
"You recognise this don't you Tegan? It's been in the videos, your nightmares, your history." he was almost sneering at her and I clenched my fist as I took aim, carefully lining up my shot so that the bullet would pass right through his head; just like he had done to her farther. "The bullet's been in here for almost thirteen years." he chuckled gruffly, "You dodged a bullet for thirteen years! You know, I think that's a guiness world record." shaking his head ruefully he laughed, a boisterous and cold laugh that made my toes curl.

I was about to take the shot when he moved, circling her like a predator would circle his prey and I groaned quietly, having to take my aim again and track him as he moved to ensure I wouldn't miss. There was an almost strangled noise from her, like she was trying to laugh but didn't have the strength and she fell onto her back when he kicked her shoulder. Gary just crouched beside her, once again messing up my shot and I hissed slightly in annoyance. "You see this lake?" he gestured behind him and stood up before I could refocus on him and I grit my teeth, feeling my irritation flare. So what if I shot him in the leg first and had to shoot him again? He deserved it. "This is where I buried my children, and you'll join them soon enough at the bottom of the lake. No one will ever find you, no one will care to look. You will die alone and unloved Tegan James, just like your blessed farther did." he spat.  
"Wrong." I growled, letting my finger pull the trigger. Teyla and Ronon popped up, aiming at him as they stalked closer with expressions of cold fury while I ran straight towards Tegan. She looked even more of a mess than I had imagined and I couldn't help but flinch. It was Teyla's P-90 going off that made me turn around. Dropping to one knee I prepared to fire again as Murdale landed a hard punch across her jaw.

Calling Teyla's name, I distracted him long enough to put a bullet in him just as I promised, but the bastard had had to move hadn't he? My bullet went straight through his shoulder blade and though he fell back it didn't stop him getting back up and throwing a charging Ronon away from him. Murdale was a mess of bullet holes and blood, but still he crept closer towards me. I froze, shock and fear paralysing me for a moment. This guy should not be moving still! A tug on my thigh had me looking down and I jumped when Tegan fired the shot, head snapping up to look at Murdale. Blood blossomed from his ribs and he went down to his knees, struggling for air as he shakily pulled his own gun around. Before he had chance to fire one last haphazard shot I lined up my own, and this time my bullet blew out his brain matter. A soft thump behind me let me know Tegan had collapsed back to the floor, and as Teyla was attended to by Ronon I turned my attention to her, feeling my heart race. Tegan's face was a mess of black and blue, dried blood matting her greasy hair and her grey eyes were unfocused and doe like, nothing like they usually were. Her body was crumpled on the floor, her clothes dirty and stained with sweat and blood; the remnants of yellowish vomit crusted along the neckline of her tanktop and disgust rippled through me. Her elbow sat at an unnatural angle and her skin was red raw and blisted on her hands, like something out of a horror movie. How could he have done this too her.

Discarding my P-90 beside me I knelt beside her, gently touching her cold cheek and murmuring her name. My throat felt thick and tears were brimming in my eyes as Rodney frantically called my name in my ear. Wiping my eyes forcefully I called her name, watching her grey eyes focus on me for a brief second before they returned to looking at the sky, blinking slowly and looking uninterested.  
"Tegan, talk to me Tegan." I said forcefully. She merely blinked in response. Panic began to set in as I tried and failed to get a response one more time. "Tegan I'm going to pick you up okay so Rodney can get a lock on us. You're going to be okay now alright? You're going to be alright." I murmered, carefully scooping her up and watching the agony blaze in her eyes. I must have looked as pale as I felt because Teyla watched me concernedly.  
"Hey Tiny." Ronon grunted, but he got no response either.  
"Rodney, Rodney beam us straight to the infirmary." I ordered, voice strained with tension and anxiety. Rodney did just that and before I could blink I was surrounded by nurses and doctors who cursed and took her out of my numb arms. Teyla gently touched my arms as Ronon went to meet Rodney but I shook her off, feeling angry and tired and physically sick. I had to sit on the floor before I fell and Teyla pulled me to her, letting me rest my head against her shoulder. "He took her from us." I said thickly, "He still managed to take her from us."  
"No John, no, Tegan is still in there...she just needs our help to resurface." Teyla murmered. I wanted to believe her, so so badly...but as incredible as she was, even Tegan had her limits. Gary Murdale had pushed her far past them and maybe pushed Tegan herself out of my reach.


	25. Chapter 23: Home Is Where The Heart Is

Tegan's Point of View:

My body felt numb. Not the bad kind of numb but rather the good kind - I felt no pain like this. It was a perfect day here as usual, with the sun beating down hard and warming my skin. I could hear nothing really with my head in the water like and while floating in the crystal blue water I felt at peace. My body was finally allowed to relax and my brief respite from the pain was welcome, no matter how long it lasted. My eyes snapped open and I jumped slightly when two arms slithered underneath me, my shock quickly fading into laughter as I stared up at a snickering John. He cradled me to his chest like I was a baby and I threaded my arms around his neck, dropping my head against his shoulder. John and I were allowed to be anything we wanted here; another good thing. There were no rules or regulations and we were allowed to just be together, whether it was being stupid together or more intimate things we could be whatever we wanted, and I was enjoying every minute of it. John smiled down at me, his warm lips lingering on my forehead as he held me in the water. Twisting around I wrapped my legs around his waist so I could face him, smiling at the sexy smirk that he was wearing.  
"Well good morning to you to." I laughed.

John's hands slid to the backs of my thighs, holding me in place as he kissed my nose, then my lips. It was a soft, lingering kiss that held so much love in it, and I relished in the taste of the salt water on his lips warm lips. Paradise, this was paradise. John hummed contenedly before he spoke,  
"Breakfast is ready." he informed me, "Your favourite of course." he pressed his forehead against mine and I sighed happily,  
"You spoil me John Sheppard." I scolded half heartedly. John just snorted,  
"No more than you deserve." he countered, walking backwards towards the shore. The white sand was glistening in the sunlight and beyond that was our villa, isolated and quaint. "Besides, if I cook breakfast this morning you make me dessert tonight, right?" he waggled his eyebrows at me and I rolled my eyes, slapping his chest.  
"John!" I exclaimed, narrowing my eyes on his innocent expression, "Maybe." I caved, hopping down from him and walking back the rest of the way with my fingers intertwined with his. The sand was warm and soft beneath my feet, and the villa was just the perfect temperature inside, despite having all the windows and doors thrown open. A soft breeze blew in and caressed my cheeks and I closed my eyes to relish in the serenity of it all.

The villa was like a large two pronged fork. Facing outwards to the beach was the white wooden decking, tucked inbetween the two prongs with a outside dining table and two sun loungers. There was a large sliding glass door leading inside where you could choose to go in one of three directions. The hallway was painted a calming light blue with white skirting boards and shelves built into the walls to hold pictures of memories I held dear. If you chose to go left, you would end up in the living room where there was a large floor to ceiling window looking out over the beach in line with the decking, and a large flatscreen TV was mounted on the left wall above a low lieing oak cabinet filled with my favourite DVD's. The rest of the furniture was made of beechwood with bright red cushions that you sank into and cradled your body. The right wall was lined with bookshelves full of books I loved and ornaments I treasured, such as the frame holding our dog tags that Rodney had given us as a gift. If you chose to go right, you would end up in the kitchen. There was another floor to ceiling window in line with the decking but it was also a breakfast bar, with four polished silver stools that spun around and were quite fun to play about on. The furniture in here was all beechwood too, with a kitchen island in the middle surrounded by six high chairs to sit on that acted as a dining table. The cabinets were that lined the left wall held all of the food and had glass fronts so we could see what cabinet held watch, and the cupboards surrounding the stainless steel oven on the right wall had the pots and pans and cooking utensils.

Going straight ahead from the sliding glass door would bring you down a hallway with four doors leading off of it. This was the handle of the fork and it was quite a wide segment of building to hold three bedrooms and a bathroom. Two bedrooms were of course guest bedrooms, painted in cream with various landscape paintings and scenic beach pictures John had taken decorating the walls. The bathroom was slightly smaller but still had a clawfoot bathtub and a seperate shower unit in the corner. It was decorated in biscuit coloured tiles and the bathtub, sink and toilet were all made of black porcelain to compliment the colour nicely. All throughout the house there was terracotta tile flooring to keep it cool in the endless sunny weather. The temperature was always perfect though. When I was a little girl my farther had asked me what my dream house would be like if I could design it myself; this was the exact home I had envisioned and described to him in the exact location I had thought of. On one of his many business trips my farther had brought us all to Spain. He'd taken a day off for us to go to the beach together and found one of the most secluded beaches in the country. El Palmer Beach in Cádiz was far away from any form of civilisation so we wouldn't be hounded by the press, and it was nothing but white sand as far as the eye could see with the occasional bar serving wine and snacks. There was the town of Conil de la Frontera about half an hour to 45 minutes drive away through the beautiful Spanish countryside - the market there was where most of our food came from.

John moved the plates to the island for us and I greedily eyed the steaming pile of scrambled eggs and the crispy streaks of bacon beside it, hurrying to sit down at my place and dig in. John was an incredibly good cook, I'd give him that.  
"What did you want to do today?" he asked me, cocking an eyebrow as he grabbed a slice of toast from the rack between us and piled some bacon and eggs on it. Humming thoughtfully I chewed on my bacon, knowing the possibillities were endless. "Bare in mind that Rodney and Jeannie are coming over later." he reminded me. Nodding in acknowledgement I swallowed my food and smiled,  
"I think I want to go to the market." I decided, wondering if perhaps we could get a nice piece of fish to cook up for dinner. John nodded slightly,  
"You're safe now." he said suddenly. My eyebrows furrowed and I slowly lowered my fork,  
"What?" I questioned.  
"I'm right here Tegan." he insisted, voice firm and resolute.  
"I can see you John, I know you are." I said slowly. He shook his head slightly, blinking as though he were in a daze before he shot me a cheeky grin,  
"The market huh? Trying to replace me with one of those Spanish hunks?" he questioned playfully, as if nothing had just happened. "You alright?" he asked, seeing my confused expression. Inhaling deeply I brushed it off and nodded once, forcing a smile and scooping some scrambed eggs into my mouth,  
"Perfect." I promised him, glancing out at the scenic view and sighing in relief. Everything was perfect.

John's Point of View:

We were taking it in turns now, or rather my team were taking it in turns to sit with me and Rodney. We'd both refused to move from her side since they'd pulled her out of surgery. We were currently in the SGC infirmary after having Tegan go through extensive surgery in one of the best hospitals Colorado had to offer before she was released into our care. Her body was healing now, getting the nutrients and fluids it was lacking through the IV line connected to her left elbow. It would have been in her hand but it had had to be bandaged after the skin grafting they'd done - layers of skin on her hands had had to be replaced but they promised minimal scarring would occur. I held her right one, my eyes never leaving her face for a moment as she slept peacefully. They'd used some sort of mild sedative to keep her under, insisting that for now at least it was safer at the moment so it was easier to deal with her physical injuries when she woke up. It was her mental ones I was worried about. Every now and then I tried speaking to her, letting her now about things that had happened during the day and who was visiting her, hell even the boring stuff like what we'd had for lunch was up for discussion. Rodney remained silent for the most part, tapping at his laptop and seeming blissfully unaware of my concerns over her mental health. There were times when I could swear that she was hearing me because her eyes would move under their eyelids, as if they were trying to seek out my voice.

What was going on in her head? When were they going to let her wake up? Was she in pain wherever she was right now? Would she feel the same as she had before Murdale had gotten his hands on her? Perhaps it was selfish of me to wonder that but now I had her back, and regardless of the rules I was determined not to let her go. Nancy had been the only other person I'd shared my life with but even so, the chemistry I felt with Tegan superseded anything I had ever had with Nancy. I would wait forever as long as there was something worth waiting for, as long as I really could get the girl in the end. Screw the rules, screw the chain of command - I deserved some happiness and so did Tegan. I watched as one of the nurses came to swap the bags around on her IV line, pumping a third bag of fluids into her body to combat the dehydration she was suffering from. Giving her hand a squeeze I stared at her, eyes tracing over her pale figure that was as white as the pillow behind her head,  
"There goes another one. That's your third bag so far in the past day, you must be thirsty." I chuckled mirthlessly and watched for any sign of life from her, feeling disheartened when I found none. Teyla had gone on a short break for dinner but came strolling back in with some food for us. Now Tegan was safely back in our care it was easier to eat, and sleep (though uncomfortable in the infirmary bed) came easier knowing I could wake up and find her beside me.

She placed one tray in Rodney's lap and handed the other to me, giving me a gentle smile before taking her place in a chair at the end of the bed to observe us both. I grabbed the cutlery and dug in, savouring the taste of the roast beef that had come in fresh this morning with the new supply chain. There was nothing like a good sunday dinner but it still didn't beat the ones I could remember my mom making for us before she died. The gravy wasn't exactly the best but it was warm at least and did add some moisture to the roast beef. Sipping on the coffee she had bought me I thanked her with a smile, seeing the relief in her eyes and the affectionate glance she threw Rodney's way. He was shovelling in food by the forkful again, looking disappointed when he found he had come to the end of his pile of sugar snap peas. Chuckling to myself I shrugged, seeing Teyla smothering a smile with her hand,  
"It is good to see you both eating once more." she confessed. Rolling my eyes a bit I shrugged, unwrapping the cellophane wrapping from the top of my jello cup,  
"Anxiety makes you lose your appetite." I said dismissively. She pinned me with her infamous motherly stare and I pointedly ignored her and dug into my jello instead.  
"And why were you so anxious John?" she challenged me and I lifted my gaze to hers, warning her with my eyes not to go there. Teyla stubbornly refused to let me let this go however, "You cannot keep ignoring this John for it will not go away." she reminded me for the nth time.

Trying not to groan, I shook my head and swallowed the last gulp of jello down, pushing aside the tray and keeping my eyes firmly fixed on Tegan's pale form,  
"We're not going through this again." I said firmly, "One step at a time, and step one is her waking up." I almost flinched when Teyla huffed frustratedly, knowing an angry Teyla was never all that easy to deal with, not since she'd had Torren anyway. But she thankfully let it drop once more - I wasn't too sure how much longer I could dodge that bullet for if I was honest. Taking up Tegan's hand again I gave it a squeeze, my own way of saying I was back I suppose before informing her of what I'd had for dinner and how Rodney's appetite was back to normal. Her eyelids twitched again, and I smiled slightly at the thought that maybe she could hear me. There was a familiar electricity tingling from her skin to mine, letting me know that though she may be unresponsive she was still alive. It was that (coupled with the steady beat from the heart monitor that lulled me to sleep every night) that comforted me more than anything Teyla or the doctors could tell me. Even looking pale as death and rather sickly when you compared her stark white face to the green bed sheets, she was still easily one of the most beautiful women I had ever seen, and I took the time to marvel in it, my eyes tracing over her bruised faced and imagining her stormy grey eyes demanding to know if Murdale was gone for good.

But she didn't open her eyes and I knew she wouldn't for another few days, however it didn't bother me because I knew she was receiving the best care available and eventually she would, I firmly believed it infact. Of course, there was a long road ahead for her to recover fully, something she might never do, but we would all be there. My hand squeezed hers gently as I looked back at Teyla, who was speaking quietly to Rodney about whatever he was currently working on. He was much more animated since we had brought Tegan back, more involved in his science and eating properly but he still looked just as exhausted as before. Though he didn't think I could hear it I knew he had nightmares, heard him whimpering in the night when he woke up and watched him through half lidded eyes as he paced the room before settling himself back down. Tegan was an integeral part of his life, his best friend, his sister - losing her was a reality he couldn't bear to think about living in.  
"You have no idea how important you are to us...to me. I promise you right now, that we'll be here should you need us, we're not going anywhere." I vowed quietly. Teyla and Rodney chuckled softly at something and I looked up, unable to fight my smile when (with childlike glee) Rodney waved me over to watch a simulation for an app he was making to install on the handhelds in the jumpers to decipher ancient text faster. Ronon walked in at some point, silently standing beside us and glancing between Tegan and the programme Rodney was explaining. A small smile tugged at my lips, this was what life should be, all of us together as one family. Nobody was going to hurt any of us again.


	26. Chapter 24: Breaking Through

Tegan's Point of View:

What day was it? It felt like years had passed here but I couldn't be certain. Life was good and I had a nice routine going - a quiet life with a man I loved wasn't something I had thought would ever be on the cards for me yet here we were. As usual, the sun was streaming in through a crack in the curtains and warming my skin nicely. Something equally as warm was pressed against my side, wound around my waist like a rope to hold me to him. A small smile pulled on my lips when I felt his lips brush my bare shoulder. Slowly, they travelled up my neck to my jaw, coming to rest at my temple with a light chuckle as I squirmed in his grip to turn and curl against him. John held me gently, his hand subconciously trailing up and down my spine in a soothing gesture. Sighing contentedly I blinked my eyes open, staring at the light blue wall before me and feeling no sense of urgency to get out of bed,  
"Do you want to cook breakfast?" I asked with a lazy grin. John scoffed a bit,  
"You work me too hard." he complained playfully but obediently began pulling away to do as I asked. Groaning, I caught him by the arm and pulled him back to me, "I thought you wanted breakfast?" he laughed.  
"I do but not yet...I'm comfy like this." I protested with a yawn. John just shook his head bemusedly, settling back into bed with me and continuing his relaxing ministrations.

Teyla and Ronon were coming later (Rodney too if I remembered correctly) for the bonfire. We had a fire pit now on the decking that we'd bought the last time we were at the market and were planning on doing smores or something, just a little get together as a team to share a laugh or two, it was something we did often really to remind ourselves life wasn't so bad. Not that I needed reminding,  
"Did you remember to get the chicken out to defrost last night?" John asked suddenly. Eyes rolling I pulled myself up to rest on his chest, staring down at him with a mocking glare,  
"Yes I did, cheeky. I'm not _that _senile just yet." I reprimanded him firmly but my grin gave me a far less threatening look than I had intended. John smirked a bit and raised an eyebrow,  
"Yet?" he questioned, rolling us over and pinning me beneath him. Grinning down at me he pecked my lips, "So does this mean I don't have to start pushing you around in a wheelchair just yet?" he wondered. Laughing up at him I trailed a finger down his jaw, tracing the strong bones that gave it such a defined look and marvelling in how it was all mine.  
"John, being senile doesn't mean I'll be in a wheelchair." I giggled. Humming in agreement John kissed me again, his lips slowly and gently devouring mine, promising there was much much more to come.

When he pulled back for air however, I felt my whole body freeze and my eyes widen. John was gone...well, not gone but more...not the John I was used to. He was in his SGC uniform, standard black cargo pants and shirt instead of...well, naked. He wasn't hovering over me either - infact I wasn't even in our bedroom anymore. The walls were grey and the place had a strong clinical smell that burnt my nose when I inhaled, making me cough slightly. Suddenly everything hurt, everything hurt horribly and I whimpered. John's head snapped up, his face seeming haggard and tired like he hadn't slept properly for a while.  
"Tegan?" he asked quietly, reaching for my hand and taking it gently. I was in a single bed with tubes and wires sticking out of my body as my eyes grew heavier, "Hey, hey you're alright now. It's okay, you're safe." he promised. His voice was that same smooth American tone I knew and loved. He was John alright...but this was not Spain. The heaviness in my eyes began to take over and they slid closed without my permission, John's voice fading into the blackness. It flet like I had blinked and woke up in another world. Bolting upright in bed I looked around, head twisting wildly to try and spot any discrepencies in the familiar environment. Everything looked the same though from the blue walls to the white walk in wardrobe, hell even the large window that gave me a beautiful view of the tall grasses swaying in the sand was in the same place as it always was.

Feeling my heart pounding hard against my ribs I clutched my chest and tried to breathe, feeling a deep ache in my body that wouldn't go away. Swinging my legs over the edge of the bed I hung my head, breathing deeply before pushing past the pain and standing up. Grabbing some fresh underwear, I threw on one of John's overly large T-shirt and padded down the hall. I felt my stomach grumble when I inhaled the warm aroma of fresh coffee and toast. John was standing over the stove, frying some eggs and sipping at his mug of coffee while he worked. Glancing up at me he frowned,  
"You alright? You look a little pale." he remarked. Waving it off I headed towards the medicine cabinet, reaching in to grab some diazepam - it worked as not just a muscle relaxant (which would hopefully relieve some of the ache in my body) but would also calm me down and lift my mood some.  
"Just a bad dream." I dismissed it casually but John saw right through me.  
_"You can stop dreaming now Tegan." _he promised. My eyes rolled a bit,  
"I'm awake aren't I?" I laughed. John's frown deepened,  
"What?" he asked.  
"You just said...you just said I could stop dreaming now." I said slowly, eyebrows furrowing.

John slowly shook his head at me, moving the eggs off of the heat and onto the back of the stove,  
"No, no I didn't say anything." he said. My frown deepened,  
"Yes you did." I argued, "You said it, I heard it...I swear you said something!"  
"No, Tegan, I didn't!" John insisted. We fell silent, his intense hazel eyes boring holes into my head when I refused to look at him, my hands gripping the tabletop tightly as I inhaled shakily. What was wrong with me? Was I going mad? _"Hey look, Teyla's here to see you to, she won't believe me so you've got to open your eyes again and show her yourself." _John chuckled. My head snapped up to look at him but he was still eyeing me like I was a beast in a cage threatening to break loose. He looked concerned and wary, maybe even a little frustrated by my lack of response. Without saying a word I headed down the hallway to the front door, my steps frantic and hurried as I yanked it open. There was no one there though, nothing but sand and the jeep we used to get in and out of the town for supplies. "Tegan! What the hell is going on with you?" John demanded, sounding almost afraid of the answer. Wheeling around to face him I gripped the handle tightly, feeling my heart pounding ferociously when I blinked and his jeans and shirt flickered to a black uniform and back. "Tegan!" John cried my name as I went down, falling to the floor and burying my head in my hands. "Tegan! Come on, come on let's get you back to bed so you can lie down yeah?" John suggested, picking me up with ease and taking me back to the bedroom.

Curling onto my side I stared at the wall, barely aware of John making the phone call behind me, barely aware of the bed dipping under his weight as he sat beside me,  
"You said it, I know you said it." I whispered, confusion and fear shooting through me like a bullet. Palms sweating, I clutched the bedsheet and shivered - something was so desperately wrong with me. Blinking again made the scene dissolve and I involuntarily gasped. I was back in the infirmary place, uniform clad John watching me with a small smile and Teyla looking relieved beside him.  
"Tegan, it is good to see you awake." Teyla sighed, her eyes moving upward as if she were saying a silent prayer.  
"Hey you, feeling a little more alert?" John asked with a smile, his thumb running over my knuckles. I stared down at my hands, horrified to see they were bandaged up like a fat mummy would have been and that my arms were a mess of IV lines and sticky patches that hooked me up to monitors. "Easy, easy it's alright, you're safe." John promised. I blinked once more, whisked away from the scene to find John in jeans and shirt kneeling before me, panic in his hazel eyes.  
"You! You were, but the uniform...the...the SGC..."I gasped, unable to understand what was going on. My mind was reeling and spinning so badly I felt dizzy. "I...open the window." I whispered, needing fresh air. Stumbling over after him I leaned against the wall, inhaling deeply and exhaling slowly in an effort to calm my racing heart as my spinning mind seemed to slow a bit.

John ran a hand through his hair and shook his head slightly, watching me like a hawk to make sure I didn't drop again,  
"You fell asleep and woke up screaming." he informed me, "Tegan...what's the matter? What were you dreaming about?" he wondered, eyes begging for an answer I couldn't give him. Swallowing thickly I shook my head,  
"I, I don't know." I admitted. "It's you but it's not you, and I'm back at the SGC and Teyla was there..."I trailed off, eyes automatically wondering around the room to try and find her. John frowned,  
"Tegan we left years ago." he reminded me gently. My eyebrows furrowed,  
"Why don't I remember that?" I asked, voice strained as I rubbed my forehead. I couldn't remember leaving the SGC, couldn't remember deciding to move to Spain...infact I couldn't remember anything about how John and I had got together either.  
"It's quite common to regress to traumatic events every now and then when suffering from post-traumatic stress Miss James, especially in the form of nightmares." a silky voice assured me calmly. Turning my head, I felt my body stiffen like an electric current had been shunted through it and a deep frown drew my brows together. Him, it was him. I would recognise the platinum blonde hair anyday, the impassive red eyes. He may have a fancy blazer jacket and shirt but he wouldn't fool me for a moment.  
"No." I gasped slightly, looking at John in a panic, "No, no what's he doing here!" John placed his hands on my arms gently,  
"Tegan he's been your doctor for almost two years now." he said confusedly.

Doctor? Murdale wasn't a doctor he was a murderer! Breath coming in short, panicked gasps I shook my head, cringing furthur into the wall and squeezing my eyes closed whilst praying he wouldn't be there and I'd wake up from this nightmare when I opened my eyes again. I woke up to a room of beeping monitors and a concerned looking John...dressed in black. He was still gently rubbing his thumb over my knuckles, sitting close by as Rodney stood in the doorway speaking quietly to Ronon and Teyla. Tears pricked my eyes, rolling down my cheeks and wetting my face. John reached out to brush them away softly, shushing me and lightly brushing some hair from my face,  
"N-no." I managed to whisper, my voice hoarse. John frowned a bit,  
"No what? You're alright Tegan, you're at the SGC now. Murdale's dead, he can't get to you anymore." John promised. But even as he spoke a pair of red eyes stared at me over his shoulder. My head lolled to the side and I tried to block the image, the tears blurring my vision making it harder to see the eyes haunting me.  
"No, no go away, go away." I whimpered, hands coming up to cover my eyes. John pried them away, calling my name frantically and I peeked up from under my lashes to find myself back in our room in Spain. Crying out in frustration, I tried to pull back from his grip as Murdale readied a needle full of clear liquid.  
"Tegan he's trying to help you." John tried to reason with me but I pushed him away and darted from the room, sprinting for the kitchen and scrambling through the cupboards for a knife. "Tegan! Stop!" John called out, hurrying after me. I turned and delivered a neat round house, sending him crashing into the cupboards and crying out as his head struck the cupboard handle.  
"Stay away from me!" I screamed. I no longer knew what was real or what was fake, who to trust. My farther always told me when you didn't know who to trust then the only person you could trust was yourself.

John rubbed his jaw where my foot had caught him, shaking the disorientated feeling away and pulling himself up. Murdale was coming at me from the side and trying to placate me,  
"Miss James, Tegan, put down the knife and let me help you. I can make it go away, the hallucinations, the confusion, all of it." he promised me smoothly. I couldn't believe anything I was seeing, anything I was hearing.  
"No!" I yelled, panic seeping through my body and making my hands tremble as both John and Murdale began hemming me into the corner. I needed to get out, I needed to get out of here now. Lunging forward I slid across the dining table, crashing to the floor in a heap and rolling onto my back, lashing out at John who had tried to lunge for me and pin me to the floor. My barrell kick hit him hard in the chest and he fell back with a groan winded from my attack no doubt. Murdale stepped over him easily as I scrambled for the hallway. My brain began clicking into gear then, beginning to work slowly as if it had been turned off for a while. None of this was real, Murdale wasn't here and neither was John. The real John was waiting for me at the SGC, sitting in his black uniform and holding my bandaged hands. I was going to be in a lot of pain when I woke up but I would _feel _that pain, I would feel and _live _and _survive._ Staying here (however plesant it may have been) was a mistake - this wasn't living. Murdale came crashing after me and I turned just in time to block the punch he was aiming between my shoulder blades. My other hand whipped up, catching his cheek and gashing it open with the knife so blood poured from his face, spattering over me and creating a slippery red puddle on the floor. I backed away from him, knife held aloft and poised to strike once more like a rattle snake as I reached beind me, frantically trying to feel for the door handle so I could make it to the jeep and escape.

Murdale kept advancing on me, a creepy smile on his face that made him look like a deranged puppet,  
"You can't run from me Tegan." his silky voice hissed and I found myself shaking my head frantically, tears burning the back of my eyes again but I refused to let them spill. "You'll never be safe!" he snarled, lunging for me again. My hands shot out and the knife lodged itself deep into his abdomen. Murdale clutched onto my shoulders, dragging me to the floor with him as he fell so I landed with a thump on my back, the air rushing out of my lungs. Above my head was the front door. Adrenaline surging through me I rolled onto my front, aware now of the painful ache rippling through my body making my movements a bit more sluggish and slow, breathing hard and trembling from head to toe as I reached up and unlocked the door, pulling it open and squinting at the bright puddle of shimmering blue before me. Gasping slightly I tried to pull myself up, but a strong hand grasped my ankle and dragged me back to the floor. Glancing over my shoulder I saw Murdale, his bloody face glaring up at me as he stabbed the knife hard into the floorboards, pull himself up furthur to get a better grip on my legs, "You'll never escape me Tegan! Never!" he hollered. Grabbing the doorframe with a scream I pulled with all my might, trying to pull myself out of his grip as he tugged me back in a lethal tug of war. Wriggling and thrashing I cried out in terror, the tears leaking down my face and blurring my vision, but luck was on my side it seemed because one of my legs came free and I was able to plant my foot firmly into his face. My body shot forward as he lost his grip on me and I tumbled through the puddle, falling through it and tumbling down into a deep black abyss that swallowed me whole.

John's Point of View:  
She'd been in and out of conciousness now for almost a day, struggling to shake of the sedatives they'd given her they said. She'd whimpered and twitched, she'd moaned and groaned but she wasn't fully awake. It was agonising to have to keep waiting; my patience was wearing thin and I wondered just what was keeping her asleep. Everytime she opened those grey eyes my hope flared and it was crushed when she closed them again. Rodney was sitting across from me, watching her just as closely as I was while Teyla and Ronon had gone to get some sleep and left us alone, as was our routine now. Woolsey had been in touch to ask us if we were even coming back - well we had been gone two weeks so it was justified but I hadn't been able to give him an answer. By now most of her stitches had come out and her bruises had faded to less angry yellow blotches, her split lip had scabbed over too but it was still rather hard to watch them force feed her to ensure there was something lining her stomach, despite most of her nutrients and fluids and coming from the IV line. Her heart rate began picking up as she whimpered again and I automatically reached for her hand. Her hands had been burnt badly by some kind of gas they thought, but they said the skin grafting would leave minimal scars and take a while to heal. The burn on her ankle at least was getting there and they thought it would be fully healed in another week or so.

Tegan whimpered again and Rodney swallowed thickly. He hated this and it was plain to see the anguish on his face when she was in pain or discomfort, and it killed me to know there was nothing I could do to ease his hurt. A small frown tugged her brows together as her leg twitched, bending slightly while she groaned.  
"Easy, you're okay." I promised her quietly, the same promise I'd been spouting all day whenever she opened her eyes. The heart monitor began to beep faster and I glanced up at it with a frown, seeing the little peaks getting closer together as her heart raced, her head twisted and her whimpers grew louder until they erupted into screams. Her body twisted, fighting some sort of invisible foe as Rodney called for a nurse. I quickly moved to holde her arms, gently making sure she didn't lash out and hurt herself or yank out the IV lines, "Tegan! Tegan it's me, wake up!" I called sharply. One of the nurses came running but her eyes had popped open by then, her grey orbs swimming in panic and fear as she thrashed and sobbed at me to let her go and go away. "Tegan it's John! It's John, it's me, you're safe!" I insisted. Slowly, her wriggling died down and the nurse watched carefully to make sure she didn't lash out again. Tegan just sobbed at me in her hoarse voice, staring at the ceiling and making no effort to wipe away her tears. Rodney shook his head slightly,  
"John I can't..."he trailed off. I nodded in understanding,  
"It's okay, I've got it, go." I promised, seeing the tormented expression on his face.

Truthfully, I wasn't sure if I did have it...whatever it was. My hands were shaking slightly as my stomach twisted nauseously, my heart throbbing in my ears as I swallowed thickly,  
"He won't go away." she rasped, "He won't leave me alone. He won't leave, he'll never leave." my heart ached a little at the despair in her voice and I sat on the edge of the bed, holding her hands gently,  
"Who?" I asked her softly, though I was pretty sure I knew who. Tegan couldn't answer me through her tears and I gently wiped them away, silently signalling to the nurse that she could leave now and I'd look after her.  
"I'll go speak to the doctor." she decided. Tegan's head turned away from the harsh light above her, her eyes staring unseeingly at the empty bed beside her while she sniffed and calmed down, the heart monitor finally returning to its monotonous and steady beeping. Running a hand through my hair I proceeded to tell her the one thing I hoped could comfort her,  
"He isn't coming back Tegan, not anymore. I took care of him just like I promised. He's dead, he can't hurt you anymore." Gently touching her cheek I was relieved to find she didn't flinch away from my touch, a good sign for the future surely. Deciding to push my luck, I gently pressed my lips to her forehead, finding it clammy with sweat from her struggle against me. "Nobody will ever hurt you again." I promised quietly.


	27. Chapter 25: Wounds Heal, Scars Fade

The physical injuries healed the fastest, leaving her in the infirmary for just under a month before she was released. It was a good job they finally let her out because she was going a little stir crazy. Earth wasn't where she needed to be though and maybe it wasn't his decision to make, but John had pulled strings, thrown about his weight a bit, pulled rank even, to get her back to Atlantis. She was nowhere near fit enough to return to duty and he understood that, but he needed to. Ronon for one was getting restless and needed to shoot something, and Teyla had missed Torren greatly over the month they had been on Earth. The changes in her were blatantly obvious. Tegan was much quieter these days around some of the marines, preferring to spend time with Rodney in his lab or meditating with Teyla to clear her mind - it didn't help as much as she hoped it would. They'd been back for three weeks but still she woke up screaming, every night. The nightmares were the worst part of her daily struggle and the daytime naps weren't helping her either. Keller refused to prescribe sleeping medication without seeing her go to the pyschiatrist on base first but Tegan stubbornly refused. Her team tried to help, tried to get her to talk to them but she wasn't all that willing to open up. Rodney had seen it all before and was aggravated by her downwards spiral but John knew it was something different though. Tegan didn't like psychiatrists, she didn't like spilling her life story to a stranger who was quick to understand how she worked and what made her tick. Besides, counselling hadn't done her any good after her parents murder.

It was another such night, and John found his tired eyes glancing at the clock - three fifty four. Sighing to himself he dragged his body out of bed and headed to the room next door, letting himself in and making his way to the bed where she thrashed and screamed before placing his palms against her shoulders and calling her name sharply. Tegan's eyes shot open, her breathing harsh and laboured as she scanned the room for any sign of danger. John sat beside her, his heart aching in his chest as he watched her calm down and sit up. She was much more receptive to him for some reason but John didn't mind it, he welcomed it in fact. It was hard though to watch somebody he loved suffer and know there was nothing he could do about it. Keller was close to her wits end with her and he knew that soon enough Tegan would be ordered to see Doctor Thwaitwhistle whether she wanted to or not. She shuffled closer to him and (as was their ritual) he wrapped his arm around her shoulders, letting his cheek rest ontop of her head as she dropped it on his shoulder. As usual, John waited for her to do the talking, giving her chance to calm her breathing and stop the tremors in her hands first,  
"He's never going to leave me alone John. He was right, I'll never be free of him." she whispered, voice barely more audiable than a breath of air. John shook his head and sighed,  
"Yes you will." he said, quiet conviction in his voice, "You'll be free one day Tea, you just have to keep fighting." Tegan frowned a bit, shifting her head in an effort to get comfortable, knowing what John was implying.  
"You'll come with me? Please?" she asked. John's arm squeezed her tightly against him and he nodded, pressing a kiss to the top of her head,  
"Always." he assured her. Tegan had confided in him about her alternate reality (the Spanish villa where her mind had taken her to be safe) and John was slightly shocked to hear it was him she had conjured up to keep her happy, but was more than willing to play the role now, however hard it was proving to be.

That was how Tegan ended up in Doctor Thwaitwhistle's office three days later, pacing and angry and her voice dripping with defensive sarcasm. Thwaitwhistle had nearly lost patience with her on more than one occasion but watched (with an amused expression) as John held her back and got her to tell him some minor bits of information. Thwaitwhistle would need a lot more though, and eventually he got it. Tegan was turning up every week for her counselling sessions with John loyally stood by her side, unaware that sometimes he came in on his own too just to get some weight off of his own shoulders - he'd looked after her and stayed strong but even he needed a break sometimes. Thwaitwhistle had observed their relationship, watched it grow and change as Tegan herelf slowly began to change to. She was getting better slowly but surely, and John didn't have to burst into her room in the early hours of the morning half as often as he used to, mostly because he slept with her now. She slept better and felt safer with John's arms around her. Most nights he could ward off the nightmares but there were sometimes he couldn't manage it, and would simply have to hold her until she fell asleep again. He was still leading his missions but the team wasn't the same without Tegan. It was around four months later that the team noticed the positive changes because she began to join them in the mess hall again for dinner, then lunch, then breakfast too. Six months later and she was watching Teyla spar with John and Ronon, timidly asking John if he would help her get a bit of her old fitness back. They weren't sparring, but he did do a gentle gym routine with her and short jogs in the mornings, it was Major Lorne that started slow sparring sessions with her at about the eight month mark.

After the wraith fiasco with alternate reality messages and a rather treacherous journey through space to land in San Francisco bay they had worried that maybe it was a step backwards, because Tegan had locked herself in her room and panicked quite a bit until she'd finally let Thwaitwhistle in to talk to her and calm her down. When John had come back he'd stayed with her for the rest of the evening, the rest of the team joining them for dinner before they left them alone. Tegan didn't want to handle a gun ever again (having developed a bit of a fear of them) and although she still sparred with Lorne (and then John and eventually she worked her way back up to Teyla almost a year after her capture) she didn't want to be out there fighting again. So she'd spoken to Keller about medical training. She found the infirmary calming during her physiotherapy sessions and had continued to visit her and help out where she could for something to do when she got bored. Two months after landing on earth and the IOA were still unclear on what they wanted to do about Atlantis, but they still let people live in the city - John was grateful for that because he knew Atlantis was really the only home Tegan had left. John was adamant that getting her out and about in San Francisco might be good for her however, a change of scene and all, and so he was taking her to dinner that night.

Tegan didn't believe in dressing up, but for him she'd made the effort. It wasn't that she was nervous (since John had pretty much been by her side for the past two years she'd known him and had seen her at her most vulnerable moments so she had nothing left to be embarrassed about), but she felt that she owed him a huge debt since he'd done so much for her. So it was only fair that she took his breath away when he came to pick her up (dressed in smart-casual clothes) in her blue dress. It was a simple thing really, halter neck with no embellishments or frills or ruffles, hanging to her knees and complimented by a black cardigan to keep the chill off of her. They took the jumper to the mainland, then grabbed a car to head into the city before they got out and he took her hand to lead her through the streets, noticing the way that she cringed back slightly from large crowds and making sure to try and keep her close by. To her credit, she stuck it out and let him show her the city, her eyes marvelling in the lights and sounds but not so much at the people. John had made sure to pick a little restaurant that was out of the way, not too busy but still serving great food. Tegan let out a breath she hadn't realised she'd been holding,  
"Thank you." she said sincerely. John's eyebrows furrowed a bit,  
"No problem, I guess." he replied, sounding slightly confused. Tegan rolled her eyes a bit,  
"Really John, thank you...you've done so much for me over the past year and...and I know I was a pain in the backside." she smiled weakly and John's frown deepened,  
"I'd do it all again." he promised her, his voice soft and his hazel eyes locking on her own haunted grey ones.

Tegan bit her lip slightly, wishing she could tell him just really how she felt at that moment, how grateful she truly was and how much she loved him for it. John seemed to understand though, if she was reading him right that is (and she usually always did). Leaning forward he took her hand gently in his, tracing the criss cross of scars on her hands to show he didn't care if she thought she was damaged goods,  
"Careful John, your soft sides showing." she warned him, a lump rising in her throat as she fought down a torrent of emotions threatening to flatten her. John just chuckled,  
"I don't mind you seeing it." he confessed openly, giving her hand a squeeze before pulling back so the waiter could set down their orders. Inhaling the aroma of her spaghetti and meatballs she felt her stomach growl, trying to ignore that heat that flushed her skin when she felt John's eyes watching her. John picked out a breadstick, crunching his way through it for a moment before striking up a casual converastion about plans and the IOA's tendency to take things far too slow.  
"Jennifer's training me up to be a nurse, you know so I'm still doing something productive but I'm not out there doing the heavy stuff. I'm hoping General O'Neill gives me the all clear to stay on at Atlantis though, I'd just be in the infirmary but...it's where I want to be." she informed him, and he could see the renewed determination he hadn't seen in so long twinkling in her eyes.

The conversation flowed easily, the food was sublime and the wine even better. John found himself laughing more than usual as her dry sense of humour made him spot certain things in the few people sitting around them that he just couldn't believe he'd not noticed himself,  
"She'll divorce him for that." John chuckled, shaking his head amusedly. Tegan just smiled at him and John noticed that for the first time in a long time she appeared almost serene, her smile genuine and relaxed.  
"Most likely. Though he'll probably remarry with the blonde he's been eyeing up all evening." she replied. Sighing contentedly she took another sip of wine and glanced out of the window at the city lights, "I could stay like this forever." she confessed quietly, risking a glance up at him. John felt a soft smile tug his lips up, feeling his heart stutter slightly when the words escaped him before he really had chance to think about them,  
"Then do it. You want it to be like this forever then we can do that, we can make it work. Marry me." he blinked a bit in shock and saw Tegan still. Both of them sat frozen in time for a moment, not quite sure how to reply. Why did he think he could make it work with Tegan if he couldn't make it work with Nancy? Well, there was no need for secrecy for one, and technically since her honourable discharge from the military a few months back the fraternization rules no longer applied. John realised that it _could _work, moreover he realised that he _wanted_ it to work. Tegan swallowed slightly, her mind reeling for an excuse as to why she had to say no, before it finally realised that she didn't want to and she had every reason to say _yes_,  
"Alright then." she agreed with a slight smile, "Sounds like a good plan."

That was how Tegan James became Tegan Sheppard, and was finally able to move on from the horrors of her past to a better and brighter future.


	28. Chapter 26: Time Goes By

John's Point of View:

Atlantis had never gotten back to the Pegasus Galaxy. It had required some major adjustments for Ronon Teyla and Kanaan but we'd helped them out. They had been given a home and had jobs at the SGC with proper paychecks so they could afford to live there. It was a nice place to, near the SGC in Colorado with a front porch and a white picket fence that Teyla adored, even if she wouldn't admit it out loud. We'd all stuck fairly close by if we were honest, no more than an hours drive apart from each other so we could all scramble for the SGC if needs be. My team had been kept together and we were officially designated SG-5, since a lot of their members had recently been killed when they'd encountered a few remaining Ori priors that hadn't been hunted down - they were suprisingly good at hiding and had eluded our teams for years before we caught up with them. It was one of those weekends where we had downtime though, and since it was someones birthday we thought that this was a good weekend to book off together and a good excuse to get the barbecue out...which is currently why I was standing in the garden infront of the grill, casually flipping over the burgers and turning the hot dogs so they cooked evenly. It was fall and the orange, red and yellow leaves from the tree in the corner of our backyard were all neatly bagged down the alleyway beside our house to keep the garden clear. The grass had been cut and bagged up too so it was all neatly trimmed and ready for guests, not that there would be many of course but she was rather house proud. We hadn't really had much time for the garden but we'd had a few plants planted in the flower beds and a concrete bit at the back to put a picnic bench on that she painted every few months to keep it a fresh burnt orange. There were already bowls of nacho chips and dips set out.

There was a rather loud and noisy greeting from the house, a simple enough but well decorated three bedroom house that I knew she took pride in to keep it looking as good as she did, even with her busy schedule as a full time Doctor now in the SGC infirmary.  
"Uncle John!" a little voice cried out. Turning I saw Torren (eight years old and looking a lot like his mother) sprinting flat out towards me. I readied myself quickly for the impact and chuckled as I gave him a squeeze,  
"Hey kiddo! How are you?" I questioned, closing the lid on the barebecue and ruffling his hair with a smile.  
"Great thanks!" he chirped, "Mom and dad are coming out now...George!" Torren bounded off again quite quickly as George came rushing out, a brand new football clutched in his hands. A smile formed on my face as I watched him cheekily grin in my direction and give me a wave before running a little furthur down the garden to play with Torren - he'd gotten his cheekiness from his mother. George was seven and a year younger than Torren but the pair were thick as thieves, going to the same school and going to similar clubs. George definitely had my hair, dark and floppy and a tad all over the place when he first woke up but his grey eyes were perfect replicas of his mothers, a mother who I hadn't seen despite having greeted Teyla and Kanaan in the garden.

Opening up the lid of the barbecue I checked to make sure the food wouldn't burn before deciding to check on her. Wondering through the house until I found her by the stairs, her eyes closed as she exhaled slowly and clutching the bannister tightly. The scars criss crossing her hands were far more pronounced with the intensity of her grip and I gently covered her hand, giving it a light squeeze and softly calling her name. All around us were pictures of a seven year legacy, images of all the good times from the moment George was born to the holiday we'd had at the beginning of the year in London. Tegan slowly squeezed my hand back, opening her eyes and shaking her head slightly,  
"Sorry...of all the days for it to happen..." she sighed. Hand trailing up her arm I cupped her cheek, thumb brushing over her cheek bone lightly,  
"Don't be sorry." I said quietly, pulling her into my arms and kissing her gently. She'd been my wife for seven years and I knew the signs of her flashbacks by now. "Will you be alright today?" I asked her, letting my forehead rest against hers. She drew in a deep breath and pressed another kiss to my lips,  
"Stick close by and I might be." she mumbled, a small smile gracing her face. Chuckling I nodded my head and hummed in agreement,  
"Then I need to make sure I don't burn the burgers." I informed her. Tegan pushed me away slightly with a shake of her head,  
"I'll follow you out, don't burn my dinner." she warned playfully.

Laughing slightly I feigned an insulted look before leading her back out to the garden, watching her sit herself by Teyla and engross herself in conversation to keep her mind off of the events that had scarred her so thoroughly seven years ago. Piling up the well cooked burgers and sausages onto their plates I placed them on the hotplates so they wouldn't go cold and moved onto cooking the chicken drumsticks. Our garden was alive with sound, whether it was the boisterous entrance of the Mckay's (since Rodney and Keller were married last year and were now both Doctor Mckay, more confusing than it needed to be in times of crisis) or the sound of Tegan's laughter as she spoke to our friends over the cries of delight George and Torren let loose as they played catch. Ronon came strolling down the side entrance (no doubt having hopped the gate) about five minutes after them and joined the boys in their game. We'd all grown older, wiser, and we'd all suffered enough that we'd earned the right to enjoy this moment of serenity in our busy lives. Kids kept you on your toes but both Tegan and me were adamant that George was the best little accident that ever could have happened. We laughed and joked, cried and bickered, but even years on I still loved Tegan with every ounce of my being. This was was what love was supposed to feel like, this was what family was. George had come to a panting stop beside me and I could hear Torren politely asking for some OJ behind me. Looking down at him I smiled, moving to pick him up and rest him on my hip. He was getting a bit big for it now but I could still just about manage to hold him.

George smiled down at me and held onto my shoulder for balance, letting me kiss his cheek affectionately. My son was my world, there was nothing I wouldn't do for him and I understood now why Teyla had insisted I'd understand why she did some of the things she did when I was a parent myself. George closely resembled me but if you looked closely you could still pick out Tegan in a few of his features, his eyes for one and the shape of his nose was all her and I often wondered how we'd managed to create such perfection. He balled his fist into my shirt, clenching and unclenching his hand as he toyed with the fabric, grey eyes shining with curiousity,  
"Daddy? I saw mommy holding the stairs again, why does she do that?" he asked, the innocence radiating off of him in waves. Tegan knew he'd spot it one day, knew he'd notice and ask questions like any kid would and so we had the story prepared. Humming under my breath I turned the chicken over, trying to hide the fact that my stomach had swooped nauseously and the topic still made my palms sweat with anxiety,  
"Mommy...met a very bad man when she was little, and he did bad things to her because he thought hurting people was good. But mommy was stronger than he was, and with daddy's help she made the bad man go away. But sometimes mommy remembers the bad things he did and it upsets her. That's why mommy holds the stairs sometimes...but she doesn't want you seeing her sad, so puts all of the bad memories under the stairs where she can't see them so she can be happy for you." I told him, my voice slightly thick with unshed emotion.

George's brow furrowed and he glanced at his mother over my shoulder, making me look over aswell to see Tegan watching us lovingly,  
"Mommy looks happy now." he reasoned, "Did the bad man go to prison?" he wondered. Smiling slightly I tried not to remember how good I had felt while putting a bullet through Murdale's brain, not something I wanted to expose my son.  
"Yes." I answered finally, "The bad man went to prison." George nodded firmly, a serious look crossing his little face,  
"Good, because we're a team and nobody hurts us, right?" a smile lit up my face and I laughed,  
"Too right buddy, nobody hurts us." I agreed, putting him down as he got heavy. Ruffling his hair I gave his shoulder a squeeze, "Now go tell mommy that I'm bringing the food over." I requested, seeing his little face light up. He was no doubt eager to get some food as he scurried towards the table towards Tegan. She sat him on the bench beside her and kissed the top of his head, sending me a smile as I used the tea towel to pick up the hot plates of food. It may have taken me two galaxies and a divorce to do it, but I had finally found the reason I had been fighting so hard all of these years. She was sitting to my left as I grabbed myself a burger and loaded it up with some sauce and salads.

Tegan's Point of View:

It came back in flashes, like a punch to the gut that stole my air suddenly and left me winded. Sometimes it was over in seconds - sometimes it was painfully long minutes. The bad days were getting fewer and fewer though, especially as George grew up and created more happy memories for me to recall when I felt low. My favourite thing to remember in those times was how I had felt when we had brought George home for the first time. He had slept peacefully for the car ride, slept just as peacefully as we carried him inside and set him down in his moses basket, and we had just stood and stared at him for what felt like hours, John's warm arm around my waist and his cheek pressed against my hair. As exhausted as I was I had never been happier, and George was a gift that kept on giving. Going back into the field wasn't for me, and I had made the right choice when I chose to go into nursing. Seven years of training with Jennifer (formerly Keller now Mckay) and medical school and I was now a fully qualified Doctor working in the SGC infirmary to help the programme I loved. George was a big boy now at seven years old and currently staying with Teyla as I worked the afternoon shift. She picked him up from school with Torren and he stayed with her and Kanaan for about three hours before I came to pick him up for dinner. Speaking of work...the alarms were blaring - offworld activation. My eyebrows rose a bit and I waited patiently for the returning team to come down for their post mission check ups. A small smile crossed my lips when I saw SG-5 come wandering in, and Doctor Lam rolled her eyes at me.

The team had been SG-5 now for seven years and they were highly decorated, with John being promoted to a full bird colonel almost a year ago now. They each took up a bed as the nurses got to work, leaving me to tend to John. Pulling up his sleeve he grinned down at me, opening his legs so I could stand between them as I drew a blood sample,  
"So how's the day been Doctor?" he still got a kick out of my new title even though I'd been a fully qualified Doctor for about four months now, I could still remember how proud he'd been when my certificate came through the post. Rolling my eyes at him I pulled out the needle and handed it to Sarah, another nurse who was going to run the samples for infection and virus checks for us. In the meantime, I took his wrist in my hand and I began to check his pulse and other vitals, writing down the notes to stow away in his folder for later.  
"Definitely slower than usual, but that's usually a good thing down here." I reminded him. John just smirked, that sexy smirk where the corner of his lips twisted up and his hazel eyes glitter, one that I had fallen in love with and to this day still made my knees weak.  
"Maybe I can make it a little more interesting by telling you that...I need a plaster." he chuckled, waggling his pinky finger at me so I could see the cut that was dribbling the tiniest drop of blood down his hand.

Sighing, I grabbed some antiseptic wipes and the requested plaster. He was such a child sometimes but it could be endearing. Wiping his hand over I continued to check his vitals in silence, communicating with him through smiles and facial expressions; he didn't need to tell me he was bored because I read it in his eyes. Half an hour later and the bloodwork came back clear, they were all ready to go and so was I. My shift was at an end and I knew John would file his paperwork in at the last possible minute on Friday to avoid it, so we were up and out on the surface in under ten minutes to collect George from Teyla's to go home and have dinner. John opened my door for me like a gentleman, leaning in to give me a kiss. It was slow, warm and gentle, holding so much love and tenderness I melted - just like I always did. My life had been one screw up after another and sometimes it felt impossible to deal with, sometimes I just wanted to crack under the pressure, but slowly things had gotten better. John had played an influential part in that and although it had taken years to find him, every moment was worth the wait. Watching him scoop up George in his arms as he ran towards us put everything into perspective for me, made my heart swell and a smile break out on my face. Suffering was necessarry for us to appreciate the good in life, and though I'd had my fair share of it I was finally allowed to bask in the rewards it had yielded. Who would have thought that to find the answers to my troubles all I had to do was open a gate?

* * *

_**Dear Reader/s, **_

_**It's over, this is the last chapter of Run and if you made it this far I can't thank you enough for your continued support. As much as I love Tegan (and the whole team of course) I felt like perhaps it was time to wrap it all up and get it sorted so I could move onto other ideas...honestly I have far too many floating around and I'm not sure how many more documents wordpad can take on my laptop XD. So, this is the end of Tegan's story. Thank you again for all your words of encouragement, constructive criticism and well wishes when I broke off for my exams. You've all been wonderful!  
Goodbye everyone,  
Jess :) **_


End file.
